50/50 or maybe less... I enjoy my male side as much as my female side.. But like anything else.... excess tends to take the excitement off things.... So right now at once a week dressing and getting out in public enfemme is very nice....
Love Karren
How much is too much?
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Karren Hutton
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ShamrockFaerie(SO)
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I would also like to know exactly how far crossdressing goes before it becomes transsexual. My husband only likes to dress as part of erotic play. For him, it's purely sexual. Like most men, my husband likes and is preoccupied sometimes by sex. If he had his way, I'm sure that he would certainly dress every time we had sex, but I'm not sure that would spill out into his masculine lifestyle outside the bedroom. My husband is a "man's man". He likes "man" stuff. He has a full beard. He wears very masculine clothes. He has a hard, physical job. He is an athlete and is very into masculine sports like football, wrestling, and racing. So I'm not sure his "dressing" has much of a place in his everyday life. And I'm pretty sure that even with no restrictions, my husband really likes his masculine side, feels more comfortable in public as Joe rather than Jennifer and does not want to ever transition into becoming a woman. However.... True to his uber-masculine self, I'm sure if he could have sex all day every day, he would, and I'm sure that he prefers sex dressed as a woman..... So in his perfect world he might be always dressed, but he'd also be always having sex, LOL!
Perhaps my husband is what you would call a strictly erotic crossdresser. He does not feel comfortable "hanging out" in his femme clothes and really does not have that many femme characteristics even when he is dressed. So for us, I think anything outside erotic play would be "too much" for him.... At least right now. I think even in your "perfect world" scenario (and wouldn't that be SOOOOOOOOO great if there were not restrictions) my husband really enjoys being a man and would choose to dress like one most of the time. Although I'm sure he would be very aroused if he could go out with me en femme without worrying if he'd be seen by someone who wouldn't understand. Right now we have talked extensively about going out of town so that he would feel comfortable going out and trying to socialize en femme..... But it's something he's never tried and so we aren't sure if he would like it or not. Like I said.... His dressing is purely erotic and I'm not sure how comfortable HE would feel showing that erotic side of himself to the world. Frankly, I'm not sure how I'd feel about it either.
I would really like to hear about other men (girls) and their desires and needs. It might help me to guide my husband to the appropriate balance for him.
-Tiffany
Perhaps my husband is what you would call a strictly erotic crossdresser. He does not feel comfortable "hanging out" in his femme clothes and really does not have that many femme characteristics even when he is dressed. So for us, I think anything outside erotic play would be "too much" for him.... At least right now. I think even in your "perfect world" scenario (and wouldn't that be SOOOOOOOOO great if there were not restrictions) my husband really enjoys being a man and would choose to dress like one most of the time. Although I'm sure he would be very aroused if he could go out with me en femme without worrying if he'd be seen by someone who wouldn't understand. Right now we have talked extensively about going out of town so that he would feel comfortable going out and trying to socialize en femme..... But it's something he's never tried and so we aren't sure if he would like it or not. Like I said.... His dressing is purely erotic and I'm not sure how comfortable HE would feel showing that erotic side of himself to the world. Frankly, I'm not sure how I'd feel about it either.
I would really like to hear about other men (girls) and their desires and needs. It might help me to guide my husband to the appropriate balance for him.
-Tiffany
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DonnaT
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Crossdressing doesnt lead to being a transsexual (TS), Tiffany. If one is a TS, then they have been TS all their lives. The crossdressing is merely one means that may lead someone into discovering that they are TS. For some, they know this about themselves as early as 2 yrs old. For others, it may be a long road to discovery, that may include much denial.
There's no way to predict when they may discover their TSism, and one shouldn't worry about something that may never happen. And worrying for 30-40 yrs needlessly is not my cup of tea. Just cross that bridge when and if you ever get to it.
There's no way to predict when they may discover their TSism, and one shouldn't worry about something that may never happen. And worrying for 30-40 yrs needlessly is not my cup of tea. Just cross that bridge when and if you ever get to it.
DonnaT
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ShamrockFaerie(SO)
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Thank you Donna.... That eases my mind a bit. Sorry if I sound a bit dumb or unenlightened..... And I do not by any means intend to be offensive to anyone.
I'm new to all this..... I only found out less than a week ago, and I'm trying to get as much general information as possible so that I can discuss things with my husband in an intelligent and compassionate manner. But I (like most people) have lots of questions that might seem naive or simple, and I'd rather not embarrass my husband by asking him so bluntly, since it is so new and he is still getting comfortable with me knowing.
