The essay question for today is "Do *I* know how *you* feel?
For those of you who like your boy parts and have no desire whatsoever to transition, can you explain how being en femme and being en homme feels different? Not *why* you do this - i.e. hormones in utero, etc., etc., etc. But what feels different about each of the two ... uh ... personnas?
As a single gender person, I'm puzzled about what it feels like to be multi-gendered. Also, my sweetie says that *she* just comes over him sometimes - that it's instaneous, like a switch is flipped. Does this ring any bells with those of you who also like being male?
thanks...
-g(so)
OK. So the question is...
Moderators: KimberlyS, Eileen (SO)
-
Georgia(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 416
- Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 8:58 am
-
GalicianGirl(SO)
- Founding Member
- Posts: 558
- Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 10:40 pm
- Location: Houston, Texas
-
Estefania
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 12:42 pm
Such an interesting and provoking question, Georgia.
Can't pretend to answer for everybody, so I will only try to answer from my point of view.
What's different?
Lets start by the asthetical point of view. Feminine clothes and styles are much more appealing to me than masculine ones. And this is regardless of who is wearing them. So, the fact that I can transform my everyday kinda drab look into looking like a somehow nice looking woman is very satisfying. Here, adding that it is satisfying only when it is working. There are times when that transformation just doesn't make it... that I don't feel like I'm looking "good enough" for my standards, therefore there is no satisfaction.
Different than with others, I don't feel an inner peace provoked by matching my external look with my interior feelings. This, because I don't feel that I'm a woman, hence, the process doesn't make me match the look with the feeling.
Granted, also the clothes are in general nicer to the touch. Perfume nicer to the sense of smell. But at the same time, this, for me, is not enough of a drive to make me want to dress. If it was, it would be sufficient for me to dress to stay home. No. For me it is a lot about being able to go out and face the world from a totally different perspective.
It is thrilling to be able to do things that I wouldn't be able to do as a guy. To go to "places where no men has been to" (ok, some have, but most of them under the same situation as me. *s*) Sociologically, it is really a wonderful "experiment".
It is similar but not exactly like being in a play... because for me, like I said earlier, it is not about releasing the woman in me... there is no woman in me to start with, so that's not the point. But my persona as a whole lives experiences that are highlighted by being there and being accepted as a woman by other people.
Yes, confusing... but at the end of the day, I don't need to CD to be able to "be me". I am myself regardless of the clothes. But they do add to the whole experience of living... if that makes sense.
Just my $0.02 worth.
Gaby
Can't pretend to answer for everybody, so I will only try to answer from my point of view.
What's different?
Lets start by the asthetical point of view. Feminine clothes and styles are much more appealing to me than masculine ones. And this is regardless of who is wearing them. So, the fact that I can transform my everyday kinda drab look into looking like a somehow nice looking woman is very satisfying. Here, adding that it is satisfying only when it is working. There are times when that transformation just doesn't make it... that I don't feel like I'm looking "good enough" for my standards, therefore there is no satisfaction.
Different than with others, I don't feel an inner peace provoked by matching my external look with my interior feelings. This, because I don't feel that I'm a woman, hence, the process doesn't make me match the look with the feeling.
Granted, also the clothes are in general nicer to the touch. Perfume nicer to the sense of smell. But at the same time, this, for me, is not enough of a drive to make me want to dress. If it was, it would be sufficient for me to dress to stay home. No. For me it is a lot about being able to go out and face the world from a totally different perspective.
It is thrilling to be able to do things that I wouldn't be able to do as a guy. To go to "places where no men has been to" (ok, some have, but most of them under the same situation as me. *s*) Sociologically, it is really a wonderful "experiment".
It is similar but not exactly like being in a play... because for me, like I said earlier, it is not about releasing the woman in me... there is no woman in me to start with, so that's not the point. But my persona as a whole lives experiences that are highlighted by being there and being accepted as a woman by other people.
Yes, confusing... but at the end of the day, I don't need to CD to be able to "be me". I am myself regardless of the clothes. But they do add to the whole experience of living... if that makes sense.
Just my $0.02 worth.
