Down and out

[Carol Ann]

Well I may be selfest but since my Grandchildren returned I haven't been able to dress and will not be able until school starts the 16th. I have a problem, "where is this crossdressing going?". Have I let it take over my life?, am I so selfest I don't care about other people any more?. I must be blind as I cann't seem to see down the road and what path I am on.
You know I figured I was just another average male who enjoyed CD'ing but how I have fears, it seems as if it is taken over my life and I am afraid what may happen in the furture. WHY WHY is it so important that I must dress everyday all the time?, what the hell is happening to me?. I guess I have reach a point in my life when all I do is think about ME. Best part is I know I'm wrong but in everyones life there is a point when you just don't care any more. I want to be Carol Ann!!!!

[Anita]

Hi Carol Ann--
You're getting hit from several angles here. I hope you can find enough comfort somewhere to get through until you can at least dress again.

It's hard to enjoy other people's company when it takes away something that you need in order to feel like yourself. So it's not so much selfishness as it is confusion--you lost a familiar part of your life, and you hadn't realized how much it meant until it isn't there.

The bigger question is how you're going to deal with this kind of thing in the future, and that's what you're wondering about. It is very hard to look down this path, for many of us here. This can be one of the most upsetting and emotional problems that any of us will ever have. It's not surprising that we shut down when it comes to trying to figure this out too far ahead of ourselves.

This is not like deciding to go back to school and train for a new job, for instance. That can be scary and upsetting, but it's not outside other people's ideas of what is acceptable. But the solutions to our kind of problem can upset almost everyone, including ourselves. And I don't just mean the more radical solutions, like living fulltime. Even just deciding that you want to dress more than once a month is upsetting to your spouse if that has been the norm for years and years.

I know you've been dressing most of the time, and your wife is somewhat on the fence about that. But it seems like what you're dealing with right now, Carol, is you own feelings about it, and that can be as hard if not harder than dealing with other people's reactions.

I made it through the time when my female self first came to the surface, and it wasn't fun. Am I glad that I made it through that? Yes, I am, because I'm happier than I was before it happened. I also expect that there will be other crossroads ahead, and they may be equally distressing at first. This life we lead takes a strong will. You've made it this far, and you'll go on. I hope you can begin to see the best way to do this "going on." I'm here rooting for you!

[Jeannie]

Carol Ann I don't think any of us have a difinitive answer as to why. I just got to the point and said Why not! I never have felt comfortable dressed as a man. I just go with flow and stopped trying to self analize. Just look at the four first letters of analize! I wish you the best Hon whatever you do. It rough enough being a printer! LOL Hugs

Love
Jeannie

PS. I have to leave you with a old joke someone posted recently.

What's the difference between a crossdresser and a trans sexual?

Five years!

Sorry Carol Ann. It was sniffing all that press wash today! You understand!
I'm still trying to find a drive through SRS center. The last time I went into Frankie's Hot Dog restaurant drive through by mistake.. The fellow said"You want a hot dog?" I replied" No! I'm trying to get rid of one!"

[DonnaT]

It has been my feeling that you are more than an occasional CDer, Carol. Closer to a transgenderist but less then a transsexual.

Sometimes, when have nothing else to occupy our minds, or when we've been deprived of the time needed to satisfy that omnipresent urge to drees, it does become the center of our thoughts.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

What's the difference between a crossdresser and a trans sexual?

Five years!

Not to pick on you Jeannie (because I know you meant well), but I really wish people wouldn't throw that joke around.

It really does freak out SOs, not to mention folks who are unsure where they are on the trans spectrum.

As I mentioned in another thread, CDs and other folks who don't transition have the eternal "sound of the other shoe not dropping" issue to content with and these are the sorts of comments that subtly pressure people toward a place they really may not be comfortable with. Plus it evokes the whole "tranny hierarchy" stuff. I'm not trying to be PC about this, merely asking people to recognize that the issue of people's identity is a delicate business and if people feel they're teetering on the slippery slope it's best to give them space.

Carol Ann, as Donna said, it may simply be a case of fixiating on something because you haven't be able to do it. Since most of don't get to dress as much as we'd like, we never figure out where our equilibrium point is.

But ultimately only you can decide and as Anita said, sorting through one's own feelings can be tough.

[Jess(SO)]

PS. I have to leave you with a old joke someone posted recently.

What's the difference between a crossdresser and a trans sexual?

Five years!


Jeannie it may be an old joke and somewhere deep deep down inside of me I probably believe it is, but at the moment I am sat here in tears, just wondering how much truth there is in the old joke.

I,understand where you come from in your belive in living your life as you want without compromise,(but he also chose to enter into this relationship without telling me and so the very least he could do now is be honest and open), but if this is what I have to look forward to in a year or two I don't know that I am willing to go any further down the road, much as I love this guy, I also have a 10 year old who would be crucified round our area (and he has been through enough in the past with his dad being jailed for abusing his sister) and he certainly dosen't deserve any crap from peopole who can't understand the difference between cding and perverts.
Little un and I are going away for the weekend to some great mates so it will give me time to really think this through. I still have trouble with the trust thing so maybe just maybe he will be better off without me in his life, anyway food for thought definatly
Jess(SO)

[Absaroka]

Carol I know you have a lot of things on your plate right now. And if grandkids are anything like all other children then as much as we love them they can be exhausting. I do know that my inlaws can't really deal with their grand kids for more than a few days. Not only are you not dressing but no doubt a million other things about your daily routine have changed.