I can't imagine my husband ever having true transsexual tendancies. I'm not really THAT worried about it, but I have heard that as a person gets more comfortable with crossdressing, they often have increased desire to do so more often and in more varied settings. That worries me a bit. Just from a personal standpoint..... I DO get a little concerned when I think of my husband doing chores around the house en femme (or having a desire to do so) because we are at a point right now where we can accept it as part of our sex life and nothing more. I wouldn't want him doing chores naked, either. Does that make sense? Going out on "dates" with him en femme is great, because he's wearing something I find sexy. It's the equivilant of wearing my favorite pair of jeans or a tight muscle tee (Joe is VERY athletic) because he knows I think it's sexy. I'm bisexual, and Jennifer is a pretty "girl", so I'm very excited to go out and have her on my arm. But it excites me sexually, and him too..... I doubt lounging around the house or doing dishes en femme would have the same affect. I like the way things are now and I'd personally like to see them stay that way. I think my husband feels the same way, and since I found out, he's been REALLY REALLY honest with me..... He has told me what he wants, and I just need to learn to trust that it's REALLY what he wants.
So I think in our case the answer to the original question of "How much is too much" would be anything more than for sexual arousal or foreplay. Anything beyond that would cross the line into something we are both uncomfortable with. I think my husband would like to dress more, and I would like for him to dress more..... Because that means more sex for us! In a perfect world that is. But we have an 8 month old daughter and another baby on the way. Lots of sex just doesn't fit into our lifestyle right now. The realities of family life are taxing on ANY sex life, and "alternative" sex lives are even more difficult to maintain. But we sure will try!
-Tiffany
I'm new to all this..... I only found out less than a week ago, and I'm trying to get as much general information as possible so that I can discuss things with my husband in an intelligent and compassionate manner. But I (like most people) have lots of questions that might seem naive or simple, and I'd rather not embarrass my husband by asking him so bluntly, since it is so new and he is still getting comfortable with me knowing.
I can't imagine my husband ever having true transsexual tendancies. I'm not really THAT worried about it, but I have heard that as a person gets more comfortable with crossdressing, they often have increased desire to do so more often and in more varied settings. That worries me a bit. Just from a personal standpoint..... I DO get a little concerned when I think of my husband doing chores around the house en femme (or having a desire to do so) because we are at a point right now where we can accept it as part of our sex life and nothing more. I wouldn't want him doing chores naked, either. Does that make sense? Going out on "dates" with him en femme is great, because he's wearing something I find sexy. It's the equivilant of wearing my favorite pair of jeans or a tight muscle tee (Joe is VERY athletic) because he knows I think it's sexy. I'm bisexual, and Jennifer is a pretty "girl", so I'm very excited to go out and have her on my arm. But it excites me sexually, and him too..... I doubt lounging around the house or doing dishes en femme would have the same affect. I like the way things are now and I'd personally like to see them stay that way. I think my husband feels the same way, and since I found out, he's been REALLY REALLY honest with me..... He has told me what he wants, and I just need to learn to trust that it's REALLY what he wants.
So I think in our case the answer to the original question of "How much is too much" would be anything more than for sexual arousal or foreplay. Anything beyond that would cross the line into something we are both uncomfortable with. I think my husband would like to dress more, and I would like for him to dress more..... Because that means more sex for us! In a perfect world that is. But we have an 8 month old daughter and another baby on the way. Lots of sex just doesn't fit into our lifestyle right now. The realities of family life are taxing on ANY sex life, and "alternative" sex lives are even more difficult to maintain. But we sure will try!
-Tiffany
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Absaroka
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Tiffany,
I was glad you posted your thoughts. FIrst of all I have to agree that kids can have quite a dampening affect on your sex life......
Most transexuals experiment with crossdressing as a way of assuming the gender of the person they really feel they are. A case could actually be made that a true transexual is not crossdressing, that they are wearing the correct clothes for their real gender.
But for a lot of men crossdressing (probably most) is mostly about sex. When you consider how much effort clothing manufacturers put into sexy alluring clothes for women I think it's a bit surprising most men don't try this from time to time! Our society having the attitudes about sex that it does however sometimes it seems more acceptable to talk about changing gender than about sexual enjoyment. Also, because sexual thrills are less gut wrenching than living in the wrong body for your gender, strictly heterosexual male crossdressers probably tend to have less of need to talk about this.
Diedre McClosky wrote a book called Crossings about gender change. She made the point that many, many men, given the chance, would like to be a woman for a day or a week to see what it's like. I certainly would. It has to do with being very close to a number of women like my wife and wanting to know how life is for them, plus general curiousity. I dare say a lot of women might feel the same way. But then we would want to go back to our " real" gender. These people are not transexuals. A transexual really feels that they are not their percieved gender. If you ask a MTF transexual to explain men for example, they may say that since never really were one they can't.
