Another Suicide. Just great.

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 1:52 am

As if last week's hurricane tragedy wasn't disturbing enough news, I recently recieved word that my CD friend Cathi(whom I've personally known for 4 years, and last I heard was moving to Michigan) committed suicide last week.

She had to move out of NJ because her landlord sold the building, and she could not afford to live elsewhere in the area. She later on decided to stay with relatives in Michigan, mentioning that the job market was better there thasn in the Northeast (hell, she was RIGHT) , and living was more affordable.

All of a sudden I get an e-mail stating that she bought a gun last Monday & shot herself in the head.

I am beyond speechless. But then again I do have to say that I am not too suprised.

In all honesty she was very depressed for a long time, and so upset over her family's "disapproval" of her CD'ing. I spent the better part of the last 4 years trying to convince her that NO family on this earth approves of one another's lives 100% of the time. That is the way of the world.

Sadly, that was not enough for her. Nor were the countless hours of phone calls, e-mails, and IMs ewhenever she was depressed. Who did she call? She always called ME.

I thought I was making a difference. Apparently NOT. And now another friend of mine is dead. Geez, how many more?!?

I just hope that Cathi is finally at peace with herself, that she has finally found the inner poeace that she was so convinced she could not find in this life. There were many moments that she annoyed me, yes, but I cried for hours upon hearing this news.

Ladies, please remember this: Live your life on YOUR terms. DO NOT EVER let ANYONE EVER make you feel bad about living as YOU choose to live. I am DEAD SERIOUS.

Life is too precious. Life is a gift. It isd NOT something to simply be thrown away. And DO NOT give in to those who want to spoil it for you. I can promise you all that I will never do THAT again. I've done it for too damn long.

Well, I have lost too many friends in too short of a time because of the BS - ENOUGH.

If anyone here is ever contemplating suicide, then PLEASE send me a PM or an e-mail. I will give you my e-mail & we'll chat. I know I bitch about being too busy lately, but what's more important? A lousy minimum wage job, or saving a life??? I have COUNTLESS resources & numbers of hotlines, and if you're thinking about killing yourself - TALK TO ME, TALK To ANYONE HERE... WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.

That is all I can say at this time.

I'm sorry; I just don't know what I "should" be feeling now, okay??? At his point the sadness has been replaced by anger. I am feeling anger at this society for imposing ther old gender "rules", yes, but moreso anger at my friend for looking upon this as her only "way out".

She will be missed dearly.

Sheena · Post by **Sheena** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 5:39 am

Thankyou for sharing the news with us, it must be terrible to hear such news. YES!!! It is a cruel world out there, full of hate, non - acceptance and very judgemental, and look what it does to some people. I have thought about suicide many times myself. I'm just thankful I've met somebody in my life who has full acceptance of me and loves me for what I am. Its made me wake up to the fact that what we enjoy doing in life, should'nt be also dragging us down. It should be lifting us up and making us happy. I'm happy now with who i am. People can criticize, people can look at me in dress shops. I simply donbt care. I like who i am. Shame on the people who destroy such beautiful lives, I really do feel for you on this day.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 6:24 am

Hi Lorna,

I'm so sorry.

I didn't realize until I finished your post and saw her photos that I've seen her before.

That's the closest to home a suicide has come to me over TG'd issues.

I don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry.

Beauty

Merinda · Post by **Merinda** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 6:43 am

I'm real sorry to hear that News Lorna

CJ · Post by CJ » Thu Sep 08, 2005 6:50 am

Hi all,

I'm so sorry to hear of your friend's death, Lorna. Another light goes out and the world is that much dimmer.

Lorna wrote: if you're thinking about killing yourself - TALK TO ME, TALK To ANYONE HERE... WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.

This cannot be over-emphasized. Talk to someone. Reach out. I know how hard it can be to reach out when you're depressed but, if you don't do so, the consequences could well prove to be fatal.

Thanks for sharing this with us, Lorna.

Love,
CJ

Maggie · Post by **Maggie** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 8:32 am

This is so sad. I wonder what her disapproving family is thinking now. I wonder if they are capable of even a glimmer of understanding.

I have known a few people who committed suicide, none of whom were CD or TS. So it's likely that other factors were involved. But if crossdressing helps to relieve a person's life-threatening depression, why should one's family or society oppose it? We need more love and understanding and less dogmatic judgmentalism.

With sincere condolences,

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 8:36 am

Lorna,
I sit here with tears in my eyes knowing how much you care. Believe it or not some of us can see through that "gruff" exterior that you sometimes portray and know that beneath it lies one of the biggest hearts here!! God Bless you, girl. We all know you tried your best to be there for her (and I will say she was very pretty!) Some people we will just never be able to reach, we can only try to make their trip as comfortable as possible.
You done good, girl and I thank you for your offer to share with any of us who may be seeking a loving and caring soul to help us over the rough spots.
May God continue to shed Her blessings on you!
Love you,
Virginia

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 9:05 am

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Lorna.

But don't think in any way you failed her, or it was your fault. If any fault exists it rests with her rejection by her family, and maybe a homophobic society. You cared, and that had to have done some good along the way.

Love, Carolynn

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 9:07 am

While it does not make me happy to hear of your suffering over this issue Lorna. (her suffering is over and she has been spared any further hardships that this life has to offer). And while I do not condone suicide hon, it is part of the package life has to offer us.

Ya I know doesn’t that just thrill you?

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 10:40 am

Hi Lorna--
Your post is sad to read, especially with the pictures. I have a friend right now who is still talking about suicide, and nothing I say seems to make much difference. It can make me sad, angry, and all shades in between.

I trust that you can start working this out in your own mind, and come to some resolution about it. It's we who are left behind who have to sort out the emotions that get raised around this kind of act. Talking on here can help in going through that, I hope.

Post by **DonnaT** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 12:26 pm

I'm sorry for your loss of a good friend, Lorna. She is now at piece with herself.

It's good to see that you are still willing to talk to any who may be contemplating suicide.

Pauline · Post by **Pauline** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 8:21 pm

Hi Lorna.

I'm sorry to hear your sad news and my heart goes out to you and her famly at this time of grief.

Pauline

Kristen · Post by **Kristen** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 9:14 pm

Lorna, My heart goes out to you. Depression is so hard to get through. I'm so sorry she decided to end her pain this way, I am sure that she is at peace, and that she did not do this to hurt you. I am so sorry to see you hurt so much. My thoughts are with you. May you find peace. Kristen

Steffie · Post by **Steffie** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 9:35 pm

Lorna,

I am very very sorry for your loss. Like you said, hopefully your friend will find peace in the next life. You are a gret person to still offer to help others that contemplate suicide even after a great tragedy like that. God bless you and Cathi.

Steffie

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Fri Sep 09, 2005 4:41 pm

Ladies, what can I say?

Thank you all so so much!!!