It you don't like it. Lump it!

[Jeannie]

Hi girls. At 55 I just say what is on my mind. Whether people like me or hate me doesn't matter.I put all my cards on the table and you can play or fold.
I was at my daughter Katie's graduation from The University of Hartford a few weeks ago, and the President of the college,Walter Harrison spoke to the graduates and read a quote from Mahatma Ghandi which said"If there is something in life you want to change you must do it yourself".
I spent my last 55 years unhappy,in a job that had no satifaction, with three women in the last 35 years that all cheated on me and my Dad who I worked with for forty years died last year. Then my best friend of 40 years died 2 months later and my wife of 25 years left me for another man. Do I give a crap what I say? I think not!
I just came back from grocery shopping at Price Chopper. I had on a red sun dress, not much make up and comfy clogs. You get stares and some laughs but that's Ok. Whether you dress part time, for erotic pleasure and in my case,never feeling comfortable as a man that's fine. But Ghandi was right. If you want to change something in your life you must do it yourself.
Let me tell you ladies. It's not easy but I tough it out. It's not even for me but for everyone of us who want to be who we are and go about our day. At least in a small way I want to try to make a differance in how people feel about us. I'm not evil,maybe a bit crazy but I have to try to make a differance. That's all.Hugs


Love
Jeannie

[Virginia]

Jeannie,
Honey, we all love you! You know who you are and that is beautiful. Think of the "idiots" that blunder through life never having a clue or if they get a glimmer of reality they can't even begin to understand it!!! So sad, but like you say - tough luck! I found mine and we love our "Magical Mystery Tour" on this "Trip Around the Sun!"
You know that when you go out not only is Jeannie satisfied, but you are an ambassador for those of our sisters that come after us. You know what I say, "It is the pioneers that take the arrows." You and Elizabeth have probably taken more than your share and we apprecite the wounds that you incur and like you say, after a while there is no pain only joy in knowing you are you and if they don't like it, accept it or understand it -- their problem! So let them wallow in their stupidity!
Keep on keeping on sister I for one am glad to call you a sister!
Love you,
Virginia

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hey, Jeannie!

You are *so* right, and I couldn't agree more with what Virginia and you said!!

Like you, Jeannie, I am tired of living a lie with my dh - I am not 'in love' with him and I realized that I never was. I am very much in love with someone else, my soul mate - and I will be making that known to the dh in a few months' time. I wish I could make the jump now, but there are other things that must be considered for long-term planning, but I am woman, I am strong, and I will survive!!

For those that don't, can't, or won't agree with my plans to live my life with the one person who brings me so much joy and happiness just at the sound of his/her voice - then I say to them, "Like it or lump it - this is MY life and I deserve the right to be happy and in love!" Oh, yeah, and don't let the door hit you on the way out. I don't need negative people in my life - negativity begets negativity.

Congratulations, Jeannie, for standing up for what you believe in - yourself!!



- SL

[Jeannie]

Thanks ladies for your input. I just got tired of being unhappy. I don't blame my wife for finding another man. I was a man who was sullen,depressed,unhappy and void of expressing my feelings and emotions. I left all the emotional duties in my marriage to my wife and she told me so and she was right.
I've only opened up since coming on this forum but it was too little too late for my marriage. That's no ones fault but my own.
I post some things to others questions and then say to myself"You freaking moron. You're giving advice?" I then realize that what people post is just a small part of their lives. There are so many other situations going on. Being 100% thruthful in life rarely happpens. We all lie to others and ourselves. It's just reality. Most times you can't be completely truthful with your family or partner for whatever reason. There are repercussions with SO's,family members,financial considerations and a host of other things going on in our own unique lives. What works for me might be disasterous for someone else. I sometimes forget that but give me a break.I'm 55!
I'm very lucky in that I work where I live and Katie and John Paul are so nice to me and still love me. I make jokes about cooking and cleaning for the monkeys all summer but I love it. There is no feeling like sitting on the deck with them and all there friends and just blabing about everyday things and no one bats an eye unless I have on something on really atrocious!
I just got back from my Aunt Pearls dressed in a little sun dress. I talked with all the aids and had a great time. The receptionist,Lynn,asked if I tanned my legs and I told her I use a great self tanning cream that looks very natural and never looks orange. We blabed about cosmetics. Lynn is 54 and looks 40 and is such a beautiful woman with blue eyes,short blond hair, tall,fabulous figure and dresses like woman in an Ann Taylor catalogue. She is a doll and so nice.
After going out as a woman I've yet to meet anyone who was confrontational or mean. You get some stares and giggling but I figure it just makes a good story when they go home. I'll do anything for a laugh! Gotta go and check the ribs on the grill. My son isn't feeling well today and wanted ribs and oven fried potatoes tonight. I put the ribs on the charcoal grill at 10 this morning and will cook them until 8 tonight. I buy baby back ribs and rub them with a bit of salt, pepper and fresh garlic,red wine vinegar and wrap them in foil. I put them in a pan with some water and put the coals off to the side and keep the temp at 200 or under for about ten hours. I just add more coals periodically and more water in the pan to keep the temp down. I make a marinade of balsamic vinegar,maple sugar,brown sugar, fresh grated garlic and extra virgin(Like Virginia!) olive oil and grill them just for a few minutes at the end. The meat falls off the bone and they're not smothered in store bought barbeque sause. There is only on thing more fun than cooking ladies........ I just forgot what the other thing was! Hugs ladies.