Gaby
-
Jeannie
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1308
- Joined: Sun Sep 25, 2005 7:19 pm
- Location: Connecticut
I agree with Gaby about womens clothes. They are so much nicer than mens. Shaving,doing your nails and using makeup is wonderful. It's nice to try and feel and look pretty. Gaby. There is a book called The New Girl by Mike Reynolds who teaches Mass Communications and Media Studies at Quinnipiac and Sacred Heart Unversities here in Connecticut. A few years ago he did an experiment. He spent a year or so practicing for it and tried to live as a woman in New Haven CT for 6 weeks. He got an apartment,searched for a job and did everything dressed as a woman and wrote about the experience.It was quite interesting. Hugs
Love
Jeannie
PS. What gave him the idea was what women say to men often."You don't understand me" He found out why they say that. How differantly women are treated from men when looking for work,going to a party or just sitting in a bar for a drink and they get hit on..How much more time it takes for a woman to get ready when dressing and many other things men never give a thought to. It's not a bad read. When you go out Gaby I'm sure people think you are a woman. You look very stylish,have a great figure, and a very pretty face. Me. I look like a man in a dress with my mug!
Were there any times when you were surprised how you were treated as a woman?
Love
Jeannie
PS. What gave him the idea was what women say to men often."You don't understand me" He found out why they say that. How differantly women are treated from men when looking for work,going to a party or just sitting in a bar for a drink and they get hit on..How much more time it takes for a woman to get ready when dressing and many other things men never give a thought to. It's not a bad read. When you go out Gaby I'm sure people think you are a woman. You look very stylish,have a great figure, and a very pretty face. Me. I look like a man in a dress with my mug!
Were there any times when you were surprised how you were treated as a woman?-
Jeannie
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1308
- Joined: Sun Sep 25, 2005 7:19 pm
- Location: Connecticut
I'll be really upfront ladies. I am differant from most here on this forum on another level. I never felt comfortable with being dressed as a man. I never felt comfortable with the role assigned to me as a male. I'm not going to go through surgery but I'm quite ambivolent about my male body parts. I was married for 25 years but my sex life was a big snooze.Not what I like. I need a dominant Bi sexual woman who can ride me like her little pony. I did all the cooking .cleaning , laundry, grocery shopping in my marriage but my wife wanted a man not a woman.That's life. I'd make some lucky lady a great wife! At this point in my life I don't want a partner. My dating pool is just a wading pool. I had a dominant bisexual girlfriend in the seventies when I was 24 and she was 44 and Puerto Rican. It went on for 5 years but she was more abusive than dominant with me. Her sexual demands were way over the top and quite disgusting and I won't go into them but I complied. It's my nature. Most on this forum are just men in dresses. I'm way more. Wish you the best ladies. It's not an easy life. Trust me. I know. Hugs
Love
Jeannie
At this point in my life I don't want a partner. My dating pool is just a wading pool. I had a dominant bisexual girlfriend in the seventies when I was 24 and she was 44 and Puerto Rican. It went on for 5 years but she was more abusive than dominant with me. Her sexual demands were way over the top and quite disgusting and I won't go into them but I complied. It's my nature. Most on this forum are just men in dresses. I'm way more. Wish you the best ladies. It's not an easy life. Trust me. I know. HugsLove
Jeannie
-
Jamie Sue
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 93
- Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2006 11:05 am
- Location: Florida
The funny thing about this question is to me about the feeling of wearing female clothing. Have we ever though about the times in the past when uni-sex clothing was and in most part is still expectable. As men, we like silk, satin and soft cloth, but for the most part it was not available to us except for shirts, the 70”s brought the platform shoes for men and the skin tight pants, the feeling that we all love, the 80’s maybe 90’s brought the earrings and massacre around the eyes, (that’s expectable) in some circles, and the weird hair colors. Dr. Kinsey talked about sexual difference back in the 40’s and 50”s, are we going around in circles? Time will only tell. That’s my thought only. 
Love Jamie Sue
Love Jamie Sue
-
Darth_Wolfenbarg
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 66
- Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2005 3:05 am
- Location: Sunnyvale, California
- Contact:
Hmm... I'm not sure about the others here... but feeling I have determine how I dress, the way I dress does not change feelings. I've got two personas basically. My dominant (male) one is loud and tries to be fun and funny but at the same time is an oberserver and listener. This side of me expresses manly traits and holds that image... this side of me is also a leader in many ways. That side of me stands out in public and will take charge if needed... that's just who I am.... but there is also another side of me.
