What is your true self?

[Beauty]

Hi Elizabeth,

It's good to hear you finally say what's kind of obvious to me. Maybe it's because I am a TS too, but yes, yes, yes, you are a TS. Does this mean you're a CD'r? Not really. It means you're TG'd, but you're not a CD'r.

You are dressing the way you feel your gender is dressing. Like Kathy stated (=D> Thank you Kathy!!!) and Loretta agreed. They don't want to be women at all. They like being men and crossdressing, but that's where it stops.

So a TS may be more likely to want to look like an attractive woman in the whole sense that CD'rs would. Now with that said, there are a great many CD'rs who would agree with what you said about wanting to look like an attractive woman, but as a TS you are saying a lot more (carrying more with your words) than a CD'r is because if they would want to do that, they'd want to eventually turn back. Whereas a TS would say, "No thanks" when someone came to change them back or escort them out of the fantasy.

So it was good to see Kathy stand up for CDrs and I love it! It's one of the things I wanted so badly here lately. There are so many wives who married a man and don't mind their husbands CD'ing, but also want their man. Most women didn't sign up (including my wife) to be married to a woman. So it's great to see people like Kathy say she likes being a man and isn't ashamed to be a CDr. I'm honestly like, "FINALLY!"

It's not that it hasn't been said here. It's just that it hasn't been said here enough lately to me. Being a CD'r is something that is so cool. I admire CD'rs so much. You are men who can touch a part of your feminine self and appreciate it, but still appreciate what it's like to be a man. That is so hot!

Ooops.. I kind of went off there, didn't I?

So Elizabeth it's great that you admit that you're a Non-OP TS. I've seen it for a while and it's why I asked you to join my forum that deals with TS issues from a former CD'rs angle. It's good to hear you say it out loud.

Gracie

[Kathy]

I just want to clarify my position here a bit. I understand the distinction Elizabeth is making between a CDr needing or wanting to be able to present as an attractive female vs. wanting or needing to actually be a woman.

Many, if not most, CDrs do have a need to present as female and would jump at the chance to have an opportunity actually do it. By that I mean walking out the door and have the world see them, with no question what so ever, as women. As opposed to actually transforming into physical females.

Now, at some point, I might like to go out and present as female. If only for the experience. But, I have no need to do this. I am perfectly happy with things just as they are.

Love,
Kathy

[Beauty]

Hey Kathy,

Are you clarifying because you think I missed your point?

Gracie

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

Beauty,

I have known I was TS since I was 9. I have mentioned it here before and also on my homepage so I am not really hiding from it. Having said that, you're correct to notice I am still somewhat uncomfortable actually hearing it roll off my tongue, as if perhaps if I don't say it so much, it won't actually be true.

Not that I am not able to embrace who I truely am, more embracing who I never will become. In that as a TS, I will never have the option of deciding to become female. I am perfectly ok with being TS. The part that is difficult is knowing that I will never be able to realize what it really means to be a TS woman.

I have made a great effort in this whole coming out process not to set myself so as to take myself from one life I hate, to another life I hate by keeping my expectations realistic about who I am and what I can become. Thankyou for having the insight to notice.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Kathy]

Hi Gracie,

No, not at all. And I thank you for your statements above.

I just wanted to make it clear, to everyone, that just because I have no need to present as female, it doesn't mean I would never actually want to.

Folks talk a lot about the need, as if to say they simply could not live without it. And I acknowledge that, for many, this is true. But, for me, while it might be fun to do, I'm not going to get all stressed out if it never happns.

Love,
Kathy

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

I hate to beat a dead horse here, but I would really like to make this point.

Who among us, if given the opportunity to present, at the time of our choosing, as an attractive female would not want to?

Are not our desires fed from needs? Are we again splitting hairs on semantics?

Elizabeth wrote:
Who among us, if given the opportunity to present, at the time of our choosing, as an attractive female would not want to? Who among us would say, "no thanks, I don't want to look like an attactive woman, I don't have that need"?


Um... Me. In all honesty, I really don't have that need.

Love,
Kathy

Kathy, I totally understood that you don't feel a need to present as female. Again, I am afraid we are getting caught up in semantics. You followed up with

I just wanted to make it clear, to everyone, that just because I have no need to present as female, it doesn't mean I would never actually want to.

Which is where I started all this, when I said "who among us would not want to". I think we are talking about the same thing. You and me both feel no burning desire to be passable, both for our own reasons. But if a person could wave a magic wand and make it so one could be passable, not actually female, but to be a passable woman, even if just for our own mirror, would this not enhance the crossdressing experience?

Loretta has clearly said that she would decline because she wears the clothes for reasons other than to appear female. I know there are others who must wear them for the psychological aspects of wearing clothes of the opposite sex that do not involve appearing like the opposite sex, but I do beleive it is rare.

