Hello everyone in cyberspace.
I have a very important topic to discuss with you tonight.
Intimacy and crossdressing.
I have had in the past people ask me how I can make love to my husband now that I know he likes to dress and act as a woman.
Well in the early years it was difficult and I even threw myself to him almost every night trying to cure him from his addiction ,as I called it to womens clothing etc.
I questioned my own gender identity and blamed myself for the lack of intimacy in our relationship.
As time went by we worked things out,as you do because you so love this man.I have stopped comparing my husbands arousal levels when we make love and freely enjoy my femme sexually as well as when he is in man mode.It is about exploring each other again and recognising each persons limitations/boundaries.
I know that talking about sexual relationships in most circles is taboo, people get embaressed or don't want others to know there are problems in the bedroom ,however I feel discussing it is a poignant one,many of you will have your sexuality questioned by your spouses.It is how you react and act on these comments about your sex life that can make or break a relationship.
It is important to address this subject just as much as any other crossdressing relationship problem.
How have you all coped with this aspect of your relationship.I know that every day I learn more about my femme,some of the things I have learn't have scared me or made me uncertain about myself and our future,but by educating,speaking to other crossdressers etc,I'm realising this is an universal problem in couples with crossdressing in their life.I have also learn't that my mans masculinity in the bedroom has'nt really changed in fact it is better.
Hugs and kisses penni
dealing with intimacy
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Penni SO
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 169
- Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2006 10:10 pm
- Location: Australia
dealing with intimacy
Supporting wife of Transexual partner
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
Hi Penni,
I will be brief as any details would have most of my sisters here think I live in some fictious, fantasy world.
I will say this, my soon (hopefully) to be 'Ex" was one that when I tried to explain to her what I was morphing into or was feeling "ran screaming into the night!" well actually as I have stated before she ran screaming to her mother, where she had always gone since, well I guess since she could walk and encountered anything that challenged her!!!!
My current SO - talk about 180 degrees of separation. I will say this, if a crossdresser could put together an SO to the very exacting specifications that I have read about on the forum over the past 2 1/2 years that would delight and thrill a crossdresser! She would be the design from which all others would follow!
Virginia
I will be brief as any details would have most of my sisters here think I live in some fictious, fantasy world.
I will say this, my soon (hopefully) to be 'Ex" was one that when I tried to explain to her what I was morphing into or was feeling "ran screaming into the night!" well actually as I have stated before she ran screaming to her mother, where she had always gone since, well I guess since she could walk and encountered anything that challenged her!!!!
My current SO - talk about 180 degrees of separation. I will say this, if a crossdresser could put together an SO to the very exacting specifications that I have read about on the forum over the past 2 1/2 years that would delight and thrill a crossdresser! She would be the design from which all others would follow!
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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DonnaT
- Miss Great Goddess
- Posts: 8222
- Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2004 11:04 am
- Location: No. Virginia
My wife and I have been married 31+ years and early on, she seemed to enjoy the kinky side of being with me while I was in a nighty. In fact, our two kids were conceived during such times.
Then she did a 180 for a while.
Now, I wear a nighty every night. Sometimes she's not sure what she wants, but has suggested on occasion that I put on my wig if I wanted. I never do though, too hot.
Then she did a 180 for a while.
Now, I wear a nighty every night. Sometimes she's not sure what she wants, but has suggested on occasion that I put on my wig if I wanted. I never do though, too hot.
DonnaT
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Stacey
- Miss Crystal Goddess
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Sun May 21, 2006 3:11 pm
Re: dealing with intimacy
Penni,Penni SO wrote: I have a very important topic to discuss with you tonight.
Intimacy and crossdressing...As time went by we worked things out,as you do because you so love this man.
What perfect timing. My wife and I find ourselves struggling with this issue, after 19 years of a wonderful marriage. She has known that I have always marched to a slightly different drumbeat. But when I decided to tell her more about myself some 6 months ago, the image in her mind that I had a worn a dress on a few occasion caused her to take a step backwards.
So on the guidance of a therapist we both see spearately and trust, I am giving her plenty of plenty of space. And honestly not having sexual intimacy (as defined by my male side) is breaking my heart. So I hope and pray that maybe one day, she, like you, can find a space between us to return to. We truly love each other and are best friends, but the image of me in a dress (she has never seen me dressed) causes her difficulty. Thanks for sharing your story.
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Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
Hi Penni--
My last girlfriend was a wonderful match for me, and we had three good years together, after being friends for ten years before that. I was a man who had crossdressed as a teen, but I was not an active crossdresser when we were together.
