That Psychology Bug-A-Boo

[Danielle La Belle]

I try not to become to attached or involved in the TG concept but recent events have made me more aware than ever that it can be over powering at times.

I think that for the most part, we as a community may forget that woman (GG), do not always ponder what to wear and how to look. They just get dressed like the rest of us and move on with their day. At times, we seem to be almost obsessed with the dressing part, which, if permitted, can become a stronger need than food or water.

It is then that the Psychologist steps in with this reminder. In the field of Psychology, a person is considered in need of help when what they do interferes with their ability to make a living or endangers themselves to the point that it exceeds normal everyday risk and reward.

The person that is considered not in need of help, is one that may practice rituals or say, cross-dressing in such a way as not to interfere with their ability to function and make their living while participating in the selected style of living on a regular basis.

These descriptions are of my own making as I interpret what I have read from a document that I posted here supplied by the Psychology Department at the Mayo Clinic, In Rochester, Minn.

I could have easily quoted from any number of fine and respected institutions around the world, this was just handy and documented. Plus, it was on the internet and I could readily make a “copy and paste” as I could anything else.

I have found that at times, I permit my cross-dressing side to dominate my judgment. This happens most often when I may feel slightly depressed or it just suits me at the time. People get mild chemical [food] induced forms of depression on occasion and it is nothing to worry about so long as you recognize it for what it is. I find a piece or two of “dark chocolate” lifts me up and gets me going again in short order. Not an entire bag of the stuff mind you……

So, do others find this true? Do you find that you give in to this need more often than usual or that it seems to dominate your life more than before? Do you see how women (GG) do not always become deeply involved in what to wear, that it is natural for them at times and this can be compared with the biological male that rises in the morning, showers, shaves and dresses without much fanfare; so do women for the most part.

This “attention to detail” at times is more of an unverified observation because things just seem to match at the office cooler.

Hugs

Danielle Marie

[Absaroka]

On days that my wife goes to work she always picks an outfit the night before. THis can take her up to 5 or 10 minutes and requires some thought on her part. She regards it as an unpleasant chore imposed on her by the duality of being a woman and working in a profession where ones appearance carries a certain amount of import.

On weekends she doesn't do this except for going to church.

I can not relate to this at any level. I get up and grab something. Big choices like which of the identical pair of jeans shall I wear and which flannel shirt. Or in the summer hard questions like which color tee shirt do I want.

As for CDing dominating my jidgement at times I would have to say yes. Since I don't go out it colors how I plan my day, when will I do errands and so forth. Not to mention all the time I spend at these forums when I could be working.

Absaroka

[CJ]

Hi all,

Interesting point, Danielle.

We'd do well to keep in mind that it's not just "eccentric" behaviours or activities (such as crossdressing) that can interfere with our lives. I personally know some people (okay, some 'guys') whose love of, and addiction to, video gaming seriously hampers their schedules... not to mention their eating and sleeping patterns.

The consensus seems to be (and the DSM, for instance, actually spells this out) that not only must the activity or behaviour be interfering with your life but it must do so distressingly and chronically.

Still, the Psychology Bug-A-Boo doesn't take into account the fact that, all else being equal, one crossdressed man's pleasure and serenity is another's push to suicidal ideation.

And, yes, sometimes CD'ing invades my thoughts and my schedule more than I care for it to. But, in my case, it seems to come in waves (or maybe, more accurately, in wavelets). And not very often, at that.

I think that, more than Psychology (whether that psychology be a Mayo Clinic brand, a DSM brand, or even a Dr. Phil brand), the true Bug-A-Boo is, rather, our own opinions and/or esteem of ourselves.

