A T-girl at the piano bar

[Anita]

Hi All—
Tonight I facilitated our TG support group, and then went over to the restaurant across the street for the socializing afterward. That broke up, and I took two of the women to mass transit points.

I was winding my way through the neighborhoods of Oakland, rather than the freeway. So when I hit Grand Avenue, I decided to stop in at the Alley, a piano bar.

It’s a warm night, and I was wearing a two-piece red cotton dress that I like a lot. It’s the dress, and then a short-sleeved top that matches it. I remember my mother wearing dresses like this one (she was in her fifties when I was 10), and I’m in my fifties now.
Then I had on open-toed white sandals with 2” solid heels on them. My hair was swept back and clipped with small hair clips and bobby pins. I felt very attractive and comfortable.

The bar is safe—mostly older folks and college students who hang out there, and both genders. I was certainly noticed when I came in, but no one stared. One woman commented to her husband as they left, but her tone was very neutral—“Did you see that guy?” Mentally I corrected her--"If I'm dressed like this, I'm a gal, thank you." It's what I always try to say (with a big smile) when someone 'sirs' me when I'm out and about. But I'm still not always quick enough to catch it, and I was distracted by the bartender right at that second.

I got my drink, and went over to the far side of the piano. I had been there before as a woman, but it was probably over a year ago. There were four men and one woman sitting there, and the singing was in progress. The pianist at the bar, Rod Dibble, has been doing this gig since the mid-60s!

I started out with “Blue Skies,” and got a good hand. Then I did “Close to You,” “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning,” and “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on my Head.” I grew up with Broadway tunes, and then I listened to a lot of pop and rock in the 60s.
So all this comes very easily. I kept my voice in the upper part of my throat, which makes it lighter, more airy. I wanted to keep the voice in line with my appearance.

People talked to me, and complimented me on the music. I could sense them opening up, after they saw that I was comfortable being there. They really don’t know how to treat us—how often does someone see a CD out in the world? So I try to be open and friendly, so they know that we’re just “people.” Music helps, of course; it truly is a universal language.

There was a man about my age, long gray hair and beard, and I sensed that he was fascinated with me in some way. I kept catching him staring, but it wasn’t hostile—just curious. I can never tell where someone is coming from unless I talk to them, and he was across the piano, so I never found out. There was another man at the bar further back, who also stared—but his manner was more troubled. I made a note to keep an eye on him, but he left long before I did.

I was especially touched by a young man in his mid-20s, who was there for the first time. He sat down after I was already there, and announced that maybe he’d sing some other time, but was just testing the waters on this night. He was very socially savvy, and I could see him as an officer at his frat house. As I was leaving, he touched my hand and said, “You really made those songs work.” It surprised me, and I was very moved. “I’ll see you again,” I said, “and maybe you’ll sing next time.” The other people at the bar all smiled and said good-night, and I walked out. It still is a good feeling to know that I can show the world that we are different, yes, but we’re still approachable.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Wonderful story!

[Anita]

Thanks, Lisa, I'm glad you liked it.

[Jeannie]

Hi Anita
I loved that story. That is the best thing any of us can do. Go out,be confident and show others we are not monsters and just people like everyone else!Good for you Hon. People like you give us a good name! Hugs.

Love
Jeannie

PS. As a matter of fact I'm glammed up at this moment and I'm going down to restaurant near me owned by a long time Gay couple Richard and Robert. They also own the hair salon next door.I bring them fresh herbs from the garden and have a bunch of rosemary,basil, grape tomatoes and parsely from my garden.The last time I went down Richard said to me"You trannies! You must spend so much time dressing up. I just put on a nice shirt, a pair of slacks and shoes and I'm out the door!" He's a pisser. Hugs ladies!

[Virginia]

Dear Anita,
Honey, you are truly one of greatest ambassadors! I am so proud of you!
Yes, we are who we are, nice folks, just trying to make our way through this veil of tears and touch other lives in a gentle way!
Thanks for sharing this with us!
Love you,
Virginia

[Anita]

Jeanie wrote:

That is the best thing any of us can do. Go out, be confident and show others we are not monsters and just people like everyone else!

Hi Jeanster--
Yes, that confidence has different levels on different nights. I knew that
it was a special night, and I was feeling good.

Virginia wrote:

Yes, we are who we are, nice folks, just trying to make our way through this veil of tears and touch other lives in a gentle way!

Hi Virginia--
One time I wrote that going out dressed was like saying, "I'm putting down my weapons. Will you do the same?" I really allow myself to be vulnerable when I'm out. It's kind of a "given." I will still protect myself if I'm threatened, (and I know you do the same!), but the issue just doesn't come up that often.

[KimberlyS]

Anita, you said:

I could sense them opening up, after they saw that I was comfortable being there. They really don’t know how to treat us—how often does someone see a CD out in the world? So I try to be open and friendly, so they know that we’re just “people.”

IMHO, this kind of interaction with the general public is the best thing we can do for the general acceptance of TG's in society. While there is nothing wrong with striving to "pass" as a gal, if one does pass than no one knows you are TG/CD. IMHO the best thing we can do for gaining acceptance of the general society is to be out in the public as a decent looking TG/CD persons doing just what that other people are doing, being out in the mainstream at clubs, bars, resturants, shopping for clothes, food, electronics, or even a guy shopping for femme clothes,....... Just being out in the public, being seen just as another person. Like you said, "They really don’t know how to treat us". For the most part if we just act like your average joe/jane and go about our business, that is how we will be treated. At least that is MHO and experience.

For me, while some may be a bit surprised that I am a guy wearing femme clothes, or a guy shopping for femme clothes for myself; most just do not seem to care or just go with the flow of things. How ever the encounter begins I strive to make it positive impression in the end.
For me personally, it makes me feel so good when I am able to do it.

Anita, being out like you are makes you a great ambassator of the TG community. You have a great gife being able to show others a good experience to relate to their next encounter with a TG person. Now if we can just get a few / ALOT more of us doing that.

KimberlyS-CD
A guy in a skirt.

[Anita]

IMHO, this kind of interaction with the general public is the best thing we can do for the general acceptance of TG's in society. While there is nothing wrong with striving to "pass" as a gal, if one does pass than no one knows you are TG/CD.

Passing would be more urgent to me if I were living full-time. Even then, I would not want to hide my past any more than I had to. I just see that it takes too much effort to do that.

The way things are now, I may be out for a full day at the most. I don't want to stand out everywhere I go, and I don't. But if anyone spends time around me in line, or takes my order, or asks me what color widget I'm shopping for, they're probably going to know. At that point I'm like the first racial minority who's living on the block--everything I do reflects on all the kindred spirits who will (hopefully) be appearing there in time.

.

For me, while some may be a bit surprised that I am a guy wearing femme clothes, or a guy shopping for femme clothes for myself; most just do not seem to care or just go with the flow of things. How ever the encounter begins I strive to make it positive impression in the end.
For me personally, it makes me feel so good when I am able to do it.

Kimberly, that you're doing this in a different part of the country than the Bay area makes me feel good. I hope to be traveling more in the next five years, and I want to know what works and what doesn't work for people in general.

My family members back in Ohio say, "That's all well and fine for San Francisco, but it won't work here." Well, I'm not going to force it on them, but I don't believe that. They're in one of the fastest-growing suburban counties in the country, outside of Cincinnati--they've got some transwomen there, too. I would probably be more careful there, but I'd like to think that regional differences aren't set in stone.

[KimberlyS]

Anita, I began to answer your qestion and it quickly became a thread of its own. So see post

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 8705#78705

with my reply.

KimberlyS - CD