THE OFFICIAL: Bad Jokes Thread #1 ** LOCKED **

[Sally]

Some mornings I wake up grumpy.....other mornings I let her sleep.

[Beauty]

[Curly(SO)]

Can I sleep in your bed tonight with you and mummy?" asks baby balloon to father balloon. Father balloon explains to baby balloon that he is getting too old and too big to be sleeping in the same bed as mummy and daddy and tucks him in and kisses him night in his own bed.

During the night when mummy and daddy balloons are a sleep baby balloon tries to squeeze himself into bed with mummy and daddy, but there is no room. So he decides to release some air out of mummy balloon, but still no room. He then releases some air from daddy balloon but there is still no room. So he then releases some air from himself which allows enough room from him to snuggle in bed between his mummy and daddy.

In the morning daddy balloon isn't impressed.

"What did I tell you? You had to sleep in your own bed, you've been very naughty. You've let your mum down, you've let me down and most of all you've let yourself down!"


Curly(SO)

[Beauty]

I had no idea where that was going, but it got me.



Gracie

[Kyra]

Curly! My image of you has been deflated.

[Sally]

Two men, both senior citizens, while pushing their trolleys around the supermarket collide with each other.

First senior cit says,"Oh I beg your pardon, I am sorry, I wasn't concentrating, you see I seem to have lost my wife and am looking around for her."

Second senior cit replies,"No, it's my fault, I was looking around too, I've lost my wife also."

First old fella says,"Well, why don't we join up and look for our wives together, we must have two good eyes between us, what does your wife look like."

Second old chap replies, "Well, she's 35, 5ft 6in, long blonde hair, blue eyes, big boobs, small waist, long legs and wearing see thru top, short shorts and high heels, now tell me, what's your wife look like?"

First fella replies," Never mind about that, lets just look for your missus."

[Beauty]

[Sally]

Two weasels are sitting at the bar having a few drinks.

A few drinks later one starts to get insulting and eventually screams at the other, " I slept with your mother."

The bar goes very quiet and eveyone turns expectantly to see what's going to happen.

The first weasel gets a very angry look on his face and again screams at the other weasel, " I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER."



The other weasel turns to him and says, " You're drunk again, go home Dad"

[Beauty]

[Carolynn]

A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar.

The astonished barkeep looks at them and says 'What is this, some kinda sick joke?"

[Carolynn]

why are men like dolphins? It is said they're quite intelligent, but no one can prove it?

[Carolynn]

Mary was very upset with her husband at the company picnic. "Doesn't it bother you that people have seen you go to the buffet table five times? They're going to think I married a pig!"

"Not at all," replied the hubby. "I tell everyone I'm filling the plate for you!"

[Sally]

A hillbilly had come to town and was riding a cow along the street towards the cattle saleyards when he was pulled over by a cop.

Cop said, "What do you think you're doing?"
HB replied,"I'm riding my new motor cycle"

Cop says,"Why on earth do you call that a motor cycle?"


HB replies,"It's me new Cowasaki."

[Carolynn]

--Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?

Duh, they all got phones?

--What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy and if it fell from a tree, it would kill you?

A pool table, of course.

--Waiter: We have everything on the Menu tonight!

Customer: Yeah, I noticed, would it be possible to get a clean one?

[Lorna]

Q. If big breasted women work at Hooters, where do one legged women work?

A. IHOP!