The ex-girlfriend finally meets me

[Anita]

Hi All--
It's been over 8 years since Lynda and I broke up, and we've stayed good friends. But she has not wanted to meet my femme side, at all. She felt that Anita was in some way the other woman, who took me away. There's some truth to that, although it didn't happen until several years after we separated.

Anyway--I was playing bass in another band that I belong to, and we were doing a Katrina benefit with Country Joe MacDonald and others. Lynda agreed to come, and she showed up, spotted me, and came over and gave me a big hug. Then I went over and sat down with her. It was very comfortable the whole evening, and she had a good time. I could tell that.

I had told her two years ago that she needed to spend some time around the female version of "me." (See, I keep avoiding that third person stuff)
She kept putting it off.

I'd say we got along better than we have been. There's an emotional side to my femme self that's safe to put out to L--it's not as likely to be mistaken for boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. She wants emotion from me--I don't know whether the femme version of it works for her, or not. But at least she seemed OK with it all on a casual basis.

I don't want to lead L on--she's an attractive woman, still, but I'm not tempted to stir up the past. We're both happier as we are, I'd say. It was much easier for me to be around her than it has been, and it had a lot to do with coming from my Anita characteristics. I had a better platform there, when it comes to L.

She scruntinized my makeup, and said I'd done a good job. After I got done performing she said, "Nice legs you got there--mine are still good, but yours are better."

"Well, you need to show them more," I said. "I haven't seen you in hose for a long time."

"Yeah, weddings and funerals are about it. Last time I wore a dress to school, the kids were hanging on the hose, scratching on them, you name it."

As I said, I could tell Lynda was comfortable. I know her pretty well! And I didn't feel self-conscious about speaking and walking differently than what she's used to. So we had a good evening. Where it goes from here, I don't know.

[DonnaT]

Very nice Anita.

It does sound as though she was comfortable, such as considering you as a girl friend.

I reckon if she gets in touch and asks you out, you'll know for sure.

Good luck.

[Virginia]

Hi Anita,
I would sure love to see and hear you play. We all know that GG's have a problem in dealing with "us" expecially from the emotional level at least for those of us who reach that level. I can only hope that if it is your karma to develop a new realtionship that it works for the best. You know I am beginning to believe it is much more difficult for us to balance the feminine aspects with any male aspects so that if we have an SO that they do not feel threatened yet feel comfortable with us. We have to learn to project whatever "image" that our SO feels most comfortable with at any given time - that is if we want to maintain our relationship. When this "just gotta be me," attitude begins to affect those around us in what they preceive as a negative then that is when we have to make the hard decisions -- do I really "gotta be me," or can I find a balance for my anima and those around me?
Sorry, did not mean to wax philosophical this early in the morning. Again I hope that what ever you want you find happiness!
Love,
Virginia

[Elizabeth]

Hi Anita,

I know you have been looking forward to this meeting for a while now and I am just so glad things went so well. I know you were hoping for this outcome and I must admit that I had a bit of aprehension regarding this meeting because it could have also been crushing.

I have to admit I really admire how you handle your personal life and I listen to many of the things you say and make an effort to incorportate those things into my life. Mostly the idea of calming down and taking things a bit slower. More of a "as things come" as opposed to forcing things. This is a classic example.

Very well done!!!!!!

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Anita]

Thanks, All--

Donna--if she does 'ask me out' that'll be quite a shock. Doubt that she will; I think I'll have to invite myself to the parties. Nonetheless, she did say she would now try to see me, Anita, play guitar with the main band I'm with.

Virginia--
I don't know how much compromise I could do in a living-together situation, or even a dating situation. I haven't had to find out. I don't think I have a very long rope when it comes to this. I've gotten spoiled, being on my own all this time.


Elizabeth--
Thank you, dear. In the last five years or so, I got really tired of trying to "push the river." I don't have the energy to spend on that that I once did, and it seems to be a good thing.

