My Bio (by Tracy_victoria)

[Tracy_Victoria]

Of course there are things I have left out, (personal matters, minor detials, etc) but basically this is how I have got to the point I am at in my life now and how my dressing started, therefore I posted it here for anyone to read, I hope it will give you a better insight as to who I am, and What I am. , I'm happy to answer any question, here, or via my private email, so if you have any please feel free to ask

So here goes (my life in a quick, or not so quick nutshell!)

My cross dressing started so long ago, I have no real reasons that I can say, are one hundred percent, "thats why" I started crossdressing, and to be honest I don’t even remember how or even when it all started anyway but I may have been as young as 8. My first memory of “dressing up in any sort costume” was when I was about 5 years old, I remember someone in the same street as me, had a Darlek (from Dr Who) costume, and I really, really wanted it. (but never got one!)

I was a sixties child, and my mum was quite hip then, she had smart clothes, and even a wig or two (okay three, 2 blondes and a long brunette 3/4 wig, but I can't think of nothing that started me on the path to dressing up, and to be honest, I can’t even remember the first time I dressed up, nor the reason why it started! All I can remember is in the late sixties, early 70’s not only were wigs all the rage, (my mum, her friend, and the woman three doors down all had at least one each! Not only that, but there was a show on UK telly called The good old days! It was an old time Musical hall type show, and one of the regular stars was a female impersonator call Danny La Rue. It was a little while before I even realised he was a man, as he looked so feminine, and had some fantastic costumes, and super wigs, I can only presume my Cross-dressing started due to one or a combination of these.

By the time I was 12 or 13, I was old enough to be left on my own during school holiday's, I’m an only child, so my dad left home early in the morning (7 am), and my mum left at just after 8.30, So I was kind of on my own every day, bar my friends, until 5pm in the evening. I was a regular lad, I loved football (then playing it!), swimming, but I was not very sporty, and I remember lots of fun and games during the holiday’s with my friends. However, also a lot of the time I spent alone, (of my own choosing) and that time was spent raiding every cupboard and draw and wardrobe in the house, looking for items to dress in, or use to enhance my dressing.

I was very careful, and remembered where everything went, and where everything came from, I took extreme care to ensure no damage was done, nor any evidence was left of my use, it was all packed away as found, and I was never found out. By the time I was 13, I was dressing fully as a woman, from tights, or stockings and heels, to a corset, dress, makeup and wig. My mum at that time had the same colour hair as me, so the dark brown ¾ wig hair piece that she had bought was just the trick and although I wore the blonde ones as well, the dark one looked very realistic and like my own hair! Adding a hair band to the head to cover the join, and I was done. My mums clothes were quite trendy so I didn’t look out of place in them. Dispite my age, and I was a large build even then so I fitted the clothes quite well, Looking in the mirror gone was the 13/14 year old youth, looking back was a young woman in her early 20’s

By the time I was 15, I had been dressing fully for quite some time, but I’m not one to just dress, I want to be accepted as a woman and hence I had my first moment of madness! I really want to see if I would be accepted as Female, and therefore I made plans to get out of the house and dress up. I realise now how stupid I was now, and how much I put myself at risk being so young, but it was more than just a prank, I really wanted to go out and be accepted as a female. Hence I made a plan to partly dress, then fully change in a quite place. The day I picked was a school day I pretended to have one of my oh so painful headaches (which happened every time I wanted a day off school to dress!) And as soon as my mum was out of the door I started.

All the underclothes were put on, and then hidden under my normal male clothes. It was late summer heading towards winter, so I double bagged the wig and makeup and makeup remover, so it could not be seen what was in it, I then put a dress, some shoes, and very light jacket all in a carrier bag, I also added some bits of jewellery I used, And some fake breasts I had made out of 2 old stocking and some bird seed (the guy in Elmes (the local hardware store) must of thought I had a very hungry budgie for a couple of weeks!) I remember the bag was crammed full and I had to hold it really tightly to keep it closed.

As I walked out the door, my heart was pounding, I was hoping I would not been seen, but I had a cover story of going to the shops if anyone reported back to my parents about my walkabouts on a schoolday. I still don’t know why I headed for town, unless I had the location in mind, I can’t remember, but I ended up in a overfill carpark, for the town, which had it’s own toilet block then. There were a few cars in the car park, but right at the other end, and in those days there were no CCTV camera, hence I was able to slip in to the ladies without any problems!

I took the biggest cubic, and changed, My birdseed bust was put in place, then the dress, and I did my makeup, and put the wig in place, and added a blue hairband (for a a little bit of security) it matched the blue pokadot dress I was wearing! I stuff all my male clothes in the plastic bag, and slipped on my heels. I was ******* myself, but it was also a real big buzz as well. Slipping on the jacket I caught my refection in the mirror, I felt so good, but I was really worried about being caught! I bundled all my male clothes back in to the carrier, ready to leave.

