Hello to all,
The beauty of our feelings be they negative, positive good or bad is that you don't have to let them go. You just place them in a bubble let them float away until such time that you are ready to draw them back to face and resolve them.
My husband is now 15 months into transition, it has been a bumpy road, it has brought to the surface for me new emotions and new ways of dealing with them.
For Marie, my partner, there has been 30-odd years of suppression and with that suppression a pattern of behavoir was created out of sheer survival.
In our 15 years of marriage I have always said sorry, always been the one to try and work through our issues.....but they weren't our issues, they were Marie's.
So we have been on a journey to heal each others pain. I have encouraged Marie to face people to whom she was not very kind to or short with, after much effort of them trying to make friends.
What we have found is that by resolving many feelings wounds have been healed for not just her but other people.
Marie wrote a Fax to her ex boss from the country that she subcontracted to for 8 years. Those 8 years had huge repercussions on us and the people she worked with. So hence many, many times I was going in to apologise for Maries's actions.
Well the fax was sent off and 3 hours later Steve Marie's ex boss rang back, they spoke for over an hour, the wonderful experience for Marie was that Steve held no grudge, she was sure that he would and that the letter would be thrown into the bin or town gossip. Steve just wanted to know why all his attempts to be a friend or mate had been pushed away with hate and anger. Marie came of that phone with a peaceful smile and she turned to me and said that this was an amazing part of her self acceptance, being able to talk to someone outside the family circle and to have the chance to say sorry. She has let those feelings of shame go now.
I guess it is very important to be able to resolve feelings of guilt and shame with firstly yourself but also with others.
If you had to adopt a certain type of behavoir to protect yourself from others and to deny your true self to your own self acceptance, please do not be to hard on yourself, just find ways to resolve those feelings, forgive yourself and then take that next step to freedom within.
Suppression is a decay within, it has symtoms that force you into something you really are not. Suppression forces people to hold at bay many, many people, friends and loved ones. Suppression is like a voice within that doesn't allow you to even like yourself, so if you can't like yourself why should others.
Let the pain that resides out, it doesn't need to be held within forever, little by little you let part of you out, you feel it, you acknowledge it and you work out how the best way to accept your feeling into your everyday life.
You all are 1, not 2 people, it just happens that way that it is easier to say there is 2 parts of you, which essentially causes most of you so much grief.
Unite yourself, forgive yourself, accept yourself and from within you will radiate and cope better with life every single day.
Hugs Penny
A big a hug for you both,for being so open and true about your life,that takes courage.