In your face!

[Loretta Ann]

In his own words: "Whenever you play with your 'private/public scale', you also play with that of others. And others resent that.

Thank you for sharing that bit with us CJ. I think that is a pretty fair assessment of our world. Becoming prepared to shoulder the responsibility for our own unhappiness in this world sounds like pretty good advice to me. Your 'up front' attitude has make you a martyr in a lost cause. In that it has resulted in the death of a relationship which you held dear to your heart that you sought after.

That may or may not be a good thing it can result in being a good thing if it pushes you to find answers that you don’t presently have.

You are saddened by the hypocrisy that you have witnessed. Tell me do you think the world will ever be perfect? That is the only circumstance under which hypocrisy will leave.

CJ I acknowledge that what has happened between you and your father is very painful to have to go through and I do not delight in knowing that you are hurting in this way. And my wish for you is that you will be able find peace with this issue. I am sorry this had to happen in your life.

Love,
Darlene.

[CJ]

Hi all,

Again, thanks for the replies.

Anita,

Of course, I think you're right; geographical context matters, demographics count. Were I to stroll out en femme tonight, the people here, in this neighbourhood, would probably consider my behaviour "in your face." Not so if I were strolling down Ste-Catherine St. in the Gay Village.

Carolynn,

Thanks for your kind words. I very much appreciate them.

Darlene,

You're preaching to the choir. I am much more fiercely stoic than you can possibly imagine. Yes, my situation with my father saddens (and even angers) me, true. But, true to myself, I won't long hold on to these feelings. They have a tendency to poison the soul. My longtime hero, Epictetus, once said that the secret to happiness is to develop the ability to distinguish between those things over which we have some control and those things over which we don't and to worry (if we feel like worrying) only about those things over which we do have some control. I don't fret over the weather and I won't long fret over my dad's opinion of sexual perverts. But the emotions are there nonetheless and it would be inhuman of me not to acknowledge those emotions. I'm not a block of ice. And neither are you--however much you may want to say you never get angry or sad or lonely or disappointed.

I'm not looking for anything impossible. Nobody is, I think. I'm not trying to make the world a perfect place, just a better one. The danger with a stoic outlook is that, precisely, people will fail to distinguish between what they can and what they cannot control. This can lead to a sense of powerlessness. A sense of powerlessness can lead to quietism. Quietism can be deadly. Benjamin Franklin: If you make yourself a sheep, the wolves will eat you. (Hence the need for occasional "up front" or "in your face" behaviour.) Despite some of our past disagreements and misunderstandings, you and I have a very similar way of "being in the world," Darlene. More than you think. All this aside, though, I want you to know that I do, indeed, appreciate your concern. It's a part of the reason I keep myself connected to the people here--you all are a balm to my soul.

Love,
CJ

[Loretta Ann]

Hi CJ.

Two points…You will have to go along way to be more stoic than I am. People simply do not know where my buttons are. The only way they know if I am upset is if I tell them. That is a result of being raised in an abusive environment.

Second I was not aware that I claimed to never get angry or sad or disappointed. I have claimed to have a much lower experience of that occurring than some of my previous years, and when I am affected by such things I have claimed to have a resource where by I am able to deal with it quickly.

Lonely…Well that is another story…Don’t have much time for that kind of thing in my life. I simply do not miss having a wife…ever…But it wasn’t always like that.

Setting the record straight.

Love,
Darlene.

[Beauty]

Hi,

I agreed with Sally, Elizabeth and Dixie and then it took off and with my fragile little mind it all became one big group hug of understanding. It sounds like we have a rather large consensus about it, so I now officially agree with everyone!

I also agree with Virginia about Elizabeth's new avatar. You look so pretty.

Beauty