HUGE Families, Tiny Wallets

[Lorna]

I'm just rambling...

Every single year, I go to my mother's for Christmas where the whole family gathers. And every year the holiday gatherings get bigger and bigger.

Now with people getting married and having kids, well, families do what they do: they grow. What was once a quiet, hassle-free holiday had now turned into a huge elaborate gatherings, complete with extended relatives, in-laws, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins and "friends-of-the-family"? And I can't NOT have gifts for these people. It's too much of a strain on the wallet. For real.

My mother called me just now to confirm that 4 more relatives are coming. GEEZ. The list of family attendees is now bumped up to 23.

This Christmas is going to be LOUD for me. I long for the old days of small & quiet family Christmases.

Four more gifts to pick up... uggggghhhh. Just when i thought I was finished. But wait... Target has DVD movies on sale for like $7. HA! Problem solved.

So.... What are holiday gatherings like for you & your families? Is it small and simple with only immediate relatives? Or is it more like mine, a huge production including every extended relative (and sometimes the kids will bring their pets, no BS) on the Eastern seaboard?

[Danette]

Hi Lorna,
I can remember have large family get togethers, Some very fond memories. If I may make a suggestion, We use to put names in a hat and draw a name for adults and if you had children, a name for every child. We use to put a cash limit on gifts to keep costs down. Getting together should be a joy not a burden. Just a suggestion, It seem to work for our family get togethers. Hope this might help.

Hope you enjoy the Holidays

Hugs,
Danette

[DonnaT]

I Hope the house is big enough for all those folks, and the presents don't get mixed up.

Ours is a small affair, just the four of us usually. I haven't gone to my mom's for Christmas in a long time.

My wife's like you Lorna, I reckon. She has to buy gifts for all her siblings and their kids.

The only extras I worry about are my secretaries, 7 of them this year. Luckily both my wife and I are into crafts and can make nice gifts.

[Maria]

We use to put names in a hat and draw a name for adults and if you had children, a name for every child. We use to put a cash limit on gifts to keep costs down. Getting together should be a joy not a burden.

Hi Lorna!

Last week, I attended a yearly transgendered community Christmas dinner in a restaurant in Sunnyvale, south of San Francisco. Each of the 40 guests, all adults, brought one gift, with a cash limit of $5. The hostess distributed the gifts randomly to everyone; it was wonderful time to receive a gift from another guest at the party. Cosmetics, candles, perfumed soap, shampoo, etc., were some of the items that people received as gifts. The thought of the gift is more important that the cost of the gift.

Maria

[Kyra]

In years past, we usually hosted the family gatherings at our house. With Amber and I both having fair sized families and many friends, the head count was rarely less than 20.
One year we decided to have a quiet christmas at home. We figured one of our relatives would step up and host the year's gathering, but no one did. We thought it strange and a bit odd. After all, our brothers and sisters had homes large enough to hold the big feast. Yet no one called to invite us. Amber and I assumed that christmas would be very quiet indeed. We didn't even buy a big turkey. At the last minute, we recieved a couple of phone calls from relatives asking what time should they arrive?!! (I guess they assumed it would be at our house as usual) Amber and I were scrambling to figure out what we would serve. It turned into a mad dash to the grocery store and quick menu items. I was so frustrated at the sudden turn of events, I wanted to scream.

I really do love my family and I could never turn them away. As it turns out, they really loved getting together at our house. So much, in fact, that they assumed every Christmas dinner was to be at our house.

In retrospect, it makes me feel very loved. It had become a tradition to them. Me, in my ignorance had overlooked that aspect. That was a few years back, but I remember that feeling to this very day. I was truly humbled.

This year will be a small gathering. Only the immediate family. It's probably the only thing I really miss about Louisiana. Family and friends. If you have either, count yourself blessed.

Hugs and kisses, Merry Christmas to all.
Kyra

[Carol Ann]

Well you can run but you cann't hide. It seems all of our family will be driving from far and near to be with us at Christmas. Gosh where are we going to put'em?. We tryed to tell the kids Mom and Dad are getting to old for all the excitment of a large gathering but who listens. A big bird, a whole ham, and all the fixings. Kids all say nobody can make dressing like she does, gee all the dishes and I'm the washer. Ah what the heck it's Christmas and who knows it may be our last, so enjoy life now as it is a short lived one. Carol Ann

[Lorna]

Well... another year of going broke for a huge family that grates your nerves year after year is finally passed. I am SO glad that my family celebrates on the Eve.

Every year I go visit Mom where all my relatives gather, and nitpick.

Mom didn't even like the coat I bought her (a beautiful long black fur-lined cashmere coat - set me back almost $200 - she needed a winter coat, yanno...) then she tells me that she was under the impression I was getting her a cell phone! I asked her what she wanted weeks earlier & she "didn't know". The world's worst person to shop for.

Anyway... at least there was plenty of alcohol on hand. It helps at these "functions", which to me is nothing more than sitting thru another night of "Why aren't you married?" or "Did you know that cousin so-and-so just bought a house/had a second child/made partner at their law firm". Who cares? I didn't like Cousin dipshit then, and I don't care for them now.

And let's not forget the inevitable "Where are you working now? How's work? What's going on with work?" It's a holiday. Why do I want to talk about WORK?

Oh well... at least Dad gave me cash (he does every year) so tomorrow I'm going shopping.

But... now it's over. I'm free & clear from family obligations till Easter. After Thanksgiving and Christmas, I am SO ready for New Years!!