I left the cubicle and stood at the door trying to get the courage to walk out in to the world for the first time, standing there willing myself to move, some woman came bowling round the corner, and nearly took us both of our feet, “sorry love” as she bolted for the nearest toilet door, I was gone just in case she relised I was not what I looked like! I walked across the carpark, and down in to a lane, the first man I passed looked, but not to hard, the second was obivious to me, next came a woman, a real test, but she smiled and kept walking, I got to the end of the lane and turned round, heading back to the toilet, the return was as uneventful, I passed a few more people but none seemed to rumble me, hence I went back to the toilet changed and then slipped out as easy as I had got in. Getting home, I placed everything back as it should be, and no one ever found out.about it.

A couple of month maybe a year later, my mother and father split up, My mother headed for her mothers, and what she did not take was binned, including the wigs, and everything else in my TV life, also I suppose I grew up a little then as well, I got a job, a motorbike, and then a girlfriend (okay a serious one) and all was forgotten about my little madness trip out.

Nearly 10 years later, I was married, two kids, (still dressing very occationally) but my marriage was failing, my ex wife left (not due to my dressing or so she said!), took the kids, and moved in with her mother. There was far more to it than that, but that the simple way to get here. When she left, I was left with a house, and some of her stuff was left behind. My ex wife knew how to spend money on clothes, she bought things and never wore them, Hence when she went there was bags of the stuff, clothes that fitted me, and didn’t! (in fact I doubt they fitted her!) but again it gave me access to more female items but this time I had space to myself, and a house to do as I please.

It was not long before I was dressing up more, I already had two wigs one like Princess Di, the other long, dark and very curly, I had shoes that fit me, and underwear that I wanted to wear, and before long, I was walking around the room, fully dressed as a woman. I bought load more stuff, from rings and earring, to wedding rings and engagement ring, Before long I was dressing fully as a woman, and wondering if I could yet again pass out.

Again I dressed but this time, I had a car available this time, so it was much eaiser to get out, ie get almost ready, slip our when it was dark and drive to a quite spot, change fully, and then drive somewhere I was not known! I decided on the dark curly wig, and a black dress with gold trim, 2 to 3 inch heels, and a fake black fur like coat jacket, I wanted to look smart, as if I was going out for the evening, but not to over dressed and to out of place. After dressing in the car, I added earrings to added to the affect, wedding ring and engagement ring were added to add the illusion of a married woman meeting friends, a last final touch up of the makeover and looking back was a young woman, gone were almost all trace’s of me.

I parked the car and started to walk, After about five minutes I was nearly in a shopping parade, about to be passed by a older guy. “evening” and a really sweet smile were aimed my way, and I totally forgot myself “ I said good evening back” (in my male voice) as soon as it left my mouth I knew I goofed, thankfully he was more shocked than I was, I collected myself, and moved away fast, I think his chin was still on the floor, clearly he knew I was guy, I panicked, and got back to my car fast

Unfortunately I could not hold my life together, My marrage breakup hit me harder than I ever thought possible, I went from bad, to worse, depression set in, and I found it difficult to keep down a job getting up in the morning was something I just didn’t want to do, My father smashed to door in to get me out, and I gave up the house and everything. If that was not the final straw, One of the very few people that sort of helped me through all this, and back to noramality, One of the kindest and most helpful people you could meet, was tragically killed at work, in an accident. (we had worked together for a few year, after growing up together, from 13 onwards) we were both Air cadets, only childs and very close friends (his lose was like I had lost a brother), I’m so glad I was not there on that day but there again had I of been there, it still would have happen as we worked in slightly different location, So it's not like I could have watched his back! I was still off sick at the time! unfortunately for the only time I can remember, he clearly didn’t have his mind on the job that day! (I’m not going to give out the details, but it was not a nice death, it made the front pages of all the national papers) it was kind of a final straw for me.

I headed north, a new town, a new job, a new start. I lived with a friend I worked for, and he offered a job, in another town, but it was clear he didn’t have a clue on running a business. So I got another job, rented a room, in a quite, little house, it was not cheap, but I was comfortable, and it was home. It also was empty for most of the time, as there were lots of places cheaper, so it was there again, I started to dress! Unfortunately my head was still not straight, I ballooned in weight, but my ability to dress kept me going, before long I had more clothes and wigs, and soon I was able to walk around quite a small village town as a woman begin totally free to be female, and I don't think many realised I was actually a man!

About 13 years ago now, I met my current partner Fran, I told her about my crossdressing right at the start, and before we got serious, she was curious I suppose when we meet, hoiwever as I have posted in another thread we were just starting on a path of discovery together, when she talked to a member of WOBS (Women of the Beamount society) And she clouded her view totally of what living with a TV/CD was like, yes it was her view of living with a TV, but not all are the same, and I know I am very different from her husband, as I have actually met him, at the time this damaged Fran and i just could not talk to her about this matter, which is really difficult, because Fran is my sole mate, and i don't like to have secrets from her, When I met her, I knew she was the girl for me I suppose the major thing was there was a big meeting of the same sort of minds, but by a million to one chance, she actually lived (quite spookly) in my old home town, we meet, and I moved in, I’ve been with her (and in love with her!) ever since.

