When I was 16, I am now 51

[Carla L]

My earliest memories of my start in cross dressing began when I was about 14 years old. I would sneak in my moms dresser and put on a bra, panties and a slip. No one was home so I would strip down and prance around the house wearing these.

I was much older when I tried it again. Through my 20's and 30's I would occasionally buy a bra and panties, possibly a slip and wear them under my clothes. Later I would throw them away.

In my forties I again would purchase underthings, but now I would occasionally add thigh highs and maybe even some nighties. I ended up with a divorce from my first wife and started a little collection of things. I would put them in a box, shave my legs and again prance around my house. My kids lived with me so I only did this when they were at their moms. I had many bisexual fantasies at this time, thinking I was possibly bi, I eventually tried it once, but it wasn't for me which left me even more confused. How could I desire to dress up feminine and not be bi or gay?

My dressing progressed, I did it more often (weekly) till I met my current wife. By that time I had been trimming my hair, chest and legs so it was not too noticable, at least I was not shaved. I again threw away all my things.

In my late 40's I started shaving and trimming more and more. I am now smooth from below my eyebrows on down. Legs, pubic area, chest, underarms. My wife has accepted this and one day I told her about my desires to wear a bra and panties. She accepted that and even went shopping with me to get a bra and nightgowns! I loved it. I started to wear a nightgown almost nightly. Slowly this has progressed.

I recently bought forms and felt guilty till I told my wife. I also told her about a dress I bought and that I wanted a wig. Too much information. I was okay even at the forms but she has had a hard time, and a few unfriendly comments, about anything else. This has surprised me because she has always supported everything I've ever done.

I have since joined this forum, and now I understand about "Baby Steps".

I finally ordered a new wig and a second dress. I will wait to tell my wife about these items and wear them only when I am certain I probably won't be found. I have to admit, as careful as I am there is a secret desire that someone will see me. I also feel, at 51, that I am not going to change. I really enjoy dressing up. I wish I had done this more when I was younger. I love my wife, as she does me, and I hope so badly she will eventually join this forum. Baby Steps...

I've already learned much more about myself and can't wait to read more on makeup and shoes. Thank you so much for this forum and support.

Sorry this is so long.

[Lisbeth]

Hi Robyn,

You wrote something that caught my eye. Just like you I used to think that if I want to dress as a woman then I could be bi or gay. A very confusing time in my life for sure. Well, long story short, I tried a few different "relationships" and realized that I was just a "straight"" guy that wanted to dress up like a woman sometimes. I now understand the concept but trying to explain it to anyone else is difficult at best. My first marriage ended with her only knowing about my fascination with panties and things. Thank God I didn't confide in her totally. I know that now. My wife now is aware of the extent of my CDing and together we are learning to take little baby steps one at a time.

It's good to touch base with someone from the same cut of cloth. Hope to hear more from you soon.

Love, Lisbeth

[Kyra]

Hi Robyn,

After reading Lisbeth's post, I felt the need to share some of the same feelings. When I was a teenager, being a crossdresser was very confusing to me too. I wondered about being gay or bi. Nothing seemed to make sense. I didn't fit the model for a homosexual, nor did I fit the stereotypical hetero either. That was probably the biggest challenge in that part of my life. Trying to "classify" myself was my way of dealing with the feelings I had. It's probably why I hate labels of any sort today.

Those were difficult years, eh? I enjoyed reading your beginnings.
Thanks,
Kyra

[Lisa(SO)]

Reading the posts by you wonderful ladies has enlightened me even further. I always assumed the confusion with a cd was the "why" it was done not the sexuality part. I cannot imagine the pain and confusion that must have been felt. We as a society tend to label and "classify" as Kyra put. What young man would not feel internal conflicts?! Hopefully with time and more education to the masses we can change this for future generations. The media is bringing the issue forth but "Hollywoods way" not the realistic way. In time.......

[Karren Hutton]

Great bio...... And I also had those feeling when young that I must be gay.... Confussing as hell they were..... And they continued. Into my 40's ... But what was confusing was that I didn't like men!! Repulsed at even the thought... So then why did I like to dress like a woman??? Still don't know but one day I just decided that I do and I love women and that was that.... Things changed for the better once I accepted that and crossdressing became fun... Not something to be ashame of....

And Robyn, your light years ahead of the curve compared to my wife.... Lucky girl!! But then again that's life!!

Love Karren

[Carla L]

It is nice to hear there are others that had the same thoughts and feelings. I am glad I am not/was not alone in my thinking.

I am comfortable with myself now. I hope my wife fully accepts me also, she is tolerating it now, but doesn't know the extent of my dressing.

Someday, after many baby steps...

[Sandra]

Oh your begginings are just like mine. I would come straight home from school and had about 2 hours alone in the house. I was always facinated with ladie's lingerie from childhood. I would go to mom's dresser and open the top drawer and just fondle her soft panties and slips. I couldn’t help myself, for years I thought I was the only boy in the world who liked wearing ladies underwear. I would think to myself, why am I this way? It wasn’t until I was in my late teens that I discovered there were others out there that had the same desires as I did. But I didn’t stop at mom’s things, I tried aunt’s and almost all the neighbor ladies. I did purge my collection several times, regretfully now. Oh I wish I had all those lovely panties and nightgowns back. Gosh I don’t know what I would do with all of it if I did. I have a huge collection now! I love reading other’s beginnings so much.

[Kerri]

Psycho

That movie was a turning point for me. Up until then I had dressed in secret when my rents were out at a bar. I didnt know I was a transvestite.
My rents went out about three nights a week, and from the age of 11 I spent three nights a week wearing my mum, or my sisters clothes, and makeup. I used to love the shiny corsets and full skirts of dresses in the late fifties.
I would steel myself to walk out the front door and mince round to the back door, when it was dark.
I was caught a number of times, it didnt seem to matter, much. I would get a telling off, but within days I was back dressing.
I had more than a couple of gay relationships as a youth. I always fancied other boys more than the girls. It never amounted to much.
I became very anti-gay in my twenties, but as time goes on, I occasionally get the hots for a man. The last time it happened, my youngest son's friend called for him.
Our eyes met when my wife took him into the lounge, I felt so hot for him. I felt guilty and suprised at the strength of my emotional attraction.
I have never had an adult gay relationship.
I dont feel confused about my sexuality, but I do get very stressed hiding my self from friends, colleagues and neighbours.

We are all pretty much the same, some of us have been dealt a better hand, and some a worse hand by fate.
We must make the best of it.

tara

Kerri

[Phylis Anne]

dear robyn, i myself went through almost the same problems and it took me about 30 years to tell my wife about my being a crossdresser.now that she knows i am able to dress every wed night and go to my cd group here in new york city .its called crossdressers international.and we have around 50 members .good luck with your wife and as we all know once a cd we are forever a cd .love phylisanne

[Carla L]

Thank you Phylis. I hope to attend a support group in Michigan one day. There is one local, but I can't seem to find the post on it. I've done searches but to no avail.

One day I'll find it, and seriously look at attending.

[DonnaT]

Thank you Phylis. I hope to attend a support group in Michigan one day. There is one local, but I can't seem to find the post on it. I've done searches but to no avail.

One may be listed here: http://tgguide.com/Guide/michigan.htm

[Carla L]

Thanks Donna. I should have known to ask you! You seem to always have the great links.