Hi all,
Beauty,
I'm here.
I'll be honest; I'm sort of outside my comfort zone as well, speaking about this subject, because I'm not a qualified professional either. I just go by what I see and what I've learned (as do any of us). My thinking is that Darlene has a good point; no one asks to be the way they are. They just are. On the other hand, the difficulty is that this can be used to justify anything from the inability to sleep at night without a teddy bear to the most horrifying sociopathic behaviour. (By the way, all, let's make one thing clear: there's a universe of difference between what Kathy's customer did and what pedophiles and sociopaths do and, frankly, it irks me to see them continuously mentioned in the same breath--we need to stop doing that, right now.
)
Although I'm not so sure that a "cure" is available (or even desirable) for people whose sexuality is, let's say, "different" (especially if that sexuality harms no one), it might just be the case that their being more honest and up front about who they are (and what turns their crank) could lead them to enjoy slightly smoother interpersonal relationships. For example, in this case, Kathy would no doubt have appreciated being told that what she was about to experience as a result of who this customer is would be taking her out of her comfort zone. Did she come to harm as a result of all this? I don't know the answer to any of these questions; like you said, Beauty, it'll be up to Kathy to let us know, if she so chooses.
Darlene,
A difficult thing about judging even the actions of others is that we always tend to do so by our own standards and with only a partial knowledge of what's going on. Have we any choice, really? Well, yes, I think we do. We can make an effort (if we're so inclined) to try to see what a person's life and experience can look like to them, from the inside, so to speak. This does not mean "approval." Nor does it even mean "support," of all things. It just means we make an effort (because, yes, sometimes it
is an effort) to withhold judgment at least long enough to get a clearer picture of how people themselves see and understand themselves. Again, like Beauty said, there's just not enough information available in this case with Kathy's customer to know the real score (assuming the real score is ever knowable when it comes to anybody but ourselves).
Something I try to be very aware of when dealing with my own clients is the extent to which I'm "pushing" a person in a direction that conforms more to my own wishes than to theirs. This is unhelpful (and quite possibly harmful) to them, to me, and to the link we have (if its therapeutic nature is to be maintained). Sometimes, all you can do is to hold someone's hand as they crash and burn--very often as a result of unfortunate choices they make. But, at least, they're
their choices, not mine nor anybody else's. People tend to re-examine their lives much more willingly when someone stands by them and doesn't desert them (even in the face of their folly) than when they're pushed, guided, or manipulated into being someone they're not.
Kathy's customer did nothing wrong, other than to put her in a position she's not comfortable with. This is half his doing and half hers (her own well of strength and compassion is such that she chose to stay; who knows? maybe she even appreciated having had the opportunity to learn something about herself on that day. Again, only she can say.)
Beauty,
Please, please, don't ever hesitate to post how you feel or what you think about things just because people bring issues of experience and competency to bear. That you think people can become better persons, that there's always a road ahead for them, speaks volumes about what's in your heart, regardless of whether or not you're "professionally qualified" to make such statements. That, to me, is a breath of fresh air and I wouldn't have it--I wouldn't have
you--any other way. Having said this, I'll respect your decision to no longer participate in this thread if you really don't want to. But I have to say, your doing so will deprive us of your own sorely needed brand of wisdom.
Love,
CJ
). So no Darlene, I don't think I can enlighten anyone and I don't think I can enlighten you if you haven't gotten what I've been saying before. As I stated above I'm out of my comfort zone talking about this so even if I had the ability to I really couldn't now.
