I've noticed that many times in TG/CD/TS venuses, forums, whatever, that the prediliction for crossdressing or changing sex or whatever, is sometimes referred to as a "gift". I think I could count on one hand the number of minutes in my 56 year old life that I have thought of this a gift!
I realize that everyone has different experiences, upbringing's, etc., that contribute to their outlook on life, but for me, this so-called gift has brought loneliness, alcholism, marginalized employability, social scorn, and, did I say it already?, loneliness.
So I am just wondering, who really sees it as a gift, and isn't just saying that out of some warped sense of political correctness or New Age version of "If I think it is so, it is so"?
Forgive the tone of this post, and I am, for now at least, coping, but I would rather someone give me the "gift" of a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
I would rather be a complete male or a complete female , although I enjoy the art of dressing to how I feel I often wish that I could escape all this.
I enjoyed being mistaken for a girl in the past but this also lead to being rejected by women when trying to start a relationship , I have only a few friends because I dont mix in stereotypical mens interests.
I will go out on a limb here and say that most of us have or do feel as you do. I have written threads about the "why me?" aspect of all of this. When others refer to this as a "gift", what they are talking about is a change of attitude.
We all know the negative aspects of crossdressing, all too well I would presume. The idea about "the gift" is to truly accept this aspect of oneself and embrace it. Enjoy the many wonderful things about being transgendered and there are many.
I beleive that if one truly takes the time to enjoy the positive aspects of crossdressing and minimizes the negative aspects, it does not take long to see that it is a gift.
It's all about how one chooses to embrace the day. I dress full time now and have for over a year and a half now. I never tire of the wonderful feeling of embracing the person I have always known I am as well as how complete it makes me feel to present myself as the woman I am.
The difference between being happy and feeling alive or feeling depressed and isolated is merely how one chooses to embrace the reality of thier day. I can choose to treat this as a liability or as a gift. One makes me feel horrible, one makes me feel terrific. It is always my choice.
Even those of us that do see our gender variance as a gift (of sorts) did not necessarily always do so; moreover, there are times in our lives, even today, when it seems not so much the gift we're accustomed to think it is.
You're right, of course; there's a definite element of "magical thinking" or Orwellian doublespeak in calling something that can cause so much distress both to ourselves and to our loved ones a "gift."
Many who call it such will see the gift in the way it allows them access to the feminine elements or aspects of their personality (or, at least, in the way it allows them to believe that such is the case). It's a way for them to see themselves as "whole," not fractured. To be sure, this doesn't make the social condemnation of gender variance any easier to bear for people who are gender-conflicted. But, see, this is what's weird, I find: social condemnation of gender variance towards an individual will occur whether or not that individual is gender variant. A man dressing as a woman or a woman dressing as a man will be frowned upon even if that man and woman aren't crossdressers. There are but very few acceptable social "channels" where transgendered behaviour can occur (Mardi Gras and Halloween come to mind). Men who try to access feminine elements of their personality (and who don't shy away from expressing those elements) are, in this culture, condemned anyway, whether or not they've ever touched a skirt or a pair of heels. They're seen as sissies or pansies or whatever malicious epithet you wish to insert here. (I'll have you notice that, even today, the opposite holds true for women; they'll face some kind of censure if they stray from a relatively rigid set of gender roles and expectations.)
My point is this: the gift is a gift in the sense that it does, indeed, have you open doors in your own soul and explore what's behind those doors. You know the routine, Tracy: how, from a very young age, we question and hurt and rage and beg and wish for a dark end to our suffering. Anything but this constant ridicule and enforced loneliness. And over what? A damned compulsion. Something we have no control over.
How can being forced to open doors in your soul and to explore be a gift, you ask? It's certainly not an easy or pleasant process. Some don't make it; they turn to drugs or alcohol. Some die by their own hand. You only realize what a gift it truly is once you start discovering treasures in those darkened rooms of your soul. Once you start seeing, truly seeing, what's beautiful and worthy about who you are--something that happens, precisely, as a result of this often painful exploration--you never look back. You come to recover your own strength and beauty as a human being. As an added bonus, that strength will now arm you against the opprobrium you know you'll face in the world. For me, this is the gift.
I realize, Tracy, that there must be other ways to recover our sense of worth, our strength, our beauty, but I highly doubt any of them don't somehow involve suffering or the painful process of self-discovery. It helps if you've managed to surround yourself with people that are supportive... not an easy thing to do, I'll admit. For anyone.