My other side is quieter but loves to laugh. Unlike my other side this one isn't much of a joke teller, but more of a listener. I am also very emotional with this side. It doesn't take much for me to get teary eyed that way, but I do a good job of hiding it most... well... all of the time. I'm not sure why, but whenever I feel like this my general description would be sweet and always with a smile.
Now when I look at both of these I'm not even sure which one hides. There are many times where I have to take charge or be strong for others, but most of the time lately I feel more like the second half is active while the first is dormant and just waiting for me to let it loose. That is where I have the problem. It is for this reason that I feel the need to dress most of the time, but the bits I have from the first one tell me that I can't do this as often as I want as people who need me to be their strong shoulder don't need to have their good friend becoming somebody they don't think they know. That's how people think anyway... little do they know that I express the more feminine side of me most of the time, but hide it by mixing it with other masculine behavior.
Ugh... basicaly having two sides for me is a mess. I have to be a hero for people, but in doing that I interfere with being me! I have no hero for myself either... it's really confusing...
My other side is quieter but loves to laugh. Unlike my other side this one isn't much of a joke teller, but more of a listener. I am also very emotional with this side. It doesn't take much for me to get teary eyed that way, but I do a good job of hiding it most... well... all of the time. I'm not sure why, but whenever I feel like this my general description would be sweet and always with a smile.
Now when I look at both of these I'm not even sure which one hides. There are many times where I have to take charge or be strong for others, but most of the time lately I feel more like the second half is active while the first is dormant and just waiting for me to let it loose. That is where I have the problem. It is for this reason that I feel the need to dress most of the time, but the bits I have from the first one tell me that I can't do this as often as I want as people who need me to be their strong shoulder don't need to have their good friend becoming somebody they don't think they know. That's how people think anyway... little do they know that I express the more feminine side of me most of the time, but hide it by mixing it with other masculine behavior.
Ugh... basicaly having two sides for me is a mess. I have to be a hero for people, but in doing that I interfere with being me! I have no hero for myself either... it's really confusing...
-
Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
Hi Georgia-
Since you asked…:)
I don’t feel my femme self coming on in a flash any more, but at the beginning six years ago, she did that quite often. It was often annoying and upsetting, even if I was able and willing to dress. I would say that that aspect went away as I began going out more.
The most striking difference is that my gal self is able to touch people without scaring them or putting them off, and that is so important to me! I posted about that once, long ago. It is not something that I am able to do as man, and I would venture to say that it’s a rare man that can do this. People are scared of men touching them, for all kinds of reasons—and I never wanted to upset them. It’s not something I even thought about doing as a man; I just knew that it wasn’t welcome.
I was surprised at how quickly my femme self realized that she COULD do this, and promptly began to demonstrate it. I wasn’t conscious of being daring, or risking anything. It just seemed very natural to do that, now that I had a different appearance.
I also saw that I was being treated differently in other ways, and it made me see that visuals do play a big part in how we’re treated. I’m hardly passable, and yet I have enough female visuals going that people seem to automatically fall into line with my “play,” as Gaby put it.
As long as I’m fairly consistent with it, I’ll continue to be treated differently, and in a way that I like. Notice that I don’t say, “treated as a woman,” because I don’t know that. All I know is that I’m treated differently from anything I ever experienced before. And it’s rewarding enough to make me keep going out there in different clothing!
Since you asked…:)
I don’t feel my femme self coming on in a flash any more, but at the beginning six years ago, she did that quite often. It was often annoying and upsetting, even if I was able and willing to dress. I would say that that aspect went away as I began going out more.
The most striking difference is that my gal self is able to touch people without scaring them or putting them off, and that is so important to me! I posted about that once, long ago. It is not something that I am able to do as man, and I would venture to say that it’s a rare man that can do this. People are scared of men touching them, for all kinds of reasons—and I never wanted to upset them. It’s not something I even thought about doing as a man; I just knew that it wasn’t welcome.
I was surprised at how quickly my femme self realized that she COULD do this, and promptly began to demonstrate it. I wasn’t conscious of being daring, or risking anything. It just seemed very natural to do that, now that I had a different appearance.
I also saw that I was being treated differently in other ways, and it made me see that visuals do play a big part in how we’re treated. I’m hardly passable, and yet I have enough female visuals going that people seem to automatically fall into line with my “play,” as Gaby put it.
