Hurt Feelings

[Carol Ann]

Well this morning my wife and I had and interesting conversation. As usual after I dressed I always go to her for her opinion on my dress, my makeup, my wig, and over all presentation. Her words " honey you are dressed very nice BUT, you need to learn how to dress down and more casual". I said " what do you mean?", she said " you are always dressed nice not casual". Always stockings and full makeup, you always look very nice but over dressed for everyday wear. I was heart broken but the truth of the matter is I want to look good at all times, and without makeup I don't stand a chance of passing. She told me I should learn how to tone down my makeup maybe a little press power and light lipstick. Well I have to drew in my eyebrows, yes but lightly not to dark your not going out on a date. Mmmm OK but I just don't feel dressed properly. Her famous words "OH WELL you can't win them all". You know I was hurt as I go out of my way to look and dress very nice and be a proper lady in presentation, hell yes I want to look good. I want to be pretty, I want to be sexy, I want to look like an attractive women. Why get dressed if you don't look good?.

[Lydia]

You hit a note with me. My SO looks at me dressed and asks why so fancy and formal. She is not sloppy, but often wears jeans and a t-shirt. I try to dress my age, but I want to look and feel feminine. Jeans and a t-shirt don't do that for me. My usual costume is a skirt & top, but stockings and some jewelry seem needed.

The average woman middle age and up - now wears pants and a simple polo shirt or t-shirt. What is a poor CD to do?

Hugs,

Lydia

[DonnaT]

Her words " honey you are dressed very nice . . .[snip]

I'd be real happy if my wife said that.

Her words ". . . BUT, you need to learn how to dress down and more casual".

You did ask her opinion, and she was honest with you. Really, how can that hurt?

At least she didn't say, "Your over dressed, go try again and tone it down!"

[Virginia]

Carol Ann and Lydia,
Thanks girls! This came up, well, a while ago and this girl got taken to the woodshed so fast by a couple of SO's that I was actually in shock!!!!!
I guess for us NOTS or TS orTG or CD, when a GG's feet hit the floor each morning she is who she is!!!!!!!!!!! We, on the other hand, can only try and emulate what we admire!
PLLLLLLLLLLLeeeeeeeeeeeeesssse don't beat me!!!!!
Love,
Virginia

[Gardenia_SO]

I can kind of relate to your SOs, and here's why: GGs DO NOT wake up looking gorgeous, and most of us don't get gussied up, except for special occasions.

It's not necessarily an insult if your SO encourages you to dress down. Honestly, they're probably trying to make you look more like GGs by not doing full makeup, etc. Lydia is correct--I only wear dresses on special occasions. Heck, I can't remember the last time I wore a skirt and it wasn't to church or a party.

If it makes you feel good to get gussied up, go for it! Just realize that it will make you stand out from most GGs. Kind of weird, but that's just the way it is. I think we GGs get lazy sometimes or just don't need the makeup and dressy attire.

[Virginia]

Yes, I read Gardenia post and guess what? I am not going to be taken to the woodshed on this topic again!!! I have learned my lesson so as the Four Seasons song goes: "Silence is Golden!"
Love,
Virginia

[Absaroka]

Carolann I think it is nice that your wife feels comfortable talking to you like this. After spouses (and as I remember you have been married a long time)give each other feedback all the time, not all of it what we hoped to hear.

The CD being overdressed for everyday life is I think something that gets to the heart of a difference between us and GGs For us just getting dressed en femme is a bit of an event. For GGs it is sometimes a chore. When we get to the point of saying "oh s--- I have to pick out something to look nice and I don't want to bother" but have to do it anyway because that's just how life is (why my wife picks out her work clothes the night before when she has the energy to deal with this chore) then we will be like GGs.

In the meantime enjoy your clothing

Absaroka

[CJ]

Heh. Whatsa matter, Virginia? Afraid the ruts are gonna get deeper?

Yes, as opposed to GG's, men need to be artful illusionists if they're going to pass. But it seems there's a fine line between being read for being too artful and not artful enough. Walking that line is a talent few CD's possess. We push the boundary in the direction of "gussying ourselves up" while our wives and girlfriends are of the opinion that we should tone things down. Personally, I would tend to defer to my SO in this regard; she's got more experience at being a woman than I'll ever have. It has little to do with laziness or slobbishness.

