Therapy: Take Two

[CJ]

Hi all,

Well, tonight, after work, I'll be going to my first appointment with a new therapist. After my one and (so far) only shot at this last December (a total disaster), I'm still feeling a little edgy and non-plussed regarding therapy in general.

But, there are differences. He was a man; she's a woman (and, as a rule, I'm more comfortable around women). He was a sexologist; she's a psychologist. If I can eventually get around my distrust of psychologists (it's not easy having a psychologist for a father), I should be fine.

I'm still not sure why I want to see a therapist nor what I'm expecting from the encounter. I'll be trying to keep an open mind. Wish me luck, y'all!

"Red Five, I'm going in!"

Love,
CJ

[KimberlyS]

CJ, I also have a session tonight after work. I have been in therapy/counseling for over two years now. And like you, the first person my wife and I seen I could not relate to at all and he was a guy. My second and current one is a gal and has been good to work with. My wife and I also seen a third one for a while, jointly, who was a gal. Yes that would be hers, mine, and ours. I think the counselors we have seen have helped with personal issues and couples communications issues a lot. But most of our progress in dealing with CDing has been between my wife and I during our sessions after the sessions, ie home sessions.

I think the biggest thing with any type of therapy/counseling/psychology is finding one you can relate to and open up to. If you are not comfortable them and being there, you need to find a different one.

The first session is normally just a get to know you session. You should have some level of comfort with the person at the end of the session. But it will take more sessions to gain more comfort with them to be able to fully open up to them.

Hi all,
I'm still not sure why I want to see a therapist nor what I'm expecting from the encounter. I'll be trying to keep an open mind. Wish me luck, y'all!

CJ, then why are you going???

One thing they should ask you is Why are you there? and What do you want to get out of being there?

One thing they has helpped both my wife and I was we both started a personal journal to write down thoughts, feelings, ideas, frustrations, .... what ever was on our minds throught the day. This gave us something to look back on, think about, talk about; either personally, with my wife, or with our counselors. Because without it I was just like a blank mind when I would start to talk with someone. But I know I have alot I would want to talk about.

Good Luck,

KimberlyS-CD

[DonnaT]

Good luck CJ. I hope you get something out of it, even if it's finding out why you went in the first place

[Anita]

Hi CJ--
Like you, and like Kimberly, I have therapy tonight. It's the first time after a three-week break, so we'll be feeling each other out a little.

I know why I'm in there. This woman can really listen, and she doesn't seem to have to "process" a lot of stuff in order to do it. That is, she's not having to use my time to get through her own stuff--she's already done enough work on herself that she can just listen to me. She then asks questions that let me know she understood what was said.

This is no small matter. I have some very dear people around me, all who can do little pieces of the listening we all need. I have had good girlfriends, who could do a very good job sometimes. But the stuff I need to talk about can bring up so much feeling in other people that they get overwhelmed by it. As sincere as they might be, I end up shutting them down if I talk too long. Who wants to do that to people? So I end up not talking about things I need to talk about, like we all do.

For about a year and a half I had a therapist who specialized in hypnosis. That's why I originally went to see him. He told me right away that he would not hypnotize me, because he did not want to deal with whatever was "in there." This was a guy who'd been in Vietnam, and had dealt with extreme situations. I guess that it taught him that he didn't want to deal with some of those extremes in his patients! But he also could listen, so I did end up working with him.

CJ, it strikes me that getting to know a therapist is somewhat like dating someone new, and you're a CD. Since you know CDing is a "deal breaker," what date do you bring it up? You want to get to know the person, but you also don't want to waste her time and yours. You don't want to build up intimacy that's just going to go away the minute you mention CDing, right?

So therapy's kinda like that. I want to be comfortable with the person. and give them a chance. At the same time, I have some scary issues that I know people don't like, and it doesn't matter how sincere they are--they can either handle them, or they can't. I don't want to spend too much time before I mention these things--it doesn't help matters any.

If I really sense a therapist is in tune with me, I'll do a pretty intense phone interview with them, on the first call. I want to know if they're gonna be there for me! There's few things worse for me, then getting very vulnerable with a therapist, and then finding out they're not able to handle it.

If I sound like I'm ranting...wait, I am ranting! Get what you need, CJ. Maybe it'll be easier for you right now, because you don't have much of an agenda. It was easy for me to start working with my current therapist, because I originally had a very depressed friend staying with me, and I needed to deal with that, in a way that I could afford. So I was grateful for any help I could get. It was only when I kept working with Janis that I realized she had the ability to work on personal issues that I'd put on the back burner for a long time.

Go for it, gal!

[Stephanie W]

Good luck tonight CJ. I'd leave those nerves at home if I were you. If you can articulate yourself in the company of your new psychologist as well as you do here in your postings, you'll have no problems.

Great job CJ, Red Five - out!