As long as I’m fairly consistent with it, I’ll continue to be treated differently, and in a way that I like. Notice that I don’t say, “treated as a woman,” because I don’t know that. All I know is that I’m treated differently from anything I ever experienced before. And it’s rewarding enough to make me keep going out there in different clothing!
-
Carolynn
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 2754
- Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2003 12:52 pm
- Location: Oklahoma City area
- Contact:
Sorry to intervene Georgia, but :
Darth, a few questions for you.
Are you sure that the male/hero side is you, or is it the sweet shy girl?
Is the brash, joke telling person, the hero and leader if need be, the shield for the girl?
Who are you being the hero for?
Is it what others, family, friends are expecting you to be, whether you are or not?
Who is your true self?
Sorry, but you seemed to be describing me at your age, the way I was, always hiding behind the jokester, who was always laughing, seemingly strong and more or less manly and quietly confident. It's such a good shield--- the person who laughs is rarely seen as unhappy or hiding something, and creates a personna that keeps people from looking too deep. But deep inside I was the girl, often trembling with a bit of fear of being found out, and needing to grasp and hold to the mask that I felt protected me.
Like the theme from CSI, "Who Are YOU"? Think about it. Be sure who you are, what you really need before you decide to join the military. Be sure what you are doing is the doing of your true self, and if you have any doubts, any at all, ask for help.
Carolynn
Darth, a few questions for you.
Are you sure that the male/hero side is you, or is it the sweet shy girl?
Is the brash, joke telling person, the hero and leader if need be, the shield for the girl?
Who are you being the hero for?
Is it what others, family, friends are expecting you to be, whether you are or not?
Who is your true self?
Sorry, but you seemed to be describing me at your age, the way I was, always hiding behind the jokester, who was always laughing, seemingly strong and more or less manly and quietly confident. It's such a good shield--- the person who laughs is rarely seen as unhappy or hiding something, and creates a personna that keeps people from looking too deep. But deep inside I was the girl, often trembling with a bit of fear of being found out, and needing to grasp and hold to the mask that I felt protected me.
Like the theme from CSI, "Who Are YOU"? Think about it. Be sure who you are, what you really need before you decide to join the military. Be sure what you are doing is the doing of your true self, and if you have any doubts, any at all, ask for help.
Carolynn
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
-
Gaven McLaren
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 697
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 2:29 am
- Location: San Ramon, CA
- Contact:
I have no real difference in my self as far as I can tell. I just wish that the rest of the world would wake up and realise that there is no gender to cloth and any one should be able to wear what they want. Now I do not mean that you wear what you want at any time (IE: A swimsuit to court. I know it's silly but that is how some people think). I am talking about appropriate attire for the situation.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons. As you are crunchy and good with chocolate!
-
Darth_Wolfenbarg
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 66
- Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2005 3:05 am
- Location: Sunnyvale, California
- Contact:
I'm not sure... I'd like to say I am both, but I honestly do not know. At this point I feel like a filter. Jumping to action to help people is my reflex, and it really makes me feel good to make a different. However when I toss this hero version of me into the mix, it gets held up in the filter and what comes out is the female side... They are both there to start, but somehow it just ends with that.Carolynn wrote:Sorry to intervene Georgia, but :
Darth, a few questions for you.
Are you sure that the male/hero side is you, or is it the sweet shy girl?
Is the brash, joke telling person, the hero and leader if need be, the shield for the girl?
Who are you being the hero for?
Is it what others, family, friends are expecting you to be, whether you are or not?
Who is your true self?
Sorry, but you seemed to be describing me at your age, the way I was, always hiding behind the jokester, who was always laughing, seemingly strong and more or less manly and quietly confident. It's such a good shield--- the person who laughs is rarely seen as unhappy or hiding something, and creates a personna that keeps people from looking too deep. But deep inside I was the girl, often trembling with a bit of fear of being found out, and needing to grasp and hold to the mask that I felt protected me.
Like the theme from CSI, "Who Are YOU"? Think about it. Be sure who you are, what you really need before you decide to join the military. Be sure what you are doing is the doing of your true self, and if you have any doubts, any at all, ask for help.
