I would be more out of the closet if...

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Elsewhere, someone posed this question. For myself:

...if I knew that I wouldn't hurt me professionally. I don't think it would, but who wants to find out the hard way.

...if wouldn't cause my family to worry. I'm pretty sure they'd be accepting. But I can see where they might be worried for me.

Initially when I answered the question, I mentioned being worried about being ostracized by people I know. But on reflection, I realize all my friends and acquaintances who I've told have been pretty accepting. If I come out to someone who's not -- well, then they weren't really good friends anyway.

But one thing does give me pause:

...if my crossdressing wouldn't overshadow everything else when people think of me. (Sort of like how it's never "comedian Eddie Izzard," it always seems to be "transvestite comedian Eddie Izzard.") I'm perfectly happy to be seen as a crossdresser -- it's just that "crossdresser" is only part of who I am.

So for the time being, selective disclosure works for me.

How about you?

[Absaroka]

I'd let my wife know if I was sure she wouldn't freak out about it. Otherwise no one else really needs to know and I don't need to tell them.

Absaroka

[DonnaT]

My wife was OK with it.

As it is, she is worried about what the neighbors or other acquaintances would think, say or do. Things that I don't worry about.

[Kyra]

- If my SO would allow me to tell the children. We have an agreement: She doesn't want them to know, ever. I'm willing to wait until they've developed their own sense of identity. (They're both in their teens)

- If I had a guarantee I wouldn't be fired from my job. This is something I'm working on. I'm making inroads, if you will, Since moving to CO, I am determined to be more true to myself. I allow fem aspects of my personality to seep out more often, particularly at work. I consider this a precursor to finally coming there.

Friends and family...as time permits, I will come out to them. I'm getting tired of hiding.

[Jaye]

I'm about as out of the closet as I can be without dressing femme 24/7.

[Sally]

I’ve never found anything else in my life which put friends to the test to the extent which ‘coming out’ did. That’s then when you find out who is ‘true blue’ and who isn’t.
Having said that, those friends who have stuck also had their own special little set of problems with their friends too. They attracted their own unwanted and unwarranted labeling and scrutiny by their friends also. They became known as ‘those people with THAT person as their friend.’ People being what they are, it can create a flow on effect.

I found that ‘Coming Out’ has its’ own set of rewards and accomplishments, but it also can carry its’ own set of burdens too. I’ve known a lot of people who ‘came out’ over the years, some with great outcomes, some were nothing short of a disaster, and some in between. Each of us are all unique to our own personal set of circumstances, and people being what they are they can be very cruel, so we all need to consider very carefully what we do in regard to this part of us, and as Marlena says, it’s not the whole of us, it’s just part of that which goes to make us the person we are, it’s finding the balance in life where each part of us gets the attention it needs without upsetting the status quo. It's very important to control it and not let it control us, because it's not the whole of us, it's just another part of us.

Unfortunately I found that coming out can get you a new title. You then become known by a section of people around you as ‘that Chiropractor, accountant, clerk, truck driver, policeman etc who dresses up as a woman etc, etc, etc’, and many little like remarks with grins attached.
It all comes with the territory, so one needs to be quite prepared for it all when they ‘come out’ because no matter how hard you treat it as ‘water off a ducks back’, there are times when it hurts.
Selective disclosure can in most cases be the way to go, it can give a person more control of their situation.

I’ve said to so many of ‘the knockers’ over the years that if they think about it, do they really believe that I’d willingly become a member of a group of people who are so ostracized, violated, ridiculed and made fun of just for the hell of it. Coming out to all and sundry is not for everyone, but those of us who need more freedom for ‘her’ can certainly get it by selective disclosure. Even just coming out to one person can be rewarding and create some balance in a persons life, but it’s up to each individual how they handle it and how desperate or not their need is.
At this point in time, there will be more people who shy away from us than those who openly and willingly accept us for who we are. It’s just that the world isn’t prepared for us yet, one day it will, it’s slowly turning in our favour, but anything which is seen by the masses as controversial as our issues are, then it usually takes a couple of generations before it becomes acceptable by the majority. It’s always been this way and probably always will.

For a lot of people it’s best to treat it on a need to know basis. If a person can live their life comfortably keeping their secret within themselves then so be it and nobody ever needs to know, but if a person feels strongly that they need to tell certain people then that’s what they need to do, it’s a very personal individual decision. It’s all about quality of life and what is more likely to happen or not by disclosure, always keeping in mind of course of the repercussions and consequences if someone close finds out by accident. All these things, and more, have to be weighed up.

Kind Regards,

Sally.

[Tania María López]

...if wouldn't cause the children to worry.

My wife knows and problems at work can be solved.

[Jill S]

If I were braver, and stronger. I think once you starte a family of your own you must think of them before anything else.

[Absaroka]

Jill wrote: If I were braver, and stronger. I think once you starte a family of your own you must think of them before anything else..

Once you start a family-hopefully yes that is how you feel.

Braver and stronger......discretion is the better part of valor

Absaroka