Stephanie

[Virginia]

Cj, I guess when you read most of these responses you have "gone in!?"
How did it go?? I posted my first trip at my wife's request several months or was it years ago. I know we all have our own trepidations and concerns and "baggage," if you will. I guess I was a bit more aggressive than I needed to be ............... well no I wasn't. I don't remember exactly what he said when we walked into his office and sat down, something like, "what can I do for you?" or "why are you here?" anyway, my reply was simply something to the effect that "I am here at my wife's reqeust because I am a crossdresser!" then I leaned forward -- loooked him straight in the eye and said "Do you have a problem with that!?" He of course said "NO, no!" actually I don't think he even knew what a crossdresser was, then I said "for all I know you may be a crossdresser, who knows what you have on under that shirt and tie!" I spent the rest of the session helping him understand what crossdressers were and a bit about my wife and her family. We scheduled a second session and ended up discussing my wife and her family. I will never forget his parting comments to me --- that I did not seem to have a problem with being a crossdresser, but boy could her family really use some help!!!! TRUE!!
You gotta believe in yourself, love who you are and love your "gift." It is a real blessing to be shared. I, like you don't know what you are seeking, but as Stephenie said if you can be as articulate with this person as you are with your sisters here, honey, you will communicate!!!!
Love ya,
Virginia

[CJ]

Hi all,

Well, it certainly was, uh, interesting.

I'll be able to work with this person (and I get the feeling that, indeed, I will be the one doing the working!--that's a good thing); she's kind, considerate, compassionate, open and, well, she can see right through my intellectualizing smokescreen to the troubled soul inside.

As it turns out, she's not a psychologist; she's a psychotherapist who's also schooled in holistic treatments. I'm fine with that.

Right from the get go, I felt really good vibes coming off of her. Contrary to my "December Sexologist," who looked me in the eye maybe twice in 50 minutes, she caught my gaze with her eyes and never looked away for the entire 90 minutes.

Although she doesn't minimize the pain I may have gone through in my life because of gender identity disturbances, she doesn't believe my deeper issues have much to do with those disturbances. We'll see.

I like her. It's a good start.

Thanks for chiming in, folks!

Love,
CJ

[Carolynn]

Congratulations CJ. I thought if you could find a woman therapist you would find someone to work with. I suppose there are some male therapists that are good, but somehow.......I just feel better opening up to a woman, and as I said before, I had two bad experiences with male therapists--one of whom I should have turned over to someone for discipline at the time. And I always feel I need my male shield in place interacting with a male therapist, or nearly any medico.

Not so with a woman, just throw away the shield and be yourself, if that is not too simplistic? Actually, I have a two for one situation--Marcia is one therapist, and her partner, the male Dr. of Psychology is the other in her office, and we often have joint sessions. After some initial distrust, I have to admit he is OK. He is compassionate, and he hasn't bobbled a pronoun once since Sept. 2004! I get both my letters for SRS from one office, and they think about Nov. 2007 or sooner based on my current progress.

Love, Carolynn

[Absaroka]

CJ I am delighted to hear it went well. And yes you will be the one doing a lot of the work if the therapist is any good at all.

Keep us informed if you want to. I always like hearing about these sorts of things. Maybe it's because I have found my therapist to be so helpful.

Absaroka

[Maria]

Hi CJ!

It's good that your female therapist is helping you find the light at the end of the tunnel. Do you prefer attending in male mode or as CJ? Does she have experience helping transgendered clients?

Going to therapy shouldn't be seen as a negative experience. We all have our periods of darkness throughout the journey of life.

Good luck CJ!

Maria

[Anita]

It's good to hear about your therapist. I like the sound of holistic treatment. It's a general term, but my holistic doctor here in California has done much good for me.

[CJ]

Hi all,

I went in drab and will continue to do so for the time being, even though she did say that she'd be totally okay with me going en femme (in fact, she even said that it's not something that I need to seek permission for--in her words: "If you have to ask others if it's okay to be yourself, you'll never succeed in being yourself").

She seems to have a well-rounded bag of approaches. She talked Freud, she talked Jung, she talked "vital energy centers" (as in "Kundalini rising"), she talked philosophy, mythology, spirituality, but, mostly, she listened (and occasionally scribbled).

I'm actually looking forward to next week (at $340/month, though, this is going to strain my already cracked budget... but it's for a good cause: me!).

Again, thanks to all for your encouragement.

Love,
CJ

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

CJ, I'm glad you've found someone you're comfortable with. It sounds like it may be hard work, but hopefully it will be a valuable journey.

[Jeannie]

Put a few spaces between the e and r in therapist and what does it spell? Maybe I'm just too cynical. Go with the flow Hun. I do. You have all the answers and they only have questions. Why pay for questions? My best friend from high school is a phycotherapist and he has on womens underwear under his suit. Be careful who you talk to Sweety. You would be surprised who is listening. Hugs and kisses.


Love
Jeannie

[Elizabeth]

CJ,

I have total confindence that you know what you are trying to accomplish through therapy and that you will get the answers you are looking for. Not that anyone can tell you, but a matter of learning how to look inside yourself and see what you are really saying to yourself.

I applaud your willingness to go back after having such an awful experience last year. Unfortunately every therapist did not graduate with an "A", in fact many got "C's" and cheated to get those. It's all in finding someone you feel comfortable with.

Looking for answers from a therapist is a dead end anyway. It is questions that we need. We need to ask ourselves the right questions so we can find out about ourselves. Therapists do not tell us what is or is not wrong with us, we tell them. But first we have to learn how.

Good luck sis.

Love always,
Elizabeth