Molly's start

[Molly]

I remember my mom talking about how she used to dress me in my older sisters clothes when I was little. I remember starting to try on her clothes, or sometimes my sisters clothes when I was around 8 to 10 yrs old.
I also recall my mom telling another lady who was visiting that I had the nicer legs than either of my sisters! I had begun dressing by then I was a little embarrassed but also felt good at what she said.
Most of my dressing was at home when I was alone. When I was about 12 my sisters helped me with a dress a little padding, and makeup to go out at Halloween. I buddy was supposed to do the same but when he showed up he was dressed as a cowboy. Well we went trick or treating anyway, me in a dress! That was a real thrill. I continued to dress as occassion would allow. When I got grown and married I told my wife. She would go along with it from time to time but never really liked it. After 7 yrs of marriage we divorced. By this time I had a stash of clothes and would dress occassionally.
I began going out after dark and really enjoyed being dressed. I began dating a lady and told her about it. She was accepting but not real thrilled. We got married and began a family. We have been married 25 yrs now. About 20 yrs ago we got real involved in church and I became convicted about my desires although they never left and I would still dress from time to time. I no longer dressed around my wife because I knew that she did not like it. I find now that the desires seem to continue to grow and I really enjoy dressing from time to time.
I have been reading on this forum and others for several months now. One regular word of counsel that I see many time is to tell my wife about my dressing. Upon this advise, I told her last week what I have been doing. She was not real happy and barely talked for two days. We have since gotten over the crisis stage, but have not talked about it any more yet. Her position is that it is wrong and I must stop. I hope to find an accord to this somewhere because I don't know that totally stopping is possible. I am open to suggestions!
Well a long and open post for a newbie but I guess I had a lot built up!
Molly

[Virginia]

Well, Molly, I think you did good , girl!! If you have been reading some of the posts here, you know that GG's in general just never do understand, some try, some accept it as best they can, but some never do even try. The internet is a wonderful tool and there are many sites that deal with this aspect of our existence. Hope you look around and maybe you can find some information that you can share with your wife. As we always say, "just small steps, honey, just small steps." You know we have an SO only area here as well, and if your wife will take the time she can visit with some of the GG's that post there and ask "the hard questions."
Hope you can stay around and share with us!
Virginia

[DonnaT]

Did she say why it was wrong?

[Molly]

Thanks for the responses. Yes Donna, she did say why it was wrong. Understand that we have been and still are very active in church. She is of the opinion that this type of activity is sin toward God. I understand her position and don't condemn her position.
I have read extensively on both sides of the issue from various sites on the web. I don't totally disagree with her but I also know that I have not been successful over the years of setting the desire of dressing aside. Like most others CDs I have purged and swore off etc, only to find the desire too great.
I have kept my activities secret up until I told her the other night. Even though I had told her about dressing before marriage, and dressed in her presence on a couple of occassions, after getting involved in church I guess I had begun to feel guilty and knew that she did not approve. As a result I kept my activities secret after that. I was honestly suprised when she swore that she had no clue that I still dressed. I know that I have inadvertently left evidence before no matter how careful I tried to be.
I admit that one side of me wishes that I could un-ring that bell, but I also know that living a lie toward my one love and best friend could not go on.
I know that there is great debate from many sides of the religious issue about CDing. I for the most part have found a measure of peace for myself but I still have some uncertainity in my heart of how God views this type of thing.
Perhaps within certain limits this might be a good topic for discussion. I could certainly gain from hearing others thoughts. I must admit though that I would not be interested in a debate about Christian, non Christian, etc. Only about how individuals that consider themselve Christian have and continue to deal with CDing and reconcile it in the faith and church world.
Molly

[Virginia]

Hi Molly,
First I think our "fearless leaders" would put any religious discussions in the "Hot Topic" area. If you could get any debate going on the religious implications, expectations or interpretations, it could go on for years. I must however express my postion in four words "God gave us freewill."
I sincerely hope you and your wife can come to terms with what I can only call, "your gift!"
Virginia

[Carol Ann]

Molly,
Nobody was more active then me in the church before I retired and moved to the country. But one thing sticks in my craw every time its brough up about crossdressing it's WRONG for men but accepted for women. Next time your wife dawns a pair of jeans, tennies, sweat shirt, and a ball cap ask why it's OK for her to crossdress like a guy and not for you, double standard I believe
Carol Ann

[Dixie Darling]

Molly,

You said:

"Her position is that it is wrong and I must stop. I hope to find an accord to this somewhere because I don't know that totally stopping is possible. I am open to suggestions!"

To begin with, it's NOT 'wrong'!! It might be kind of eccentric, but it's not any more 'wrong' than your wife wearing pants. And as far as stopping is concerned, you might be able to stop (for a while) the actual PHYSICAL part of dressing, but as you, and the rest of us, have discovered it will ALWAYS be with you in your mind. Attempts to deny this NEED (and yes - it IS a need) that we have can eaisly creat personality traits that aren't desireable. Crankiness, being withdrawn, depression, knowing that you have a need to do something and KNOWING what that something is, but abstaining from it isn't a healthy thing to do - ESPECIALLY since crossdressing isn't a health hazard.

Maybe if you could have you wife look at some of the material on my web site it might bring about a change in her way of thinking about crossdressing. Due to forum policy, I can't give you a direct link to my site, but you can find it in the member information and I would encourage you to have a look at the material on the site. You'll find information there for you, as a crossdresser, but you'll also find a lot of material there that is directed to the wives of CDs. If you can get her to take the time to read some of it - especially some of the letters from wives - maybe it would help her to understand crossdressing a little better than she apparently does now. It's a CLEAN site so you need not worry about there being anything embarrassing in text or pictures - just a lot of down-to-earth material that you can use.

Dixie Darling

[DonnaT]

Interesting Molly. There have been a couple of thread on crossdressing and religion already in this forum, btw. Usually Deuteronomy is the main source of where the issue of sin and crossdressing comes from, and that other 'laws' in Deut. are ignored (pick and choose).

But regardless of whether it is a sin or not, we've also been taught "Judge not", something else that gets ignored.

Source:

http://members.aol.com/gnlnews/index1.html

I had an interesting discussion with my wife last night. Although she's trying, she still has a problem with it. So, I asked her what she would think if it was our son, instead of me, having CD issues. She indicated she'd have still have a problem with it. I then asked if she would have a problem if he said he was gay. She said she wouldn't. She couldn't explain why the difference.

[Dixie Darling]

Donna,

Interesting that you would ask your wife that question because I plan on asking mine the same thing the next time CDing issues come up in conversation. Isn't it odd that she would have less (or NO) problems with him being gay, but balks at the idea of him being a crossdresser. I just don't understand that!!!

Dixie

[Stephanie W]

Donna

That's interesting because when I came out to my Mom a couple of years ago, she was actually relieved when I told here I was a CD. She was terrified I was going to tell her I was gay.

Stephanie

[DonnaT]

I can't understand why either, and I don't think she knows why. One of those "Just is" type deals. She says she's trying, and she does, but after 30 yrs you'd think she'd at least be able to handle having a transgendered child if he had been.

My mom has no problem with it when I told her a couple of months ago. My wife thinks there is something wrong with my being able to walk around in a nighty in front of my mom with no repercussions. Again, she can't say what it is exactly that is wrong.

Sorry to hijack the thread Molly.

[Molly]

Hey Ladies,
Thanks for the responses. I find them interesting and informative.
Dixie, I will check out your websight and see what I might be able to use for discussion with my wife.
Donna, No hijack done. Thanks for the link to Rev. Horton. I believe he has a good perspective on this.

In a couple of the responses that I see it is talked about a woman wearing pants etc and that being crossdressing. Even Rev Horton makes reference to it in his article. I don't remember if it was on this forum or another, but I once read a response from a GG about that thought. Her comment basicly was that when she wore pants or a shirt, they were made to fit a woman and she did not use any padding or such to simulate male appearance while dressed in pants. She did not wear boxers or briefs nor did she wear her hair to look like a man's, etc.
Whereas men who crossdess, for the most part do as much as possible to take on the look of a woman. This includes women's undergarments, breast forms or padding, hip and rear padding, wigs, makeup etc. So my point is that I see validity in her reasoning and questioning of the arguement about women being crossdressers if they wear pants. I know that there are female to male CDs and also that there are skirts etc that can be bought for men, but that is somewhat different.
Me personally, when I dress I want to do all that I can to have a realistic female look. I am not usually satisfied to wear a skirt and blouse alone, I want the undergarments, padding, wig, and the works. I want to look in the mirror and see myself presenting a much as possible as a woman.
When a woman puts on pants is she really trying to look and act like a man?
These are just things that I ponder and your thoughts and responses are helpful as I seek to reconcile things in my mind in order to present reasonable and logical (me logical?) arguements and positions about crossdressing.
Again, thanks for you thoughts and input.
Molly

[Stephanie W]

Molly

Sure, women can wear men's clothes and styles without any desire to look like a man because they have that sartorial freedom to do so. Without sounding like a whiner, men don't have that luxury. So what are we to do if we want to dress in feminine clothing? Do the only thing we can...that is to fully dress as a female so we can 'fit in' with wearing our clothing of choice because if we were to dress in traditional women's clothing "as a man". (that is, not trying to be anything other than a man), we would likely be laughed at or ridiculed. Men simply are not yet accepted when dressed in 'femme' clothing so we do what we have to...wigs, padding and whatever else we can use to minimize the chances of the aforementioned ridicule. If the acceptance was there, the accoutrements wouldn't be necessary.

Stephanie

[Sonja]

Excellent point Stephanie!!

Sonja

[DonnaT]

If the acceptance was there, the accoutrements wouldn't be necessary.

Yet the more that men hide behind the accoutrements, the less chance there will be of acceptance for those that do not.

Elizabeth's (and other's) experiences have shown that the more a person is out there not trying to present as a woman, they garner more acceptance.