It's all about confidence. Do others feel this way too?

[Barbara G]

As I reflect on my interaction with other people in my recent times out and about in femme, it seems to me that people interact with me with less rejection when I display a true sense of mission. Maybe the rejection is there, but in my focused mind set, it rolls off like water off a duck's back.

I mean that if I have a purpose -- find and buy an item, for example, people sense that and react as they would if I were in drab. In my last two or three local excursions, I was dressed obviously girlie, but wore no wig -- I have severe male pattern baldness AND I have no wig satisfies me -- and only ear rings and lipstick. I didn't wear extensive makeup because I don't know how to apply it convincingly, and I don't want to look like a clown with a botched makeup job,

Just today, I went to the nearest Merle Norman store to get a new set of piercing studs because (1) I lost the backing clasp to one (2) I like to wear
them from time to time in the perhaps mistaken belief that because the shafts are larger in diameter than those of standard ear rings, they will help
keep the holes open and make it easy to put those standard ear rings on.

I wanted new piercing studs with cubic Zirconium of sufficient size. They had none such, but suggested that I go down the Sally store two doors down,
I did, and got what I was after. I even need ed help from one of the sales girls to put the right one on, and she helped my with the task. Cordiality
all around.

Before I left the Merle Norman store, I scheduled a makeover: next Tuesday at one o'clock. I'm going to learn how to do good job on applying makeup...

On a previous excursion, I was seeking a nice femme belt to wear with my short denim skirts. I got one at the nearby country and western store, and the three sales ladies were very friendly and cordial, all helping me locate what I sought in the size I needed.

On another outing, I went to the nearby cosmetology school at which the students train and get licensed for the various services cosmetologists provide. I was there to get my eye brows waxed and shaped in as feminine a manner as possible with the sparse raw materials at hand. The deed was done in a
bull pen with 20 or so advanced students and a few other customers around. Only nice "hi there" comments.

In all these cases, even though I didn't appear female but as a somewhat chubby and balding guy in clearly feminine clothes, I didn't feel any embarrassment and felt no sense of rejection. I just went about the business I was out to accomplish. Sort of "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead".

This approach may not display the ultimate in feminine decorum, but I felt at ease, doing what I needed to do.

I conjecture that if I just got dressed and went cruising aimlessly as a local mall (for instance), I would sense much more coldness and hostility from the other mall goers. Maybe the amount of distain would be the same in either case, but it wouldn't affect me as much if I were on mission. It would
undermine my confidence a lot more, and I think that confidence and a sense of "I belong here looking like this" is what it takes to to carry off wearing female clothes and not passing or even attempting to pass.

Comments? Do any others here have similar sentiments?

[DonnaT]

I've not been shopping while enfemme, but I agree, confidence is helpful when out.

[Stephanie W]

Barbara

What a refreshing attitude you have and I'm so glad to hear you were handsomely rewarded with the friendly and positive reaction from the sales people. It takes a lot of balls to do what you are doing but more power to you. Just be mindful that there are some nuts out there who might not take as friendly an approach to your "individuality". That's their problem of course, but just stay safe.

I will agree that having a purpose when going out goes a long way to making one feel more at ease, so others can take that as good advice when trying to offset those nerves that tend to impede one's ability to really enjoy that shopping experience. I personally wouldn't feel properly dressed following your lead but that's just me. Then again, the thought of going out in predominantly boy mode with just a skirt doesn't sound like a bad idea either.

Stephanie

[Kathy]

I most definitely agree that attitude plays a big role in how you are percieved by others. I, too, make no effort to present as female. I never wear a wig and no makeup other than occasional neutral color lipstick and/or nail polish. I present as who I really am at all times. Not to mention that, in this area, many of the people know me by sight anyway.

I don't wear a skirt out but, I also don't own any men's clothing at all. I just got back from grocery shopping. I wore my blue short sleeve mock neck tee under a lighter blue ladies oxford shirt, stretch boot cut jeans and blue 2 1/2 inch heel ankle boots. I also had my "add-a-cup" pads in my bra though I do sometimes wear my full B forms.

I went to the local Agway store, bought a bag of bird seed and some potting soil and chatted with the owner, a long time friend of the family, for a few minutes. Then stopped at the drug store before hitting the Friday afternoon crowd at the grocery store.

A couple of people looked at me kind of funny. I just gave them a friendly smile and a nod and went about my business.

I had nothing but friendly service from the staff everywhere.

And, I just do not buy into the notion that you have to look like a girl to wear girly clothes. That's my preference and my choice. And, at 53, I'm not going back.

So, yes, attitude is everything.

Keep up the good work Barbara!

Kathy

[KimberlyS]

Barbara G,
It sounds like you had many good outings with more to come.

I agree very much with you that a big part of going out is having a confident and positive attitude about being out. And even more so than being perfect in the look you want, i.e. "Passing" for many cders.

And I agree that if you are more focused on doing something you are less likely to see those that are looking at you. And by the way, most people look at other people just because they are there, and often do not pick up details unless given a reason to look in detail, such as over dressed for the situation or being very nervious.

I also loved your style and attire that you wore out. My goal is to also some day be out as a guy who wears feminine clothes. But out here on the pairies it does take a while for the newer styles to arrive and local society thoughts to change.

I applaud those that are out on the edge of change like yourself.

KimberlyS-CD
A guy in a skirt

[Paulie]

It does seem that if you just go about your business and not act like you're hiding, most people just don't notice.

For better or worse, everyone just kinda blends in with the crowds. I don't go out dressed, but have worn womens pants, jeans, tops, and sometimes shoes. Never had a funny look from anyone.

[Anita]

Hi Barbara--
Having a sense of purpose really helps. I think that what goes hand-in-hand with that, though, is speaking. When you have definite aims you want to accomplish, you usually ask questions of the clerks. At the very least, you'll end up talking to the person who handles the final sale.

I find that people sometimes don't know quite what to make of me, until I speak. I smile, and I'm pleasant with them, and I can see them relax--"Oh, this is going to be a normal conversation." I forget sometimes, that people don't know what to expect from a man dressed as a woman. They've often never seen one of us, (that they know of, anyway!)

So we're the "unknown," and opening our mouths and speaking goes a long way toward dissipating that. I'd like to have a better femme voice, but the point is that people immediately pick up where I'm coming from as soon as I ask them the first question.

But being happy and smiling at them goes a long way, too. And if I'm out running errands and I know what I want to get done, I usually feel happy.