Am I close to understanding how you GG's feel?

[Jeannie]

Hello ladies. I read a post recently from a CDer whose wife was leaving him. Nothing new but It's expected. I think most of us have a lack of understanding how a heterosexual woman will feel when they find out that the man they married likes to dress like a woman. So many of use talk about acceptance and understanding but that is really foolish in my mind. A woman marries a man that looks and dresses like a man. Thats why she married you. To think a spouse will accept and embrace you is ridiculous if you think about it logically.
How can we expect others to understand us when we don't understand ourselves. The only acceptance we need is from ourselves. Do we really think that a wife wants to see her husband in pantyhose and bra and want to be intimate? I think not. It must be so uncomfortable for them to say the least. It's funny. I know a gay man and told him I crossdress. He said"Oh. I can't stand crossdressers and Transvestites. I want a man to look like a man" I'm sure you GG's feel the same way.
I believe most men like us try to be coersive with our partners. Trying to make them think like us and that will never happen. I believe people like me are sentenced to a life of solitary confinement. But thats ok. I've accepted it and have never been happier in all my 55 years. My wife of 25 years moved out in October into a cute condo. We have just been roomates for the last few years and very compatable. I told her of my issue about 5 months ago. The first thing she said was"Are you gay?" I said "No" Then she said "I'm not a lesbian and I could never have sex with you again" I understood and wouldn't ever think of dressing and wanting to be intimate with her. Thats stupid male behavior.
As for us always talking about our feminine sides. I think that is a myth. We all have a disorder. Personaly I enjoy it and could be dressed 24/7. I think I'm a bit more than just a crossdresser.(Don't tell anyone!) Sometimes it's better for all if we move on and If you gals leave your husbands and they can't understand why,they need a serious reality check. Just give them a gentle knock on the head and say" Hello! Is anybody home?"
I would love to hear yort input but I gotta run. In my stocking that is. Darn! I just bought this pair! I have one bone to pick. My hair dresser knows about me and I'm lucky at 55 to have hair. I get a womans style and now she cahrges me double.! Whats up with that? Big hugs and lipstick kisses. I do feel for you ladies. You have it much tougher than us. But you know ladies,men are big babies.

Love
Jeannie

PS. I would rather be disliked for who I am,than liked for who I am not.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Oh, Jeannie - -

Am I close to understanding how you GG's feel?

You're not even close to understanding how this GG feels, Jeannie! I have some serious objections to what you just said, and I know that I'm not the only person who will disagree with you!

A woman marries a man that looks and dresses like a man. Thats why she married you. To think a spouse will accept and embrace you is ridiculous if you think about it logically.

I do think that the CDer should have told his wife-to-be about his being CD before they got married. The SO has a right to know about it, and if she can't handle it - for whatever reason(s), then they shouldn't get married, or at least, not yet. An SO can, and will, accept and embrace a CD spouse - - I'm not saying that all GG's can/will - - but there are numerous CD/SO couples that have a fantastic marriage.

Do we really think that a wife wants to see her husband in pantyhose and bra and want to be intimate? I think not. It must be so uncomfortable for them to say the least.

Personally, I would have no problem if the man I was interested in is CD, and maybe because I'm more open-minded about a lot of things, seeing my man in bra, pantyhose, etc. would be very erotic for me and just add to the level of intimacy between us.

I want a man to look like a man" I'm sure you GG's feel the same way.

I want my man to be honest with himself, and to me, too. If being CD is part of my man, then I fully expect him to be true to his/her self - using caution when outside the home, obviously, but 'no holds barred' while in the privacy of our home. I expect my man to dress in whatever pleases him, and if that means wearing a blouse/skirt/high heels today, and a t-shirt/jeans/tennis shoes tomorrow, that's fine with me - I have days like that, too!

I believe most men like us try to be coersive with our partners. Trying to make them think like us and that will never happen. I believe people like me are sentenced to a life of solitary confinement.

You're absolutely right - - with that attitude, you are subjecting yourself to a life of solitary confinement. I feel so sorry for you, Jeannie.

Sometimes it's better for all if we move on and If you gals leave your husbands and they can't understand why,they need a serious reality check. Just give them a gentle knock on the head and say" Hello! Is anybody home?"