Love
Jeannie


PS. I have to put a picture in my gallery of where I live. It's an old three family home built in 1918. My shop is on the first floor with an addition and me and the kids live on the top two floors. The decks are great. Sarah just took this picture. Behind us is the Mad River. How appropriate!

[Anita]

Let me tell you ladies. It's not easy but I tough it out. It's not even for me but for everyone of us who want to be who we are and go about our day. At least in a small way I want to try to make a differance in how people feel about us.

I'm sure that you do, Jeannie. I like thinking about that, that I touch people's lives who will never know who I was, but saw me somewhere.
We can leave an impression! I'm so happy that you're doing that and feeling good about it. I can't help but feel that you'll live a lot longer than you would have if you went on being an unemotional and unhappily married man.

[Absaroka]

Thanks for the words of advice along with the suggestion to use them with care Jeannie.

I think what you are saying is true in all aspects of life. Of course before you can stop living a lie you have to have some idea of what the truth is but that is a whole other thread at least.

CDing is not important enough to me that I need to have people know although as I have posted I wish there were a couple of people I could feel more comfortable about it with. But the being who you really are is something that resonates with me in many other ways. It has been a struggle over the years to figure out how to be who I really am but not beat people over the head with it.

Sometimes it comes down to what people are comfortable with, who they choose to associate themselves with. I put a certain amount of muting myself in place around my in laws. Not because I care that much what they think although I generally enjoy them. But when they visit the outcome is very important to my wife and I care a great deal about how she feels.

There is that fine line between people pleasing, doing something because you should or to make people like you ( A real form of control and manipulation) vs doing something because you genuinely want to make someone happy. Often the outside appearance is the same but the internal aspects of it are very different.

As to being who I am, now if I can figure out how to do that, or even to merely be alive, without embarrassing my teenage daughters who to use Virginias terms live in my house in a pack of two..... if I do I will write a book about it and become fabulously wealthy. I suspect hte answer is wait.....

Thanks everyone for a great thread.

Absaroka

[Lorna]

Rock on, Jeannie!! That's the way to live.

[Jeannie]

You know Lorna. I was unhappy most of my life and I got tired of it. Maybe I'm just very selfish now but I want to live my life like most people get to do. I don't want to hurt others but I'm sick of hurting myself.That's all. I'm out of the box and I'm not going in there again! Hugs


Love
Jeannie

[Carol Ann]

Jeannie Sweetheart,
Oh I love you so much and I know and understand where you are coming from. You know after all the years in the trade all the pressure of the job all the things that can and do go wrong no wonder I turned to drinking. But now with retirement I AM free honey to be me. And as you say "lump it or leave it". Me I couldn't give a S*** less what people think of me but I have to respeck the wishes of my wife and keep it at home. But honey one day I will like you be able to turn it all loose and let it fly and say "world Carol Ann has arrived". Carol Ann

[Jeannie]

You know Hon. I understand. Most can't do what I've been doing. I'm lucky. I work on the first floor of my home in my shop and all my kids and their friends know Jeannie and I'm so lucky. My tenants next door know me and are so great. If had was working for some one else I know I would be fired. We all have to do what works for us in our unique situations. It's just a shame most people can be themselves but people like us are loathed,feared or demonized. Maybe it's just me. I must look really intimidating in a dress at 5'5" and 132lbs. By the way Carol Ann I did 5 press washes today. I haven't had that much fun since my wife slammed the car door on my hand! Hugs


Love
jeannie

PS. I'm a bit out of control lately Carol Ann but that's just me. My sister called again from Maine last night and blasted me for going to my Aunt Pearls assisted living dressed. She said" You shouldn't listen to those people on the forum. What you are doing is completely socially unacceptable. You need to go to therapy." I love my sister but she's an A------! I said "Sure Chris. I'll go tomorrow" Fat freaking chance Carol Ann.! She's clueless!

[Carol Ann]

Oh come on girl, don't talk to me about washups. I hope they were all color washup and one for varnish. Carol Ann

PS
I wonder how many ladies understand us?.

[Jeannie]

I'm sure after some years you had lackies to do the washups. I'm still the lacky! I did red,green,blue and yellow again today. If customers want varnish I say"Varnish this!" It's great getting older Carol Ann! You don't give a crap! I know it's only a matter of time until I get beat up! I'll post the pictures of my black eyes. Hey! I won't have to put on eye liner or mascara! Sweet! Hugs.

Love
Jeannie

PS. When I run out of mascara I just dip the brush into some oil base black. It stays on for months! You pay 5 bucks for a small tube of mascara. I can buy a 5lb can of black for 50 bucks. I'm set for life! You should see how process magenta looks on my fingernails and toes! I feel for those non printers. They pay through the nose! The paper cutter does a great straight cut on my toe nails though you have to be careful! I only have 4 toes left!