Our gender variance can be a gift in another way, as well. In a world where "you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't" (meaning you're condemned by others if you crossdress and you condemn yourself to a world of hurt if you don't), we've decided to "do," rather than "not do." I always bring this one to the table because it's totally appropriate and eminently true: "This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." (Polonius to his son, Laertes, in William Shakespeare's Hamlet). Be true to who you are--however much opposition you'll face in doing so--and you will be that much more authentic in your relationships with other people. People will sense this and know this and love this about you--however much their first impulse may have been to run away screaming into the night upon first seeing you wearing a dress and lipstick. Ask Elizabeth, our resident "full-timer." She's put much of this into practice in her own life and she's found that, because she's being true to herself, the expected condemnation just did not materialize. In fact, quite the opposite: people are intrigued by her quiet strength of character and respectful of her "difference."
Of course, everything I wrote in this post could be a load of utter garbage, nothing more than the feverish workings of a mind trying to find rational justifications for its weird or kinky desires. Could be. That's the beauty of it all, though. It's up to each and every one of us to figure this out for ourselves.
Before we ask ourselves if our crossdressing is a gift or a curse, we first ought to ask ourselves what we're in the habit of doing around 6:00 pm. Are we watching the sun set? or are we watching the latest parade of horrors on the nightly news? Believe it or not, it makes a difference, and our outlook counts for much in how we view ourselves.
Damn, CJ how do you do that!!?? I know it is from the heart but such eloquence and truth Keats said "Beauty is truth and truth is beauty and that is all their is to know!" You are wonderous, girlfriend!
Tracy,
It is difficult for me to be brief but I will try. Virginia came to me later in life, and through the help of my sisters here on the forum I was informed that there had been several incidences before in my life that my feminine side had tried to express herself, but had been rejected! Virginia decided the time was right and she gave me this "GIFT!" Yes, it has cost me my marriage I guess ( the fact that she started having hallucinations, seizures, brain swelling and three holes drilled in her skull) plus when she was born the umbilical cord was never cut - yet again another story!
Virginia has gotten me through some very tough times and has introduced me to the most beautiful aspects of life that I could never have imagined.
You will see me say, over and over, I am Virginia, she is me! I love her and she loves me unconditionally! We together are taking each others hand and we are loving our "Magical Mystery Tour." To this girl it is a gift and woe unto anyone who would try to distort it, take it from us or even think they could separate us from it!!! No one and I mean no one will ever convence me that this is not a true, beautiful gift. A gift to be cherished, loved, yet studied, and understood, but most of all shared. The love, empathy, understanding, caring, gentleness (all the beautiful feminine aspect that we admire) can be shared even "en drab." I have seen with my own eyes the results of Virginia's influence in my life and I would not change this for anything!!
That is my story and you can know I am sticking to it!!
Love ya,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
I believe it has added to my personality in a good way, so I can consider it as a gift.
I enjoy wearing fem attire, so I can consider it as a gift.
Sure there are some things that aren't so good, like the arguments with my wife, rare that they are, over this. But then again, maybe if this wasn't a part of me, I would never had met my wife.
Helen Boyd had some good thoughts (also these) about this. Particularly that it's not as simple as "blessing" or "curse."
That’s not to say there aren’t positive things that can come out of transness for the transperson and the partner - of course there are. But positive things come out of negative things all the time, depending on the outlook of the people making their way through the adversity. It can make you a more thoughtful person, deeper, more accepting of diversity, maybe even downright philosophical - but that doesn’t mean it will....
When people tell me they would choose being trans, I think they mean they would choose the things they learned as a result of being trans, and that they appreciate the journey of self-discovery they had to go on because of transness. But mostly I think if people could gain those things without the frustration, ostracism, self-isolation, shame, and cost - they would.
Lena
A dream? What is a dream, but a blueprint for courageous action.
Virginia,
Once again you wax eloquent and said everything I feel.
I knew there was something different about me since I was ten years old.
I also believe it is a gift, but it took a long time to make it a reality.
I am and have been umcomfortable with the outside covering I was born with. The inside has always been loving, compassionate, and giving and trusting to a fault. Charlene makes me feel normal and happy. To me that is a true gift.
Damn but that's an awesome viewpoint! Yes, I totally agree with Helen. I don't regret being "trans" (not anymore, anyway) but I think this has more to do with what my "transness" has given me the opportunity to learn about myself and the world. It's this that I consider a gift. If I'd been given such a gift without "trans" strings attached to it, I would've been happy, too, I think. Whether more so or less so, I cannot tell.
