Here I am

Dawn (SO) · Post by **Dawn (SO)** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 11:34 pm

I don't understand this. He just left me, 1 and a half hours before bedtime to go to bed by himself and said that if I wouldn't go to bed with him NOW, then, I needed to just leave him alone so HE could get some sleep. He's NOT dressed however, definitely on the path, I call it the path of "no return". Virgina calls it the "Magcial Mystory Tour". He won't get on the train and get with our "Tour". Virginia....? and p.s. I don't know how to spell "magical" although, I did just now, huh. Just being me. Or did I? You've got to understand, I used to be there, Now, I've been shut out. HELP. Why did s/he shut me out?????

Dawn (SO) · Post by **Dawn (SO)** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 11:36 pm

S/her basic theme was, when can we have SEX. 19 YEARS. SEX!! OK, we can do that, LOVE, where is that??? I LOVE U!!!

Melyssa Anne · Post by **Melyssa Anne** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 11:49 pm

Dawn --

Only suggestion right now is...take a deep breath and assess how You feel.

(and remember.... there are times when even guys aren't in the mood -- once in a blue moon...but it happens)

hang in there

DeeDee · Post by **DeeDee** » Wed Feb 07, 2007 12:08 am

Dawn
We've chatted, IMHO, Dawn has to make some serious rules and enforce them or write this off. You have a life also, think of yourself. And thats not selfish.
DeeDee

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Wed Feb 07, 2007 10:39 am

Dawn -

I presume that was Angel's way of saying that "he" wanted to have sex, and that if you didn't agree (by not going to bed at the same time) then forget about sex - he was going to sleep, instead?

You definitely need to analyze where you are in this relationship, what your wants and needs are, and are they being met. Selfish? Absolutely not! Then you have to decide what actions you are willing to take to obtain those wants and needs. What, if anything, are you willing to give up, and is it worth it? Are you happy in your relationship? What are you willing to do to make yourself happy?

When you have come to a decision within yourself, then you will need to have a "come to Jesus meeting" (a meeting of the minds) with Angel, and the sooner the better. Both of you must keep the lines of communication open, be willing to talk about all aspects of your relationship, and be willing to compromise. Neither one of you should issue ultimatums - - which is exactly what Angel gave you last night! - - that is a definite no-no!!

All that does is compound the situation, whatever it may be, and in the long run causes a lot more hurt and angst than is necessary. Is Angel willing to meet you half way, to compromise, so that both of you are happy? Remember that compromise is a two-way street, all giving and no receiving does not work.

That 7-lettered word, divorce, is not as scary as it sounds. Trust me, I thought the same thing not too long ago and I was bound and determined to do what I had to do to make *me* happy - - and that was long before I met Virginia. Even without Virginia in my life, I would have made the same decision to divorce my then-husband, because ultimately I was not happy, my wants and needs were not being met. I deserved the right to be happy, and I was going to do whatever it took to obtain that goal, and I took action. If I had to do it all over again, then I wouldn't change a thing - I have absolutely no regrets.

Bottom Line: Everyone has a right to be happy, so do whatever you need to do to make you happy in life.

Whatever you decide, we are all here for you, and you may discuss this in further detail with me via PM should you choose to do so.

- SL

Post by **DonnaT** » Wed Feb 07, 2007 11:28 am

Seems Angel has already admitted that sometimes she can act like a fool and blow it.

SilverLady(SO) wrote:I presume that was Angel's way of saying that "he" wanted to have sex, and that if you didn't agree (by not going to bed at the same time) then forget about sex - he was going to sleep, instead?

That's what is sounds like to me. So I'm going to presume that there has been little sex recently, but I'm not going to presume why. PM me if you want to discuss it, as somethings just don't need airing on a public forum.

And I understand your desire to "make love", not "just have sex."

So, you and he need to talk to each other about the concept of making love (like you use to) vs. the concept of just having sex. I'm sure he used to know how to be romantic to entice you into making love, and if this is what you want, then quietly tell him so.

Note that this is a two way street. You could take the lead and try the romanticizing. Whether he's dressed enfemme or not. I know I'd like it if my wife would take the lead once in a while, and I've told her so, but she hasn't recently. Seems she just wants sex. Not that there is anything wrong with just having sex, but making love is better, IMHO.

So, y'all need to talk to each other, quietly, and discuss each other's needs, etc., and discover what has been holding y'all back and try find away to get past it.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Wed Feb 07, 2007 1:03 pm

Hi Dawn,
As my sisters have eluded to and from reading your post, this does not sound like a crossdressing issue - it is something else and after being married as long as you two have, it is something that you should be able to sit down together and discuss. Stress at work, kids, as the old saying goes, it's "money, sex and in-laws" that cause stress in a marriage. The sex aspect could be brought on by Angel not being able to cope with the feelings that she is having from a feminine aspect of her "development."
That being overshadowed by the male aspect of "not talking" about things and keeping those feelings bottled up inside! That, as I know you are aware, is a "male thing." Guys just don't "open-up" like girls and if "he" is unwilling to discuss these things well, you are a woman, pry it out of him!!! Having read a lot and studied a lot of this - IF in fact the emotional instability that Angel is experiencing is what the problem is, I can assure you it ain't easy for a lot of us to deal with. She/he is in conflict internally with both "forces" competing for acceptance and there is little balance so the internal mechanisms are being tossed around looking for that stability and balance. Unfortunately some never are able to attain it, while others it takes a while. Yes, it will try your patience, but what is the relationship worth to you and how much, love, energy and patience are you willing to expend on the relationship. She could find herself overnight or it could take days or weeks or longer or unfortunately, never. You have to be prepared for any sceneario.
You know we are here for you and the SO's are more than willing to do whatever to help you out!
Please keep us up to date as to how you two are fairing!
Love,
Virginia

Kyra · Post by **Kyra** » Wed Feb 07, 2007 10:15 pm

Hi Dawn,
There's some really good points being made in this thread. I have to agree, do some soul searching. You need to find out where you are before you can see where you're headed.

Donna's post struck a chord with me.

So, y'all need to talk to each other, quietly, and discuss each other's needs, etc., and discover what has been holding y'all back and try find away to get past it.

What struck me was the word quietly. So often when arguments arise, tempers flare and voices reach ear splitting levels. (I've been there, done that) What I found that works best for me is to walk out of the room and breathe deep. Then I calmly walk back in and quietly make my point. Communication is essential to any relationship. It's been my experience that civil conversation is far far more effective than shouting matches.

Hopefully the two of you can find a way to talk this out.
Hugs,
Kyra