keeping it bottled up

Jacky · Post by **Jacky** » Sat Jan 06, 2007 8:32 am

Have not got dressed up for 2 years now,thought I could cope but it becomes difficult at times,especially when you browse through fashion mags and just want to go shopping for something nice.
Wanted a nice pair of pumps for years but had not had the courage to buy any, even on-line.Although I have a very undestanding S.O I just cannot
bring myself to ask her.The photos I have are from the last time I CDied,and my S.O. helped me with my outfit, and even put up make-up for me and took the photos.I think I scared her off as it was such a fun thing for me and she got scared that I'll turn into something different or maybe even gay!
In winter I wear pantyhose under my clothes and that she doesnt mind.
How do you assure your wife that everything will be ok?
And that when you get the "urge "to dress up,its a great release of pressure and brings me great happiness all in one?

Stormy(SO) · Post by **Stormy(SO)** » Sat Jan 06, 2007 11:46 am

Hi Jacky -

Probably the best way to assure your wife that you're not gay and that this is a part of you is to make sure you treat her the same (or in some cases better). Missy is a very tender, understanding and doting male and that doesn't change regardless of whether she's Missy or not. I am in a unique position because I found out, by accident, about her cross-dressing and had time to figure out what it meant to us and realized that it means I have the sister I never had <G>! Since each relationship is different you'll have to be the one to gauge the timing, reaction, etc. It sounds like if you can assure your SO that this has been a part of you for a long time and it has not adversely impacted your relationship with her it can actually enhance your relationship going forward. Do a pros and cons list and you'll see there are usually far more pros than cons!

Keep us posted.

Stormy

Kyra · Post by **Kyra** » Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:57 pm

Jacky,

You might also try to get her on the forum. There are many SO's here who (I am sure) have the same thoughts and fears. There's a wealth of information here. It takes some time to sift through all the posts, but well worth it.

At every opportunity, remind her of your love for her. Your reassurance will comfort her more than you may realize.

Good luck, we're here for you.
Kyra

Jacky · Post by **Jacky** » Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:59 pm

The problem seems,that, although it was ok for a short time, that she wants to pretend it is not there.I need to talk about it and there was a time when I could,she even helped me with the outfit,took pics,bought shoes for me,and suddenly,out of the blue it was not ok.After a tearful discussion,I said that Iwould try to leave it.She also at that time said that she wants me to grow a beard,which I now have,also she from time to time tells me that she likes a hairy man .
Ive been happily married for 24years now and still love her as on the first day,we can talk about anything,except the cd thing.When I saw the forum,I felt that this is the time to face it once more.Also I told her about the forum,and it seems ok.
Somehow I think that I took it to fast the first time and gave her too little time to accept it.When I think about it the other way around,eg if she wanted to dress like a lumberjack with a false beard,I understand her resistance.But its something that I cannot whish away and wake up and its gone!
Well im positive now and hope she will give it a second chance.I also gave her the web address of this website and hope she will on her own lokk into it and get answers for her concerns.

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Sat Jan 06, 2007 2:16 pm

Hi jacky

Sounds like she is still struggling with it, knowing it's something that's not going away. Our wonderful SO's here are in a better position to help her deal with what she is going through and better understand where her head is at right now. If you can encourage her to join the SO's section, she'll find a wealth of help in there, I'm sure.

As for yourself, it's important to deal with this properly but better if you can do it together. Never underestimate her level of acceptance. It can be very fickle and may not necessarily be what you think it is. Take it slowly, even if you have to take a step or two backwards from time to time. Then you can work together within her comfort zone and hopefully, she'll realize how important this is for you too and for your relationship. Best of luck!

Stephanie

Penni SO · Post by **Penni SO** » Sat Jan 06, 2007 7:02 pm

Hi ya Jacky,

In the 2 years that you did'nt dress,was that a decision you made or was it something you felt you could'nt do because you could see how your wife was feeling.Sometimes with a spouse who has been told,and who seems to understand,it is viewed by her as a stage your going through,and that it will eventually be over.
Spouses and I know as I am one,often are on a roller coaster road and this is not a hormonal one either.You can fully accept for months and months and then oneday out of the blue you can be saying to yourself,what is wrong with him,?why?,and of course the biggy why me?,
but we usually get over it and become united and supporting.

Perhaps you need to find some info for your wife to read,don't force onher,just say to her that there is information out there that clearly helps explain Gender Dysphoria.,when she feels she is ready here it is...be prepared.

Another thing to consider,is that at the moment and maybe for last 2 years your wife has been going through a personal issue of her own.
I know for a year in the past I went through the stage,is this it,I'm a mother to 6 children,I stay home and I really think that is all people think I'm about....I really looked at myself silently with a microscope.This affected my relationship with my spouse...as I often would think.."not everything is about you".I need to find Penny again.
Well I found myself did 2 Certs in 1 year and started work parttime..our relationship became open again to communication.

Perhaps sit down and just ask your wife how she is.....................
You maybe surprised to find out its not the crossdressing issues it is something completely different.

