I'm back. My world has changed a lot. Much to share.

[Absaroka]

I liked what Georgia said a lot.

I'd also like to comment on the anti depressants. Although there is always the fear of trying to solve your problems with a pill, the truth is that depression can take on a life of its own, affecting your body physically by sort of slowing it down, impacting your physical health in ways that are not always well understood. Anti depressants can help short circuit the biological cycle of this. Which is not to say you will suddenly feel great-the feelings will still be there, just a bit more manageable so that time can heal them. Sort of like putting disinfectant on a cut-yoru body does the healing but you are having artificial aids to ward off infections that can cause a lot of problems.

Absaroka

[Colette]

Hey everybody,

There has been one influence in my life that has been primary in giving me the strength to address the truth about myself in every way, including my sexuality. Its been so significant for me that I literally would like for every human being to partake of the opportunity. Its an experiential "self-development" course of sorts, but it totally unlike anything that I have ever seen or heard of.

The website for the organization is : www.moretolife.org

I have attended the "More to Life Weekend" as well as the advanced residential course, "Way of a Warrior." I also frequently volunteer at the weekend trainings, which is open to anyone who has been through the course and it is like getting the training again for free. There are course locations throughout the US, as well as in England and South Africa.

My divorce, and all the issues that led up to it including my CDing, have been hell. But, its through this program and the people in my life now because of it that I am coming out so on top of things; so aware of me and so finally loving of myself. And of course, my issues around CDing have been just a small part of what has been at stake.

I have posted a letter by a good friend, T, that some of you have read. T has attended both of these courses and the quality of friends I have made through More to Life have been very much in line with the quality of friend that T is to me. It has been a source of so much good in my life that I just can't help but share it all.

If you want more info on it from me. Please let me know and I would absolutely love to share more. If you go, please let us or at least me know what happens for you.

[Colette]

Oh, duh,

I forgot to talk about why I actually came to this thread today! Regarding antidepresents: I didn't end up taking them, though I am more open to it now and I thank you all for your input. However, the periods of depression have lessened, and I feel stronger and more joyful regularly. Also, my counselor helped me last week to find some good strategies for changing my automatic thoughts about my ex and the whole situation. She helped me to get more committed to the other things I want in life for me and to find ways to focus on them instead of my loss. They are: getting a different, higher paying and more challenging job short term, getting into grad school and achieving my doctorate in clinical psych, and painting regularly - including learning to stretch my own canvas so that I can paint big, bold and angry when I need to! I really do love me and enjoy myself, so I am going to put my energy there and aim for the things that I have held off for so long.

Love,
Colette

[Stephanie W]

Colette

So glad to hear things are looking up for you. Keep that positive attitude going and you'll achieve those goals. Good luck!

Stephanie

[Elizabeth]

Hi Collette,

Hi girls,

I have been a little down in the dumps the last few days with this incredible feeling of hopelessness. It seems I no longer have the one thing I cherished the most,someone to love.

There was a time when I was a young man that I thought I would never find anyone to love me. But mostly that I would never have anyone to love. Someone to hold onto when I was lonely or afraid or proud or excited.

Now here I am in the same position again. How do I find someone. I don't want to be a fraud and go out dressed as a boy to lure women in only to be disappointed when they don't accept the real me.

I know there are women out there that are feeling lonely just like me and would be happy to have such a caring and loving person as me. But is seems the system, as always, is set up to work against me.

I know many of you have found accepting wives or SO's after losing your first love. And others have made a decision to not even try to pursue finding someone.

Can anyone tell me? HOW DO I FIND LOVE??

Love Always,
Elizabeth

Here is the original thread

That was shortly after I filed for divorce and just a month and a half before I met my current wife. Sound familiar? I was dressing full time and the only pictures my then future wife saw of me were girl pictures. She met me on the internet and I looked like this on my homepage.



I told the truth to everyone. This is who I am. I told her that I would probably not wear mens clothes again.

There are some great replies in that thread, I suggest you read it. Here is the one that was the most profound to me

I do have one thing to add, though. Don't look for love, you won't find it that way. Love will find you when you are ready for it and least expecting it

She was so right. When I resigned myself to the fact that I was probably going live my life alone, That is when Raven(SO) stepped into my life. She loves me and accepts me just as I am. Hang in there, it will happen for you.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Absaroka]

Colette I am glad you are feeling better about things. Thanks for letting us know.

Absaroka

[Tink (GG)]

Hi Colette, although I am a GG and don't know if I should be putting my 2 cents in here, (the other girls can help you more than I, but...) I just wanted to say that there are many folks out there that ARE accepting and caring. When I met Jeannie, I was compelled to read everything I could get my hands on about crossdressing. It's not that I wanted to 'understand' WHY it was just so I'd know more. I don't care why. I've never been judgemental of anyone.

Being an artist (and a Wiccan) I have always lived a different kind of life. I feel we MUST do what makes us happy. What makes our lives whole, no matter what that is! I can rant on and on but I won't. All I know is the CD folks I have met are the sweetest most caring accepting persons out there and I love you all.

You will be ok. we all love you. hugs~ tink

[Colette]

elizabeth, thank you for sharing some of your story.

Tink, Thank you so much for sharing as well. You absolutely should respond. Its the reaction of GGs in this world that I most fear when I worrry about the future. Your input means a great deal to me.

I had a wonderful experience this week. A very good friend dressed me up in her clothes and held me while I cried over the acceptance I felt from her. It was beautiful. I feel like a changed person. I feel so balanced, solid, and accepting that I can' begin to describe it. I love me, I really do.

I am girl as much as I am boy. It is a beautiful thing. It really is a "gift." (Thank you Virginia for always making a point of that). I have a long way to go. But, when I am alone and confident, I love this side of me.

Love, hugs, kisses to all,
Colette

[Tink (GG)]

It's those little moments that make us most happy, I think. That precious, emotional moment you spent with your friend will be something you can think about and will make you smile whenever you are feeling depressed. It will help you through!

I think it is WONDERFUL that you will be getting your PhD. Think of all the other's you can help with your experience!

Have a beautiful day~ hugs~ tink