So if you are going to worry, worry about something more likely to happen. Like being struck by lightning.....
Just my opinions. I am an expert on nothing but myself.
Absaroka
I was glad you posted your thoughts. FIrst of all I have to agree that kids can have quite a dampening affect on your sex life......
Most transexuals experiment with crossdressing as a way of assuming the gender of the person they really feel they are. A case could actually be made that a true transexual is not crossdressing, that they are wearing the correct clothes for their real gender.
But for a lot of men crossdressing (probably most) is mostly about sex. When you consider how much effort clothing manufacturers put into sexy alluring clothes for women I think it's a bit surprising most men don't try this from time to time! Our society having the attitudes about sex that it does however sometimes it seems more acceptable to talk about changing gender than about sexual enjoyment. Also, because sexual thrills are less gut wrenching than living in the wrong body for your gender, strictly heterosexual male crossdressers probably tend to have less of need to talk about this.
Diedre McClosky wrote a book called Crossings about gender change. She made the point that many, many men, given the chance, would like to be a woman for a day or a week to see what it's like. I certainly would. It has to do with being very close to a number of women like my wife and wanting to know how life is for them, plus general curiousity. I dare say a lot of women might feel the same way. But then we would want to go back to our " real" gender. These people are not transexuals. A transexual really feels that they are not their percieved gender. If you ask a MTF transexual to explain men for example, they may say that since never really were one they can't.
So if you are going to worry, worry about something more likely to happen. Like being struck by lightning.....
Just my opinions. I am an expert on nothing but myself.
Absaroka
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
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Virginia
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I have to take a bit of exception with my sister Absaroka. It is some what an unacceptable generalization to say that "most" CD's are given to only a sexual motivation. I will say that there is not enough formal research on us to determine where the line is and who crosses it and at what point, but I will offer this: Yes, sexual inclinations can be 99% of dressing up to some point, and again it can vary from person to person, but............. it is my considered opinion (that as an example) to dress and present as a woman to society, in other words, going out dressed, whether or not the person passes or attempts to pass, there is much more going on with that person than sex!!!!
We who are in that phase (and some never reach that point or travel beyond it) are attempting to deal with the "feminine" characteristics that we are NOT suppose to have or to administer to others, i.e., empathy, tenderness, listening, touching, caring, gentleness, emotions things that "society" says are feminine characteristics. These "things" that we admire and adore in GG's.
The "Crossdresser's Continuum" has a place for all of us and no one place is right or wrong it is just where you happen to be on your "Magical Mystery Tour!"
My motto: "Go Forth Woman and BE!"
Virginia
We who are in that phase (and some never reach that point or travel beyond it) are attempting to deal with the "feminine" characteristics that we are NOT suppose to have or to administer to others, i.e., empathy, tenderness, listening, touching, caring, gentleness, emotions things that "society" says are feminine characteristics. These "things" that we admire and adore in GG's.
The "Crossdresser's Continuum" has a place for all of us and no one place is right or wrong it is just where you happen to be on your "Magical Mystery Tour!"
My motto: "Go Forth Woman and BE!"
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Melyssa Anne
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It is interesting with all the variations...all the places on the "continuim" that Virginia is always talking about. I would say that there are many for which it is not sexual, and many, many that have no desire to go further than dressing. I do think it is a very small percentage that are TS...
For me it is just something that I enjoy doing...nothing sexual about it -- just letting out my feminine side and being able to just be me. Sometimes that is the male me, and sometimes it is the feminine me. I enjoy both sides, and they are both always present. Like someone who likes to cook and someone who likes sports..sometimes one is the more dominant and that is the part that is being enjoyed -- for the moment. All part of the bigger picture.
We are a tough group to generalize. For me, too much would be when I am dressing when I didnt want to. That hasnt happened, but that is becasue I know when I want to ...and when I dont want to....so I don't.
So now I feel like I've gone around in a big circle....and have confused myself...could it be because at the moment I'm a blonde? LOL
For me it is just something that I enjoy doing...nothing sexual about it -- just letting out my feminine side and being able to just be me. Sometimes that is the male me, and sometimes it is the feminine me. I enjoy both sides, and they are both always present. Like someone who likes to cook and someone who likes sports..sometimes one is the more dominant and that is the part that is being enjoyed -- for the moment. All part of the bigger picture.
We are a tough group to generalize. For me, too much would be when I am dressing when I didnt want to. That hasnt happened, but that is becasue I know when I want to ...and when I dont want to....so I don't.
