What's the typical woman's opinion about crossdressers?

[Dixie Darling]

In a recent post on 'another forum' someone posed the question, "What Do Crossdressers Really Think About Women?", and several replied with interesting and differing replies from a wide variety of viewpoints.

Well, that post got me to thinking and I believe there is another serious question that has crossed the mind of almost all crossdressers. This question isn't directed to the spouses who have come to terms with a husband (or boyfriend) who is a CD, since they have a personal relationship with someone who crossdresses. What I'm more curious about is what the average woman thinks about us. What I'm referring to here by the term "average woman" is your typical female who doesn't have a direct association with someone who is a crossdresser. I've seen it happen MANY times where a GG has no problems with it at all UNTIL she discovers that someone close to her (husband, boyfriend, family member, personal friend, etc.) is a CD. At that point in time it seems to become a 'problem' that they HAVE to reckon with and so it becomes a necessity.

Now, I realize that there aren't going to be many GGs frequenting this forum who aren't involved in some way with a crossdresser since that's what this forum is all about anyway. But maybe there are enough 'lurking in the shadows' to give us all some idea as to what the average GG's viewpoints are about us. Or maybe some of you regular posters are aware of GGs who aren't directly involved with a CD, but have expressed some opinions or viewpoints about the practice of crossdressing. Ideal sources of information about this would be forums that are frequented by GGs concerning women's interests such as makeup, hair styles, fashion advice, etc. So maybe there are some of you who participate in such forums and might want to field the question to others there. It would be interesting to know what the opinions of women with no 'ties' to crossdressing are.

So, in essence, MY question is: "What do WOMEN really think about crossdressers?"

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Honey(SO)]

Well Dixie I doubt you would really like the answer to that question very much...
We have very close friends, closer to us than our own sisters or brothers. None know about my husbands dressing and we will never tell them because we already know how they would react to it!!

Sorry to say for the women I know they feel it is a joking matter and that CD's are gay, al'a Drag Queens.

Last Sunday we had one of these couples over to our house, we are planning on a cruise together and I had gotten some pictures of the ship and the ports. They have no computer so we invited them over to view the pictures and have some cheesecake...

Now I am on several Yahoo groups, including yours. To prevent my yahoo mail announcements from always popping up and perhaps my children seeing them I have put myself on Digest so only one announcement per day comes in. I thought I had shut off the Yahoo and we are looking at the pictures and of course for some reason the yahoo mail pops up, dumb me forgot when we had to hook into the phone line at the dining room table that the yahoo rebooted. And what mail announcement do we get- A crossdressers Secret Garden. I hit the delete button quickly but not before my friends quick eyes read who it was from! She mentioned it rather loudly and made some comment, my husband was embarrased and I just said well ya never know what will show up on your Yahoo! The husband started in on the gay jokes. Their actions confirmed what we already knew that they would never accept this, even though they think of my husband more as a brother than a friend. Sure we both know we could have used this as a teaching chance but we were both caught off guard and with this couple it would not have made a difference.

I might mention that the last cruise we took together was over Halloween and there were 500 gay/lesbian cruisers. No bother to me or my husband or actually the other wives either, but the husbands are so homophbic that they hardly wanted to come out of their cabins for fear of being hit on....totally uncalled for on their part. Guess my husband and I are more progressive in our thinking, we had no problems enjoying everyones company, playing pingpong, sitting in the hottub this is how the husbands looked!!! LOL

Sorry I have gotten off track here. I know not everyone is like this and we accept them for who they are. I will also add that before my husband told me about CD and I made it a point to learn all I could If I would have answered your question it would have been that CD's are probably gay and are drag queens and I would have snickered along with my friends.

I always thought I was pretty up on things, I have traveled all over the world and seen plenty, but either any CD's I have encountered were very passable or I just never opened my eyes very wide....Of course my mind and my heart are wide open now, it's all good and my answer is very different now..

Honey (SO)

[Oregon (SO)]

HI Dixie,

I think there are so many factors to a woman's reaction. Her upbringing, her knowledge of the world, her knowledge of gays and lesbains, her religion of spirituality, her lifestyle, and if she lives in an urban or rural area. I grew up in Texas, way down south and I can say for 100% that the only women I knew who might have been 'okay' with the dressing were the wild girls, the easy girls, and the experimental girls. But those girls were my friends and we were a bit odd for our small town anyway.

