from time to time i read a survey about men who crossdress and one of the frequent questions that comes up is whether the to-be-married man told his wife-to-be that he was/is a crossdresser. it appears that the conventional wisdom is that it's unfair or even dishonest not to disclose such information. after all, this can be such a startling confession to make to a woman, it only seems appropriate that one would give the woman an option to say no to the marriage if the husband wanted to wear clothes intended for his wife's gender. but, of all the questions that we do or do not ask, why do we give this particular questions such importance?
for example, the current statistics say that about 50% of all marriages end in divorce. many people who divorce later remarry. do people who are remarrying ask their to-be spouse if they cheated on their previous mate? this could be a very important question because when people marry, they give a solemn vow to 'shun all others' or something to that effect. marriage is suppose to be a commitment to the other person - a commitment of fidelity, a commitment to be there for the other person 'in sickness and in health'.
i made those vows to my wife and i've kept them. however, i did not promise her that i would not crossdress. we did discuss my crossdressing well before we were married (she hated it then and still hates it). i realize that the vows we exchanged (a long time ago, too!) didn't say that she would accept my crossdressing but we did commit to accepting each other as we are.
perhaps it's unfair to compare crossdressing with having an extramarital affair. or is it? affairs routinely break up marriages and lead to hurt, suspicion and anger. affairs can not only affect the spouse who is cheated on but the entire family can be wounded. and not just the family where the spouse was unfaithful but also the families of the person who was a party to the cheating.
so, my question, dearest sisters, is who does my crossdressing hurt? why is it consider by many to be so much worse than cheating? could it be that because 35% of all married people have sex with someone other than their spouse at some point in their marriage and less than 10% of all men crossdress, so we're victims of percentages? i know that if i were to 'come out' and let it be known that i cheated on my wife, there would be many who would be less likely to associate with me while at the same time, some of the men i know would give me winks and grins. on the other hand, if i were to come out as a crossdresser, i'm pretty sure that my social life as i know it now would come to a halt. those same men who winked at my cheating would instead steer clear and give me the hairy eyeball while they were doing it. my 'friends' who have children would probably be less likely to let me spend time with their kids (which is really stupid because when i crossdress, i feel very maternal and protective of children - the suggestion that i might do something inappropriate is the most disgusting and repulsive thing i can think of). but, they might think, "if he crossdresses, who knows what other things he's capable of?" but, would they say the same thing if they knew i cheated on my wife?
granted, all rhetorical questions that mean nothing. regardless, my dearest sisters, you are a wonderful choir to which i preach.
vows, promises, lies and omissions
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Nina Femrite
- Miss Crystal Goddess
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2006 2:58 am
- Location: San Diego
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Absaroka
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3344
- Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 8:30 am
this choirister likes the preaching, even though we all know the answers to all those rhetorical questions.
And yes if I was marrying a divorce I would want to know why the first marriage ended. Before we married my wife and I discussed just about all of our previous relationships. I would have felt very uncomfortable thinking of this as a forbidden topic for either of us.
Absaroka
And yes if I was marrying a divorce I would want to know why the first marriage ended. Before we married my wife and I discussed just about all of our previous relationships. I would have felt very uncomfortable thinking of this as a forbidden topic for either of us.
Absaroka
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
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Jenny
- Miss Silver Goddess
- Posts: 28
- Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2006 7:02 pm
- Location: Texas
To answer the first question, yes, I think it is important to get as many things out in the open that could affect the relationship later on. I would want to know why the person I was marrying ended their previous serious relationships and I'd have to bite the bullet sometime before the wedding and tell my future wife that I crossdress.
That being said, I do not think crossdressing in a relationship is nearly as bad as cheating. An affair is pretty much the ultimate betrayal of one's spouse. Granted, cross-dressers that choose to go full-time or transexuals will encounter lots of problems within a marriage, but crossdressing in general? If a spouse cannot accept a few quirks here and there, who did they think they were marrying? Superman?
That being said, I do not think crossdressing in a relationship is nearly as bad as cheating. An affair is pretty much the ultimate betrayal of one's spouse. Granted, cross-dressers that choose to go full-time or transexuals will encounter lots of problems within a marriage, but crossdressing in general? If a spouse cannot accept a few quirks here and there, who did they think they were marrying? Superman?
