Mom, Meet Darla

Darla · Post by **Darla** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 10:00 am

the other day i came home to find a bag with a pair of high heel shoes and a top that i bought on the floor near the kitchen it was under my bed, my heart started to beat really fast, my mom and dad didn't say anything about it so i pretended i didn't see it.

I couldn't get the bag back in my room this morning because they had hidden it, i was getting really nervous now, later on i went for a walk with my mom, i wanted to tell her befor e she guessed but the words wouldn't come out it was like i'd lost the ability to speak.

but i knew i had to do it and the words finally came out i said mom if i tell you something will you promise not to tell my brother or dad, she said that she wouldn't tell so i said it mom you know that bag you got from my room the things that are in it are mine (she thought they were a guests that we had over) now i was sweating and i felt like i had a big lump in my cheast.

she asked me why i had them, i replied that i like to wear them, she asked me why i do it, again i replied even though i was finding it hard to speak, i don't know why i just do.

after that she asked me a load of other questions, she thinks it will go away eventully but i know it wont she also asked me not to buy anymore clothes for now but i don't know if i can do that.

she also told me i took alot of courage for me to tell her but i think it took alot of cowardis for me not to tell her.

Post by **DonnaT** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 12:05 pm

Good to see you've finally got out in the open, Darla.

If she hasn't asked you not to dress, and has given you back you things, you're doing fine.

If she's hidden them, ask for them back. Politely explain how you want to follow her wishes not to buy anymore stuff, just yet, but you have a need, not just a like, for dressing in those clothes. And if she keeps them from you it will be extremely hard not to buy more.

You might want to print out some information from Dixie's web site http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/menu.htm or have your mother read the information, especially with regard to children.

Another web site she might be interested in is at http://www.dcchildrens.com/dcchildrens/ ... guide.aspx

You and she need to understand that your desire/need to crossdress will not usually go away.

If she asks you to see a therapist, insist it is one that works with transgendered youth.

Good luck and don't be afraid to speak up for yourself.

The more you learn the better you can state your position.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 4:51 pm

Hi Darla,

Well good for you.

You only have to do this once (come out to your mom). I'm really proud of you for being honest!

If she's asked you not to buy anything else, then you should listen to her and respect her wishes, ok? If the urge is strong to still buy more clothes then you should talk to her and tell her. If you've been honest already you need to continue to be just as honest.

Again, I'm so proud of you!!!

Beauty

Kyra · Post by **Kyra** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 8:37 pm

Hi Darla,
My oh my, that must have been extremely difficult. Congrats to you for not turning away. You took a big important step. I agree with Beauty, keep the honesty going. Your mom admires that quality and if you continue to be forthcoming, you will find the rewards well worth the effort.

Way to go, girl.

Hugs,
Kyra

Valerie · Post by **Valerie** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 9:24 pm

Hi Darla. That took lots of guts to tell your mom what is going on. My mom still doesn't know ( but I'm 48 now,

). I agree that you should obey your moms wishes. I also know that it will not go away,we all feel that way. At least you have told her and maybe has her thinking. Maybe the info Donna suggested may help answer some questions. The net has lots of good sites and I would take the girls words here about where to go. I have only been here a short while but before I found this site, I was looking across the net. Lots of other site I didn't like and left after the 1st page. Good luck in your search,

.

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 11:25 pm

Good for you, Darla!! We're all proud of you! This may be hard to believe, but the worst is now behind you. Telling family for the first time is never an easy task. You've done it!!

Marlena Dahlstrom · Post by **Marlena Dahlstrom** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 12:40 am

Darla, you did an extremely brave thing. I'm so proud of you.

You've received good advice from other folks.

As others have said, it would be good to give her a bit of time to process this. Her reaction will likely be similar to SOs, so you might check out some of the threads related to that. Plus to her, you're still her "baby" (yeah I know you probably hate that, I did when I was a teen). So she'll probably want to "protect" you, which might cause her to take some well-intentioned but misguided actions. That's why educating her is important.

Like SOs, she probably would like to talk with someone else about this -- and it's not something she'll probably feel can share with her friends. So you might also suggest she join an online forum. If you're uncomfortable with her being here as well, we can suggest other forums where she can find support.

Finally, just as with an SO, you may need to negotiate over some things, but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.

The other Darla

Darla · Post by **Darla** » Fri Sep 16, 2005 5:49 am

Thank you for all your support, but what if she wants me to stop dressing completly, i havent dresed since i told her but it is basicly tearing me to bits, i don't think i could stop even if i wanted to.

Post by **DonnaT** » Fri Sep 16, 2005 6:09 am

Has she asked you to stop? Doesn't sound like it, so try not to worry about something that may never happen. That's just a waste of time.

See my previous post.

Darla · Post by **Darla** » Fri Sep 16, 2005 6:38 am

DonnaT wrote:Has she asked you to stop? Doesn't sound like it, so try not to worry about something that may never happen. That's just a waste of time.

See my previous post.

Your right Donna i should just sit it out.

but i don't think my mom really wants me to be dressing and i also think she doesn't want to understand.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Fri Sep 16, 2005 8:15 am

Hi Darla,

I'm so sorry you're feeling down. You're right, you might not be able to stop. If you can't then talk to your mom about it more. She asked you not to buy anything else. If you feel she asked you to stop dressing too and you can't, but she didn't tell you to stop dressing, then I don't think you should stop dressing when you want to.

After I told my mom I was very sensitive about the topic. So I avoided it. It's ok for you to avoid talking about it too, but unless she tells you not to dress, then you don't have to restrict yourself.

I want you to know that I'm with you everyday in thought and I want you to know you are so brave for telling her. I'm really, really proud of you Darla. Being a TG'd person isn't easy and you were honest with your mom. That was really hard to do.

You'll continue to be in my thoughts. So while you're in them I'd really appreciate it if you were happy.

Take care and try to have a fun weekend.

Beauty

Darla · Post by **Darla** » Sat Sep 17, 2005 4:15 am

Thank you Beauty, the thing is my mom hasn't seen me as my CD side, do you think i should show her and maybe then she'll understand.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sat Sep 17, 2005 4:33 am

Hi Darla,

No, you don't need to show her unless she wants to see you. btw, I didn't think she'd seen you yet.

Give your mom time to think about this kind of stuff. One of the worst things any of us can do is force ourselves on people, including our relatives. Just continue to be who you were before you told her and that was honest and a CDr.

In a few months, if you feel you really want to show her I'd show her a picture and not you dressed in person. I don't want you to think I know the best answer here Darla. I'm only telling you what I would do, that doesn't make it the right way, ok?

Beauty

Darla · Post by **Darla** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 5:36 am

Thank you Beauty, i can see how big of a mistake i could of made there.

to help me could you girls tell me about when you came out to your family or friends.

Post by **DonnaT** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 6:00 am

I told my mother this year, 40 years after I started

She's cool with it. Friends havent' been told. My wife and her grandmother have known for 29 yrs.

Remember that those days, back in the 60's and 70', the internet and all the information now available on crossdressing and the transgendered was there for us.

Even now, if I were in currently your situation, my mother would have been the only person I told. There would have been no reason to tell anyone else.