A talk at supper

[Carol Ann]

This evening as the wife and I were enjoying a wonderful supper ( fresh squirrel, mash potatoes w/gravy, and fresh peas out of the garden ).
She saids " honey would you be happyer as a women", I said what?. She repeated her question and I set my fork down and said "what are you talking about". She saids " since the kids are gone you have been dressed everyday 24 hours a day". Would you be happyer as a women.
You know I would like to have my husband around now and again. I don't complain except you cann't go public and I don't say to much. What else could I say except "I'm sorry".
So on and outing to wal-mart she finds me in the sporting goods and shows me her demin caprie and then at skirt and blouse and saids" what do you think?" Of course I said "oh how nice". She said" yes they will look good on you".
Now my question is how do I take this? First I dress to much, then she buys me cloths. Hay I'm lost here. Being a CD'er is very confuseing Carol Ann

[Rikki]

Carol,
Don't know if I envy your situation or feel scared to be there. I am still not out to my wife for many reasons but mostly how she would react.

Even when I think I am in touch with my fem side as they say, I don't think I can realy appreciate the complexity of female rationale. Nor will I try to.

How did you cook the squirrel?
RR

[DonnaT]

Just go with the flow Carol Ann.

My wife has done similar, and I try not to overthink any of it.

How did you cook the squirrel?

I like it battered and fried like chicken.

[Sally]

Hi Carol,

Since you've moved and now have the availability to dress full time around the house, your wife may see it as a new level and it conjures up new thoughts in her mind which she hasn't had to contend with previously. She may be silently worrying about the future.

Maybe it's something which you need to discuss with her again as to how you feel now you're able to be 24/7, and any changes you may or may not want. Sometimes things can change and we're not aware of the effects until it's brought to our notice. The good lady may just be looking for reassurance that she won't completely lose 'her man', so to speak. It seems she's been doing some hard thinking and is now looking for clarification to set her mind at rest. You obviously love each other very dearly and most likely this is something which can be fixed easily by some simple plain discussion of exactly how each of you are thinking.

Talk is the all powerful tool we all have, and thankfully it seems you're fortunate in that you can discuss it all with your wife and she's willing to participate and that's how solutions are found and harmony maintained.

I wish you both well as I've been down this road. Talking openly about it with my wife was our saving grace as she fully knows my life long desires, but she also knows that I'll never take that final step which would cause the dissolving of our marriage. Being open and honest created common ground for our states of mind and opened doors for us to a marvellous life together. We shop together and she has input into my purchases of clothing and accessories, it's all gone to cement our love and overall relationship because we share something deeply intimate which other people may never experience, you know what I'm talking about don't you.

I know it doesn't always work out this way for everyone, but I believe open honesty is the way to go as it clears the air and prevents others from conjuring up false pictures in their minds eye, which can lead to wrong thoughts and stressful situations. So what if we have an inner desire and belief we'd be happier as a woman, it's possible to live with that if our mind is right. Having that desire doesn't necessarily mean we'll go the whole journey, but if we're honest about our feelings and give a reassurance that the desire will never be fulfilled, then we have nothing to fear. It's a matter of having the mind right and accepting the freedoms we do have and not reaching for the unreachable goals, because who can say that we'd be happier if we went all the way. Would what we gain compensate for what we'd lose? In my case I think not, so I've learnt to be happy with what I do have and build on that happiness, and I shudder at the thought of ever losing my family. It's a matter of priorities and making the right choices, I believe.

Yes, it can be a confusing life for us, but then it can be just as confusing or even moreso for those around us.

Kind Regards,

Sally.

[Georgia(SO)]

Carol Ann -

My first guesses are these:

1. When she asked if you would be happier as a woman, she really was asking. It was not an accusation. It was a question. Perhaps a bit of trepidation re: what your answer would be, but still a question, not an accusation.

2. She noted that you have been dressed 24/7 for a while and wondered if you would be happier as a woman. Again, just a question.

3. She mentioned that she misses the male you. This does not necessarily mean that you dress "too much", but that she misses the male you. Or, it could mean that she wishes that you didn't dress as much, because she *does* miss the male you more than she is willing to say out loud for fear of hurting your feelings.

4. She found clothes for you a) because you like them and she likes to see you smile and/or b) as a bit of a peace offering in case she did hurt your feelings saying she misses the male you and/or c) she really *is* concerned that she will lose the male you and buying you clothes, as she's done before, takes the situation back to something she feels is normal.

Frankly, the best way to find out is to ask her. "Hon, the other night you confused me. You asked XYZ and said XYZ and then you picked out clothes for me. This seems like its a dichotomy to me. I don't understand."

Or, you could do like DonnaT and most of the rest of us and try not to overthink it. If its an issue, it will show up again!

