Do crossdressers have equal rights to their spouses.

TracyQ · Post by **TracyQ** » Sat Nov 18, 2006 4:02 pm

DonnaT wrote:If you want to discuss issues in private with other CDs then I suggest using the forum at http://crossdressers.com/forums/ which has such a private area.

Well, that would be very nice, but I have been banned there for asking just these kind of questions of the SO's.

Bitter? Perhaps. I have found that on 99.9% of the "crossdresser" forums, they are not crossdresser forums, but rather "SO" forums. What are you ladies afraid of, what can crossdressers say on the internet that frightens you so much?

Or maybe it's like one of the former members here said, that the crossdressers here, and in other forums, like nothing better that being controlled by women.

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Sat Nov 18, 2006 5:14 pm

TracyQ wrote:
Bitter? Perhaps. I have found that on 99.9% of the "crossdresser" forums, they are not crossdresser forums, but rather "SO" forums. What are you ladies afraid of, what can crossdressers say on the internet that frightens you so much?

Or maybe it's like one of the former members here said, that the crossdressers here, and in other forums, like nothing better that being controlled by women.

I am not sure exactly what it is you are looking for. Do you have an axe to grind with the SO's of other crossdressers? I don't understand your need to confront other SO's, to the extent that it got you banned from other sites.

The whole point of this forum is "support". If you can tell me how confronting SO's helps that support, I will listen. It is my beleif that if a crossdresser needs to confront her SO, this forum is certainly not the place that should happen and when the SO section is open to everyone, that is precisely what happens.

I have recieved incredible support here and have witnessed others, because of this I know this forum is meeting the needs of crossdressers. I can not accept the argument that having the SO other area closed somehow harms crossdressers and makes them subserviant.

It's more a recognition that the SO's and the Crossdressers have different needs. Confronting SO's and grilling them about what they post only drives them away. Away from support they mey need. Support that is definitely in the interest of the CDer.

I don't think the SO's are "afraid" of anything. I think they need a place to talk among themselves and if we don't provide it here, they just won't come here. That hurts our members.

Also, we have an area to talk to SO's here. If you want to ask them questions, you can. It seems to me that you are actually upset that they can talk without you knowing what they are saying, because I can see no other reason you might be upset. It's not like our SO's are isolated and beyond reporoach. In fact we have discussions with them all the time.

I hope you can explain this need in greater detail so I can understand it because I don't see how you not being able to see what they post among themselves could possibly affect you.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Penni SO · Post by **Penni SO** » Sat Nov 18, 2006 7:29 pm

Hello Elizabeth,

How beautifully you have been an advocate for the SO's on this forum and in fact any forum.I from the bottom of my heart and the depth of my soul say thankyou....maybe dramatic I know,but as you and many have written,I am a supportive partner,however in my little corner of the world at the moment ,I am hurting as I watch the femme in my life suffer the greatest hurt I have ever seen her go through,all the boundaries of honesty and faith in myself has been breached...why ..because face to face my femme did'nt want to hurt me.
Each day I am on a virtual rollercoaster and if it was not for the closed forums my femme maybe shattered with what I need to get of my chest.Sometimes I need another woman to say hey I have been there and the heartache you feel has been the same for me.
More often than not I am a willing participant of sharing my feelings to the CD's and TS'S,however on the occassion ,I have chosen the right of privacy to share my feelings.

The battle between partners is bad enough trying to get on with what is normal life...sometimes things are just blown out because of the simple fact that crossdressing and transexuality exists in our life.

People say you know you have a choice......but do we as couples..especially those of accepting spouses.I love the person I choose to lay next to,or the person I share my darkest fears and greatest joys with.Why would I make a choice to leave just because of her transgender.Would I leave if she suddenly became handicapped...no..life would be hard and yes there would be times I would need to blow steam off.
We as supporters of these forum should be trying to find the answer to keep relationships together,we should not be saying OH WHAT THE HELL...IT'S ALL TO HARD SO HONEY I'M OUT OF HERE.......

NO,NO,NO,NO,NO....life actually was'nt mean't to be easy...and yes sometimes we say the most horrible things to each other,however as long as we come back together and nut out the true start of the problem a big sorry at the end is exactly what will follow.

In regards to equal rights I will have to say that yes I agree at times it is a push and pull existence......each person wanting the other to bend their way,does that ever stop...I don't know.....it is actually very difficult to find balance.As I see it either partner at sometime in the relationship is quietly biting their lip, because they don't like what the other is doing etc...but I truly believe that if one partner is getting more pull that individual needs to be brought back to the word couple....couple is being an individual as 1 but also as 2,so one must not forget the rights of the other.It is all about having courage to say from both your hearts what you like and what you don't and then trying...TRYING to find the happy middle.

Hugs Penny

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sat Nov 18, 2006 11:03 pm

Elizabeth, honey YOU ROCK!!!!!!!
Love ya,
Virginia

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Tue Nov 21, 2006 11:12 am

Tracy I really have to wonder if you and I are reading the same forum. I can't speak about other forums but I have never felt that this was primarily an SO forum and I have not felt we cater to SOs Most of the posts here are not even by SO's.

I have a pretty good feel for the whole control thing, having been in a couple of absolutely awful relationships with women who were not only seriously disturbed but major control freaks. I don't get a lot of those feelings here although I do sense a lot of people grappling with issues about boundaries, expectations, and what exactly are their needs.

THere have been times (years in duration) when I really felt that the only thing wrong with most men is the women in their lives. I think most people of any gender have similar feelings some times. Usually this had to do with being involved with women who wanted me to assume a certain role rather than women who were able to accept and love me pretty much for who I was. And I know just how crazy making it is to be involved with people like that. For the most part I avoid them today.

But again I don't get that feeling here.

Absaroka