Sexual Addiction or not....

[KarenW]

This post kind of mirrors what Elizabeth was talking about . These fantasies we create as children and can't won't let go of them. I watched an Oprah program today on pron addiction. As I sat there in my mind I started substituting CDing in there any time they started atalking about pron additicion. It was eeriely close to what they were saying. One guy had gone to the dumpster and thrown it all away only to be climbing back in there the next day to retrieve it. I've done that with women's clothing.

They talked about the men continuing in the behavior full well knowing what the possible repurcussions, fall-out and consequences could be. I've done that and am still doing it.

Most of these addictions started with the men being very young, innocent. Just lke CDing. Oprah kept saying these guys are not bad people, its not like they are out abusing children or something. Which is what alot of us say, we aren't hurting anyone by doing it. I got sad after I watched it and decided to see if I could get some feedback from any of you guys.

Maybe its just sex addiction plain and simple and I should try to deal with it accordingly.

[Rikki]

Thoroughly agree with you and Oprah. In my non-professional psycho-opinion, CD'ing is a form of addictive behavior without a question. Like jogging, playing poker, xmas decorating, alcohol, or tight rope walking, any activity can become addictive to a particular person.

It's how the person deals with the activity and how the activity relates to the rest of their life that determines its positive or negative effect on their life outcome. It's been said here and elsewhere that we can't stop who we are and our behavior. Like an alcoholic is never "cured", just always recovering, I don't think you can take the "CD'er' out of any of us.

So if we find a fit in our life for this, then all should be well. If it takes control and hurts us and other around us, then.... maybe it's an "addiction".

anyway, that's as serious as I ever want to be. Thanks for all being such nice and wonderful people. Happy Holidays.

Rikki

[Jeannie]

Hi ladies. My dressing as woman started at about 7 years old and at first it was erotic but it developed into a way of life where at this point in my life I'm way more comfortable dressed as a woman than a man. As for sex it's been 2 years since I've slept with my wife. As a matter of fact the last time we were in bed I said"Honey. Are you uncomfortable?" She said "Why do you ask?" I replied "You moved!" Big hugs

Love
Jeannie

[DonnaT]

I wouldn't call it an addiction, but instead I would call it a predisposition. Alcoholics have some chemical/genetic characteristic that makes them alcoholics. They may never know they are until they've had that first drink. Crossdressers may never know until they've donned that first article of feminine attire. Transsexuals, many at least, seem to know before donning the attire.

Many of us started CDing before we are aware of sex or sexual arousal. Those addicted to porn, however, do so for the arousal. So, no, I wouldn't dream of calling CDing a sexual addiction for everyone, but it could be for some who, for example, 'got off' on wearing fem attire.

As has been mentioned before, under the umbrella term 'transgendered' there can be quite a variety.

[Virginia]

AIN'T NO WAY IT IS AN ADDICTION FOR ME!!! no offense but I would highly recommend that you do some more research, and then step back and see where you are in this. I mean a deep, thorough, introspective look at yourself. You may well be a transvestite and the two shall never meet!!!!
I am a crossdresser with an anima that has begun to express herself in my life in ways that dressing has little to do with it. Some of "us" have this "expression" start early on in life, others it comes later. For me it was later, yet, I can remember several instances that happen to me early on that I now recognize as my beginings, but now Virginia is the major aspect of my life and her influence on me, in me and through me is in no way an addiction!!!! She is me and I am her.
Transvestites are sexually addicted to what they do, not a "true" crossdresser. Some may start out as T-girls, and remain in that mode, but others migrate to crossdressing and find one of the three modes and fall into it not as an addiction, but because that is who they are.
Opra can categorize drug addicts, porn addicts, whatever, but DO NOT even thing we are anywhere in the same universe with them. We have a gift, not a (what society may call a pervision = sex addict, porn addict) yes society may lump us into that type of group but it only through society's ignorance and anyway WE KNOW BETTER!!!!!!!
If you are unsure of what you do and why, we will hopefully help you find you path, but you can forget thinking that we are some type of addict.
Good luck on your search!
Virginia

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

I just have to say that I have a huge problem with everything being an addiction. I have heard every activity from rollerblading to surfing the internet as addictions now. Says who?

If someome spends a lot of time, energy and or money on something they enjoy, that is a vice, it's an addiction. If it's something that is not a vice, it's a hobby. That has been my obervation.

I do beleive there are some people who have compulsive behavior that can involve pornography, but this has to rise to the level of cuasing significant distress or loss of functioning. Most people who are called "addicts" to thier interests, do not rise to this level. It is usually someone who does not approve of this behavior that calls it an addiction.

