My daughter found out.

[Absaroka]

In my experience expecting siblings to keep secrets from each other about their parents is unrealistic and also disrepsectful of the sibling bond. After all if you can't talk to your siblings about concerns about your parents who can you talk to? I think you can ask them not to go any further than the family and probably should but you have to trust them about talking to each other.

Absaroka

[Carla L]

In my experience expecting siblings to keep secrets from each other about their parents is unrealistic and also disrepsectful of the sibling bond

I had a good heart to heart and feel it is in control. I explained my concerns and she agreed with me beyond talking to my son. I believe she will keep this within her, myself and my son. I think the way I managed her eating disorder and supported her was extremely helpful in this. I supported her and still do, 100%.

[Carla L]

Stephanie

Well, there's no turning back now so roll with it and hold on tight!

This has been the time of my life already.

Your wife might see your daughter's apparent acceptance as putting her in a weaker position

This is a major concern of mine, but if the last few days are any indication, it has gone much smoother. I don't talk about it much. I'm at the REALLY SMALL baby steps right now.

THEN the fun can really begin.

I'm looking forward to that someday.

[Virginia]

Robyn,
I am sorry to post my history again, but you and I both followed the "guidelines" with the baby steps and it comes down to how the person receiving the information is able to cope with it. My "ex" did not cope well, er, did not cope at all.

I asked her not to tell anyone until I had a better understanding of this emerging aspect of ?me? Well, she almost immediately told her mother, who of course told her (crossdressing, minister) father, who told his son, her brother, who immediately threatened to "kill me!" (What an idiot!) She then told her step-daughter = my daughter, who told her husband who told me he was "uncomfortable" with me being around my two grandchildren. That is up until I pointed out to him that this uncomfortableness was coming from an institutionalized drug addict! Well he found he was not quite as "uncomfortable" as he originally had felt.

Anyway, as I have said before, some times some of us have to take the "LONG LOOK IN THE FULL LENGTH MIRROR!" I did! I, well Virginia decided that she was worth any and all "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune!" and I/we/us - whoever I am???? have not looked back!

Virginia's emergence has been the greatest thing in my lifetime and well, I can't change the past, I don't wish to dwell in the past, I can only say that my girlfriends on this forum pointed out to me that evidently Virginia had made numerous attempts to make herself known it the past, but was "ignored?" until a point in my life where she finally said, "you need me you big lummox, so here I come (like Mighty Mouse said) "to save the day!" " She did and it has been a marvelous "Magical Mystery Tour" since.

Again, thanks to all my sisters here, I can never repay you for supporting the beauty you have helped bring into my life!!!

Love you all!
Virginia

[Carla L]

Virginia,

You help me so much.

I am now thrilled with my daughter. She is so supportive, she is telling me what looks good before I attempt to purchase anything. Today, I bought myself a birthday gift, she really liked the dress and the necklace i picked out.

I'll probably have to search for the necklace in her bedroom, but the dress is much too big for her.

For my birthday tomorrow we are going to the mall to find me a brown purse, then go to the movies.

I'm really looking forward to it.

[Virginia]

Robyn.
Thanks honey, I am happy for you, but BUT, you must know that you have to treat this almost like your wife, "baby steps, honey, baby steps." Don't lose perspective of who you are to your daughter. You know the relationship better than any of us but you are still the parent not the girlfriend.

I guess I have trouble getting my mind around it as my daughter - well we have had a "falling out" if you will over something that has nothing to do with Virginia. At least that is how I view it ------- immaterial. My point is if she were to ask to see Virginia or to shop with Virginia or anything Virginia, she will be grilled to the point of exhaustion! I would be more than willing to show her pictures, but to actually emerge for her, well she would have to do a lot and I mean a lot of convincing as to why she wants to meet Virginia!

Just this girl's opinion.

Love ya,
Virginia

PS: I could be psychosomatic, but she is (and I know we should not brag about our children ) but she is dropdead gorgeous and I would have to really, really be "on my game" to compete with her!!!!

[StefC]

Kudos to you. I am so happy for you. Like you, I also have a daughter, and also two sons. All are in their 30"s. And all know about my crossdressing. Oddly enough, all of my children especially my daughter have no problem with my dressing. My wife, thats another story. After 36 years of marriage, she still hasn't accepted my dressing. Keep us posted on your adventures. The best of luck to you. Steffi

[Carla L]

StefC - my ddaughter, being home a lot of the time has walked into me dressed several times now. Both she and I are now totally comfortable and if there is any change, it is that I now put a little makeup on, so I don't totally look like a guy when i am dressed and with a wig while working. In fact, today she game me some perfume she had, Giorgio Armani, she says was too 'old' for her.

Like you, my wife is not totally accepting, I'm taking it slow with her. Really slow. I get mixed feedback, sometimes good, sometimes bad. I don't like it when she says how ugly I must look as a girl. That hurts, but I accept it as part of the territory. I think she would be surprised, I am not ugly, just average and I think (well I've done it) I pass enfemme.