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DonnaT
- Miss Great Goddess
- Posts: 8222
- Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2004 11:04 am
- Location: No. Virginia
http://www.mywesttexas.com/site/news.cf ... 5591&rfi=6
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of two years, "Marc," has been talking a lot about marriage lately.
I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. There is, however, one fly in the ointment: I was born a biological male.
I have never felt like a man, Abby. I have lived as a woman since high school, and when I was 25, underwent surgery to change my sex. I have never regretted my decision and, up until now, my family has always been supportive.
As I have always been a woman in every way that matters, I have never seen any reason to tell any man I've dated that I was born with male genitalia. My brother recently asked me if I had told Marc about my surgery and was shocked to learn that I had not.
He implored me to tell Marc, but I feel that my past is completely irrelevant to our relationship today. My brother thinks that I am obligated to confess to Marc, and he has threatened to tell him if I don't.
Marc loves me very much and would support me no matter what, but I have left my past behind me, and I feel no reason to needlessly disturb our relationship. How do I convince my brother to let this go? -- AT A LOSS IN NEW YORK
DEAR AT A LOSS: Although you may not think that the fact that you are a transsexual is relevant, it is presumptuous to think that you can speak for Marc. He needs to know the whole truth, and to keep it from him could constitute fraud. You did not mention whether he is planning on having children with you, and, loving him as you do, you need to be fair to him.
A marriage that is based on a lie is no marriage at all. It would always hang over you, and surely there are many others besides your brother who know about your sex change. My advice is to tell Marc everything before someone else does. Your future with him could depend upon his hearing the news from you -- and nobody else but you.
DonnaT
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Sally
- We Will Never Forget You - Rest in Peace
- Posts: 630
- Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2004 1:33 am
- Location: N.S.W. Australia
vows, lies, promises and omissions
How much two people disclose about themselves and their past is naturally up to those two individuals, and being human beings we will always never agree 100% on what one should do, because what suits one will not suit everyone else.
Having said that, I would think it reasonable to expect two people who were intending to spend the rest of their lives together to disclose any information about themselves which could reasonably be expected to cause upheaval later on, even if inadvertently discovered, and it hadn’t been disclosed at an earlier time to give the aggrieved person the chance to evaluate what that information may have meant to their decision making.
As a rough outline of when boy meets girl, they may first begin by exploring each other as to everyday things such as preference of food, entertainment, music etc, and these things which on a scale of 1 to 10 of importance would probably be seen at the lower end of the scale, but it’s a starting point of getting to know you. If they find a continuing mutual attraction they get deeper into the relationship, they progress to finding out things about each other such as cultural background, religion, political views etc and with this exchange of information they can then make a further assessment as to their compatibility. Towards the final stage where they either say yes or no in their mind as to whether each other wants to make it a permanent relationship, they can get into discussing things higher on the scale of 1 to 10 of importance, such as medical histories, sexual matters and the importance or not of having children etc. By this stage they’re usually giving out the more intimate and personal information about themselves willingly, because to a certain extent love breeds a form of honesty. Of course it doesn’t always happen in this sequence, but I think it reasonable to say that as time goes on and two people are deciding as to the suitability of their partner for life, they progress from an exchange of information which may be seen as lower on the scale of 1 to 10 of importance, right up to things high on the scale which would certainly influence their choices and decisions.
It’s a personal thing of where each person would put crossdressing on the scale, and I’d venture to suggest that the person who is the crossdresser may be tempted to place less importance on it than the other person. It may be suggested that the most common reason for not disclosing an early opportunity is the fear of the other person walking away from the relationship. This being the case, then is it fair and reasonable to suggest that the crossdresser knows in his own mind that what he does holds a fair chance of not being accepted, so if this is the case then could it be said that he’s cheating his partner out of her opportunity to make her own mind up, and he’s also cheating her of knowing something which she may reasonably be expected to believe is her right to know.
Where on the scale of 1 to 10 of importance could she be expected to place his crossdressing practices, and how would it compare to where he would place it on that same scale. I would venture to suggest she is more likely to put it higher on the scale than he. I suppose if we could put the ‘ shoe on the other foot ‘ honestly, that would in itself answer the question, because it’s something which in all likelihood he’s lived with all his life and is a natural part of his existence, but to her it’s something she may never have had to deal with or think about in her life, and as we know, some women just cannot accept it as part of their life, and really that’s their right to follow their personal beliefs in how they see they want to lead their life, and I believe it’s their natural right to expect to be given the opportunity to make their own choices.
