Hopefully....my last purge

Merinda · Post by **Merinda** » Mon Feb 13, 2006 2:11 am

Loretta Ann wrote:
I am the kind of person that needs to live according to what is inside of me. That is the outer needs to align with the inner.

Should what is inside of me change some time down the road I will have to deal with it at that time, without any regrets.

I understand how you feel Loretta , although I'm good with giving advice I'm not so strong practicing what I preach .
I made a decission many months back to set a date to end my photosessions and outings , when the time comes I will make a further decission on whether to remain as a closet dresser or give the game away completely.
If I decide to go cold turkey I will be under pressure to dump my entire stock to make a clean break , eventhough the other part of me is saying store some items.

At the moment I still have many things that I wish to experience & achieve before then.

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Mon Feb 13, 2006 1:17 pm

Merinda wrote:At the moment I still have many things that I wish to experience & achieve before then.

Thanks Merinda, I hope you experience the desires of your heart.

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Mon Feb 13, 2006 7:03 pm

Congratulations, and good luck to you, Loretta!

As sad as it may be to hear of someone giving up their CDing, the most important thing is that you find HAPPINESS. So for that I support you 110%.

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Mon Feb 13, 2006 8:15 pm

Thanks Lorna.

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Wed Mar 29, 2006 2:47 am

Hi all,

Well here is a further update. I have finally got rid of all of my second wardrobe. I did not realize I had so many clothes. Over 20 large garbage bags full.

If anything I have moved further away from the need to cross dress. I am beginning to feel things dressed as a male that I never was able to feel before, that enable me to feel more like a male.

I have not worn a single item of female clothing since I last posted here. Except for a very pretty pair of flowered panties, that I put on (a few days ago) just to see if I was fooling myself or not. I am happy to be able to report that they did nothing for me, so they came off right away.

I still visit here nearly every day, and may occasionally post from time to time as I feel led when something of interest catches my eye.

Peace to all.

Post by **KimberlyS** » Thu Mar 30, 2006 9:34 am

Loretta Ann wrote:Hi all,

Well here is a further update. I have finally got rid of all of my second wardrobe. ......

If anything I have moved further away from the need to cross dress
......
I still visit here nearly every day, and may occasionally post from time to time as I feel led when something of interest catches my eye.

Loretta, I wish you great luck in your ability to quit cding. Just one question for you:

If you have purged your clothes and no longer feel the need to cross dress, why do you still "visit here nearly every day" ?

To me, while you have done the physical purge and have a good mental attitude and feeling about your ability to stop CDing, coming to this forum yet still proves you still have some mental tie to CDing, yet holding on to you that you can not let go of.

IMHO, a huge part of cding is mental. It is how our brain is programmed from both birth (genetic) and our environment around us. From day one most of us hear "Pink is for Girls and Blue is for Boys", "Oh look at the cute ruffles, it must be a girl", "A football on his shirt, it must be a boy", "she is pretty like her mom", "he will grow up big and strong like his dad", "tough trucks are for boys, pretty soft dolls are for girls"

For some, CDing is created when our internal feelings do not adhere to what we are told what we should be (parents, family, friend, society). Depending on the amount/strength of internal mental conflict/confusion, we move towards what we feel to bring us in-line, thus making us feel better in some way.

To stop CDing means you can mentally resolve or control the conflict/confusion that creates the need to CD.

Note so I do not get lots of questions: This is my opinion to one possible theory on CDing as I know there are others, including those that were dressed when younger. This may or may not be relatable to your situation.

KimberlyS - CD

Maria · Post by **Maria** » Thu Mar 30, 2006 1:43 pm

Hi Loretta!

It's good that you are still visiting the forum. Will there be a time in which you will no longer refer to yourself as "Loretta Ann?" Good luck on your journey to happiness.

Maria

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Thu Mar 30, 2006 8:10 pm

KimberlyS wrote:If you have purged your clothes and no longer feel the need to cross dress, why do you still "visit here nearly every day" ?

Because my main interest in participating in this forum was for the improvement of others (as well as myself) I pop in to see how some of you are doing.

You see I don't see cross dressers as a separate part of this world. If there is one thing that being a cross dresser taught me was that we are all different, yet we are all part of this world.

One thing that set me apart from many here is that I did not have to see cross dressing as not being a sin. I was content to see it as something that indeed hurt some people. I was content to accept the benefits that it provided for me at the stage in life that I was in at that stage of my life. Yet I always was prepared to accept something different, providing it provided something better.

I realize that my testimony here challenges some of you. I realize that some of what I write will be painful for some. I don't know what to do about that.

