Molly's start

[Kyra]

Hi Molly,
Donna put this in the "Links of interest" section of the forum, I enjoyed the read. You might want to take a look.

http://members.aol.com/gnlnews/mistakes.html

It's an article from the Grace and Lace website. I enjoy reading from it occasionally. Good stuff for CDers who struggle with their faith.

There was a time when I had great difficulty (as a person of faith) with my crossdressing. I did a lot of soul searching, and a lot of praying, and came up with one immutable fact. I still believe, and He still loves me. It makes me feel warm inside just thinking about it. After that realization, all the guilt just seemed to wash away. I'm not perfect, mind you. I still have doubts and hangups, but I also have the Love relationship with my maker. It makes all the difference.

Thanks for sharing your beginnings with us.
Hugs,
Kyra

[Stephanie W]

Yet the more that men hide behind the accoutrements, the less chance there will be of acceptance for those that do not.

Elizabeth's (and other's) experiences have shown that the more a person is out there not trying to present as a woman, they garner more acceptance.

Donna

I read this over a few times and couldn't help but see your comment as a criticism. That's OK though because I would agree with what you are saying if we were all the same. But we're not! Transgendered encompasses a myriad of types with each of us having our own personal feelings about what we feel inside and where we ultimately fit in. No one would argue that for your basic crossdresser who would prefer to go out devoid of femme accoutrements, just getting out and doing it, would indeed be a sure fire way to promote quicker acceptance than hiding behind a facade. The thing is though, I don't consider myself as 'hiding', because my femme expression is an integral part of who I am and I have a need to express that. The femme 'window dressing' I choose comes naturally depending on my mood and I don't consider it to be part of some mask. But that's just me. If that is deemed to be a detriment to gaining acceptance for the sartorial freedom for crossdressers at large, then so be it. My hope s that all of us will gain acceptance on some level or another but that will only come with us educating society one step at a time that we are all different and have different needs.

Stephanie

[Molly]

Stephanie,
I find your response to Donna interesting.

No one would argue that for your basic crossdresser who would prefer to go out devoid of femme accoutrements, just getting out and doing it, would indeed be a sure fire way to promote quicker acceptance than hiding behind a facade.

When reference it made to a basic crossdresser and to transgendered it caues me to have to stop and recondsider what I think about my self in these terms. Your reference to a basic crossdresser, prefering to go out without the accoutrements causes me to hesisitate. I have only considered myself as a basic crossdresser although when I dress I want the full experience of being as female as possible in appearance. I want to experience the time dressed in ways that a typical woman might on a given day. Knowing of course that there are natural limits. Example is that I enjoy dressing in casual attire which might be slacks and blouse with low heels. Just trying to appear as a typical woman might if she were going to the store, working around the house etc. Yes, I will use all of the accessories available to enhance the look which would be modest jewelry, make up etc. I have done this and gone out in public before. Some days I have been successful and not had any bad experiences but I have also been read before and gotten comments or at least looks. I even had a guy and his wife follow me around the parking lot one time to get a better look. Really made me nervous.
Other times I want to dress up in a manner that would be more dressy as though I was going out for the evening. A nice dress, hose, heels, the works. I have gone out before in this manner but admitedly only to a known safe place such as a gay bar. And, I don't even drink! (got hit on one time while there by a guy, politely said no with no problems).
Bottom line is that when I dress I want the fullest experience possible. I wear breast forms and if time permits I attach them with adhesive because I love the feel and sensation of the breast and the weight on my chest. I use padding for my hips and "derriere" to properly fill out my clothes and to look as convincing as possible to any observers. This I do whether I am staying home or going out.
Based on what I read of your response to Donna it sound as though I should reconsider how I label myself, but I have never thought of myself as more than a crossdresser. I have felt the accoutrements were a part of the experience and the good feelings that came as a result of being dressed.
These are things that I ponder as I journey to attempt to understand my self and those like me. I thank all of you for your responses. These all take me back to my original question of dealing with my desires and reconciling them with my spiritual life and attempting to find that place of accord in my own life and that can be shared and hopefully not be judged by those that I am closest to. I know that I am the one that has to find those answers and where I can be at ease.
I did go and read the links by G&L. I have read some of these before but it was good to read again since these issues have recently come to the front in my personal life.
Gotta go for now.
Molly
Molly

[Stephanie W]

Molly

When reference it made to a basic crossdresser and to transgendered it caues me to have to stop and recondsider what I think about my self in these terms. Your reference to a basic crossdresser, prefering to go out without the accoutrements causes me to hesisitate. I have only considered myself as a basic crossdresser although when I dress I want the full experience of being as female as possible in appearance.

Like many, when I started out, I was just someone who liked to dress up for the sexual thrill of how the clothes felt on me. However, as we progress on our journey, it's not unusual for our feelings to change along the way. Doesn't necessarily happen to everyone, but many of us do feel differently as time goes on. As we learn more about ourselves and how we feel when we're standing there in front of that mirror, we are seeing something tangible that is a reflection of what we feel inside and that makes us feel good about ourselves. So what is it about being dressed in femme clothing that makes us FEEL that way? We may never find the answer but something within is telling us it just 'feels' right.

Many of us share similar experiences as we are starting out, such as the sexual thrill we get when dressed. As a teen with our raging hormones, it makes sense that the aforementioned sexual thrill we get from dressing up would give us the 'release' we need. As one grows older though, that aspect of dressing does subside over time. But then why do people continue dressing throughout their lives? Probably for a number of reasons, but for many of us, we do it because it goes beyond the clothes. There is an inherent female component to our psyche and I believe we respond to that in much the same way any normal female would which is why I think we want the whole package. We want to feel pretty. Nothing wrong in that as most genetic females enjoy that too. My belief is when we get to that stage, we might consider ourselves transgendered - beyond being just a crossdresser. Others progress even further along the proverbial gender spectrum to the extreme of gender reassignment surgery (GRS). Most of us though will usually will fall somewhere in between. Where you will ultimately fit in, only time will tell, but you'll know when you get there because you will feel more comfortable with yourself, perhaps also overcoming any shame or guilt you might have been carrying around all those years.

So when I speak of a basic crossdresser, I categorize that in terms of someone who is only interested in the clothes and with very different feelings to you and I by virtue of their penchant for wanting only to wear the clothes 'as a guy'. They just don't ‘feel’ femme enough to want to go any further than just . Regardless of where we all may end up, we all have to start somewhere and 'basic' crossdresser is but one of many steps along the way. Some are happy staying there, others move on. Hope that makes sense.

Stephanie

[Molly]

Well put Stephanie. Thanks for your insight. It helps me as I continue to seek understanding for my self of my own desires.
Thanks,
Molly

[Alana]

Molly, I've wrestled with the religious issue, also. I've come to believe that God made me the way I am. Therefore, as another portion of the Bible says, "Do all things to the glory and honor of God." Since, God made me the way I am, then to me, dressing as a woman and doing the best job possible honors God. Anyway, that's what I have come to believe.

Take care and hope everything works out for you!

Alana