Hugs Penny

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sat Jan 06, 2007 11:23 pm

Hi Jacky,
Communication! I know that after 24 years you all must have some type of communication or you would not have made it this far. If I can make a suggestion to start and change as necessary, you need to tell her that this "feeling" had returned (or never completely gone away) and that you did not want to involve her until you found out more about it. You found, through a lot of research on the internet, a site (this one) which might help her better understand what you are feeling and that there a lot of GG's (genetic girls) with somewhat the same initial "misgivings" that she may be having and they would love to have her visit with them and hear her "side" of the story!
You need to stress that the internet is a wonderful and very educational place and there are a lot of studies and research going on about "us." And all indications are that we are OK!!
Please keep in touch and let us know what you decide!
Love,
Virginia

Jacky · Post by **Jacky** » Sun Jan 07, 2007 8:53 am

Well,I think one of her fears was that the children(now 17and18)will find out.I also think that she was afraid that this was becoming so important that it would change our relationship for the worse.I stopped because I said that I would ,and at the time thought it would be easy,you know just dont do it,but I did not consider that everyday things like seeing a nice outfit in a catalogue would get jacky started up.I dont have to tell you girls ,im sure you know what I mean.Basically I like women so much that I want to be one sometimes.I also feel that our soles have no particular sex,they just harmonise with the type of body they are in.Also if we were all blind nobody would bother about it either.
As far as my S.O. is concerned I think I rushed things at the beginning.Reading other threads I realise now that that is a big no no.But you have so much fun that you want to indulge in CDind as often as possible.
I told her about the forum and said to her that there is a section to which we have no access only the wives.She answered me by sayind "I hope this is not starting up again!"I said that I just want to talk about it to others in the same dilemma.
Iwill keep a low profile now and see what happens.I just hope that she will look into the forum,and not just hope it will go away.I already thought of a way with which we could both cope,like giving me private time once in a while,so I can do my thing without having to worry about getting caught,I just have no private time for myself as my S.O does not work and my children are both in their last years of school.Since moving from South-Africa to Germany some 5years ago,we also live in a much smaller rented appartment.o there is no way I could dress up while anyone is here at home.In my truck,space is also limited,plus when I take a break,Im generally so tired that I rather sleep.If I was in Australia and rode in a road train that might be different all alone in the outback!
Well thanks for your concern and advice ladies and I hope that I can give you good news this year.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sun Jan 07, 2007 10:46 pm

Jacky,
Just remember what we say - "small steps, honey, just small steps!" You can start with the premise that "honey, I am not a stupid person, I have been doing a lot of reading and research on the web, trying to learn more about this "phenomenum" that I seem to have and I would like you to at least have somewhat of an open mind about what is going on with me. I am not alone in this, there are people all over the world with this desire, and I want to learn more about it and I would like you to as well...."
If she says "NO" or is totally unwilling to be involved and/or threatens you with "problems" if you continue, well I do not mean to be negative, but you may have to dress Jacky up, stand in front of that full length mirror and ask yourself the ultimate question: "What am I willing to do/give-up for this woman looking back at me?" It can be a life changing experience and it can be that you decide that Jacky is not worth the problems that she may create. Like Kermit the Frog sang a song, "It Ain't Easy Being Green!" Unfortunately for some of us "It Ain't Easy Being Us!"
Keep the faith, Jacky and let us know how it goes for you!
Love ya,
Virginia

Jacky · Post by **Jacky** » Tue Jan 16, 2007 5:58 am

Good news girls,my wife today joined the forum,and I hope that this wiil clear up some of the issues.
Love jacky

Jill S · Post by **Jill S** » Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:17 am

Always like to hear good news about a marriage going well. You also have my respect for keeping a lid on your end of it for two years! I couldn't go two weeks when I tried to stop last time. You are the man----girl.
Welcome Jacky's other half, the fact that there are a good number of SO's here was a big factor in my joining it.

Bitta ein Bit; Jill

Kyra · Post by **Kyra** » Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:32 am

Great to hear she's on the forum. Hopefully she'll find some comfort and support from the SO's here.

Hugs,
Kyra

Jess(SO) · Post by **Jess(SO)** » Tue Jan 16, 2007 11:02 am

jacky,

sorry I missed this thread at the beginning, so hi and welcome.

Hello also to Jacky's GG

Jess

Lisa(SO) · Post by **Lisa(SO)** » Tue Jan 16, 2007 1:14 pm

Jacky! I also missed your thread. We are glad that the both of you are here.

I do have one question. Did you find yourself more depressed those 2 years that you did not dress? This seems to happen to many that try and "stop". I , as a spouse, would rather have a husband happy nd healthy than one that is not. It can be a long road for spouses. Let her take the lead for awhile to see what she can accept. Some need to take it in tiny bites. Keep the communication going. Congrats on being married so long. That is a testament to your relationship.

Jacky · Post by **Jacky** » Thu Jan 18, 2007 6:57 am

Hi Lisa,
I did feel bad about it especially the time right after I stopped.But because I was allowed to wear pantyhose,for the cold in winter,it helped.Sometimes I felt like Jacky even when I was not made up or anything.I understand my wifes concern about me,but I see myself as an honest person,and therefore keeping a secret was terrible and that I could not speak to anyone,especially not to my wife was just terrible.I had such a nice day today because my wife shows me that she is willing to try and understand it.I hope that she get as much out of the forum as I do.All great people here and all are trying to help each other.Thanks for that again girls.
Love
Jacky