Love,
CJ

[Virginia]

Hi girls! gotta respond. First I would highly recommend that you find however you can a film called, "What the (Bleep) Do We Know." Dr. Pert who teaches at the medical college of Georgetown University say we are emotions that is what rules, control and guides us in all things. The hypothalamus in the brain is an unbelieveable chemical factory that pumps out peptides to the body almost instanteously based on what emotions we are dealing with. According to the film there are about 20 different emotionally generated peptides that we produce and each is based on the emotional situation we find outselves in.
It does not differentiate between male and female or crossdressers for that matter, but it sure gives me pauses to think and the one line in the film that brings it all home to me is: " Have you ever seen yourself through the eyes of someone you have become?" I can answer YES! I have seen it both ways: Bill to Virginia and Virginia to Bill!!!! it is absolutely amazing. Virginia is all woman, strong yet empathtic, gentle yet firm. I have as I have said before, reached a place in my "Magical Mystery Tour." were the need to dress is sooo unimportant. When Virginia wants to dress and go out, yes she takes her time in choosing the "right" outfit, she wants her make-up just right, etc. but she is able to "be there" anytime under most any circumstances and make her feminine presence known and she has the ability to influence any situation from a feminine point of view! It is just amazing! There has been only one other sister on this forum that seems to be were I am and understand what "we" Bill/Virginia feel. NO offense to any of the other girls here, but we are just at a different place on the continueium, no harm no foul!!!
My SO/GG bless her heart does not understand it, she is trying, and fortunately for me she says, she does not understand it, but she enjoys it and can very easily distinguish between the two, Virginia and Bill and she loves both of us and "we" love her.
There is a line in a movie, "Flight of the Intruder" where the air-boss says,
"Cole, ! They ought to study you!" Well perhaps "they" should study me! Again I will say, I am Virginia, Virginia is me! We love each other unconditionally and we will hold hands and continue to enjoy our "Magical Mystery Tour!"
Bless all my sisters - I can only hope you will find the happiness and contentment that I have with this wonderful GIFT!
Love you all,
Virginia

[DonnaT]

Do you find that you give in to this need more often than usual or that it seems to dominate your life more than before?

The domination part, maybe. For instance, sometimes I hate taking my nightie off in the morning or the fem clothes I may have dressed in for an hour or so before getting ready for work. However, I do change and do make it to work.

Do I give in to the need more often? Yes. However I believe that is based on my wife's acceptance and my son's knowing. Before we had kids my wife was pretty accepting and I dressed at home quite often.

If she hadn't looked up the definition of transvestite in the dictionary and found it referencing homosexuality, her acceptance might not have ever changed, but it did. Heck, she didn't even mind the wig (she gave me) and makeup back then.

So, all things considered, if her acceptance hadn't changed, and if trying to keep it secret from the kids hadn't been an issue, then I don't think my giving into the need has changed so much from 30 years ago.

Question is, would I be where I am now, as I was 30 years ago, or would I have gone further. Not limiting my outings to certain events, but being out enfemme more often where ever I wanted. Again, it comes to my wife's limitations that restrict me to when and where.

I think that many of us can find our leveling out spot on the trans continuum if we were allowed to express ourselves freely all the time. Many SO's fear where that spot is, and hold us back. Holding us back for years and years, while they in turn hold on to that fear. Holding onto the fear makes it harder to accept, IMO. If the shoe were on the other foot, I'd rather know sooner than later where that leveling out spot was, instead of living with that kind of fear for 30 or 50 years.

[Bernice]

I think Debbie (my SO) has a much harder time choosing a pair of pants and blouse than I do selecting a dress or skirt/blouse. Some of it is her amazing ability to find anything without putting anything away, and some of it is that she varies in size in places according to time of month and other unknown variables, such that something that fit yesterday no longer fits, or something that didn't fit yesterday now does.

So I don't think I obsess over getting dressed. I rarely use makeup at all.

However, being dressed does affect my life activities. If I suddenly discover that my SO will be away for hours, I will invariably alter my plans, even cancel appointments, postpone anything that involves a trip outside the house, and seize the opportunity to dress and do inside stuff in her absence. So, perhaps I obsess? Perhaps I am over the edge, out of control? A royal nutcase?

I am learning (again and again) not to eat M&Ms from the bag, because I will eat most of the bag in a single sitting. What, me? Obsess?

Hugs,

Bernice