We talked agian.

Jill S · Post by **Jill S** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 8:12 am

Since comeing out to my wife in November we setteled into this Don't talk about "The problem" mode. Mostly it has been me that won't open up. I went to my wifes therapist Tuesday, the third one I've talked to, and after we had dinner out and talked about My CDing. My wife said she honestly knows it won't go away and she can live with me dressing at home. She also said it would be too odd to see me as Jill, and don't even think about being intimate while dressed. I tried agian to have her come to this site but the avitars and the use of fem names and pronouns bother her too much. She can't understand me useing Jill instead of my male name. I told her I belive it helps keep some illusions for me and others here and is really less confusing. That one point really seems to bug her still. Well off to work in manly mode. Thanks for leting me rambel on.
Jill.

Terri(SO) · Post by **Terri(SO)** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 8:50 am

Hi Jill,
Have patience. She still may come around, let her process it in her own way and in her own time. If it would help her, there are several of us open to communicating with her privately so she can get an idea what its like for SOs. She could also be given access to the GG only section where the tone is often different from the open areas. I think there's a discussion specifically about fem names there. You can tell that I, myself, never call my partner by the name Maria even when he's dressed. I use it almost like a third person.
Hang in there.
Terri

Jess(SO) · Post by **Jess(SO)** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:28 am

Jill,

as Terri(so) says there are many of the GG's who would willing chat with your wife via PM's or emails and I am certainly one of the GG's who's email address you can give her, if you want it, you only have to PM me and I will give it to you to pass on to her, it would mean that she would not even have to come onto the site to email me.

Jess

Post by **DonnaT** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 11:51 am

Good to hear she's talking about it at least, Jill.

Note some of us use a fem name to maintain anonymity on the Internet as well. Especially when participating in a forum that can be read by anyone.

Jill S · Post by **Jill S** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 8:23 pm

Thanks for the replies. She is out of town for a few days at a suprize party for her mother. When she gets back I will ask if she wants to talk via email. I never thought about privacy issues here, I'm pretty internet dumb, I just asumed anyone coming here was one of us!

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 9:10 pm

Jill S wrote:I never thought about privacy issues here, I'm pretty internet dumb, I just asumed anyone coming here was one of us!

You'd be surprised who visits this site . . . and attempts to join using such obviously phoney names, web sites, and email addresses - - but they rarely get past us!!

Jill - Your wife can email me, too, if she'd rather not join the forum. Send me a PM if she's interested!

Just remember to keep the lines of communication open, be honest to yourself and in your answers to any of her questions, and baby steps, honey, baby steps!

- SL

Jill S · Post by **Jill S** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:31 pm

Thanks, After hearing both a therapist and my wife saying it's OK to dress on the same day, the baby steps thing won't be easy. So far dressing in privat and not shaveing anywere has been enough, but I do feel urges for more. Is this were I should be hearing "Danger Will Robinson" ?

Jacqueline Manesis · Post by **Jacqueline Manesis** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 3:42 am

Jill,

I would not say Danger but certainly my advice would be proceed with caution. You may find your desire to grow further than you ever expected it to. The baby steps thing has worked great for me so far in my current relationship. I learend the hard way about being "In her face" with my ex wife........if I had known then what I know now I think I could have prevented that with baby steps.

Anyhowe that is the past and the present is greater than I ever expected. I have been using the it's up to her how much she wants to include my fem persona into her life and it has been better and more than I expected. It is her who talks about getting me a better wig. She also talks about getting me clothes etc. I don't bring it up often at all, she brings it up more often than I do. She is actually having fun with this aspect of our lives and that is something I never expected. I dreamed of some tolerance and acceptance, never did I dream of encouragement that I recieve these days. I cou;dn't be happier.

Let her decide the pace then you can be sure it was never too much no matter how it turns out in the future is my suggestion. If after a time you feel like it is not enough discuss it with her.......relatioships work out best when communication, honesty and trust are the key components to making it work in my humble opinion.

Jaqueline

Jill S · Post by **Jill S** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 10:22 am

Funny how simlar the path can be for many of us. I'm sooo happy the internet has helped me get adjusted to living with this. I have had two days with the house to myself and trying on so many outfits and relaxing with it has been great but a tiny bit scary in a way. I did something I haven't done since a teen, I painted my toenails, keeping baby steps in mind I will take it off before my wife comes home. I will tell her as I don't know how she feels about nail polish on her hubby. I thought about just leaving it on and leting her see it but she has been with her mom and sister and that always stresses her badly.
Jill

Julie Miller · Post by **Julie Miller** » Sat Jan 13, 2007 2:15 pm

A few days ago I sat down with my wife and told her that, "I want to look like a woman." It helped to say the words

She's lived with and supported my crossdressing for a long time.
She's gone to a tri-ess meeting with me and we've socialized with other CD couples. She buys me jewelry and clothing.

This time her reaction was that I would never pass as a woman (too tall and my face isn't soft enough) and I should face facts.
She accepts my dressing because she knows it's important to me, but would just as soon I didn't. She doesn't really want to talk about it, and has no interest in further involvement of her part. She doesn't want to lose the man she is in love with and sometimes the lines blur for her.

Still I believe as I go further and make more and more "baby steps" I believe she will go on the journey with me.
She's helps me with my wardrobe and makeup and understands that I want to pursue this interest much further.

Julia