But once I got into the city and realized that there was alot more to the world than small town tx it was only slightly different.....you just don't happen upon different people unless you make a concentrated effort to do so. Yes I saw people of all types in the city but if you are married, monogomous, and don't know anyone but others like you , well it is not much different than livining in that small town. This was also before the advent of the net as we know it. A woman even as open to unusual stuff as I was still had no contact with anyone different than straight hetro monogmous couples.

Even when I finally got into the crossdressing scene and went to the bars and functions I still decided to keep it a secret from my boring/straight/hetro girl friends. I was freaked out that they would all judge me, even though I stood by them no matter what. I also did not know if I felt like having to explain my why's for gettin involved and the why's from the guys side as well.

So....eventually upon getting serious about having a realtionshpip with a cd, I finally told them. I told all 5 of my best and closest friends. Two of which had known me since high school. Darla basically said I was a deviant and this explained why my first hubby and I probably divoreced. So nto true. My other friend accepted me, but only to a point as her husband was very narrow minded and we no longer keep in touch. My other friend Benita acepted me but I dont' think she ever will understand why I would be married to a crossdresser, on purpose. My other two friends cathy and her daugheter L. sort of accepted me. L, I think does not really like to hear much about it, while cathy thinks it is the coolest thing in the world.

Those were my old friends. But since then I moved to a new country and have made my new friends. Sondra completely acepts the dressing, and has even expressed interest if I should ever meet a guy her age. My other best friend J. is okay with it, but never wants to see it in person and I can always tell she is uncomfortable to some extent. All of which is very funny becuase I know she has a thing for guys who wear some make up.

ALl my other female friends are wives or girlfriends of cd's. But I am no dummie, I know that most women woudl never want to really know about this . I know that is probably not the answer you were hoping for.

I think with most women it is confused indifference when asked point blank. I also think that unless women like myself speak up about our feelings of thinking this is a fun thing , any other women out there who might be open to it, will keep their mouths closed.

hugs
kathy in canada

[Dixie Darling]

To be honest, Kathy and Honey, I hadn't hoped for any particular answers. As I stated in my original poost, I realize that most "non-cd-literate" women don't appear to be biased one way or the other, but I also realize that these same women aren't contending with it on a personal level and if/when the time came when it became necessary to do so most all of them would have an almost IMMEDIATE negative attitude about it.

I find it interesting that one of your best friends is attracted to guys who wear makeup, yet doesn't want to see any CDs in person, and is uncomfortable about it (CDing) to some extent. Kind of makes me wonder what type of makeup, and to what extent, she finds to be interesting and attractive (??) on a guy. Maybe the makeup is OK, but the idea of a guy in a dress, heels, stockings, wig, and sporting 'breasts' is alien to her.

I didn't mention it in my original post, but I've read MANY times about GGs (and we're talking here about those who aren't associated or involved with crossdressers in any way) are very inquisitive about CDs when they actually meet one who will take the time to discuss it with them and answer the millions of questions they reportedly ask. I experienced this first hand on one Halloween when I went to work enfemme and it seemed that every GG in the building had a dozen or so questions to ask when they got a chance to come by my work station. I had a lot of them who asked rather non-chalauntly if I dressed on a regular basis, who did my makeup, what did my wife think about it, did she help me, was she 'approving', how did it feel to have to take all the extra time to get ready that morning, and on and on. Most of the questions asked were genuine and because they really wanted to know (as opposed to being just to see what my answers would be) and I highly suspect that some of these women knew a lot more about crossdreessing than they would readily admit.

Like I said, I think most of the female population is relatively neutral about it as long as it doesn't involve them in any way. And without a doubt the majority of those uninitiated to real CDs are influenced (negatively) by what they see on shows like Jerry Springer. It's a really SAD state of affairs that these people are so erroneously misinformed to the point that their negative bias is almost automatic when confronted with a crossdresser, or merely the subject itself, in person.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Kay(SO)]

This may seem a little drifting off topic but since you mentioned it I will comment that when I first learned about my husband's CDing, I insisted on seeing him dressed and going through the experience because I was curious. I asked a million questions and figured I needed to find out more about it in order to understand it. If it had been a stranger, that might have worked. Instead I went off the deep end because I was in a position to decide whether or not I wanted to continue an intimate, romantic relationship with him. As you can see, I'm still here but handling it that way out of curiosity is not what I would recommend to an SO. There's a reason everyone says baby steps but then I always did do things in a "balls to the wall," (pardon the expression) manner.

