A Long time ago......

[Shalindra]

I hope that this doesn't take too long to write, but here goes nothing.

My earliest recollection of cross-dressing was from when I was 4 years old.

My parents owned a very large old house that was almost 4000 sq. feet. and they rented the entire upstairs to another family. One day, the lady from upstairs was doing something, and for some reason, she gave me a blue plaid dress. I assume that she was throwing it away or else it would not have gotten into my possession. I remember putting on the dress and playing fairly normally, except I was wearing this dress over my regular clothes. I do not remember for sure if it was that evening or many evenings later, but I do remember my dad chasing me into my bedroom, and I was hiding from him as he taunted me for wearing the dress, or teased me, calling me a pretty little girl, etc... After that, I do not ever remember seeing that dress again.

The actual idea of cross-dressing never actually entered my conscious at that time. But it was still there nonetheless.

I remember a few years later, at one time while we were playing hide and seek, I decided to hide in my closet. I crawled away to the back of the closet, and hoping to find a very secure hiding place, I decided to climb into the garment bag and was hanging in the back. I unzipped the garment bag, and climbed inside. What was inside the garment bag was mother's wedding gown. I was never found out that day. I spent three hours hiding with my mother's wedding gown. After that day, the garment bag with my mother's wedding gown, became my favorite hiding place. Whenever we play hide and seek, I was simply crawling into the garment bag, and I would never be found.

As we grew older, the hide and seek games stopped. And I stopped going into the back of the closet.

It wasn't until I was about 11 years old, when my thoughts went back to the closet. I remember going back to the closet and crawling way to the back one day. We were not playing hide and seek. Still, I unzipped the garment bag and I crawled inside. This time I crawled up inside the skirt of my mother's wedding gown, and I slid my arm into the sleeves. Of course I made sure that the coat hanger was no longer in the sleeves. After that, when I was alone in the house but found myself going into the back of the closet, and climbing inside the wedding gown. It wasn't until later, but I grew old enough to actually remove a wedding gown and wear it around the room. I remember one night, when I believed that I was all-alone in the house, I decided to put on a wedding gown and walked around house. Little did I know that my brother was still in the house. I'm not actually sure, but I believe my brother found me that night, watching TV while wearing a wedding gown.

About a year later, my family and I moved across the state. There many things were left at my grandmother's house, including my mother's wedding gown.

During the next several years, I would often take trips to visit my grandmother, and while there, I would take the time to wear my mother's wedding gown. While there, I would explore my grandmother's attic, and I remember fighting three dresses that were stored there as well. I even tried these dresses on while I was visiting. I would enjoy those days where Grandma work and I could spend all day dressing up. The experiment with makeup, styling my hair, and just being a girl in general.

As I grew older and turned 14,15 years old, I would take babysitting jobs, to earn some extra money. There was a favored job that I enjoyed, and after the children would go to sleep, I would sneak into the mother's bedroom, and I would try her lingerie. I even appropriated some myself, and I would wear them at home. About this time to, I soon outgrew my mother's wedding gown. I could try put it on, but it would be too small. I subscribe to Frederick's of Hollywood, and I enjoyed looking in the catalog dreaming about clothes that I would like to wear.

When I turned 18, I join the United States Air Force. I stopped cross-dressing during this time, simply because it was impossible to do while living with a bunch of GIs in the barracks. I finally got Station in California, and I rented myself an apartment downtown. This is what I've bought my first real gowns. I ordered some bridesmaids' gowns from J.C. Penney's catalog. These were beautiful. One was a lavender purple, and the other was a canary yellow. I also bought myself some bikini swimsuits and some one-piece swimsuits. I also met a girl, and purge myself of my cross-dressing. But I couldn't stop. After dating for about a year, my girlfriend and I were invited to a Halloween party. I decided to go as a bride. I went out and bought myself a wedding gown, and a corset, and shoes, and stockings, and everything else the real bride would need. I was gorgeous, or a least I thought was.

My girlfriend disappeared after about another five months, and I was left alone. Just me, my wedding gown, and my lingerie. It was about this time, that I met my now ex-wife. I told about the wedding gown, but I told her that a friend let me use the wedding gown for a Halloween party. I asked her if she wanted to see me wearing it. She said yes, and I put it on. We made love while I was wearing the wedding gown. Later on, I confessed to her that I was a cross dresser. She seemed to understand, and try to except what I had told her. I asked her if I could buy myself a nightgown. She said yes. And I bought myself one. After we're married, and on our first month anniversary, she bought me this cute pink nightgown. She said she wanted me to wear it, while we're making love. So I did. I also worked many nights in bed, even when we did not make love. One night she came to me, and told me that she could not accept me being a cross dresser. She told me that I had to get rid of all my stuff. So I purged.

I went for many years without dressing up. But there came a point time, when I could no longer resist buying anything. The first Thing I did was buy myself a wedding gown. Of course I did not tell her about this, and I kept it hidden. We later moved to Oregon, and because she was doing most of the packing, I was not able to hide my clothes, so again I purged.

I remained undressed for several years more, until I met this lady online, who is a dominatrix. I didn't know this at first, but I found out soon after. She would ask me questions about what I like to do. I told her that I like to dress up and women's clothes. She seemed very excited about it. She encouraged me to buy some more clothing. So I did. She encouraged me to buy other things to, toys, which she wanted me to use on myself, so I did.

About a year ago, I found myself in some legal trouble, and I was arrested. The police searched the house, and I found my clothing. The police informed my ex-wife, that I was a cross dresser. I do not wish to discuss the details of my arrest, but that was that not my wife's a primary excuse to divorce me. What she told me, was that she could not live with me, feeling that I had to dress up, because she was not woman enough for me. She said she felt jealous of my dressing up, she said that she believed I did it, because I wanted to have another woman. And so She divorced me.

After my release from jail, I found a new freedom. There's one friend in particular, she knows who she is, and she has heard the story before. This new freedom has allowed me to explore the feminine side of myself. Again, I bought myself a wedding gown. And you could see the pictures I've taken tonight posted in the picture gallery.

So this is my story. There have been ups and downs, but I'm much happier myself now.

God bless you all, and thank you for reading.

I love you,

Shalindra

[Gaven McLaren]

Glad to have you here. Just remember the past is the past. Look to the future. Life is too short to dwell on past mistakes. Just remember them so you do not repete them.

[SharonRose]

Shalindra,

Thanks for taking the time to post your story.

Sharon Rose

[Charlene]

You reminded me of the time I found a wedding dress in the attic of a house my parents were renting whe I was young.

I did put it on a couple of times.

[CJ]

Hi Shalindra,

What a poignant story. It serves to remind me that life does, indeed, have its ups and downs. I'm glad to see you're more comfortable now with who you are. As Gaven said, the past is the past; it's best to accept that, although it has had much to do with who we are, we need to look forward and move on. Thanks for inviting us into your world, Shally. I wish you all the best in years to come.

Love,
CJ

[Beauty]

Hi Shally,

Christina's wording recapping the things others said was perfect. In other words, read Christina's post and that's me too.

Well done!

Beauty