As far as expectations go--I was glad I had an agenda for the evening, so that Lynda's reaction could be whatever it was. If we'd met for coffee or something, it could have been really uncomfortable if it wasn't working. This way, she had a concert to see, and I had a set to play. Anything else was icing on the cake.

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Anita,

I would say that you have acquired some tools that are working quite well with this person.

I wonder if you do not have something like marriage in mind, where do you see this going? Like you have now moved into a different situation with this gal. Seems like something more should happen?

[Absaroka]

Interesting what time can accomplish isn't it? I hope youare able to maintain your friendship with Lynne. Friendships with exes can be tricky but they can also be very special.

Andrea

[Anita]

I wonder if you do not have something like marriage in mind, where do you see this going? Like you have now moved into a different situation with this gal.

Hi Loretta Ann--
I don't see us spending more frequent time together than we already do, which is maybe once or twice a month. I have tended to not pursue that contact with her, either--she is usually the one who does more of the initiation. I do see that maybe the quality of the time we spend together can go up a few notches, if I have a safer way to be emotional around L. Safer in that it does not send male/female messages to her, which can be confusing if you've been together romantically. My emotions when I identify as Anita are somewhat different; I will not label them "feminine," as much as I'll just say they are different

The difference is real enough so that someone who knows me will notice this. I know that first encounters can sometimes have an acceptance that can't be followed up--the interest is just not there. I've seen others post about that, and have experienced some of it myself. Once is a novelty; twice means the reality of getting to know the new girl.

Hi Andrea--
Lynda has always prided herself in keeping in touch with ex-husbands and boyfriends. She's always open to that, if the guy is. It was a little hard to handle when I was the current boyfriend--some of those exes had a lot of charm to them.

[Beauty]

Hi Anita,

Glad to see that meeting worked out really well! I'm really proud of you!

I'm proud of you for removing the other person Anita and making you and her one in the same! Hallelujah!!! I think that is so healthy sweetheart and I'm so happy for you.

I love you Anita!!!

Thanks for keeping us all in the loop about what happened in your life. It's so refreshing to see how people have grown here and it's so cool knowing how many more people you're going to help by posting your story.

[Virginia]

Here I go again, in what Gracie said about seeing how our sisters have grown here over time - it is so awe inspiring to see the positive expressions of growth by so many of "us." I have to include Virginia because I know I keep saying over and over I will forever be in debt to my sisters here who helped me find that part of me that has made my life so much more beautiful! May God continue to shed HER blessing on all of you and may this forum continue to bring our sisters out of the dark and into the beautiful light that is their own "Magical Mystery Tour."
Now I gotta go cry again.
Love you all,
Virginia

[Absaroka]

I remained very close with a couple of exes and avoided some others at all costs. My wife had similar experiences. We named one of our children after one of her exes. So I guess I felt pretty secure.

I think it has to do with did you get to be friends with this person or did you never make it past infatuation. On the other hand there are people here who have had to deal with the end of lengthy relationships where presumably they were once friends, so perhaps that statement is not always appropriate.

Andrea

[Maria]

Hi Anita!

I'm glad that you maintained your friendship with her. When a relationship ends, it's quite a challenge to stay friends with the same person.

It's so refreshing to see how people have grown here and it's so cool knowing how many more people you're going to help by posting your story.

Maria

[CJ]

Hi all,

Anita,

Somehow, I missed this thread when you first posted. Sorry.

I think it's super-cool that things went well for the both of you on that night when L. and A. finally met. I'm glad you both enjoyed yourselves. The future will bring... who knows what the future will bring, eh? The important thing is that you both value your friendship in the moment. Friendships are important.

Maria,

Most excellent avatar! I love it! You have an exotic beauty all your own; eat your heart out, Raquel Welch!

Love,
CJ

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

At the risk of saying "me too," I think it's cool both that you've been able to remain good friends, and now you've been able to show her your full self.

[Kristen]

Anita, It's really unbelieveable what happens when one is accepting one self. Congratulations. No more" feel like I am fixin to die rag"... Kristen