What started happening was that we would do a "genderswitch" at intimate moments, without either one of us planning for it or talking about it. It just happened, and it seemed to work for both of us. I say "seemed," because we never talked about it afterward. It didn't involve clothing switches at all--it was all "in the moment."
We separated because we had different needs--she wanted to live together, and I had said at the very beginning that I probably wouldn't ever do that again. She was brave enough to see that after three years, she needed that, and she gave me some time to think about it. After a month or so, I saw that it would not work for me, and that was it
It was two years later that my femme self woke up and made herself known to me, and I had to buy the clothes, figure out how to dress, and go out to meet the world. But Anita's beginnings were back there in that relationship. Since then, my ex-GF has not been happy about my femme side at all, even though she benefited from the beginnings of Anita's emergence. But when it became apparent that the girl within me was "real," and wanted to be acknowledged--well, that's when Lynda had to draw the line.
I have no idea how it would have played out if we had been confronted with working it out while still together.
My last girlfriend was a wonderful match for me, and we had three good years together, after being friends for ten years before that. I was a man who had crossdressed as a teen, but I was not an active crossdresser when we were together.
What started happening was that we would do a "genderswitch" at intimate moments, without either one of us planning for it or talking about it. It just happened, and it seemed to work for both of us. I say "seemed," because we never talked about it afterward. It didn't involve clothing switches at all--it was all "in the moment."
We separated because we had different needs--she wanted to live together, and I had said at the very beginning that I probably wouldn't ever do that again. She was brave enough to see that after three years, she needed that, and she gave me some time to think about it. After a month or so, I saw that it would not work for me, and that was it
It was two years later that my femme self woke up and made herself known to me, and I had to buy the clothes, figure out how to dress, and go out to meet the world. But Anita's beginnings were back there in that relationship. Since then, my ex-GF has not been happy about my femme side at all, even though she benefited from the beginnings of Anita's emergence. But when it became apparent that the girl within me was "real," and wanted to be acknowledged--well, that's when Lynda had to draw the line.
I have no idea how it would have played out if we had been confronted with working it out while still together.
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Terri(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 373
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- Location: San Francisco
- Contact:
Hi Penni,
Crossdresing has been part of intimacy in my relationship since he told me. I think that's what actually makes it easier for me. I can play a role for him. We do have a clear agreement that I am there because of his male presentation and need that male body. He always make sure he gives me what I need from the man and then we switch and I help "create" Maria. THe selfish side of me sometimes wishes I didn't have to do the creative work but since it makes him so happy I always do it. We've tried to switch up the order but unfortunately my buttons just don't get pushed when he is Maria. I wish it could be different but attraction is not something that can be controlled.
Terri
Crossdresing has been part of intimacy in my relationship since he told me. I think that's what actually makes it easier for me. I can play a role for him. We do have a clear agreement that I am there because of his male presentation and need that male body. He always make sure he gives me what I need from the man and then we switch and I help "create" Maria. THe selfish side of me sometimes wishes I didn't have to do the creative work but since it makes him so happy I always do it. We've tried to switch up the order but unfortunately my buttons just don't get pushed when he is Maria. I wish it could be different but attraction is not something that can be controlled.
Terri
Love is a verb. It's a doing thing. No action, no love! - Terri
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Bernice
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 615
- Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2004 11:24 pm
- Location: Northeast Kansas
Like Terri, Debbie's buttons are not pushed by Bernice. I think we tried making love when I was en-femme, but it really wasn't her cup of tea, and that was that.
She still has trouble with breast forms and a wig also. So, out of mere respect, I don't press to remain fully enfemme when she is home.
She lets me wear a pullover dress to bed (for sleep), and on occasion, foreplay has begun under those curcumstances. However, the total experience for us requires nudity on both parts.
Other health problems have interfered in the last year or so. Her acceptance is better than ever (now posting on another forum as an SO), so I wonder how things would be now if only we could be that way. Better not to wonder, I suppose, and try to deal with our health first.
Hugs,
Bernice
She still has trouble with breast forms and a wig also. So, out of mere respect, I don't press to remain fully enfemme when she is home.
She lets me wear a pullover dress to bed (for sleep), and on occasion, foreplay has begun under those curcumstances. However, the total experience for us requires nudity on both parts.
Other health problems have interfered in the last year or so. Her acceptance is better than ever (now posting on another forum as an SO), so I wonder how things would be now if only we could be that way. Better not to wonder, I suppose, and try to deal with our health first.
Hugs,
Bernice