Carolynn
Two parts to that really. I became that person to shield the people around me. Now that I am further along it does seem to be that shield. Somehow it is really strange to be under the shield I try to protect people with though...
People who I see that need it. People I make friends with always seem to have problems. I'm not always sure why, but the person they come to them openly with is me. The way things work out is that I have to be the one to help them, to ease them along. In most cases it is usually emotional guidance... but it has once even come to me have to actually stand up and defend somebody from a physical attack. However even when I do it for them, it does help me as well.
It is usually a mix... I start off doing this as a reflex. However as time comes on it sometimes escalates to where they need a fix of it. My girlfriend is a good example. I got to know her by helping her like this. Eventually she felt like she needed me to be this person even when she didn't need it. This caused us both some stress, but afterwards she let off a little. A while after we started dating she started needing it again. Eventually she did this enough to where she tried to have other people make her feel special, neglecting me completely. I tried doing it for a while for her... but that caused some serious stress. I got it through her head eventually, and she stopped doing it. This has happened for more than just her, and in different ways, but after the first set it seems like I become a drug to some people.... so sometimes I don't know why I do it.
My true self? Well I want to be a good blend of both, but not to where I feel like I lie to myself. I want to be strong enough to stand up for myself and others when they most need it, but when I'm not doing that I want to be the lighthearted girl... I want to be the one that is held until the person who holds me needs to be held or protected. I don't want to hide. I want to be ME!
-
Jenney Love
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 65
- Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:04 pm
- Location: North Dakota
Re: OK. So the question is...
No one has really answered your question so far, you have gotton the "why" agians, the cloth's are nicer to wear, I don't want to be the dominate one why's, etc.Georgia(SO) wrote:The essay question for today is "Do *I* know how *you* feel?
For those of you who like your boy parts and have no desire whatsoever to transition, can you explain how being en femme and being en homme feels different? Not *why* you do this - i.e. hormones in utero, etc., etc., etc. But what feels different about each of the two ... uh ... personnas?
As a single gender person, I'm puzzled about what it feels like to be multi-gendered. Also, my sweetie says that *she* just comes over him sometimes - that it's instaneous, like a switch is flipped. Does this ring any bells with those of you who also like being male?
thanks...
-g(so)
I don't have an answer to your question either. When I do figure out, I will have answered all my personal gender questions, reach enlightenment, and will disapear from all the forums.
Jenney
-
Georgia(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 416
- Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 8:58 am
This is interesting - ya'll keep talking, eh?
I get the notion that the clothes are nicer, fancier, softer, etc. And I get the whole idea of a sociological experiment - if I were a guy who could more-or-less pass, I would just *have* to see how women are treated. And there's a new book out (heard about it on NPR but haven't read it) about some woman who spent 6 months as a male as a sociological experiment, and discovered that, yes, men are treated differently - primarily in their ability to express emotions among their peer group. (She also discovered quite by accident that men *don't* describe something as "cute". Nearly blew her cover in the bowling league that way!)
Gaby, what sort of "places no man has been to" do you mean? I assume you mean mental ones...
And for those of you who do feel that you are both male and female, how do you know which one is dominant at which point?
-g(so)
I get the notion that the clothes are nicer, fancier, softer, etc. And I get the whole idea of a sociological experiment - if I were a guy who could more-or-less pass, I would just *have* to see how women are treated. And there's a new book out (heard about it on NPR but haven't read it) about some woman who spent 6 months as a male as a sociological experiment, and discovered that, yes, men are treated differently - primarily in their ability to express emotions among their peer group. (She also discovered quite by accident that men *don't* describe something as "cute". Nearly blew her cover in the bowling league that way!)
Gaby, what sort of "places no man has been to" do you mean? I assume you mean mental ones...
And for those of you who do feel that you are both male and female, how do you know which one is dominant at which point?
-g(so)
-
CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
Hey there, Georgia, I beg to differ but there are some men who describe things as being "cute." I'm one of them.
That's a very good "essay" question you ask, there. My (short) answer is that, yes, you do know how we feel. Every time you're treated differently from someone else merely because of who (and what) you are, you know how we feel. Every time you've come face to face with an inexpressible characteristic or facet of your personality that has had to remain unexpressed in a social context, you know how we feel. Every time you've thought to yourself, "If only I were a (insert desired state here), I could do this or do that," you know how we feel. Every time someone has, in your opinion, judged you wrongly or mistakenly, just because they based that judgment merely on your appearance, you know how we feel.