I think there is significant research into crossdressing that clearly shows this is not "addictive" behavior. Which is not to say that it is impossible for it to rise to this level, but most crossdressers do not fall into this catagory, I beleive.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Stephanie H]

I also watch the Ophah show this morning and did not attribute my "gift" to any similarity to the porn addiction.
The women within me, Stephanie, is not moviated by sexual desires.
She is an expression of me and a significant part of my life.
Those that know Stephanie find her to be a kind, gentle person who is respectful of all those about her whenever she interacts with others.
I do agree with Virginia's theme.
I am a crossdresser and Stephanie is a major part of my life. She enjoys dressing, shopping and getting out and about. She projects a positive image and will always do so.

[Absaroka]

The thing about addiction is that it is destructive, often progressivly so. We need more and more of whatever is hurting us.

I'd say that if you need to CD more and more even as you are desparate to stop and it is causing large problems in your life than this may be an appropriate way to look at it.

An description I have always liked of addiction is that it is a cunning enemy of life itself.

With drugs there is the added aspect of physical dependence but any recovering alkie or drug addict will tell you that the emotional and mental addiction stays far longer than the physical addiction, even though even the physical side is such that usage later can not be considered safe and for most is akin to playing Russian roulette with automatic weapons.

None of this seems to describe my clothing choices.


Andrea

[CJ]

Hi all,

My take on this (and it's not worth more nor less than anyone else's here) is that addictions are what they are because of the pleasure they provide. We're not addicted to alcohol for the sake of alcohol itself but, rather, for the pleasure it gives us (in this case, disinhibition); similarly, we're not addicted to drugs or porn (or what have you) for the sake of these things but for the power they have to satisfy something that lies deep within us.

Addictions become a bit more unsettling the moment a person can no longer function adequately without his or her stimulus of choice. I'm addicted to books and reading, for example; take away my books and I'll be okay for a couple of days or maybe a week or two but, after three weeks or a month of living in a bookless world, I'm definitely going to start feeling edgy, nervous, anxious, listless, and weirded out. And to think that this is an addiction related mostly to intellectual pleasure; imagine now how it must feel when deep-rooted emotional and psychological pleasure is the reward.

Before I field any objections to the notion of "adequate functioning" (as in, "who's to say what's adequate and what's not?"), I should point out here that every CD knows full well what I'm talking about. Any crossdresser that's been prevented (or that has, for whatever reasons, prevented himself) from gaining access to even a single "dressing" opportunity for any length of time, starts becoming anxious, depressed, angry, sad, and even suicidal. These feelings prevent him from enjoying life. This is what I mean by a lack of "adequate functioning." Strictly in this sense, I think crossdressing definitely is an addiction.

However (and it's a big "however"), addictions are often seen in a bad light because of the destructive effects they have (both on the body as well as on the psyche of the "addict"). If it's truly the case (and I'm not saying it isn't) that, when a crossdresser expresses his femininity by dressing up as a woman, he becomes a kinder, gentler, more tender and compassionate soul, then it's hard to see how the behaviour can be thought of as being destructive. Of course, one thing that does get destroyed is the quaint notion that only women are (or are supposed to be) kind, gentle, tender, and compassionate (and this is a whole different set of issues). In this sense, then, crossdressing, although still a compulsion, is not an "addiction" deserving of the opprobrium it gets.

The thing about addictions that bothers so many is the fact that something (or, rather, some "thing") outside of a person is needed to bring that person emotional and psychological fulfillment. It goes very much against the grain of that wild self-sufficiency we've been taught to worship in this culture. An SO will put it this way: "I want you to let yourself be more caring, more tender, more gentle, more compassionate, by all means! I really do! But must you absolutely wear panties and lipstick in order to do so?" This is where addictions look like "crutches"; literally, they help us stand (or, more accurately, we think and feel that they help us stand). The world would rather we stand on our own two feet, crutchless. Sorry people, but I have yet to meet one single person in my life who can stand crutchless in this crippling world. I don't hesitate to remind those people who tell me my crossdressing is an addiction of that very fact. Usually, I ask them what their addiction is, as in, "let's have some fun and compare our addictions, eh!"

Some people are addicted to that great pacifier, television; some people are addicted to sex; some to gambling; some to online relationships; some to learning; some to classic automobiles; some to video games; some to love; some to cats and dogs; some to God; some to the expression of a transgender (or gender-variant) identity. The minute we start trying to keep our fingers out of our neighbours' eye--however good or moral our intentions may be--is the very moment we free our fingers in order to "pluck the beam" out of our own eye.

What truly matters is that our "addictions" not cause us more harm than good. If crossdressing is an addiction, I certainly don't think of it as a harmful one. When harm there is, it's often "on the rebound"--a result of other people's thoughts, views, feelings, and opinions about our dressing up. How we deal with this kind of "incidental" harm is entirely up to each and every one of us.