You also wrote:To me, while you have done the physical purge and have a good mental attitude and feeling about your ability to stop CDing, coming to this forum yet still proves you still have some mental tie to CDing, yet holding on to you that you can not let go of.

When you State things like this...that you assume...you open yourself up to the possibility of more hurt. And again I don't know what to do about that. Even though you have laced your post with some sugar coating, it still come across as a judgement based on your personal experience and opinion.

I am not visiting here every day because I still have some mental tie to CDing, yet holding on to me that I can not let go of. (although some may be able to feel better about themselves if they can believe that.) In fact I have a problem when reading some of the posts accepting the fact I once thought like that. I struggle with that, there is no way I could post some of the things I have posted here. Because I no longer think like I did when I posted them.

I am sorry if this comes across as hurtful Kimberly, but how is one to be supportive and show any kind of empathy to you as a cross dresser if the criteria for visiting here is saddled with the kind of hooks you have implied?

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Thu Mar 30, 2006 8:46 pm

Thank you Maria,

As for now I have no need to change the screen name. For the purpose of this forum, it serves as an alias as opposed to referring to myself as any specific thing. It is really a non issue for me.

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 2:32 am

Hi Loretta,

I have to say that I have tried to bite my tongue, but your most recent post makes this exceedingly difficult. In a very condescending manner, you talk about how others are just going to hate what you have to say, as if it is some profound truth that should set everyone aback.

You come here in the name of support, and yet all you offer, is to chastise those here who do not understand your motives for being here. You present yourself as the ideal crossdressers who has crossed over into some kind of Nirvana that transcends crossdressing on some level we can not comprehend. That you alone have somehow managed to overcome crossdressing because of some superior quality of truth that we all somehow lack.

I beleive it is you who fears the truth. You fear that being a crossdresser is all you will ever be, and by virture of giving up crossdressing, that that somehow makes you not a crossdresser any longer.

I mean what is your motivation here? You here to tell crossdressers that it's ok to be who they are? Or are you here to tell crossdressers that their way of life is wrong, and they should strive find some way that they can have thier needs met, that does not include crossdressing.

There have been many who have purged and gone longer than you have wihout dressing. You yourself have gone eight years before without dressing. I predicted earlier that you were not done dressing, and I was correct, you have already admitted that you have put panties on, since you said you had no desire to dress. In the future I predict there will be more of the same. Not because you lack the will power or personal fortitude to abstain from dressing, but because the desire to dress is cylical for many people.

I stand by the theory, once a crossdresser, always a crossdresser. I find your relevance here to be significant and helpful and would hope that you would continue to interject your ideas and views whenever you feel like it. We have all had purges and we have all had times when we truly beleived we no longer had the desire or need to dress. Watching the rational and rationalizations is important to the debate, and I personally welcome it.

Good luck sister.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 4:00 pm

Elizabeth wrote:You come here in the name of support, and yet all you offer, is to chastise those here who do not understand your motives for being here.

Wrong Sweetie...I chastise those who attempt to tell me that what I have said is not legit. If you don't understand my motives for being here what is wrong with simply asking me?

Indulging in an activity that brings no benift, is a good definition of insanity. Yet some are caught in situations where they repeat the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

You are free to predict anything you like Elizabeth. When I stopped smoking I did so with a full pack of cigaretes in my shirt pocket. When I quit something... for it to be real to me...I have learned that I need to possess the power to do it. and that needs to be right in the presence of temptation. If putting on the panties had done anything for me, I would be presently cross dressing again. Being as they did nothing that helps to bring closure for me.

The reason I resumed cross dressing after eight years was because when I put on womans clothes again they did something for me. When I stopped that time I tried to stop from the outside in. This time I have stopped from the inside out.

You Also wrote: You present yourself as the ideal crossdressers who has crossed over into some kind of Nirvana that transcends crossdressing on some level we can not comprehend. That you alone have somehow managed to overcome crossdressing because of some superior quality of truth that we all somehow lack.

Wrong again Sweetie...Cathy Anderson told you the same thing was possible. If you can not comprehend this, I am sorry but that is not my problem. I could not comprhend it ether before I experianced it. In fact if you check the archives you will find that I challenged Cathy rather heavily on this same issue.

And you wrote:I mean what is your motivation here? You here to tell crossdressers that it's ok to be who they are? Or are you here to tell crossdressers that their way of life is wrong, and they should strive find some way that they can have thier needs met, that does not include crossdressing.

While I have answered some of this in my response to CJ, in Maggies thread, my motivatation is to share with you all that there is a way for some of us to be set free from this. Not that you have to be, not that everyone will find that way. And you should know me better than to think that I would imply any such thing. You say that I have lived an examined life. Yet you make claims in your last post that would imply otherwise. I don't understand.