I know this wasn't what you meant in your question, but I point it out because I believe that you--along with many of the other GG's, here on the forum--know somewhat better than others how we feel because you regularly witness our (sometimes justified) anguish in a way that we cannot witness yours.
To answer your question (as best I can):
In my case, I don't especially like my male parts. But I certainly don't dislike them either. And just this fact already sets me apart from a true transsexual. I dress (and seek to pass) as a woman because I feel there are things I cannot express as a man that I can as a woman (however factitious that woman be). Notice, by the way, that it's not as a biological female that these things can be expressed but, rather, as a human being who's adopted some of the gender roles and expectations traditionally foisted, in our own culture, upon biological females. The "emotional" and "spiritual" part of me is usually "locked up" when I'm being a boy. However much my women friends want to believe that this is my own decision, it isn't. We still live in a world where being a man (that is, being both a biological male as well as being a person "associated by sex" to masculine gender roles and expectations) often means to be somehow "disconnected" from what brings life (rather than death) into this world. My own spirituality is, in fact, a "feminine" one and has always been such... dark, moist, hidden, receptive, flexible, and caring. Throughout my entire life, I've never seen anyone--neither friends nor family nor schoolmates nor lovers--urge the fostering of these qualities in biological males. But I have these qualities; I feel that this is who I am, and expressing this "through the feminine" seems to me the least complicated (though admittedly not the easiest) way of doing so.
I once chatted with Terri(SO) and she asked me, point-blank, why it is that some men (such as ourselves) feel they need to dress or pass as women in order to express this beautiful side of who they are. After all (she said), women don't need to dress as men to express characteristics we think of as masculine. But, see, that's just not true. If it hadn't been for the pants-wearing Amelia Bloomers or the crossdressing Colettes and Marlene Dietrichs of recent history, I'm not so sure women would feel as comfortable as they do expressing "crossgender" behaviours (regardless of how they're dressed). Another objection to Terri's assertion is that, at this time, in this culture, there's a greater ontic value (that is, a greater worth of being) placed on manhood than there is on womanhood and it's therefore seen as less of a transgression that women would aspire to be "men-like" than that men would aspire to be "women-like." (I'm not making this up, by the way; these are cultural assumptions that inhere in any society rooted in patriarchy.)
Perhaps the increased "popularity" of MtF crossdressing and transgenderism in the last generation or so is a sign that men, in their own quest to be true to what's emotional and spiritual inside them, are finally embarking on their own journey of liberation. Just like women--who weren't seeking liberation from men, as many men think, but liberation from the shackles of gender roles and expectations)--men are on the way to becoming simply human in reality, not just in their heads; that "kinder, gentler nation" crap that only serves to misdirect attention from destructive and aggressive behaviours is becoming more difficult to make people swallow if and when the actions don't carry the words.
In a sense we TG'd men are, as Virginia often says, on the vanguard of this liberation (it's no coincidence that an increase in "women-like" men goes hand-in-hand with the "Iron John" brand of self-questioning regarding masculinity; they're two facets of the same gem). Unlike Virginia, though, I don't think that it's crossdressing that lets us "embrace the woman within"; in fact, quite the opposite... in my case, I've long ago "embraced the woman within": "she" is the one who makes me crossdress. "She" does this so that others around "her" can also "embrace her" (even though, in reality, this seldom happens... just part of my pain).
I don't know, Georgia, if this makes a whole lot of sense, but I'm not entirely sure how to explain it any better. Therapists can psychoanalyze all they want and talk of imprints and regressive states and fixations; I will never lose sight of the fact that they're just as much a product of this culture as I am and are therefore prone to all its subtle (and not so subtle) conditionings.
In the end, for me, it's pretty simple. Does my being able to express gender differently make me happier than being "locked up" in one mode only? Yes? Then I do so.
Good question, Georgia. Thanks.
Love,
CJ
Hey there, Georgia, I beg to differ but there are some men who describe things as being "cute." I'm one of them.
