The good and the bad (and some ugly)

Steffie · Post by **Steffie** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 5:26 am

Hi girls,

I could have posted this under Fun things but becuase of what happened I thought I'd post here. It was truly a Jeckel-Hyde day!

I went out on Saturday twice but it began much worse than it ended. I took a ride to Bridgewater Commons mall. I wore a long greenish tweed skirt with beige top and heels. I walked through Lane Bryant and then Bloomingdales. At LB I caught 2 sales ladies snickering after I walked past them (I turned around) (the first time I ever encountered anything like that at LB). Then at Bloomingdales I caught a floor walker laughing with others (they were definitely talking about me as I have excellent hearing even for far away). Needless to say, these 2 experiences were humiliating and I was a little down and decided to go home. I never ran across this before (so overt).

I know there are many jerks in this world (more than we can tolerate sometimes) and being human (as well as extra sensitive), I know it bothers me more than it should sometimes even after 2 months or so of going out. You would think I would have everything figured out by now but I guess I still have a ways to go.

After going home (after changing back) I subsequently became determined to try again! I want to continue to try and end my days of CDing with positive experiences. For someone like me that is important. You would think that by this time (2 months) the fear would be gone but it is still lurking in me sometimes (especially after bad experiences) but I will not yield to it!

This time I changed into black ladies jeans, a light green top and some black shoes (lower heel than before). and snuck back out of the house in my usual way. It was close to evening now. I went to Avenue, Payless and Wal-Mart. I found one pair of nice half-boots at Avenue. At Payless I found some nice shoes and boots. There were a 12 but fit pretty well. The boots were black and brown. I also found a gorgeous pair of pumps that had black and lavender/blue in them and had some sparkling small studs on them. I also found a purse to match the shoes! The cashier lady was very nice and helpful; she asked me if I needed any pantyhose or stockings and was the one who told me about the purses. She found me the one that matched those shoes! The shoes, like the purses, had a buy 1 get one-half off the second one so I also got a brown purse. I thus got 2 pairs of boots, 1 pair of pumps and 2 purses as well as a pair of boots for my wife all for $99. Not too bad! I then hit Wal-Mart and got a pair of blue jeans (12 tall) as well as a green sweater and 2 beige tops and a pair of panties. I tried on the jeans, sweater and tops in the ladies dressing room. Lastly I went to Shop-Rite as my wife wanted me to pick up a coke and candy bar for her. Some may have stared in Shop-Rite but it didn't bother me as much as earlier in the day. At least this time I was dressed more appropriately and I don't think as many people stared. I guess the important thing was I didn't let the people at Bloomingdales and LB ruin the rest of my day in the long run. Sorry to ramble on but I just wanted to tell you about my two-part day. I don't want others to get down like I did at first so I figure that ending with a happy ending will give other girls encouragement. Better to fall than never to have tried at all. Take care and good luck for those girls that are thinking of going out.

Steffie

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 5:40 am

Well I am sure that took courage.

Kristen · Post by **Kristen** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 8:16 am

Steffie, I have had some experieces of the snickerning but only from people I don't know. Good for you girl, "on the horse again". thanks for sharing, lot's courage for you, you are not a cowardly lioness. Keep dressin, keep smilin and keep going out. Kristen

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 8:49 am

Hi Steffie,

I'm glad you got up and went back out again. That was very brave of you.

I kind of hope the first experience helped you put to bed some of the things that happened when you went out with your wife and she said she noticed people looking at your and you thought she was seeing things that weren't there because you didn't think anyone was looking at you, as far as you noticed. I hope this helps you see that she probably wasn't telling a fib. So that's kind of benefit about the first part of your outing.

In the end it's all about you though and if you can blend in or if you can't blend in, it's nice to have someone treat you like a human being. On your second outing it seems that's exactly what happened.

Good for you!!!

Gracie

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 11:22 am

Hi Steffie--
It is very puzzling why these days happen. In five years, I've had two days like that. One happened very early on, when I'd only been going out for a month or so. The other happened earlier this year. I posted about the second incident, as I didn't want new girls to feel like this kind of thing happens all the time. It doesn't at all. I am so glad you went back out there--it's the right thing to do.

Carol B · Post by **Carol B** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 2:48 pm

Sorry to hear about the experience at Bridgewater Lane Bryant. I have gone to that very store while dressed. I'm sure that I don't pass very well, but I had no problem with the staff. I expect more than that from them.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 3:29 pm

A very mature approach to the situation, well done! Shows a lot of courage and determination, we are all proud of you!!
Virginia

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 7:10 pm

Steffie

Thanks for sharing that. It gives others a chance to see what can happen when we put those bad experiences behind us and move on. Why that happened to you on that day, who knows? We are all vulnerable to the jackasses out there who are clueless but we know we are better than them. Recognizing that and being ourselves is what's important.

Don't be surprised at feeling the way you did. You've only been going out for two months. Not long at all. There is a lot to learn and it takes time. I'm still learning and I've been going out for about 3 years now. Although I have experienced the odd reaction, I'm able to just ignore it now. So give it time and you'll find you won't worry as much if it happens again. Losing confidence is a terrible thought and one that I hope never happens to any of us. Much depends on how you deal with any given situation, but don't forget that you have a right to be there. Just because some idiot doesn't understand and can only laugh, take comfort in remembering it's just a reaction to their own ignorance.

I'm sure if the manager of Bloomingdales (or LB) were to find out an employee of theirs was showing such insensivity to a potential customer, there would be reprimands. Might be worth letting them know. Good luck.

Stephanie

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 7:51 pm

Hi Stephanie,

Good point! A letter could help those snickers disappear.

Steffie · Post by **Steffie** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 8:12 pm

Hi Stephanie,

You must have read my mind! lol

I did e-mail letters this morning to both LB and Bloomingdales, but just giving my e-mail address but not my male name or address. I don't expect a response but you never know? If this could at least help other girls avoid any kind of embarassment and get treated with the dignity they deserve (i.e. making the companies at least think about stressing senssitivity training for all employees), then some good came out of this. I don't harbor any ill will toward anyone. I just think all people should be treated with dignity, that's all. We'll see if anything hapens.

Steffie

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 10:01 pm

I'm glad to hear you went back out again.

Andrea

Marlena Dahlstrom · Post by **Marlena Dahlstrom** » Mon Oct 17, 2005 1:13 am

As I said elsewhere, I'm proud that you had the courage to get back on the horse -- as well as to take a look at what you were wearing and seeing if a different outfit would help you blend in better.

It's great that you sent your complaints off to LB and Bloomies. I'm big believer in letting companies know when you've received good service -- BTW, you might do the same for some of other stores -- but equally they should be made aware when their service falls short.

FYI, when I wrote LB to commend the sales staff at the store I visited, I did get a reply, albeit once that had obviously been pulled together from standard form letters, so it will be interesting to see if you get a reply to your complaint. I hope you pointed out they lost the opportunity to make a sale, as well as the fact they're getting bad word of mouth. You might also send a written letter to the respective store managers -- you don't have to include a return address, but with an email address they can get ahold of you.