Fran and I have two children (together) 1 stepson (her son from a past marrage) who is now a grown man, and has started to make his own way in this big bad world. Fran and I have very simular interests, likes and dislikes, but as far as my crossdressing goes, until a few months ago I think she ingnored it was happening! So I keep it to myself rather than burden her with it , as I do love her deeply, and would never hurt her, but I had, and have a need to crossdress, (I think she knew that too!) and therefore I’m sure she just turned a blind eye to it. basically between us, I didn't rub her nose in it, and she ignored it was happening, so long as I was a good father to the kids, that’s seemed to be all she needs. We still have a physical and mental relationship, just at that time she was not interested in anything to do with, or connected to with my crossdressing!

A couple of weeks ago, Fran found out I had rung somebody to talk to how I was feeling, (it was to do just that, talk, as I was feeling a prisoner in of my own life style, ie having to be the happy husband and father, yet become a prisoner of my own needs, unable to talk to or even express myself, tracy's box, was becoming my own prison!) I have no problems regarding being a crossdresser, however since the WOBS incident, I've always felt Fran and I were denied our chance of total contentment together, I have no idea how far we can or will take my crossdressing together, however the lady from WOBS really did throw a spanner in the works for us, and what that denied me! (and Us!) was the chance to find our own path together, to explore and find out between us, how far we could actually take this, basically we got to the start of the yellow brick road, and the wicked witch of the west erected a stop sign just a half a mile in!!!

I'm not a demanding man, I don't think i'm efeminant, or totally uncaring in my male role, I have no wish to be dressed 24 hours a day, nor do i have the desire to do this every day, or even week even, I'm happy to wait till the time is right, and when I have a chance to do so with out rush or haste, however what was tearing me apart was not the fact that I could not crossdress, but I felt I was a prisoner, I'm happy with Tracy living in a box till the right time, but rather than letting Tracy out, I had to put myself in that box, and imprison myself,

Thankfully Fran and I are now taking again on this subject, and I feel a burden I have been carrying for nearly 10 years has been well and truely lifted, though at present I still feel I'm walking on egg shells at times. but thats fine, I can deal with that. I have no idea how far we will take this together, and if we fall at the first fence, thats fine, I don't have a problem with that, at least we will have found that point together, and it won't be due to another person views, thats cloulded, and I believe even mislead Frans in to feeling I would have and act as her husband does! like everything else we have done in our lives together, all I wanted, was for us, together to see how far we can go, between us, and thankfully it seems we now have another chance to do just that!

(Thanks love, for all your efforts!! I love you deeply!!!!

ME xxxxxx)

Tracy

PS one last thing, I'm hoping that by posting here, I can help Fran Understand me more, I know she will read my posts maybe even search for them. unfortunately (as she well knows) I can express myself much better on paper and in words, (yet I trip over my own tounge talking to her!) I've always had difficulties in talking to her on matter I feel might upset her, therefore posting here I hope she will read, digest and understand me better from the words I write, and the advice I give. When Fran is ready I will post some pictures of me for all to see, but not until she is ready. Hence I hope this will make sence to all why I post so openly, yet don't post my pictures just yet. I hope you can all understand that for a while!!!

Thanks all

[Anita]

Hi Tracy--
I would hope that your words can come through to Fran, too. Much easier to collect your thoughts sitting here at the computer. You can take the time to work through whatever feelings it brings up, too.

That's quite a story. You certainly did take a big chance, going out as a 15 year old. For whatever reason, I never felt a desire to go out as a teen. Maybe it was because I did not have access to wigs or shoes, so the look was not convincing enough to make me think about that.

I'm sorry that Fran got all her information from one person, and then went into shock, so to speak. But if it really upsets her in the beginning, she wasn't going to have incentive to learn more about it. And 13 years ago, it was not easy to find information on the Internet as it is now.

There are a LOT of stories on here, with all different aspects to them. Mine has no wives or children involved, and I wish you only the best in handling this when children are involved. I can feel fine about my CDing, and still not know how I would deal with telling children about it. There are threads about that on here, too--a search will bring them up.

Thanks for taking the time to tell your story!

[Amelie-Laveau]

Wow, that was some story Tracy.

I like the part about your adventures getting out and walking about. Fun, but kinda scary.

I agree with you, writing down your feelings and experiences will help a lot. It will help Fran underestand you better. Sometimes I even re-read some of my posts and I learn a bit about myself, in a way it's like I don't believe that I really wrote something so personal and it hits me when I re-read it.

Very good begining story Tracy.

[Laycee]

I too am much better at written versus oral communication. Even after I've written stuff down, I am more than likely to trip over my tongue trying to discuss the very same subject face to face. There are so many things I would love to discuss with my loved ones but I feel these things are better spoken than written, though deep down I know either would be accepted.

[Tamara(SO)]

I really enjoyed reading your post. Some of the things you wrote reminded me of some of the stories my partner has told me. He too went out when he was in his teens, in his mums clothes because at that age, you really don't have much fear. I'm sure your wife will learn a lot from this forum and put to rest knowing that one persons knowledge of what living with a CD is like, is not what it is like for all of us.

Thank you for posting this thread, I will be looking forward to reading more of your journey

[Elinor]

Tracy you rock girl!