While this statement is true in many CDSO marriages, for you to imply that it is true in *all* CD marriages is so far from the truth it's not funny. This may have been what happened in your marriage, and I'm sorry that it has caused you to have such bitter feelings towards yourself and life.

The only reason why I will not cite more objections to your post, Jeannie, or go into more detail in my objections, is simply because I've had an absolutely terrific day today, and I refuse to have that ruined by engaging in a battle of wits with you. I'll leave the battle to the many others here who can battle more eloquently with words than I.

I was compelled to point out, though, that just because you have been ill-treated by your wife once you came-out to her about Jeannie does not mean that every wife will do the same to her CD spouse when he finally admits to her his femme side.



- SL

[CJ]

Hi all,

Jeannie,

While I understand where you're coming from, I think Silver Lady is right to insist that, as in any relationship, what goes on between a CD and his SO should always be looked at on a case-by-case basis. The only thing, I think, that truly matters is, like SL also said, honesty and self-honesty. This implies that a woman will be given the opportunity to know that she's choosing to partner herself to a crossdresser. There's no "running away, screaming into the night" in this scenario.

You might eventually have an easier time of it, Jeannie, if you begin applying the label "disorder" where it properly belongs, i.e., to those people in our society who, for whatever personal reasons of their own, are unable to accept the notion that each person builds his or her own identity according to that spirit that moves within them rather than according to some standard (and standardizing) social template.

Nevertheless, I wish you well and I do hope you find some measure of happiness in whatever emotional life you choose to commit yourself to.

Love,
CJ

[Amelie-Laveau]

I don't think that GGs can all be lumped together with the same frame of mind. All GGs do not think the same, some will not like CDs while some will and others won't care either way.
Same thing for gays, some like CDs, some don't, it takes many different types to make up this world.
As SL and CJ have said, honesty is the main frame for a good marriage. I think dishonesty is what does the most damage in a relationship, straight or gay.
I am sorry for your tough times but not all GGs are the same.

[DonnaT]

As the others have said, you can't paint all women (SOs) with the same broad brush stroke. They are all different, all are individuals.

Some, as you should know from participating in other forums Jeannie, love for their man to dress enfemme; some seek out relationships with CDs; some have no hang up with what a person wears; some love their partner enough to try and understand why; some may never understand, but love their partner enough to let them be who they are; some never want to learn anything about it; some never want to see it, but won't prevent it; some never want to talk about it and give ultimatums; some just leave, etc..


Additionally, you can't fault all CDs for not telling their partner. Although in this day and age, there is plenty of information available to the CD to indicate that there is no cure for their CDing, not all have access to that information and not all believe it.

Many believe it to be a sexual fetish that they can drop once they they are in a serious relationship, and some have managed to not even think about CDing during the early part of the relationship. Some may not have the urge to CD for years after getting married, and thus saw no need to divulge their supposed fetish. Only later did they discover they were transgendered and CDing was an integral part of who they are.

I know a few CDs that never once tried CDing in their youth, but for some unexplainable reason, happen to get the urge later in life, at 50 or 60 or 70 years of age. How could they have told their partner before then?

Those that do know, are obligated, IMHO, to tell their partner early in the relationship, before getting married, before getting engaged, before getting really serious. Many CDs are fearful of being outed if the revelation does not go well, however, that fear should not take precedence over honesty.

[Jeannie]

Hello ladies. I was anxiuos to here some reponses and boy I did! Off the mark again. Forgive me I'm a man and when it comes to really important things we're clueless. I still think that men who like to dress as women have a disorder and Phychiatrists also think so for what that is worth. Saying the general population has the disorder because they can't accept us is passing the buck. I still feel the vast majority of heterosexual women are turned off by us. You wouldn't see so many of us on this and other boards if the opposite were true. I have read countless posts of we ladies telling of spouses who won't let them shave their legs,put on makeup and some don't want to see it at all. I think our only perfect mate is a bi-sexual woman.
As for Amelie, these are not bad times for me at all. I've never been more emotionally happy and content.I don't miss my wife one bit although she calls everyday with a list of things for me to do! I don't mind. I love coming on this site and one other I'm on. You girls are intelligent,articulet,sensitive and civil. I feel free to post my feelings without any fear. I'm not perfect and hope I didn't offend any of you ladies. I have no malice towards anyone and am always in a great mood when posting.
I have to go because I'm cooking dinner for our second daughter. She's coming over with here boyfriend and I'm making linguine with garlic and oil,brushetta and a Caesar salad. She is a great kid. Her name is Fabrizia. She is and Italian Argentinian. MY wife had her as a student in her 5th grade class and she went to the same schools as my 2 children.
Her father is a nut and she had to get a restraining order agaist him and we took her in a few years ago. She graduated 6th in her class,got a full scholarship to UCONN and is a great kid. The police took 6 handguns out of her fathers home. What a loser. After living with her these last few years I put my real daughter up on Ebay. Still no takers! Big hugs and lipstick kisses. Thanks so much for your input. Even if we don't agree on some things I value your opinions. You're the best. Love you all.