Kay(SO)

[Georgia(SO)]

Dixie,

I guess I could have qualified as "average woman" a couple, three years ago. I had just gotten involved with my guy, didn't know that he dressed, and only sorta knew one CD. So, while I hesitate to speak for the remaining 87 billion average women out there, I can tell you what I thought prior to becoming involved.

Basically, I sorta figured they were mostly queens, too - probably bi. I've never been particularly interested in effeminate men, and I'd have never guessed that many macho men dress. Probably more macho men than non-macho men, from what I'm seeing.

I think the majority of women in the 30-60 yo age group are probably liberated enough to be ok intellectually with whatever someone wants to do, assuming of course, that it doesn't harm anyone. I don't know that a lot of women spend a lot of time thinking about CDers. I certainly didn't. My CDing friend was kind of strange anyway, so I didn't think much about it. If I had to pick a stereotype that I thought all CDers more or less fit into, it would be the Hank Azzaria character from Birdcage.

I don't know whether this answers your question, but those are my thoughts.

-georgia(so)

[Kay(SO)]

I have been pretty busy lately and unable to post much here but this caught my attention...

When I found out about my husband I considered myself your average woman. Maybe even a little worldly and open to new experiences, possibly not too judgmental. But, I have to say that even being this woman, I basically freaked out and had difficulty wrapping my brain and emotions around crossdressing. The reasons I freaked out are the very things that you listed in your post:

And why should they be, anyway?
We aren't threatening to them (I don't think).
We're (for the most part) not after men.
We like a lot of the same things they do.
We're not stink-footed, bad breathed, couch potato slobs.

The truth is when I was the "average woman" I didn't know that he wasn't after men. I didn't know anything about his sexuality at all or what being a crossdresser meant. I thought it weird that he liked the same things I did and in fact I felt extremely threatened. Not by him but by the CDing. What kind of life would we have? Did he really want to be a woman? Did he expect me to be the "man" in our relationship? Was he actually gay? How often was he planning to do this anyway? Would people find out? Will I like him as a her? Is "she" going to get more time with him than me? Will she get treated better?

It's important for you to understand what goes through a woman's brain when this news is imparted. And these are just a few of the things I know I thought of. I admit that I found it all rather disturbing and wasn't sure I could or even wanted to deal with it. I nearly walked away from our relationship. I think the way you used "wishful thinking" was probably appropriate, at least in my experience with GG's. Many may be curious but if it were them in the relationship, I'm not sure how many would stick around past the first exposure to it. I know the women I've told have treated me like I'm some kind of weirdo for being with him. Except for my friends who are in the same boat of course. Thank God for them or I might think I was a bit odd myself and start questioning why I'm here?

Kay(SO)

[Hope]

Wow, all the responses from the SO's are interesting to see. I must say that as a CD, I have often wondered myself what my DW actually thinks. Oh, we've talked a lot about it and she keeps assuring me that although if she had a choice, I wouldn't have been a CDer but....given the alternative of not sharing our lives together, it's better to share.

I've reflected a good deal and have only been able to develop one analogy that maybe fits? I had this cutting tool. The problem with it was there was a slight bend in the blade and if you didn't know it was there, things just didn't turn out right. Once I knew about it, I wished I hadn't gotten it. But I kept reaching for it all the time. It really did cut well as long as you knew about that bend. I figured the best thing would be to try and take the bend out. But if I did, maybe it wouldn't cut the same way anymore. I left it alone. Still use it every day. I've tried others but keep going back to that cranky tool with the funny bend in the blade.

Now, I didn't know about that bend before I got the tool. It really surprised me I guess. Had I known, maybe I wouldn't have bought it. Course, if I hadn'tbought it then I wouldn't have the best cutting tool I've used since.

And yes, I did tell my DW before we were ever married, or even getting serious for that matter. She knew about the 'bend' in me so I guess it's not quite the same for us but I imagine GG's who find out after the fact are a little dissappointed, first at not knowing about the bend, and second, not being told by the dealer before hand (I know I sure was upset.)

