What do you do?

[Virginia]

Nicole,
I hope that all this works out for you! One of the things that I would like to know is what or how your wife described your "gift"?! You know that it can be "spun" in so many different directions and it can take quite a while to clean up a mess if it is not done in a, shall I say, positive light!
I would agree strongly that you consider directing your daughter here if you both feel comfortable in that approach.
We are here for you!
Virginia

[Connie]

Donna-
I thought that's what you meant- I'm just not sure what I want her to read in that thread and what I don't. Jennifer was so negative for so long. She did come around, but the whole family deal was huge. I'll check it out again for specifics. Thanks Donna~

Nicole

Nicole check out (if you haven't already) these two threads:

http://crossdressers-forum.com/forums/v ... php?t=5772

http://crossdressers-forum.com/forums/v ... php?t=6023

Perhaps a little more relevant to your situation.

Connie

[Nina Femrite]

i have seen so many therapists in my hunt for some sort of explanation as to why i'm the way i am that i've lost count. the most recent therapist was a specialist in transgender issues and whereas she wasn't able to give the reasons i'm searching for, she did have a keen understanding of the issues that surround crossdressers and their spouses. the bottom line is that many women dislike the fact that their husbands crossdress. my wife, who is a therapist herself (marriage and family counseling), hates the fact that i crossdress and i consider her to be extremely bright, understanding, compassionate and tolerant . . . except, of course, when it comes to her husband. my therapist says that our marriage may not last because of my crossdressing. this saddens me. i love my wife dearly; i enjoy her company and i cannot imagine life without her - after all, it's been over 30 years (i did tell her about my crossdressing before we were married although she says she doesn't remember. talk about selective memory! talk about denial! ha!). obviously, this puts me in the unenviable position of trying to make a most difficult decision: do i repress my crossdressing and stay married but frustrated or do i crossdress as i feel the need and risk being single? yuk!

so, sweetheart, i think i do know how you feel. i just wish i could offer some words of reassurance, words of comfort. i wish people could dress as they please and everyone would just mind their own business. alas, the reality is that something got wired differently in our brains and our society is highly suspicious of those who are different from the main stream. suspicious, hell! society can get down-right angry about the way some of us dress!

regardless, darling, i hope that your future holds much satisfaction for you and your family.
nina

[Loy B(SO)]

Wow what an interesting thread...Sorta difficult to answer. When i met my husband he was indeed this strong caring and loving man,and still is. When I met him he was not dressing.It was not until after we married and we had went to the Rocky Horror Picture Show that he showed interest in dressing.At first it was just panties.He liked the way they felt. Over time it has grown to the point that he loves to wear lingerie,bras,womens clothes and so on.He is even currently on hormones to increase his breast size. I have felt like at times if I wanted to be with a woman I would have got with a woman rather than a man, and sometimes you feel like you loose the "man" that you met and married.I have also questioned his sexuality.I have found recently that he is bicurious.That does not bother me though.I think I can honestly say that I have taken that better than the whole crossdressing.Being bi myelf,(which I just recently explored)I understand the curiosity of being with someone of the same sex.I have told him that if he chooses to experiment I will support him 100%. I think the thing that has helped us the most is an open line of communication. We talk,talk,talk.Yes sometimes I get frustrated with it,but I have come to realize that regardless of how he is dressed he is the same loving caring man that I fell so deeply in love with.The most important thing is to reassure the one you are with that you are the same loving person,reagrdless of how you are dressed.I realize that while dressed my husband feels like a different person,because it boosts his confidence. He becomes more adventurious and willing to experiment, but he is still him.It is an expression of his softer more gentle side, and I love it.Yep, there are always little issues that are coming up,but we always seem to be able to talk through them. Like I said the most important thing is talking and reasurance of your love for your SO. I hope this helps some and I havent confused anyone any more.

[Curly(SO)]

Hi Nicole,

I was just going to put the links in here to my fifteen year old daughter's posts...but I see Connie has already done it, thanks Connie!

I liked what you wrote and I also wonder why so many women walk away from their partners because of CDing. Firstly, I think that maybe the CDing isn't the only problem in the relationship and I do think that CDing may be used as a scapecoat in many cases. Unfortunately, we don't very often get to hear from SO's who leave, so we never get to hear their side. In my case, yes, the love is very much stronger than any issues that CDing may raise in my marriage. I feel very sad when I hear of couples splitting up due to CDing, but I do think there are probably other issues involved.

For me, it never even entered my head to leave my partner when I found out about the CDing...why would I? Nothing had changed really, he was just sharing more of himself than before. Yes, it did feel weird to start with...I think that is probably the biggest hurdle to overcome, getting rid of that weird feeling. I could probably think of some ideas to help lift off that 'weirdness' feeling.

Jeannie...I must be a pipe dream then...for I accept and understand my man's need to CD and hey...it doesn't even creep me out I'm not even a bi-sexual dominant woman...trust me, I'm sooo not dominant! do you know what? I even believe that I'm not the only heterosexual non-dominant woman who has a happy marriage with a CDing husband!

Love,
Curly.

[Nicole Pearce]

Hi Curly~

Thank you for your post. Your husband is a very lucky guy. This forum is also very lucky to have you participating.

Our only issue is the trans stuff. We get along really well other than that, and the truth of the matter is, she doesn't blame me, and is not angry with me. What it really comes down to, is I think I am TS, and that is the problem. HUGE problem. I don't blame her for wanting to leave-she married a man (at least she thought so). I would do anything to change how I feel. It is not fair to ANY of us. Two people love each other dearly, and something that can not be helped by either party puts a cabosh on there life. That sucks. Hopefully the lessons will be far greater than the pain we will endure. Thanks for caring~

Nicole