Love
Jeannie

[Amelie-Laveau]

Hi Jeannie, I didn’t take offense to your posts, well except for one thing, you used my name without written consent from me, you will be hearing from my lawyers. Lol

Probably the only thing that I find different is that I don’t know if I could say something like most Cds have a disorder. I know you say it’s what you think but there are so many different Cds out there, it would be tough to make this statement for all Cds. But for me, you are probably correct, I might have a disorder that causes me to want to be a woman. What this disorder is, or called, I don’t know, I am not a shrink. But in my case I don’t want to change the way I feel. I am happy wanting to be a woman, even if it is a disorder.
In my case, I won’t involve someone in my life that doesn’t accept this part of my life. When I meet a man, he must accept my dressing from the start or we don’t go any further in the relationship. Most men meet me while dressed so they know from the start who I am. So for me, even if it is a disorder, I don’t want to change the way I am, I am happy with this disorder, for me. It does no harm.

I also agree with you about most of the Cds on these forums have trouble with their wives over the Cding and that might be one of the reasons they come here. I come here because I am bored. Lol I sit around all day with really nothing to do, I am a lousy house wife, I hate to clean. I think these types of Cds come to these forums because these forums have established themselves as basically support forums for Cds and their wives. Not many swinging sex crazed Cds come here because the forum doesn’t meet their needs so they go to other types of forums. Because this is mainly a support forum, most posts will be by Cds trying to cope with their wives. That is why one can’t make a generalization of all Cds out there by the posts on these forums(even though I am guilty of doing the same). I used to go out to many clubs a few years ago. I would meet mostly the swinging type Cds, I rarely met Cds with wives. So if I based my club experience on what I thought a CD was then I can say that from my views most Cds are single and have no wife problems at all. But I now know different, since I came to these forums, I now see many married Cds. So I couldn’t make a generalization from my club experiences. All I am trying to say that it is difficult to make generalizations of a group of people unless you have been everywhere and talked to everyone. I know what you say is your opinion and I respect that, I am not saying that you are wrong,,,all I am saying is that I am right. Lol J/K


I’m sorry for reading your post wrong, I always thought that when people breakup, it is usually with bad feelings. I’m glad that you had no hard feelings between you and your wife.

Also, How much are you asking for your daughter??? Does she do house work??

[Jeannie]

Amelie. You're Ok ! I don't care what they say about you! As for my daughter Katie,I'll give you $ 200.00 a week to take her! She is 22,has red hair an a personality to match. She makes Atilla The Hun look like a boy scout! Big hugs.

Love
Jeannie

PS. Come to think of it Amelie, no one has red hair in our family but Katie. Wait a minute! The UPS man does!

[Absaroka]

I think Amelie Laveau makes a really good point about the selection of opinion. Because this forum has a certain orientation it attracts a certain type of person. Among other things the sort of person who has time to sit around at a computer doing this. So we need to be very careful about what sort of conclusions we draw about any larger populations based on this forum.

As for GG's accepting us (as opposed to understanding us which is far less important) I figure that they are about as diverse a group as the other roughly half of humanity which is the genetic (or otherwise) male half.

Absaroka

[Amelie-Laveau]

Amelie. You're Ok ! I don't care what they say about you! As for my daughter Katie,I'll give you $ 200.00 a week to take her! She is 22,has red hair an a personality to match. She makes Atilla The Hun look like a boy scout! Big hugs.