I’d suggest that by the time a girl decides to get married she would believe that they would both know all there was to know about each other, and that being so, she can then make a conscious life changing decision believing she has all the facts available to enable her to make that decision.. If he has decided to take the risk and not to disclose to her because of his fear he will lose her, and then if his crossdressing practices become known to her at a later date after they marry, then can he reasonably be entitled to be upset if she doesn’t accept it, especially seeing that now her reaction is exactlywhat he believed initially it would be. What must always be remembered is that further down the track it can effect more than one life, because later on there are more issues which come into play, such as her seeing it as cheating, lies, false pretences etc, and those issues can take precedence over what initially would have only been an open and honest disclosure. Many people can deal with something which may have not been on their ‘menu’ before, if it’s presented in an open and honest way, because that shows the character of a person and their heart is in the right place, but if it’s covered up and comes to the surface years later then that presents their character in a completely different light, and can be seen as not good or acceptable.
Personally, I wouldn’t equate crossdressing to infidelity as I think they’re poles apart and in complete different categories. Crossdressing issues are usually something which have been in place long before a couple ever meet, whereas infidelity is usually something which comes about because of a breakdown in the relationship at a later date, even so, I believe infidelity is the greatest insult anyone could pay to their partner, and I say this without any sense of contrition. If things are that bad that it comes to that, then personally I think they were at the parting of the ways a lot earlier and should have either sought help or confronted their issues together of either healing things or making a clean break. History would show that if they play up once then they’ll repeat it.
Having said all this, I also doubt that anyone goes into a marriage with the thoughts that at some time in the future they’ll be unfaithful to their partner, and partnerships do break down for many reasons, whereas it’s common for a CD or TG person to go into a marriage knowing and keeping his secret. Personally I believe it’s something high enough on the scale of 1 to 10 on important issues so that it’s a necessity it be disclosed and discussed. She should be given the choice to make up her own mind. I think it’s fair and reasonable that any woman would expect to know beforehand and indeed it’s her right to be given the opportunity to make a decision, and not to be put in jeopardy at a later date when there can be so much more to lose if a family situation has been created, afterall, as I said earlier, it’s expected from both sides that any previous history be revealed and this is all part of the ‘getting to know you’ period, and nasty surprises can have devastating results on people and how they react.
Treat others as we’d expect to be treated is a good philosophy to live by.
Kind Regards,
Sally.
Having said that, I would think it reasonable to expect two people who were intending to spend the rest of their lives together to disclose any information about themselves which could reasonably be expected to cause upheaval later on, even if inadvertently discovered, and it hadn’t been disclosed at an earlier time to give the aggrieved person the chance to evaluate what that information may have meant to their decision making.
As a rough outline of when boy meets girl, they may first begin by exploring each other as to everyday things such as preference of food, entertainment, music etc, and these things which on a scale of 1 to 10 of importance would probably be seen at the lower end of the scale, but it’s a starting point of getting to know you. If they find a continuing mutual attraction they get deeper into the relationship, they progress to finding out things about each other such as cultural background, religion, political views etc and with this exchange of information they can then make a further assessment as to their compatibility. Towards the final stage where they either say yes or no in their mind as to whether each other wants to make it a permanent relationship, they can get into discussing things higher on the scale of 1 to 10 of importance, such as medical histories, sexual matters and the importance or not of having children etc. By this stage they’re usually giving out the more intimate and personal information about themselves willingly, because to a certain extent love breeds a form of honesty. Of course it doesn’t always happen in this sequence, but I think it reasonable to say that as time goes on and two people are deciding as to the suitability of their partner for life, they progress from an exchange of information which may be seen as lower on the scale of 1 to 10 of importance, right up to things high on the scale which would certainly influence their choices and decisions.
It’s a personal thing of where each person would put crossdressing on the scale, and I’d venture to suggest that the person who is the crossdresser may be tempted to place less importance on it than the other person. It may be suggested that the most common reason for not disclosing an early opportunity is the fear of the other person walking away from the relationship. This being the case, then is it fair and reasonable to suggest that the crossdresser knows in his own mind that what he does holds a fair chance of not being accepted, so if this is the case then could it be said that he’s cheating his partner out of her opportunity to make her own mind up, and he’s also cheating her of knowing something which she may reasonably be expected to believe is her right to know.