I understand that there are many here who do not have a "need" to be passable, in the sense that it is a buring desire. However, I do beleive many of those would not pass the "magic wand test".

Thanks for clarifying and sharing with us.

Love always,
Elizabetj

[Kathy]

Hi Elizabeth,

Yes, I am picking on semantics here: want v. need.

need
3. Necessity; obligation


want
3. To have an inclination toward

Who among us, if given the opportunity to present, at the time of our choosing, as an attractive female would not want to?

Yes, at the time of my choosing, I might want to.

Who among us would say, "no thanks, I don't want to look like an attactive woman, I don't have that need"?

No thanks, I don't have that need.

Two small words with a significant difference in meaning.

When you wrote, in another thread:

... it is very difficult for me to grasp the concept of dressing in female clothes, yet not having the desire to present as female and apparently you are not alone, there are others who feel just like you.

I just wanted to make sure it was clearly understood that while I stated that I have no need to present as female, that doesn't mean I wouldn't want to.

So, essentially, we are talking about the same thing. But, as has been mentioned many times, the meaning of the written word can sometimes be ambiguous.

Love,
Kathy

[Jeannie]

Hello Ladies,
What all of us are can never be labeled. We all do the same thing but are differant as night and day. Definitive answers will never be found. That's okay. Personally, I love dressing and feeling like a woman. I love the clothes,undergarments, stockings, shaving my legs and painting my toe nails. I would love to be beautiful woman when dressed and go out and pass. But I am beautiful woman when dressed. To myself. When I can dress I'm a whole person. I feel comfortable,calm and serene inside and thats all what any person really wants in life isn't it? You can debate until the cows come home but you all will be chasing your tails. Each of us has to do what we feel is right for us and enjoy the peace within. I know I'm a heterosexual man but as a woman I'm a submissive lesbian woman. It's exactly how I feel inside,good for me but really tough to get dates!LOL
Love every one of you
Jeannie

[Amanda Louise]

A simple question: what is your true self?

Simple answer:
In no particular order - 45yo MTF crossdresser, science fan, skeptic, atheist, sports fan (mainly football[soccer] and cricket), cat lover, pretty good though sometimes warped/non-PC sense of humour, wannabe author, shy, music lover, easy-going, tolerant, anti-racist, considerate, loving husband.

More complex answer
But of course that's just my opinion. I'm pretty certain it would be easy to find friends/acquaintances/family members whose opinion of "my true self" could include any of the following - brave, cowardly, humourless, miserable, extrovert, stubborn, inconsiderate, intolerant, macho, gay, etc. etc.

Possibly realistic answer
My "true self" doesn't exactly match to either my impression of my true self, neither does it match exactly to the impressions other people have of me. Am I really who/what I think I am or who/what my actions lead others to think I am? Personally I suspect it's neither and both - to some extent.

I think I had the potential to be Z from the genes my parents gifted me, but due to the circumstances of my birth, upbringing, national culture and lifetime experiences I only actually managed to make it to M or maybe N. Some people think I only made it to D, a very few think I made it all the way to T.

But what is my true self? Well I don't know for sure and I'm willing to bet that people who know me, whether to a greater or lesser degree, don't know for sure either.

I'm a human being, quite a complex mix of thoughts/ideas/emotions/actions , and as a member of a species numbering several billion the odds are that I'm pretty ordinary. Josephine Average, you might say


Apologies if this was covered in Philosophy 101 but me and my mates were bored that day, bunked off school, had a couple of pints and went to play table tennis in the YMCA ...

[Virginia]

I wanted to take time to read and understand this thread - I may not have it completely, but I will assert this:
You want to know who you are?
When you crawl into bed tonight or for that matter, every night whether your wearing a night gown, naked or jockey shorts. When you close your eyes, you quitely ask yourself - What did I do that benefited someone else's life today? Not how you were dressed, not what job you get paid to do, but what did I do today that improved someone else's life?
You may need to ask yourself why you did what you did, for this person or persons, but hopefully you all ready know why and if it was done out of selfishness that is one answer, if it was done out of love for another human being then that is yet another answer. If you realize that you were afforded the opportunity to be kind to another human being and ignored or did not even recognize the opportunity then you are finding your true self!
To get to this understanding it goes without saying that you have to be totally honest with yourself, if you can not do that then you are back to square one!
As I have said before, it is my considered opinion that we are here for one primary reason on this "trip around the sun." That is to lend a helping hand to some of our fellow travellers who may be struggling with their own "Magical Mystery Tour," on this "veil of tears." It matters not whether you are wear a skirt.
Be true to yourself!
Actions speak louder than words!
Love your neighbor as yourself!
Platitudes, yes, but a guide to finding "Who am I?"
You girls are the greatest! I love you all!!
Virginia