Love
Jeannie

PS. Come to think of it Amelie, no one has red hair in our family but Katie. Wait a minute! The UPS man does!

Now I am curious,,, What do they say about me? lol

[Virginia]

Jeannie,
A song: " Jean, Jean, your young and alive, come out of your half dream dream -- and run if you will to the top of the hill ---open youir mind, bonny Jean!"
Honey, take some of the millions that your wife thinks you have, by some books on quantum physics or quantum mechanics and learn about possibilities and how we try and measure the immeasurable and understand the un-understandable! Bilions of humans on this "spaceship earth," and no two alike - why are we here? Is there right and wrong within the universe, not with in society and who set the rules - expand your mind. There are two types of humans - male and female - just how cool would it be to be able to intergrate the preceptions, wants, desires, understandings. loves. fears of each into one human to see things from each others perspective?
Some of us put on a skirt walk around take it off hide and wait till next time. Some take it out of its hiding place put it on and ask why am I doing this - take it off rehide it! Then some put it on ask why then seek why! Feel the feelings that come with it - learn to share this gift, to grow in it, to expand it, to use it to benefit others than them selves.
Think of the possibilities of how we reach where we are in life, is it right or wrong? is there a right or wrong/ good or bad. How can we grow as an individual as a race, what can we accomplish.
I can assure you that having the ability to see and to try and understand from both male and female perspectives is a wonderful start.
CJ - taking her excursion into the world of 24/7 as a female! why? it was a wonderful experience for her and for those of us who followed her adventures.
Amalie- this girl has delved into a side of life that most of us will never see and it has made her stronger.
Silver Lady - a GG as well as the other GG's here - why are they even the least bit interested in a crossdresser. Could it be that some of us seek that personna that a lot of GG's seek in us! The kindness, gentleness, empathy, touching/feeling, loving/caring nature that seems to emit from those of us.
Love your gift,share your gift and for God's sake - never feel sorry that you have been blessed with such wonder!!!!!
Virginia

[CJ]

Hi all,

Well said! All of you!

You all make me proud to be a member here.

Jeannie,

I'll go to $250 for Fabrizia... but only if she's a good conversationalist as well.

Love,
CJ

[Jeannie]

Virginia you always out do yourself! What do you do for hobbies? Brain surgery or making 1/4 scale fully operational Trident submarines? You always know what to say.You are a wonderful person.
Cj. Fabrisia was here last night for dinner with her boyfriend. She is a great conversationalist and wants to be a lawyer. If you give me 1 billion dollars she's yours! Sorry,no personal checks!
It's funny you mentioned my wife. The warden called early this morning and said that she wants the old tub off the deck. She remodeled her bathroom and I draged the tub on the porch but it's on the second floor. It's cast iron and weighs about 350Lbs. Where is Virginia when you really need her! I have to bring my big power drill(pretty macho) and drill holes and break it up with a sledge hammer. The last time I use a sledge hammer I swung it over my head and tipped over backwards. I only weigh 136 and that's with my pumps on!
I just took a 20 minute break from writing this post. The warden showed up for cell inspection. She came over to the computer and said"Who are writing to". I told her I was responding to an email of a stripper I know! She then looked in the refrigerator, looked in my bedroom and went down to my first floor to my shop and looked in the checkbook. She's relentless! Good thing she didn't go out on the back deck. I have all my bras and pantyhose drying on the line. It's really warm her in Connecticut for this time of year. 52 degrees today.
I do have to go. I'm going to rig a booby trap on the front door tonight. The one great thing about working in a printing shop my whole life is now my hearing and my eyesight are terrible. I always try to look on the bright side though. My wife looks and sounds better each day. Big hugs.


Love
Jeannie

[Kay(SO)]

This is a great topic and many interesting thoughts on it! I've been gone for what seems like decades but have popped in to snoop and so much has changed. On my end as well as here! I want to reply but have to run off to work but wanted to let ya'll who remember me know that I'm still breathing, just really hard lately due to my busy life. I've missed being here and all of you wonderful people! I'll try to write on my laptop from the office if I can. Howdy to the old and new and I'm baaaaacckk! Hugs to all!

Kay(SO)

[DonnaT]

Welcome back Kay.