Where on the scale of 1 to 10 of importance could she be expected to place his crossdressing practices, and how would it compare to where he would place it on that same scale. I would venture to suggest she is more likely to put it higher on the scale than he. I suppose if we could put the ‘ shoe on the other foot ‘ honestly, that would in itself answer the question, because it’s something which in all likelihood he’s lived with all his life and is a natural part of his existence, but to her it’s something she may never have had to deal with or think about in her life, and as we know, some women just cannot accept it as part of their life, and really that’s their right to follow their personal beliefs in how they see they want to lead their life, and I believe it’s their natural right to expect to be given the opportunity to make their own choices.
I’d suggest that by the time a girl decides to get married she would believe that they would both know all there was to know about each other, and that being so, she can then make a conscious life changing decision believing she has all the facts available to enable her to make that decision.. If he has decided to take the risk and not to disclose to her because of his fear he will lose her, and then if his crossdressing practices become known to her at a later date after they marry, then can he reasonably be entitled to be upset if she doesn’t accept it, especially seeing that now her reaction is exactlywhat he believed initially it would be. What must always be remembered is that further down the track it can effect more than one life, because later on there are more issues which come into play, such as her seeing it as cheating, lies, false pretences etc, and those issues can take precedence over what initially would have only been an open and honest disclosure. Many people can deal with something which may have not been on their ‘menu’ before, if it’s presented in an open and honest way, because that shows the character of a person and their heart is in the right place, but if it’s covered up and comes to the surface years later then that presents their character in a completely different light, and can be seen as not good or acceptable.
Personally, I wouldn’t equate crossdressing to infidelity as I think they’re poles apart and in complete different categories. Crossdressing issues are usually something which have been in place long before a couple ever meet, whereas infidelity is usually something which comes about because of a breakdown in the relationship at a later date, even so, I believe infidelity is the greatest insult anyone could pay to their partner, and I say this without any sense of contrition. If things are that bad that it comes to that, then personally I think they were at the parting of the ways a lot earlier and should have either sought help or confronted their issues together of either healing things or making a clean break. History would show that if they play up once then they’ll repeat it.
Having said all this, I also doubt that anyone goes into a marriage with the thoughts that at some time in the future they’ll be unfaithful to their partner, and partnerships do break down for many reasons, whereas it’s common for a CD or TG person to go into a marriage knowing and keeping his secret. Personally I believe it’s something high enough on the scale of 1 to 10 on important issues so that it’s a necessity it be disclosed and discussed. She should be given the choice to make up her own mind. I think it’s fair and reasonable that any woman would expect to know beforehand and indeed it’s her right to be given the opportunity to make a decision, and not to be put in jeopardy at a later date when there can be so much more to lose if a family situation has been created, afterall, as I said earlier, it’s expected from both sides that any previous history be revealed and this is all part of the ‘getting to know you’ period, and nasty surprises can have devastating results on people and how they react.
Treat others as we’d expect to be treated is a good philosophy to live by.
Kind Regards,
Sally.
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
I would hope that some SO's would also involve themselves in this thread.
To, if I may Sally, add to your treatist, we = CD'ers do not understand ourselves or our sisters. So let's look at the continuum we are on. What if the "guy" admits to just wanting to wear panties once or twice a year, month, week??? Well, the GG has to ask herself why would a guy want to do that? Just a desire, or sexual turn-on? The last thing a GG would consider is, it can be or is, a form of self-expression. Can she live with that?? Then you just follow the continuum to where you think you fall. Nighties every night - a problem??? A bit of make-up here and there! Perfume when he goes to work? More than panties under his daily "en drab" maybe a cami. panty hose, a bit of nail gloss, some light make-up, etc, etc, -- we all know the drill! To dressing and wanting to go out in public with or without his SO!!!! To the 24/7 dressing, of course depending on the job, then throw the potential of or for children into the mix and in-laws and on and on!!!!
Yes, you have heard me say it and I will repeat myself, " A woman could do a lot worse than to "have a relationship" with a crossdresser!"
Thus the basic substance of what it is all about - what we (CD'er's) have to deal with - ignorance and societal acceptance and understanding!!! i.e., lack of knowledge and lack of education as to who and/or what we are!!!