Love,
CJ

P.S.
Sorry about the long post... guess I'm addicted to the sound of my own voice, eh?

[Anita]

Hi Karen--
When CDing came back into my life after 30--some years, I faced dressing fully for the first time. I'd never had any clothing of my own, and certainly had no wigs, shoes, or makeup when I CDed as a teenager. When I put this total package together, I was driven by it for several months. It had a compulsive quality that I didn't like at all, and it was sexually addicting as well. Being 50 years old at the time, I'd weathered other addictions, so I figured I could ride this one out, too. I did, because over time the novelty of the situation wore off. I was finally able to go out repeated times without any sexual content to it, and I was also able to lose interest and go weeks without dressing at all.

So what made it "go away?" It was partly being single, and being able to dress as much or as little as I needed at any given time. I think if I had to wait for special occasions to dress, the compulsive part would have dragged on for years. Also, going out in public made dressing less urgent. There was something about putting it out there for others that made me less driven about the whole process.

Maybe that was part of MY compulsion--the need to share it with other people. Once I did that, it became part of my ordinary life, and lost its addictive side. I can only relate my personal experience--I know that for some, the troublesome aspects of this never leave. But there are enough people on this board besides myself who have gone through the sexual chaos and passed on through, that I know it's possible to do so. You don't have to throw up your hands, Karen. You will have to find the way that works for you.

[Lorna]

ad·dic·tion ( P ) Pronunciation Key (a-DIK-shun) n. 1. Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance: a drug used in the treatment of heroin addiction. An instance of this: a person with multiple chemical addictions. 2. The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something. An instance of this: had an addiction for fast cars.

(from Dictionary.com)

This definition does not imply that an addiction is a bad thing, despite the fact that we have all been led to believe otherwise since birth. Based on this definition, an addiciton can be no more harmful than a hobby, an interest, or simply a love or a passion for something.

As an artist I can say I have an "addiction" for graphic design, or an "addiction" to writing, or the guitar, or what have you. Just as any other person would have an "addiction" to their wife and children. SHEESH.

Therefore I must ask this: unless it were physically detrimental to one's health (alcohol, tobacco, drugs, fatty foods), or an illegal crime, then why give it up?

As Karen W mentioned in her original post, these men were not engaged in anything totally inappropriate or off the wall. Therefore I just fail to see any "harm" in any activity that does not physically hurt or traumatize oneself or any other parties, simply because it may happen to be "frowned upon" by "traditional" society - whether it is CDing, or anything else that does not pose a considerable risk. BS.

[Virginia]

Well to begin with we are what we are - right!? From reading the treatist that CJ put forth and the other responses, to me it is a matter of semantics. Can I say, I am addicted to life??? If a person threatens to kill me and I want to live, I have an addiction to life?? I can sincerely appreciate the involved scientific discussions and I relish them as the more I see the various interpretations of who or what I am, the more I am able to formulate an an acceptable (for me) definition of who Virginia is, where she came from and where she is going! In the "negative" sense of the word NO I am not an addict. If you say I have a need to dress and that makes me an addict -again NO! Virginiaenjoys dressing up does that make her an addict - NO! Do I have to dress to express the beauty of "my gift?" NO NO NO!!!!! Addict? Addicted to being a crossdresser - NO! It is part of my very being. Am I addicted to being who I am - YES! and again, I love who I am, I love Virginia, I love what she has done for me and we will hold hands and continue on our "Magical Mystery Tour." Addicted, semantics!
Love you all,
Virginia

[Stephanie H]

As this thread grew, we have all provided significant comments to our view of a crossdress and addiction.
Lorna's dictionary definition gives a broad view of the word and provides examples of "good" and "bad" types of addiction.
However, could a "good" addiction like the example become a bad example? Maybe, from my perspective if the persons addiction to fast cars becomes such that there becomes a failue on the persons part to support the family unit or if there becomes traits of disrespect for society ie "drag racing on Main Street at Noon".
Habits as CJ has presented in her treatist are addictions. Her example of book reading can it be translated into dressing. Her view is yes, and at times if I cannot be Stephanie due to some family interuption, I do become annoyed and bothersome to others. There is an encrochment on my life, and interuption that got in the way that I did not plan or did not want to interupt my life. But the question is, is the emotional feeling that I have at the time of the encorchment, due to an addiction or is it due to not being able to be myself.

Does this mean that crossdressing is a habit? From my perspective, it is not a habit therefore, it is not an addiction but a way of life that I have chosen to grow. It is true, that I can not turn the desire off, but the desire I feel is not a habit, it is an expression of my innerself.

[Absaroka]

The discussion of good addictions can logically culminate in our saying that we are addicted to breathing which is nonsense. Active addiction is a form of slavery that destroys us. Although the expression can sometimes be commonly used as a description of something positive I don't agree with that.

Andrea