Jessica the beginning

[JessicaM]

My earliest memory was I must have been about 6 or 7 years old when I tried on my mums clothes and I wished I would wake up a girl. I don't have any sisters so I had to do with my mums stuff. I was caught by my mum after about a couple of months and got the usual from them that little boys don't wear skirts and dresses. I was sent to see a child psychologist, I had my chance to say I felt I was a girl in a boy's body but I just sat there all quiet. I did promise I wouldn't do it again and I didn't for a few months but the the urge came back just as strong if not stronger. I always went to bed wishing I would wake up as a girl all through my childhood.

I got married thinking the desire to dress would go away. We had a son and all the time I was hiding my femme side from everyone. Again I got caught out but this time by my wife as I had a small stash of femme underwear hidden at the back of one of my cupboards. My ex wife thought I had a girlfriend. Thats when I to come clean the womans undies were mine not another womans we eventually split and got divorced.

I went through hell after the divorce and tried to end it all by jumping off a bridge in front of a train but someone had called the police, by the time they had arrived I came to my senses and was walking back to my car thats when I went to the doc for help. I told him everything and sent me to a psychologist where after about seeing him every week for a year I was diagnosed as having Gender Identity Disorder. He suggested I went for a sex change. After a very long think about thing's I decided NOT to go for it as I my son was only 2 years old and I know for a fact my ex would have stooped me seeing him and my dad would have disowned me.
I think I made the correct decision at the time as I was all messed up in my mind with the divorce and being transgendered.

Now I'm happy with my life as I feel I have best of both worlds. I live with my g/f who I met 3yrs ago. I told her all about Jess and she still moved from London to be with me up here in Scotland, she is very supportive and now picks all my clothes male and female she sometimes moans at me that I have more femme clothes than she does and then she will moan at me when I'm not dressed lol. I have been out the once to a support group meeting in Glasgow. It felt great being me for the first time in my life. I would like to go back but due to illness and lack of cash I haven't been able to go back as I live 34 mls away and don't have my own transport.

Well sorry for boring you to death with my life story. There is more but I didn't want to bore you all too much.


Jess

[Amelie-Laveau]

Jess, your story wasn't at all boring, it was very interesting. The pain and confusion of being trangendered can lead to thoughts of bridge jumping, I and other t-girls have felt this way at times.

I am glad that you found someone new and life now seems better for you.

Here's a "Rose" for you. Very nice.

[Virginia]

Jess,
Welcome to our world!!! Your story is heart-rending, but not that unusual as you may have surmised if you have read some of the posts of your sisters here. A lot of us have struggled with this "gift." Some more than others. Consider yourself blessed to have found this "Island in the Stream." Incidently we would be proud to have your SO join us and give us her insights into how she accepts Jess as part of her life! I have said this before, if I were a GG and knew what I know now. I would be in every CD bar and hangout I could find seeking a crossdresser as my mate!!! We, in general, are kind, loving, considerate, caring people who only seek acceptance and have a desire to share this wonderous gift we have. As you have experienced, a lot of GG's really struggle with us once they find out we "like to dress with style" if you will. But for some of us the dressing becomes a minor part of our existence. The evolution of the feminine side of ourselves is a blessing not only to us, but if we share it with those we come into contact with it betters their lives a well.
Hope you will stay and become part of our sisterhood!
Love,
Virginia

[Carol Ann]

Jess,
I love your story and am sorry you had all the problems you had.
I like you was caugh by my mother but the different was she gave me my own skirt and blouse to wear and in no uncertain words told me not to wear her cloths again.

[Margaret]

Dear Jess, Thank you for sharing your story
Cheers, Margaret

[Laycee]

I too was caught by my mother when I first started. Welcome to the forum!!!