Gays and lesbians have blazed their trails and they had their pioneers who took more than their share of arrows. They were the "in your face" folks and they have come a long way!
Where are our pioneers, who is out marching for our acceptance and understanding? It is a different ballgame for us!!! What are the statistics? 95% of "us" are hetrosexuals, married, highly educated, with good jobs, families and it does not bode well for us to "come out of the closet!" I speak from personal experience!!! Anyway I think I can get almost 100% agreement from my sisters here - TELL THEM ON THE FRONT END AND DEAL WITH IT!!!!
Just this girl's opinion!
Love ya all
Virginia
To, if I may Sally, add to your treatist, we = CD'ers do not understand ourselves or our sisters. So let's look at the continuum we are on. What if the "guy" admits to just wanting to wear panties once or twice a year, month, week??? Well, the GG has to ask herself why would a guy want to do that? Just a desire, or sexual turn-on? The last thing a GG would consider is, it can be or is, a form of self-expression. Can she live with that?? Then you just follow the continuum to where you think you fall. Nighties every night - a problem??? A bit of make-up here and there! Perfume when he goes to work? More than panties under his daily "en drab" maybe a cami. panty hose, a bit of nail gloss, some light make-up, etc, etc, -- we all know the drill! To dressing and wanting to go out in public with or without his SO!!!! To the 24/7 dressing, of course depending on the job, then throw the potential of or for children into the mix and in-laws and on and on!!!!
Yes, you have heard me say it and I will repeat myself, " A woman could do a lot worse than to "have a relationship" with a crossdresser!"
Thus the basic substance of what it is all about - what we (CD'er's) have to deal with - ignorance and societal acceptance and understanding!!! i.e., lack of knowledge and lack of education as to who and/or what we are!!!
Gays and lesbians have blazed their trails and they had their pioneers who took more than their share of arrows. They were the "in your face" folks and they have come a long way!
Where are our pioneers, who is out marching for our acceptance and understanding? It is a different ballgame for us!!! What are the statistics? 95% of "us" are hetrosexuals, married, highly educated, with good jobs, families and it does not bode well for us to "come out of the closet!" I speak from personal experience!!! Anyway I think I can get almost 100% agreement from my sisters here - TELL THEM ON THE FRONT END AND DEAL WITH IT!!!!
Just this girl's opinion!
Love ya all
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Aeryn
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 185
- Joined: Sun Feb 20, 2005 2:48 pm
Just to note, this is a bogus statistic. This stat comes from comparing the number of divorces in one year compared to the number of marriages. But the potential pool of divorcing couples increases every year. It's a good example of bad statistical analysis.the current statistics say that about 50% of all marriages end in divorce.
There has been no long term longitudinal study that I am aware of that has actually tracked a group of marrying couples to find a more accurate divorce rate.
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Jill S
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 114
- Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2006 6:34 pm
- Location: Colorado
Well I have done both; cheated on my wife once long ago. And waited 23 years to tell her I'm a transvestite. The cheating was very bad for both of us , almost ended our marriage. It's been a few months now since I told her about the CDing, That hasn't been a treat to our marriage but I personelly feel like what the dog leaves in the yard. My guilt over this is making me a wreck. She seems to have come to some kind of peace with it, not happy about it but not heading for the door. We are at this wierd "out of site- out of mind" deal now. I know I will never cheat on her agian but not sure how to stop being a TV/CD. Telling at the starte of a relationship has got tobe better than this mess I have made.
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Penni SO
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 169
- Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2006 10:10 pm
- Location: Australia
Hi all,I think it is imperative that a future spouse be told of your crossdressing.
I think it takes courage and I think it takes a strong person willing to put everything on the line.
I know that most of you,hope to cure yourselves if you meet the right person,getting busy building a happy home,and producing children,but in the end it catches up with you.Along with the catching up is the stress that you carry everyday,when each time you manage to dress.The hiding,the purging,the lies,they do eat you up eventually.
Unfortunately there really is not enough information for the spouses.
Unfortunately there is no manual on how to tell a future spouse,basically you are on your own.
I think that how your spouse reacts,is determined by how she herself has been brought up,some may dispute this.If your spouse is from a male domineered family,a religous up bringing,even a dysfunctional background,the chances of her copeing are very low.