Not to play shrink or anything but maybe other stuff is making you nuts and not being able to dress is not only loss of a stress relief but also a convenient scapegoat for other feelings? It does seem to me that the 16th is only a bit more than a week away and there are worse things in life than wearing mens clothes for a week. On the other hand a week of completely different life patterns can seem like an eternity.

Of course I could be completely wrong about this.

As for the joke I imagine it could strike terror into the hearts of many. But who's to say how long a year is? Perhaps year merely means a very long time in this context....after all I have been CDing for 45 Earth years with no desire for SRS in sight.


Absaroka

[Carol Ann]

Anita,
First off let me say I truly love your new avatar it's you sweetheart.
I guess my real problem is now that I'm retired I feel that I shouldn't have to raise grandchildren and my golden years should be mine to enjoy.
There I go again being selfesh but I feel other people should step up to the plate and take responsibilty for their own problems. Yes the wife is on the fence a little but I think we have put that problem to rest ? She hasn't said to much lately but when she does I listen and do. Thank you for your advice

[Carol Ann]

Donna T,
Thank you for your imput but I don't understand the term transgenderist?, I will have to look that up. Maybe you are correct as I may be in between as I want to dress everyday but no operation for this girl. Now as far as having to occupy my mine, honey I got lots of that. TWO teenage grandchildren who need cloths, school supplys, and want to sleep all day .
Oh less I forget it's canning time as the garden is in full ripeness and you cann't wait or you will lose it. See here is the problem, We can still do all this work but Carol Ann can not be there, please don't worry as I just had a low point in my life I will be ok just got to back down until school starts and see how it all works out.

[Carol Ann]

Hi Absarora,
So nice of you to play shrink , No I mean that in a good way and yes there are underlining problems going back to when I was a teenager but don't really want to go in to it on this forum. So you have been Cd'ing for 45 years? Mmmm may have you beat will have to think about that.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Jeannie it may be an old joke and somewhere deep deep down inside of me I probably believe it is, but at the moment I am sat here in tears, just wondering how much truth there is in the old joke.

Jess -

Please, please don't worry too much about that joke. I know that Jeannie did not mean to hurt you, or anyone else.

The truth is that barely 5% of CD'ers ever consider transitioning, and I believe fewer than that actually have the surgery. The majority of all CD's are content with keeping their guy's body and parts and dressing to whatever extent they personally need/require to be satisfied.

I know that you'll hear from some of the CD's here verifying what I have written, and they will be able to do so with so much more emphasis and heart-felt feelings than I, as they have that personal 'been there, done that, still doing it' that I can only write about from an observation status, obviously.

Jess, you will need to sit down and talk with your CD about your fears and concerns, and as soon as possible. I'm betting that you are worrying over nothing, but regardless, we are all here for you.



- SL

[Jeannie]

It was just an old joke. That's all. I don't want to make people cry. I'm sorry. I'm such a clod sometimes and I don't think. Don't be sad or mad at me. please?Hugs


Love
Jeannie AKA "The Jerk"

[Lydia]

Jess,

From what you say, you are truly in love and honestly trying to understand. If he really loves you, he has to understand your feelings as well. Many CDs find it necessary to stay concealed for social and professional reasons. Such comcealment is made endurable by having an understanding wife or SO.

I well know the impossibility of answering the simple question: Why do you need it? So don't ask such a question that penetrates into the unkown areas of one's psyche. See if you can set your own limits on what you can accept. Your husband must do likewise. Therein lies compromise. If there is love, then adjustments are possible. Frank conversation is essential.

I had a very happy marriage for 50 years with a woman who barely tolerated my CD habits, but we worked out a set of compromises and agreements. She died 11 years ago. My current SO is understanding and cooperative, but even so I try not to push my luck.

Forgive me for sticking my neck out this way, but Ijust felt I had to respond to your message above.

Hugs,

Lydia

[Loy B(SO)]

Carol Ann,
I dont think it is selfishness for you to be able to expect to enjoy your retirement being able to do what you want to do.You abviously enjoy dressing and it would be hard to enjoy something and not be able to do it for a while.Who knows where it will lead to.I dont think any of us can expect what turn our lives will take.You just enver know theese days.Hang in there honey,things will look better soon.Im sure once the kids are back off to school you will be dressign again and loving life.

[Jess(SO)]

jeannie,
I'm sure you didn't mean anything by the joke just caught me on a raw moment, but the bit at the of me that says ---- The truth is not always easy to live with but lies destroy more than they protect --------- is how I am.
I can deal with most things in life fairly easily if I know what I am dealing with, it's the not knowing and all that goes with it that fazes me way out.

I'm not mad at you, sad yup cos he won't talk to me about this, if I need help with anything thers not another person in the world I would turn to first, he is, sensitive, caring, sensible (even when I don't want sensible n just want to rant) and funny - things never ever seem as bad after you talk to him.

I love this guy to bits but can't, won't cope with lies or half truths.

Anyway am of to me mates early tommorow won't be back till monday so everybody have a great weekend ( am getting poshed up myself this weekend and going to a summer ball --- wonder if I can wear me trainers with posh dress LOL)

HUGS TO ALL ESPECIALLY JEANNIE