That's a very good "essay" question you ask, there. My (short) answer is that, yes, you do know how we feel. Every time you're treated differently from someone else merely because of who (and what) you are, you know how we feel. Every time you've come face to face with an inexpressible characteristic or facet of your personality that has had to remain unexpressed in a social context, you know how we feel. Every time you've thought to yourself, "If only I were a (insert desired state here), I could do this or do that," you know how we feel. Every time someone has, in your opinion, judged you wrongly or mistakenly, just because they based that judgment merely on your appearance, you know how we feel.
I know this wasn't what you meant in your question, but I point it out because I believe that you--along with many of the other GG's, here on the forum--know somewhat better than others how we feel because you regularly witness our (sometimes justified) anguish in a way that we cannot witness yours.
To answer your question (as best I can):
In my case, I don't especially like my male parts. But I certainly don't dislike them either. And just this fact already sets me apart from a true transsexual. I dress (and seek to pass) as a woman because I feel there are things I cannot express as a man that I can as a woman (however factitious that woman be). Notice, by the way, that it's not as a biological female that these things can be expressed but, rather, as a human being who's adopted some of the gender roles and expectations traditionally foisted, in our own culture, upon biological females. The "emotional" and "spiritual" part of me is usually "locked up" when I'm being a boy. However much my women friends want to believe that this is my own decision, it isn't. We still live in a world where being a man (that is, being both a biological male as well as being a person "associated by sex" to masculine gender roles and expectations) often means to be somehow "disconnected" from what brings life (rather than death) into this world. My own spirituality is, in fact, a "feminine" one and has always been such... dark, moist, hidden, receptive, flexible, and caring. Throughout my entire life, I've never seen anyone--neither friends nor family nor schoolmates nor lovers--urge the fostering of these qualities in biological males. But I have these qualities; I feel that this is who I am, and expressing this "through the feminine" seems to me the least complicated (though admittedly not the easiest) way of doing so.
I once chatted with Terri(SO) and she asked me, point-blank, why it is that some men (such as ourselves) feel they need to dress or pass as women in order to express this beautiful side of who they are. After all (she said), women don't need to dress as men to express characteristics we think of as masculine. But, see, that's just not true. If it hadn't been for the pants-wearing Amelia Bloomers or the crossdressing Colettes and Marlene Dietrichs of recent history, I'm not so sure women would feel as comfortable as they do expressing "crossgender" behaviours (regardless of how they're dressed). Another objection to Terri's assertion is that, at this time, in this culture, there's a greater ontic value (that is, a greater worth of being) placed on manhood than there is on womanhood and it's therefore seen as less of a transgression that women would aspire to be "men-like" than that men would aspire to be "women-like." (I'm not making this up, by the way; these are cultural assumptions that inhere in any society rooted in patriarchy.)
Perhaps the increased "popularity" of MtF crossdressing and transgenderism in the last generation or so is a sign that men, in their own quest to be true to what's emotional and spiritual inside them, are finally embarking on their own journey of liberation. Just like women--who weren't seeking liberation from men, as many men think, but liberation from the shackles of gender roles and expectations)--men are on the way to becoming simply human in reality, not just in their heads; that "kinder, gentler nation" crap that only serves to misdirect attention from destructive and aggressive behaviours is becoming more difficult to make people swallow if and when the actions don't carry the words.
In a sense we TG'd men are, as Virginia often says, on the vanguard of this liberation (it's no coincidence that an increase in "women-like" men goes hand-in-hand with the "Iron John" brand of self-questioning regarding masculinity; they're two facets of the same gem). Unlike Virginia, though, I don't think that it's crossdressing that lets us "embrace the woman within"; in fact, quite the opposite... in my case, I've long ago "embraced the woman within": "she" is the one who makes me crossdress. "She" does this so that others around "her" can also "embrace her" (even though, in reality, this seldom happens... just part of my pain).
I don't know, Georgia, if this makes a whole lot of sense, but I'm not entirely sure how to explain it any better. Therapists can psychoanalyze all they want and talk of imprints and regressive states and fixations; I will never lose sight of the fact that they're just as much a product of this culture as I am and are therefore prone to all its subtle (and not so subtle) conditionings.
In the end, for me, it's pretty simple. Does my being able to express gender differently make me happier than being "locked up" in one mode only? Yes? Then I do so.
Good question, Georgia. Thanks.
Love,
CJ
-
Terri(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 373
- Joined: Wed Sep 01, 2004 7:35 am
- Location: San Francisco
- Contact: