gender (- uh, no, rather -) Men and Household

CJ · Post by CJ » Thu Oct 27, 2005 10:21 am

Hi all,

Xenia,

It may just be the case that, once you stop picking up and reorganizing after your colleagues, they'll be forced to notice that they're not really pulling their own share of the load. If there's even a hint that you don't mind cleaning up after them, they'll go on with the status quo. And that they are men is somewhat irrelevant.

My mother, not the neatest person in the world, once let the dishes go long enough without washing that her then-boyfriend (who was as neat as you please and always did his own dishes) once took everything that was stacked in the kitchen sink and went to dump it down the incinerator chute of their apartment building. End of mess.

I'm currently enjoying a week off whereas my roommate is twice as busy as usual. She hasn't touched the dishes in over a week now even though she's the only one dirtying them (I've been eating out lately). Every day, I do the dishes--her dishes--because I don't mind. Not only do I not mind, I actually take pleasure from it. It's a little bit like a meditative activity for me. Obviously, she enjoys it, too (and she occasionally jokes about getting me a maid's uniform). But that's just it, isn't it? You don't really need a maid's uniform to do housework. It's no longer the case that household chores are "woman's work." Anybody that thinks that's true probably still believes that, truly, men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

Love,
CJ

Paulie · Post by **Paulie** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 2:13 pm

I think you hit the nail on the head, CJ!

Over the years, I have assumed more of the household duties. My wife is not the neatest person, and while she does have the time, I think she really either doesn't notice or just knows I will do it.

I almost always clean the kitchen, I ALWAYS dust and vacuum, and, or course, take out the trash! LOL

When you think about it.... it really must be nice for a woman to have a man who will not only take care of the yard work and cars... but, also do the household chores too!

But, I'm much like you, that I don't really mind it. It is somewhat theraputic for me. I would just really enjoy it more, if I could be dressed while doing it!

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 2:34 pm

Hi girls,

Raven(SO) comments all the time about how "domestic" I am. And while we do share chores in a very informal way, meaning we have no assigned tasks, I do most of the cooking and she does most of the dishes. In the morning one of us always gives the other the choice of cleaning the bedroom and making the bed, or making breakfast and unloading the dishwasher.

This is a dramatic change from before Raven came here. Even before my divorce, I did everything. All the cooking, all the cleaning, all the laundry, all the shopping. My ex did nothing. The bottom line is, I would prefer to do it, as look at it or stress of it needing to be done.

Having said all that, I must admit I do enjoy being domestic. I love cooking and taking care of my kids. Even if it is not said, which often it is, I know they appreciate it. And now with Raven helping me with everything, it is that much better because I still do everything I used to, just not as much.

I forgot who said it, but I agree with whoever said it has more to do with how a person is raised than gender and I do agree that as long as you pick up after others without complaining, they will let you.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 5:42 pm

Can I tell one quick story? When I completed my Water Safety Instructor course, the instructor told us (jokingly I hoped) Once you get your WSI you no longer have to go in the water - you tell other people to do it!" Well that did not hold true, but I have never forgotten it for some reason.
In college my SO majored in Home Ec. ( I know it is called something different now) but anyway, I think tht they must have told them the same thing, once you get you degree you no longer have to do any domestic choirs, you have others do it!! - hello!!?? You don't have to guess who does all our domestic labors!
Virginia

Curly(SO) · Post by **Curly(SO)** » Sat Oct 29, 2005 2:53 am

I agree with you, CJ, that household chores are no longer 'womens work' but I do notice people using their gender to avoid doing boring jobs, men and women equally. I suppose it's human nature to want to get out of boring tasks. Using your gender is probably the easiest and worst excuse ever but I do use it myself

Jobs like checking the tyre pressure or oil in the car...I always get Ed to do. OK, I admit...I've never checked my tyre pressures or put air in them, ever. Even when I was single I would just smile and ask the nearest available man to do it for me, they always willingly obliged. I should say that I know I'm more than capable of doing them myself, I just don't want to learn how...it's boring.

I could give you a whole shocking list of jobs I don't do 'because I'm a woman'. I don't do them because I have a man to do them for me!

I suspect the men who let the women pick up after them are just applying the same logic. 'Why do it yourself when someone else will do it for you?' As you say, CJ, it is irrelevant that they are men because this applies equally to women as I am a fine example!

I do the majority of the housework (though Ed does the cooking) but I have to do some boring jobs as I get away with not doing so many others

I've never fixed the computer, never tuned a VCR or DVD player into a T.V, don't carry heavy things, never decorated the house OMG the list is endless the jobs Ed does. I can hardly complain about cleaning up a few dishes. (just in case Ed reads this...yes I l know you do clear up sometimes

)

We both hate mowing the lawn so haven't thrashed out whether this is 'mens work' or 'womens work' yet. I'm pretty sure it's men's work

Love,
Curly(SO)

Rikki · Post by **Rikki** » Sat Oct 29, 2005 8:04 am

Curly,
I'll supoort you on that "mowing the lawn" thing!! In our house, I do almost all the kitchen work and vacuum quite often. Only thing I don't seem to do is laundry except for toting the heavy baskets up the stairs. Would love to cook en femme, however. That would be the best.

CJ · Post by CJ » Sat Oct 29, 2005 9:08 am

Hi all,

Curly,

Mowing the lawn is a no-brainer: it's men's work when you have a manual rotary blade mower and it's women's work when you have an electric mower.

Love,
CJ

Curly(SO) · Post by **Curly(SO)** » Sat Oct 29, 2005 9:46 am

I don't need advice like that CJ... we've just got rid of our very manly petrol mower and replaced it with a lightweight girly electric one...DOH!
(Reason being-new house has steep sloping garden.)

Time to mow the lawn?...

I'm outta here

love,
Curly(SO)

Post by **DonnaT** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 6:32 am

My wife and I pretty much share is most tasks, except the laundry, which I do. I'm more attentive to it and don't like to let it set in the dryer gathering wrinkles.

We've both been out back building our new shed. She drives nails pretty good.

As for the lawn mowing, our son usually does it

And with auto drive, it's easy for all.