So now I feel like I've gone around in a big circle....and have confused myself...could it be because at the moment I'm a blonde? LOL
Missy
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Absaroka
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Virginia you may be right. I really don't know and also don't know how much research is done in this area. After all the folks who study these things don't even have a wild backside guess as to how many of us there are.
On the other hand speaking for myself I don't feel I need to present as a woman in order to display all those affectionate, nurturing and etc "feminine" personality traits. To me they always seemed very masculine.
Also I would agree completely about generalizations. Most of us don't fit in them.
But my central point remains. Just because your husband likes to wear womens clothes as a sexual aide and now and then likes to go out with his wife dressed as a woman it doesn't mean that SRS is imminent. I think often it is just our own internal yin yang and it is the very fact that he is a man that can make this attractive.
To re examine the old joke: whats the difference between a cross dresser and a transexual?
For some, about 2 years.
For a quite a few others, uncounted light years...
Absaroka
On the other hand speaking for myself I don't feel I need to present as a woman in order to display all those affectionate, nurturing and etc "feminine" personality traits. To me they always seemed very masculine.
Also I would agree completely about generalizations. Most of us don't fit in them.
But my central point remains. Just because your husband likes to wear womens clothes as a sexual aide and now and then likes to go out with his wife dressed as a woman it doesn't mean that SRS is imminent. I think often it is just our own internal yin yang and it is the very fact that he is a man that can make this attractive.
To re examine the old joke: whats the difference between a cross dresser and a transexual?
For some, about 2 years.
For a quite a few others, uncounted light years...
Absaroka
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
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ShamrockFaerie(SO)
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Virginia - at this point, my husband has expressed absolutely NO interest in presenting himself as a woman to the world without ME along for the ride. It's something he wants to be a part of US, not something he wants to pursue on his own. I doubt that he will ever move beyond wanting to dress as part of sex..... I could be wrong, of course, but I have to trust what my husband is telling me, and he says over and over again that he does not want to BE a woman or present as one. He simply says that if we ever go out on a "date" or if he ever dresses in public, he wants to make sure I am there (both for security and the obvious fact that he would be sexually aroused and would want his partner there!)
So I'm going with what he tells me for now. We'll cross any other bridges as we come to them, I guess.
So I'm going with what he tells me for now. We'll cross any other bridges as we come to them, I guess.
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Bernice
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As potentially sticky as this subject is, I suppose to be rigorously correct, we would also have to define "restrictions".
I suppose the truth is that I am also a Non Op Trans Sexual. The reasons for the "non op" part of that are probably "restrictions". So, if there were absolutely no "restrictions", I would be a woman, and I would dress "like a woman" by definition. I would not need a wig, and I would wear makeup only to be more attractive. I would choose skirts, dresses, or slacks based on the activities anticipated, and would have very few slacks in my wardrobe, and almost no laced shoes.
Alas, the real world is full of many restrictions. I love my wife so much, and my wearing a wig or breastforms still bothers her, so I avoid those around her. Right now I am unemployed again, and enjoy wearing skirts/dresses, hose, pumps, breastforms, and wig most of every workday. There is rarely anything sexual about it. I rarely bother with makeup, though I do shave fastidiously. I still do not enjoy having to return to drab at the end of the workday, and I don't look forward to weekends where social pressures prevent “dressing”.
If I were certain I could reliably and successfully present as a woman, I would go out that way.
So, if the question is applicable to me (I am assuming it is, since Elizabeth, you answered for yourself) then really no amount is “too much”, though I still would not wear a skirt and heels to go skydiving, or swimming, or such.
Hugs,
Bernice
I suppose the truth is that I am also a Non Op Trans Sexual. The reasons for the "non op" part of that are probably "restrictions". So, if there were absolutely no "restrictions", I would be a woman, and I would dress "like a woman" by definition. I would not need a wig, and I would wear makeup only to be more attractive. I would choose skirts, dresses, or slacks based on the activities anticipated, and would have very few slacks in my wardrobe, and almost no laced shoes.
Alas, the real world is full of many restrictions. I love my wife so much, and my wearing a wig or breastforms still bothers her, so I avoid those around her. Right now I am unemployed again, and enjoy wearing skirts/dresses, hose, pumps, breastforms, and wig most of every workday. There is rarely anything sexual about it. I rarely bother with makeup, though I do shave fastidiously. I still do not enjoy having to return to drab at the end of the workday, and I don't look forward to weekends where social pressures prevent “dressing”.
If I were certain I could reliably and successfully present as a woman, I would go out that way.
So, if the question is applicable to me (I am assuming it is, since Elizabeth, you answered for yourself) then really no amount is “too much”, though I still would not wear a skirt and heels to go skydiving, or swimming, or such.
Hugs,
Bernice