-g(so)

[Absaroka]

I was going to say alot of what Georgia said but she already did. Ask your wife. But this sounds like soimething loving and genuine on her part to me.

Absaroka

[Carol Ann]

Now I know why this is the greatest forum in the world, I believe an outside opinion sometimes really helps as in my case. Thank you'al for your input and guidence. Yes we had a very good talk and we both had something to say. I am going to try and post what happen as I believe some of the things we talked about may help someone else out sometime.
A long post with some funny stuff that came out but my problem is my ISP as at times I get timed out as the server thinks the I'm idel and nothing is happying so after 15" you are disconnected. I still haven't figured out how to compose a post off line then import it as I had ask in another thread. This forum has no way to import and cut or copy and paste doesn't seem to work. So I will try another way. Wish me luck and if all else fails I will try the old fashion way and just start writing and hope I don't get timed out.

[Georgia(SO)]

Glad to hear you talked and you are smiling again...

Re: composing a post elsewhere. You could try writing it in Word, highlighting and copying the whole thing and the pasting it into the reply box here on the forum. I had to do that yesterday with something I was writing here and the server kicked me off ... Not an import - just an old fashioned copy and paste...

-g(so)

[Jeannie]

It's good to hear you are moving in the right direction. You deserve it Hon. It's bad enough just being a printer especially at 55 like me! With all the bills Mini gives me, two kids in college I estimate I'll be able to retire in 25 freaking years!
Hey Georgia. I tried the cut and paste thing but it didn't work.Maybe it's my age. I typed up a message on a IBM typewriter,cut it down with a scissors and pasted it on the screen but nothing happened. That paste still tastes good after all these years Hon. Brings back memories of 1st grade art class with Miss DiStasio in 1954.What am I doing wrong? Hugs



Love
Jeannie

[SilverLady(SO)]

Jeannie, I thought that Virginia was our resident 'blonde' - not you?!!



- SL

[Carol Ann]

Oh my SL you have to stop rubbing Jeannie the wrong way.
Now Jeannie for what it's worth check out the post KimberlyS wrote to me.
Hay it works and this old gal is happy as now I can post with out the fear of TIMED OUT. Carol Ann

PS:
Jeannie I don't washup, I'm a card carrying pressman. That's the job of the young kids getting into the trade.

[Carol Ann]

As I promised "The Talk"
First off let me say some of you will not believe this but cross my heart and hope to die It's very true.
So today the wife was on the sun porch reading a book so I go out and grab a cold one out of the fridg and say" want to talk"?. Ok what's up was her reply and I said "about the other day when you ask me if I would be happer as a women". And you said I would like my husband around more often. She saids " honey you have dressed and been a women since the grand kids have left". Ok your right, I'm sorry. I don't mine you being Carol Ann but not all the time I would love my husband to make love to me not some women. Point well taken, so I jump in and said "now wait a minute, what about last month when you pushed me down on the bed and had your way with me". Oh that's different she said, how so I replyed. Well I was horney and you didn't put up much of a fight. Humm don't figure, she wants her husband but she rapes Carol Ann. Ok ok I dropped the subject and ask " why did you buy me a new skirt and blouse?. I want you to look good, damn I'm so confussed up to this point so I said alright I won't dress so much. Ladys I am so comfussed, I talk to her as most of you said to do and it was a good talk but made no sence to me at all. She wants a husband but likes Carol Ann also?????? So as DonnaT saids I'll go with the flow. A confussed person

[Jeannie]

Carol Ann. It's impossible to ever figure out what a woman is thinking. Don't even try. Go with your flow Hon. My wife Mini just told her brothers about me. They are both wealthy,one has been retired for the last 5 years, is only 50, has a 2.5 million dollar home on Marthas Vineyard, an $800,000 condo in Coasta Rica. The other lives in a 1.5 million dollar home in Roxbury ,CT and they make Tom Delay look like a left wing Democrat. They love Ann Coulter! Yikes! Jeannie got their email addresses tonight and boy will they be surprised. I can't wait! This will be fun! Enjoy your like Carol Ann. 55 years was long enough for me to be miserable. I just got tired of making others feel comfortable at my expense. If people don't like me I show them the door. No matter who. But that's just me. Hugs.



Love
Jeannie

PS. I'm the only one working here since my Dad died so I am low man on the totem pole!

[DonnaT]

Sounds a touch like my wife Carol Ann.

Says she doesn't want a GF or a wife, but sometimes, when amorous enough, she'll suggest I put on the wig.

[Georgia(SO)]

Carol Ann -

Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer - I only speak for myself in these things and not necessarily for your wife....

Sounds to me like she *prefers* intimacy with her husband, but that sometimes playing with Carol Ann is a kick. Sorta like people who only want handcuffs sometimes, not every time.

She does not appear to be pushing Carol Ann away - she just would like her guy too...

have fun....
-g(so)