If your spouse has low self esteem herself,the chances of her copeing are low also.
I feel the best chance you have is to be honest from the start,it could take a life time to find the right partner,it might only take a special night ,but beleive me a relationship will be able to withstand the hardest of times,if you are completely homest with each other.
Hugs Penny
Supporting wife of Transexual partner
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Stormy(SO)
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 167
- Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2006 8:39 pm
- Location: Chicago, Illinois
OK....the rest of the story. Missy, in a previous marriage, was introduced to cross dressing and lived a true horror story for quite a few years. She has always had sensitive breasts and just loves when you play with them. His ex thought this was horrid - real men don't feel that way and suggested a bra. Well s/he tried the bra and loved it! This was not the reason they got divorced (her cheating was) however s/he really liked the feel of the bra. From the ex's perspective it was a real Pandora's box!
S/he was very ill about four years ago and I suggested wearing tights and panty hose to contain the pain in his legs and keep his legs warm. He had an unspecified viral infection that had some bizarre manifestations. S/he took alot of pain medication and couldn't work for almost three months. At that time s/he began to cross dress, loved it, and kept it a secret. I have always told my stepchildren that when dealing with me it is better to be an axe murderer than a liar! S/he was and is well aware of how I feel about liars. The other thing I will not accept is cheating. It is a total deal breaker.
When I found out about Missy's cross-dressing I had to assess what it meant. It was not a lie of comission (I never outright asked) and how serious was the life of omission? Her cross-dressing hurts no one, makes her feel complete and wonderful and since she came out to me we've been having an absolute blast. I actually miss Missy when she can't dress from time to time.
No real advice here - I think every relationship is unique and each person has to do what's best for them. However I do think it's not a black and white issue. Most of you have lived in secret for a very long time and that has to eat at you. If you have a strong proclivity to tell your SO, then by all means do but be sure you can live with the best and worst case scenario. I think there is someone out there for everyone to love and it's much cheaper to end an engagement than a marriage. Please, also, give us some credit that if we're told (or find out) and you can explain what this is without scaring the heck out of us most of us are accepting and understanding. You each know your SO and know how open minded, or not, they are. I am very spiritual but have no religiosity to overcome. I am also a rebel at heart and one of my first thoughts was, why is this a big deal - I can, and do, dress like a man whenever I want!!
SL - some help here - you probably know what I'm trying to say and I'm probably saying it poorly! Yeesh!!
I love our Magical Mystery Tour and can tell you that it's brought us closer together and honestly girls just want to have fun!!
Stormy
S/he was very ill about four years ago and I suggested wearing tights and panty hose to contain the pain in his legs and keep his legs warm. He had an unspecified viral infection that had some bizarre manifestations. S/he took alot of pain medication and couldn't work for almost three months. At that time s/he began to cross dress, loved it, and kept it a secret. I have always told my stepchildren that when dealing with me it is better to be an axe murderer than a liar! S/he was and is well aware of how I feel about liars. The other thing I will not accept is cheating. It is a total deal breaker.
When I found out about Missy's cross-dressing I had to assess what it meant. It was not a lie of comission (I never outright asked) and how serious was the life of omission? Her cross-dressing hurts no one, makes her feel complete and wonderful and since she came out to me we've been having an absolute blast. I actually miss Missy when she can't dress from time to time.
No real advice here - I think every relationship is unique and each person has to do what's best for them. However I do think it's not a black and white issue. Most of you have lived in secret for a very long time and that has to eat at you. If you have a strong proclivity to tell your SO, then by all means do but be sure you can live with the best and worst case scenario. I think there is someone out there for everyone to love and it's much cheaper to end an engagement than a marriage. Please, also, give us some credit that if we're told (or find out) and you can explain what this is without scaring the heck out of us most of us are accepting and understanding. You each know your SO and know how open minded, or not, they are. I am very spiritual but have no religiosity to overcome. I am also a rebel at heart and one of my first thoughts was, why is this a big deal - I can, and do, dress like a man whenever I want!!
SL - some help here - you probably know what I'm trying to say and I'm probably saying it poorly! Yeesh!!
I love our Magical Mystery Tour and can tell you that it's brought us closer together and honestly girls just want to have fun!!
Stormy
Live well, Laugh often, Love much!