[Stacie Stockman]

Thats why I dislike celebrating Christmas with my family

I just want to eat, get drunk and sleep off my hangover. I only get Christmas day off this week (I hate retail), and thats the one thing that I dont want to talk about. Large family groupings put me off in the worst way, especially when Im not close to anyone of my brothers/sisters. Maybe next year I will show up as Stacie so I wont get anymore invitations from family.

[Lorna]

Maybe next year I will show up as Stacie so I wont get anymore invitations from family.

A good idea!!

Every year I joke to myself about doing that but as the years go by my urge to make it a reality grows stronger and stronger.

[Jessie]

That is odd I like spending the holidays with my family this was one of my best ever. I put a lot of thought into each person's gift and went all out (maybe a little to far out but hey). The funney thing is that the gifts that I got where not specater but I was happy just the same.

[Lorna]

That is odd I like spending the holidays with my family this was one of my best ever. I put a lot of thought into each person's gift and went all out (maybe a little to far out but hey). The funney thing is that the gifts that I got where not specater but I was happy just the same.

That's great hon... I just want to experience that feeling again. I miss that feeling.

But I seriously doubt I ever will get to experience that "joyous Family Christmas" ever again. In fact I'm almost certain that I won't. Why do I say that? Because year after year, I fall under this delusion that the next Christmas will be "better somehow". And it never happens. The next Christmas is usually worse.

This Christmas I basically played "waiter", fetching snacks & drinks for all the relatives there, even though I have 2 sisters who could have been more of a help.

Every damn year I go to Mom's to put up the holiday lights, I chop the wood for the fireplasce, I carve the Holiday Ham, I help Mom in the kitchen, I distribute ALL the gifts after midnight. And I never recieve so much as a Thank you.

I break my back & spend a fortune only to get let down once again. I get nitpicked to death about my personal life, and lukewarm reactions to expensive gifts I would have sworn they would have liked.

I for one have not had a "Merry Christmas" since 1997. But I follow thru with the same old BS tradition in hopes that I can rekindle that feeling. It hasn't happened in 8 years now. I just don't care for Christmas anymore.

And If this is what's "expected" of me every year then I no longer want any part of it. I am too exhausted, physically, emotionally, and financially.

Tax Day brings me more joy. I'm being totally honest.

[Absaroka]

As a kid I loved seeing my grandmother and other family on Christmass. I think that even beat getting the presents.

We have no extended family in the area and I miss that. Christmass is the one time of year I really miss my parents. Surrounded by a nuclear family that loves me I usually feel pretty lonely on CHristmass.

This year we had a close family friend for dinner CHristmass day and then sat by the fire and talked for hours. It was like the old days of the extended family. I had a wonderful time. Best CHristmass in years. Oh we also went to church since for me this is supposed to be a birthday party.

I get people the presents I want to get them and if they are expensive they are and if they are cheap they are and once the gift is given it is now the property of the person who recieved it and not any of my business what they do with it. I try to get stuff they will like but last year most of the presents for my kids laid an egg-the books went unread and the cds unlistened to. Maybe later they will listen, who knows. I read some of my presents a decade after receiving them.

I'm on a diet now for health reasons. So I made the whole dinner. My wife loved that as she sat by the fire talking with our friend (by the way an ex lover from before I met my wife. I have a wonderful wife......)

But I really do emphasize with the whole public scrutiny thing which is what I experience with my wifes family. It is not pleasant.

THis year I got my wife and daughters clothing for the most part. They wanted to know when I actually developed good taste in womens clothing and some sort of understanding of their personal style. Still my little secret.....

Okay everyone go take thier insulin now

Andrea

[Carolynn]

Our Christmas was quiet. Years ago, my dad's entire family gathered at my grandparents, but after their deaths, and the marriages of most of the other cousins, that all changed. They dispersed to other states, formed their own families, began going to in-laws, their parents died, and suddenly 15 years ago we only had small family Christmas's. I do miss some of those people, but they do not miss us enough to maintain contact even when we try to keep up the connection, not even a Christmas card in five years. So Don't worry Lorna. Like me you have no children, no nuclear family of your own, so when whomever your primary rallying point is for the family Christmas is gone, you will not be faced with this problem again. I hope you do not find you miss it then.

Our recent Christmas's have been made better by the birth and presence of a grand-nephew (6) and a grand-neice (2). I loved watching them Christmas Eve, though I missed their Christmas morning delight. The grand nephew was charged with being Santa and handing out the gifts, but anything he does, his little sis has to be involved. At length, he identified who the gifts were for, and she carried them to the recipient. I was very impressed that a two year old could put off gratification long enough to distribute gifts before tearing into her own. Our Christmas does include an extended family (my sisters in-laws), but with my mother's infirmities, we cannot travel for the Christmas dinner (it used to be fun--Dirty Santa and all) so we remained at home on Christmas day, just she and I.

I can't say what next Christmas will be like. I have served notice on my sister that I will retire in July, sell my house and likely move to another state, all this while starting RLE and changing my name. It will be an expensive time with less income, and travel will not be in my plans for next Christmas nor likely the Christmas after, if I am not still in N. Texas or Oklahoma (highly unlikely--not at all trans friendly). My mother may or may not be living, but if living she will be in a nursing home as she is failing fast and will be beyond our ability to cope with her within 6 months or less. Since I will be 24/7, part of the extended family will not be accepting of me, and I will likely not attend to avoid unplesantness even if I am in the area. So, this is likely the last family Christmas, small though it was. I shall have find myself a new family, I suppose.

Happy New Year to all.

Love, Carolynn

[Jessie]

Well Lorna no matter how bad it might get with famiuly Just remember that you an extended family right here who's only want is your friends ship and willing to return in kind.

Jessie