[Lisbeth]

I'm dying to let my step-daughter in on my secret but I'm not sure if I can trust her to not tell her boyfriend. He is from the old school, with a Cuban heritage. I know he wouldn't deal with it (or me) very well. My wife seems to think that I could trust her. In fact, she said that her daughter would probably get a big kick out of it. I know that she isn't a prude by any means. We've grown very close over the past few years and we each have a few secrets that we share with just each other but this would by far be the biggest.
She has found some of my lipstick in the car and asked her mom (wife) about them. I guess she just shrugged it off and said that they were hers.
I sometimes get the feeling that maybe my wife has already told her daughter and told her to keep it a secret, don't let me know that she told. I could be wrong. That would explain a few things, though. Like twice so far I've driven her somewhere and out of the blue she told me to try some of this lip-plumping stuff. She didn't bat an eye when I did it. I was really close to blurting the whole truth to her the last time this happened but I thought better of it. Maybe the next time we'll have more dialogue about it. Subtle hints like "Can I have that bra when your finished with it?"or "What color wig do you think would look good on me.?" Just kidding but I really feel a genuine conversation is in our near future.
This is a whole different form of baby steps. My wife is one thing but her daughter is a whole new ball game.
I'm almost a little enviuos of you, Carla. The way your daughter found out took all the decision away from you. I know it wasn't a walk in the park but you didn't have a chance to wonder and worry over it before hand. It just happened and as someone said all you could do then was hang on for the rifde and hope for the best. I'm so very happy for you thsat she is as accepting as she is and I can only hope I have similar success if and when I decide to take the leap of faith. Mean while I'll just continue to nure my anxiety along and keep it well fed.
Love,
Lisbeth

[Carla L]

Lisbeth,

I am lucky in the respect concerning my daughter. I admit it, but I really wish it were my wife I could talk to more. My daughter will be off to college in a few months.

I have no advice for you, as there are so many others here with much more wisdom about this than I. I can only wish you luck, and listen to the girls here. They have helped me tremendously.

[Kerri]

Hi Lisbeth,

Im puzzled why you need to blurt out about yourself to your step-daughter. You have reason to believe she knows, so why go further?
What do you hope to achieve?

Your description of her boyfriend's probable Cuban reaction sounds like you'd be taking too big a risk. Remember whatever you do can not be undone!

In my own life, my step-daughter knows; It achieved nothing! If anything it gave her more to worry about, and she told more people than I would have liked. My eldest son has probably guessed, but we will leave it at that. I have nothing to gain by discussing it with him.

Just be careful, or as I am fond of saying "Ca Canny".

tara
Kerri

[Carla L]

Lisbeth,

Although I have no problems with my daughter knowing, she has told no one that I am aware, I do fear telling anyone else. I want to, in fact my step daughter asked just last night if my toes were painted? I told her I polished them but not painted them. I really don't want her to know, as I feel she will blurt it out to others.

I really feel, once she sees my legs shaved, there are really going to be some questions. I'm sure she will be the one to notice and ask. I'm not looking forward to that day.

[StefC]

[quote="Carla L"]StefC - my ddaughter, being home a lot of the time has walked into me dressed several times now. Both she and I are now totally comfortable and if there is any change, it is that I now put a little makeup on, so I don't totally look like a guy when i am dressed and with a wig while working. In fact, today she game me some perfume she had, Giorgio Armani, she says was too 'old' for her.

Like you, my wife is not totally accepting, I'm taking it slow with her. Really slow. I get mixed feedback, sometimes good, sometimes bad. I don't like it when she says how ugly I must look as a girl. That hurts, but I accept it as part of the territory. I think she would be surprised, I am not ugly, just average and I think (well I've done it) I pass enfemme.[/quote]

Carla L- Seems like your wife, like mine, might be a bit jelous. I don't know how your wife looks, but you sure in the heck don't make a bad looking lady. I am so glad that you and your daughter are comfortable totally with your dressing. As she has probably figured out, there is nothing what-so-ever wrong with a man dressing en-femme. Keep us posted on you and your daughters progress, and if any your wifes. "You go girl"

[Emily Ann Brown]

Wife (soon ex), who is downright hostile decided at Thanksgiving to announce our divorce and tell the kids at the same time....sorta like a sledgehammer to knock some sense back into me. Well all three accepted. Older two don't wish details or a visual, but they still treat me as before. The younger girl not only accepts, but takes me shopping (NO, her mom has no clue ). There is life after an outting. I wouldn't say rush out and tell, but I wouldn't have a heart attack worrying about it happening.

A funny aside is one of the three ( and other two nodded and giggled) suggested their mom dress me up and take me to bed hinting "who knows mom, you might REALLY like it!" Needless to say that child and their mom now have a very strained relationship.


Emily Ann

[Kerri]

Carla & Emily,

I dont think for one minute your wives are jealous.
It is far more likely that their reaction is because they are feeling threatened, not by your feminine charms but because their relationship with the "man" they married is threatened.

I think their accusation that you will make an ugly woman is a clear indication of this insecurity.

We may be passable in our eyes, but I believe many of use wear rose tinted spectacles. When we look in the mirror we can only see that
"pretty girl in the mirror lookinhg back". But no matter how well made up we are, we are still men wearing a dress.

Some may like their lives after their family find out. But I believe those persons are in the minority. I know many TV's & TS's who are divorced after a very messy end to their marriage.

Don't get carried away with your success so far. Think carefully about where things are going. Remember you cannot turn back the clock.
As our colleagues recommend, take baby steps. As I say "Ca Canny"

Take care

Kerri