a difficult one

[GinGin(SO)]

I have thousands of questions, my husband is a CD and I want to understand it all, to be a complete partner in his life.

The thing that has been in my head for a while is a question he asked me the other day. You might need some back up...

In his 20's he had this girlfriend that really liked women, she started dressing up with him to satisfy her desires and he liked it. This sessions involved drugs, toys and videos.

Now after 15 years he still thinks about dressing, he told me that he pictures this perfect woman!! After he does it he usually feels very guilty and doesn't need it for a while.

Here is his question
He asked me if I prefer twice a year a session of 12-24 hours involving drugs, toys and videos or him using panties and high heels at home on regular basis with not those things involved. He stills feels guilty and basically has told me that this is something more for him and that if I wanna be a part of it I can, but he can do all this by his own.

I don't know what to answer him... he doesn't even know.

Have thousand questions more, new topics and puzzles, just wanted to start with his latest question.

Help
Gin Gin

[Loy B(SO)]

Gin Gin,
I would say that it is time to sit him down and have a little talk. 1st of all I could never condone the use of illegal drugs under any circumstances.I would personally prefer the use of stockings and heels year round.It sounds like you and him need to sit down and have a very serious heart to heart.Dont despair most of the complications that arise with our cd's is easily taken care of by talking one and one and being open and honest about each others feelings.[/quote]

[GinGin(SO)]

TRUST ME

i have talked with him
i have never done drugs in my life and seems he needs them to complete his fantasy, without drugs he could never reach what he is looking for.

Within more than a year together I have only been with him once while he dressed, it involved drugs for him, lasted 2 days, i was so confused i left the hotel room and walked for hours. After that he felt guilty (not because of me-he always does afterwards) and threw away his outfits. Now after 6-8 months he feels he needs it again. This is very difficult for me

[DonnaT]

He asked me if I prefer twice a year a session of 12-24 hours involving drugs, toys and videos or him using panties and high heels at home on regular basis with not those things involved. He stills feels guilty and basically has told me that this is something more for him and that if I wanna be a part of it I can, but he can do all this by his own.

The above comment has me confused.

A twice a year session of what? Sex twice a year? Sex involving drugs, toys and videos twice a year?

or

Sex on a more regular basis while he's using panties and high heels?

Not to pry, but hopefully that's not the only time you two have sex.

If y'all have sex on a more frequent basis, then there's should be no problem using toys and videos occasionally, as long as they don't become an obsession. Same for panties and heels. An obsession is when he can't perform without those things, and thus a problem.

Drugs are a whole other matter. If they are illegal, well, nuf said. If they aren't prescribed they can all kinds of affects including delusion which could lead to his harming you.

If y'all only have sex on the occasions mentioned above, then there's a big problem (unless you are satisfied with the infrequency of sex) and a therapist might be needed.

So, prying this time, what is his fantasy? What is he looking for? Why does he need drugs to reach what he is looking for? I assume you know the answers to these questions, since you two have talked about it. He may need to talk to a professional to get past the need for drugs.

Oh, and don't let him toss his outfits away. Gets expensive when have to replace them. At the minimum, I'd suggest having him box them up for safe keeping, until he needs them again.

[GinGin(SO)]

For the confussion.
As a couple we have a really healthy sexual life, that has never been a problem.

When he uses women clothing he usually feels guilty, and even though i know is something he prefers doing alone.
He has told me he does not know what he is looking for, that he feels the desire to dress up and he pictures this perfect woman, he tries more than one outfit until he finds a perfect one. Then is when all the videos and toys come handy because he needs to "finish" (in a sexual way). After that his desire is over and usually he feels guilty.
The two sessions a year he was telling me about is for the complete session, and sadly those sessions include drugs because otherwise he can not do it.

I don't understand, he does not understand, we have talked a lot and he seems confused, that is why i look for help.

As a man he is wonderful, sad to say but i am afraid of the woman, only saw her once, and that once was a complete session, not nice.

That is why a feel i need help, of all i have read nobody seems to have anything similar, i am afraid and confussed, love him to death and want to learn in order to help us.

Gin Gin

[Jess(SO)]

my thought is this--- that maybe it wasn't the woman in him that you saw and didn't like but rather the effect of the drug/s he was taking. Drugs as you will know are dangerous nasty things that can bend and shape a person way out of normal and rational behaviour, that is scarey from your part as you have discovered.

Has he said why he prefers dressing alone, -----. Does he feel that if he dresses in panties and heels at home on a regular basis he will not need to have those twice yearly sessions? And are you willing to be a part of the panties & high heels

If y'all have sex on a more frequent basis, then there's should be no problem using toys and videos occasionally, as long as they don't become an obsession. Same for panties and heels. An obsession is when he can't perform without those things, and thus a problem.

Drugs are a whole other matter. If they are illegal, well, nuf said. If they aren't prescribed they can all kinds of affects including delusion which could lead to his harming you.

with Donna on the above

and as Loy B said talking with openess and honesty is the best way to go .

Remember we are here for you anytime you need to talk

Jess(SO)

[DonnaT]

I don't understand, he does not understand, we have talked a lot and he seems confused, that is why i look for help.

I think the why isn't that hard to understand, and I refer you to your earlier post:

In his 20's he had this girlfriend that really liked women, she started dressing up with him to satisfy her desires and he liked it. This sessions involved drugs, toys and videos.

I don't know how often that occurred, but it sure seems he became addicted to it, and thus it has become a sexual addiction codependent on drugs.

His feeling guilty about it is also an indicator that it's possibly an addiction.

Some addicts try to stop, and may manage to hold off for some time. This is fighting known as fighting the urge, but sometimes the urge just builds too much and they feel they have to give in.

This seems like what your husband is going through. Therapy is highly recommended.

However, you can try having him dress more often at home. Some days include sex, some not, in hopes of getting away from the copendency on drugs.

Not being a therapist, I have know idea if that will work. However, drugs kill, but dressing enfemme doesn't.

[GalicianGirl(SO)]

Welcome GinGin!!!