I'm not sorry I have that tool. Maybe that little bend makes it cut the way it does and I'd sure hate to lose that. Maybe that's what SO's sometimes think?

Just a thought (as with so many other random thoughts I sometimes blither through)

[CJ]

Hi all,

Hmmmm... What would the "typical" or "average" woman think about crossdressers? I have to say, Dixie, I've yet to meet a "typical" woman. Still, that's a good question you ask and the answers from the GG's have been illuminating. Thanks.

Love,
CJ

[Yasky(SO)]

I absolutely, totally and completely agree with Kay(SO) - she absolutely echoed my thoughts and feelings. I am certainly an 'accepting' individual of others - but I had real issues when I found out my DH was a CDer! (And am still working on it)

I have a few girlfriends who know about Paige and it's interesting how different their reactions are. One ignores it, doesn't want to hear anything about it. Another one is interested and eager to discuss it - and would be more than willing to participate, I believe. But mostly, the others just know about - will discuss it briefly from time to time, but not much interested. It IS different when it's YOUR spouse!

I will also say though that we have several gay friends who now know as well. Interestingly, they have more of a general problem with CDers than GG's do. We've asked them about that - since they're very accepting of Paige. Their response was most interesting, I thought - they're accepting of Paige because they know him - but in general they just don't understand "the whole CDing thing" and have some thoughts that CDers are simply in denial of their sexuality. They're getting more education of CDers because of Paige - but isn't that pretty typical of EVERYONE regardless of the "issue". Minorities of any type are much more accepted as individuals because the people know them!

Personally, I don't think there is a "typical" reaction.

Heavy stuff - this is!

[Jessie]

That was very intersting to read about how different people react to the same person. It is even more intersting to see how a gay person reacts to a CDer.

[Jeannie]

Hello ladies. I told my ex's best girlfiend and asked her to tell her gay friend Ken what he thinks of people like us. Like Yasky's friend he said we are in denial and are gay men wanting to come out. He also said he doesn't care much for crosdressers because as he put it"I want a man to look like a man". Oh well. There must be one group that likes us! I like me! Big Hugs!

Love
Jeannie

[Virginia]

I like Jeannie too!!!!!!
Love the picture too!
Virginia

[Marda]

... Oh well. There must be one group that likes us! I like me! ...

The more experienced I become, the less surprised it seems I'm becoming about being surprised by people, and their views on, or their reactions to anything

Funny thing I seem to have noticed lately, the more I accept, forgive and love myself, the less important anyone else's outlook or opinion about pretty much anything seems to matter to me (internally)

The group that "likes us" is largely invisible - and it's made up of all kinds of people throughout the world who are classed by others as "outsiders" - and I reckon it's always been like that, and will remain so for some time to come

The thought that frequently comes to mind when I encounter the 'more outspoken "insiders"' is "I wouldn't want to be like you" as I blow them a

These days I'm more on the lookout for people,
who are not only 'not so apparently pissed off' by those demonstrating basic human qualities such as honesty, openness, sensitivity toward others, sincerity, humility etc.
but who 'actually direct their energies' to being with those striving for and/or sharing such qualities
- of course I'm referring once again to the great wide world of "structurally vulnerables"
~

/Marda

[Jeannie]

First I must say Happy New year to all of you lovely ladies. As for you Virginia, thank you and you're terrific. I don't care what they say about you!
Marda you're so right. People like us live an existence for the most part underground. We spend our lives protecting others from us at our own expense. I wish all the so called "NORMAL" people could read all these posts without avatars or knowing what type of site it is or knowing the persons gender. You think they would hate us? I've read the most warm,intelligent and sincere things posted here. If left to be ourselves we would be much better people in the real world. We are forced to live a life of paranoia and solitude. Jumping at the knock at the door or worrying who will see us or find out. That's no way to live. As I've gotten older I care less and less what others think. I'm not a bad person just differant. I never lost a car,house,kids,money or job due to my crossdressing. I'm tired of protecting others from me. I'm not an axe murderer. I just want to look and feel like a woman and go about my day,like all of us. What's so bad with that?
I have always been tolerant of others and trust everyone until they give me a reason not to. Logically,how can you hate someone you don't know? The only group I have serious dislike for is you ladies who only wear flats. Now that's really weird! Big hugs and lipstick kisses.


Love
Jeannie