What matters is (platitude alert! ) how I play the hand that I've been dealt. The way I see it, these three queens are looking mighty fine.
I've never seen who and what I am or what I do as a gift as I've never really known anything else. As far back as my memory goes I've never felt any different, well maybe I could qualify that by saying that as a small child I quickly learnt that thinking and acting different to others had ramifications attached and it was best to do as expected. Even though at any early age I may not have known what was going on inside me, but when I reached puberty it became quite clear.
Over the years I've came to the conclusion that one of the reasons why 'being a female' felt so good, was because of how the public in general reacted adversely to people like me, so that any freedom gained to 'let her free' was like winning the lottery. I think that fact is one which applies to many of us. The fact that we live day to day with who we are and the restrictions it puts on us due to how the community reacts to us in general can have an effect on us which can be quite depressing from time to time. Having regard to this, when we're able to satisfy the need it then feels extra good and lifts us so much it would be possible for some to see it as a gift, because of the powerful feel it can give when that release is experienced can be a joy to behold.
I've never seen it as a gift, I used to see it as a punishment for something I was completely unaware of. What I'm referring to is all the angst and depression it brought me in the first half of my life due to how people thought and spoke of people like me. If anyone knows what I'm talking about then they well know that you can be in a room full of people and still feel as if you're completely alone in the world and the sad fact is that it's not our fault, we take what we're given when we're born and that's that, but, unfortunately the wider community don't see it that way, or rather they don't publicly admit that's how it is.
These days I'm happy to say there has been a 180 degree turnaround in my life because I came to the decision that come what may I was going to live my life the way it should be lived, and I would accept what people threw at me.
The strange thing is that the people I expected to throw up their arms and carry on never gave a whimper. Sally is a free person these days and life is wonderful, all because I decided to take the plunge and walk through THAT door. It isn't easy and don't think it was, it was the most difficult thing I ever did but it's been the most rewarding and life changing for the better. The life I live now shows me that I don't have any gift, I'm not gifted in any way more than the next person, but if I had to define a gift in myself I would say that my gift was having the strength to make that decision to finally look the world in the face, and tell it that being denied living my life as it was meant to be was wrong and it should never have happened.
I've sat down in a quieter moment with many people of the same ilk as myself and one comment common to us is this. So many people have said to me that the reason they found the strength to look the world in the face and walk free and be themselves was this....we thought of how dreadful it would be one day in the future to be told that we only had a short time to live and we had never experienced the life we had yearned for all our days. It seemed to be a common thread amongst us that as time was passing we thought more and more about having our freedom and the need grew more urgent. No I don't see it as a gift, I see it as just a normal part of me which goes to make up my whole being and personality, but without being able to express it, that was detrimental to my day to day living and it showed.
Kind Regards,
Sally.
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
Sally wrote:So many people have said to me that the reason they found the strength to look the world in the face and walk free and be themselves was this....we thought of how dreadful it would be one day in the future to be told that we only had a short time to live and we had never experienced the life we had yearned for all our days.
Well, I can certainly identify with that sentiment.
am usually cautious about optimistic, boosting, romantic words to describe any part of my reality, so words like "gift" make me flinch.
for those who like to call what they has a "gift,' more power to them. It certainly adds an extra dimension to their life.
Love,
eva
"Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it!"
The Weird Test...40% range
I'm 55 and have viewed it as a curse for many years until talking with others on the forums. We are all dealt a hand in life and we have the choice to play or fold. I want to play. There are much worse things people have to deal with in their lives. When you think about we are lucky. I wasn't born blind,or had birth defects,or in a wheel chair my whole life. We could all be much worse off.
Granted Tracy,It is not an easy life but it could be so much worse. In the last few months I've told everyone about who I am and if they chose to come to my home they know what to expect. Some still come others don't . Fine. My 19 year old and 22 year old still stay here when home from college and will be here all summer. My son John Pauls is gay and my daughter Katie and I are both 8 petites and she borrows my close. Borrows isn't the right word. She never returns them!LOL You really find out who your real friends are. It was definately worth it. My Wife's girlfriends and family never even call me anymore but that OK. Their lose. I make the best meals. More for me and my good friends!LOL
Hugs and kisses.
Love
Jeannie
PS. Tracy don't complain. You look great! Better than 99 % of the 56 year old GG's out there! If you got it Hun flaunt it! Go with the flow. As for you CJ. Your thoughts are always killer Honey.How do you do it?
) how I play the hand that I've been dealt. The way I see it, these three queens are looking mighty fine. 
