here's a thought I had while PMing someone about honesty.
I have never been unfaithful to my wife. But if I am my own girlfriend, becoming this other persona even if only to myself, is that a form of cheating?
I guess part of the answer has to be another question. In so doing am I taking something away from the relationship? I don't have an answer at this point.
Thoughts anyone? Especially from wives?
Absaroka
infidelity????
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Absaroka
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infidelity????
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
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Terri(SO)
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I'm not sure I would call it cheating. If you are replacing the intimacy that your wife would otherwise experience with this "girlfriend within" I say yes, you are taking away from your relationship. I have heard from some women (many even?) that they feel neglected, that dressing becomes the sole focus of the intimacy to the point that the spouses needs are ignored.
It does not have to be so. Either the CD is especially demonstrably affectionate and can balance it or the relationship suffers (whether he is aware of it or not)
It does not have to be so. Either the CD is especially demonstrably affectionate and can balance it or the relationship suffers (whether he is aware of it or not)
Love is a verb. It's a doing thing. No action, no love! - Terri
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Georgia(SO)
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I don't know that I would call it cheating, per se... much depends on how your SO defines cheating.
OTOH, I know that, for me, this other woman inside my guy *feels* like The Other Woman in our relationship to me. I am jealous of her, because she *does* take my guy away from me. My brain always does a an exorcist spin over that one - she's part of him, ergo it isn't cheating v. it *feels* like there are 3 of us in this relationship. My brain knows what to do if there's another GG in the picture - it doesn't always know what to do when the other woman is him.
For me, as an SO, it is a big old logic v. emotion conundrum.
-g(so)
OTOH, I know that, for me, this other woman inside my guy *feels* like The Other Woman in our relationship to me. I am jealous of her, because she *does* take my guy away from me. My brain always does a an exorcist spin over that one - she's part of him, ergo it isn't cheating v. it *feels* like there are 3 of us in this relationship. My brain knows what to do if there's another GG in the picture - it doesn't always know what to do when the other woman is him.
For me, as an SO, it is a big old logic v. emotion conundrum.
-g(so)
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Jess(SO)
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Interesting question,
I know that at the moment I am spending much of my time looking for things for Claire on the internet. When shopping I am looking for things that might suit her, both he and I at the moment are perhaps being neglected for the woman in him.
I think on balance I do not consider it cheating, at least at the moment as I am actively participating in the awakening of Claire. However should the day ever come that I felt that she was becoming more important to him than I am, emotionally and/or Phsyically then yes I think my view on that would change. I will always need the man in him to be there for the woman in me, and while I am williing (at the moment) to participate in Claire being part of our relationship, if I ever felt that she was taking over, the dreaded 180 degree would no doubt be the outcome.
Jess
I know that at the moment I am spending much of my time looking for things for Claire on the internet. When shopping I am looking for things that might suit her, both he and I at the moment are perhaps being neglected for the woman in him.
I think on balance I do not consider it cheating, at least at the moment as I am actively participating in the awakening of Claire. However should the day ever come that I felt that she was becoming more important to him than I am, emotionally and/or Phsyically then yes I think my view on that would change. I will always need the man in him to be there for the woman in me, and while I am williing (at the moment) to participate in Claire being part of our relationship, if I ever felt that she was taking over, the dreaded 180 degree would no doubt be the outcome.
Jess
Last edited by Jess(SO) on Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:20 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Absaroka
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Thanks for the answers, and so fast too. All three of them really got to the heart of things I think and it's something I've read elsewhere about not getting too self centered about this.
It's been written that too often at a crossdressing gathering with spouses that the men sit around getting in touch with their inner women while the wives do the dishes. Now I understand that the men perhaps have an awful lot to talk about and have different needs in this situation. But still...
This has been discussed a lot here but I think spouses needs bear further discussion by the men here who are in relatively happy relationships.
Absaroka
It's been written that too often at a crossdressing gathering with spouses that the men sit around getting in touch with their inner women while the wives do the dishes. Now I understand that the men perhaps have an awful lot to talk about and have different needs in this situation. But still...
This has been discussed a lot here but I think spouses needs bear further discussion by the men here who are in relatively happy relationships.
Absaroka
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
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Curly(SO)
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Hi Absaroka,
I knew about my husband's fetishes before he told me the whole truth about the CDing so I did have some feelings of jealousy...my hubby had been cheating on me with articles of clothing...that was a bizarre thought...and, thankfully didnt last too long!
I have never felt like there was 'another woman' in our relationship, luckily. I think this has to do with me feeling like Ed's femme side is fully integrated with his whole persona, it doesn't feel separate, to me, or him. For a short while after he told me about his CDing, he did feel like a stranger to me but not for long. I think we both needed to quickly feel like the CDing was an integral part of him so it wouldn't cause 'third person' type of problems such as jealousy and feeling neglected. (I think Ed was kind of in denial about his CDing before he told me.) I can't feel jealous of my husband doing something that makes him happy but I'm sure I would if his femme side was presented to me as a 'separate' person.
I do feel though, that by keeping your CDing to yourself is kind of cheating as you are cheating your SO out of knowing the whole of you...who you truly are. (I don't mean to aim this directly at you, Absaroka, as I don't know how much you have or haven't told your SO!..more of a general comment) Like I said earlier, I did feel like I didn't know Ed anymore for a short while. I thought I knew my husband but then I found out a huge and very integral part of his being had been hidden from me...that was kind of hard to get my head round. My soulmate who I thought had shared his soul with me, in actual fact, hadn't.
It didn't cause a huge issue for me as I realised how hard it was for him to share that information with me and I can understand how scary it must be be to tell, not knowing what the reaction may be. So, to answer your second point, I don't see CDing as taking anything away from a relationship, but not sharing the whole of who you are must, in my opinion, take something away.
Love,
Curly.
I knew about my husband's fetishes before he told me the whole truth about the CDing so I did have some feelings of jealousy...my hubby had been cheating on me with articles of clothing...that was a bizarre thought...and, thankfully didnt last too long!
I have never felt like there was 'another woman' in our relationship, luckily. I think this has to do with me feeling like Ed's femme side is fully integrated with his whole persona, it doesn't feel separate, to me, or him. For a short while after he told me about his CDing, he did feel like a stranger to me but not for long. I think we both needed to quickly feel like the CDing was an integral part of him so it wouldn't cause 'third person' type of problems such as jealousy and feeling neglected. (I think Ed was kind of in denial about his CDing before he told me.) I can't feel jealous of my husband doing something that makes him happy but I'm sure I would if his femme side was presented to me as a 'separate' person.
I do feel though, that by keeping your CDing to yourself is kind of cheating as you are cheating your SO out of knowing the whole of you...who you truly are. (I don't mean to aim this directly at you, Absaroka, as I don't know how much you have or haven't told your SO!..more of a general comment) Like I said earlier, I did feel like I didn't know Ed anymore for a short while. I thought I knew my husband but then I found out a huge and very integral part of his being had been hidden from me...that was kind of hard to get my head round. My soulmate who I thought had shared his soul with me, in actual fact, hadn't.
It didn't cause a huge issue for me as I realised how hard it was for him to share that information with me and I can understand how scary it must be be to tell, not knowing what the reaction may be. So, to answer your second point, I don't see CDing as taking anything away from a relationship, but not sharing the whole of who you are must, in my opinion, take something away.
Love,
Curly.