Don't berate yourself (or your wife) too much, Carol Ann. She's being honest with you. This is the greatest thing we can bring to any relationship.

Love,
CJ

[Cathii]

Well as a lazy TS I know that jeans and tshirt are a wonderful thing, although for me there is still a lot more work that has to be put into it than a gg. As Gardenia(SO) says women don't dress to the nines every day of their lives, infact it is a reasonably rare occassion that they do. When I go to clubs etc I do dress up, but heading to the shops is a simple throw on what is there kind of thing.

So Carol Ann your wife is doing you a huge favour by telling you how women dress. Take the lesson and accept that sometimes to pass in this world you have to look less than your best!

Cathii

[Gardenia_SO]

Good points, CJ.

There is most definitely a fine line between being too artful and not artful enough. A lot of CDs do have it down... judging from the pics I've seen I probably wouldn't even be able to tell the difference between CDs and GGs! My SO is getting better and better--he's absolutely gorgeous en femme, because he's learned a lot about makeup and fashion. I think it just takes practice and a willingness to experiment.

Keep in mind that sometimes it's just personal preference when we speak up--I'm not a huge makeup gal in general, so I guess I prefer a more natural look while there are lots of GGs who insist on going all out. Take any constructive criticism with a grain of salt. Just like when you poll 10 people about any particular topic (Pres. Bush, rap music, Ford vs. Chevy, even the weather) you're bound to get 10 different answers.

-Gardenia

BTW--Virginia, I hope you didn't think I was taking you to the woodshed. Sometimes I can be *ahem* too honest and it gets me into trouble!

[Carol Ann]

I thank everyone for their for advice and opinions. First I will say I'm not all dolled up with heavy makeup and huge earrings and all that stuff just nice (my opinion). In fact I'm still a little hurt and haven't dressed since my post. I so do enjoy getting dressed and putting on my makeup and looking nice. It just kills me when I see a women wearing baggy jeans, funky t-shirt, and hair that hasn't been combed in weeks. No sorry thats not for me.

[Jess(SO)]

As I hate mornings, managing to drag myself out of bed, throw some water on my face, do the teeth, drag a brush through my hair and drink a cup of coffee beforeI go to take Dh to work is about all I can manage (well I do manage somewhere in all that to drag some clothes on )

I then return and feed the child, make sure that he manages to get off to school without having to come back 6 times for something he has forgotten then it's time to walk the dogs, ---one is a lurcher so you can imagine the exercise she needs--------, back home throw some more coffee down the neck, then tackle the housework. lunch time beckons, more coffee, a snack and then time to prepare tea before youngest returns from school, spend some time with him, go pick DH up from work tea, dishes, kitchen tidied, and now an hour before suppertime for little one and preparing the next days bait boxes. As I am not at work at the moment my days are pretty light add to all that a 6 -8 hr working day, and I just don't have time to think about making myself anything more than presentable to the outside world, I don't consider that I dress down but compared to how Claire dresses (and at the moment she doesn't do make up and wig) I am very much the dowdy wife ------ She is smart, carries herself very well, sits in a way that is ladylike (just not this lady) am I a slob ------- (compared to claire) ---------- absolutely and perhaps when she has been around 24/7 for 40 odd years she might loosen up a bit.

Yes I make the effort if we are going out, --even if I am only going round to a friends for a quiet night in with her, a bit of good old gossip and a few bicardi's and coke,---- for everday stuff like I mentioned nope not because I am lazy just because for me it isn't practical

. Why get dressed if you don't look good?.

cos if you go out undressed you'll get arrested

I guess what I was trying to say in all that rambling is sometimes LESS IS MORE

Jess

[Bronny]

its a tricky issue for cd's thats for sure. where i come from the women seem to wear mostly non specific clothes anyway. that is.....jeans or shorts and a t-shirt...and still look female. a cd would stand out like a beacon in the night if she was dressed. and yes we want to look our best but to blend in would be best i think. make up is not really an issue in day to day affairs as it is so humid here [now anyway] sometimes i just wear a pair of panties around the house and thats it. if i had a wardrobe of fem clothes i would only wear them around the house as i am closeted anyway.