How do you look at other CDers

[JoAnnDallas]

I was wondering how many of you that belong to a surport group or go out with othe CDers, do think of the other CDer as a man or a woman? Have you seen them in both male mode and fem mode and if so, did you react to them differently? I guess it also applies to when your on a CD forum. As you read a posting, do you visulize the poster as a male or a female?

I belong to Tri-Ess and went to HEF last year. I realized that not once did I think of another CD as a man. Some of my CD friends, I have never seen in male mode, and may very well shock me when the day comes and I see them that way. My friend Tootsye has seen me in both male and fem modes and not once did I notice any difference in how she reacted to me. Both times she was en fem.

[DonnaT]

When posting online, I think of others as they appear or as their name appears. So usually - as a woman.

In person it's usually - as a woman, but not always.

And If I've known them in both modes, I can get confused with pronoun usage occasionally, but generally interact with them as a woman.

I really don't stop to think about whether the person is a man or woman, but automatically react mostly with respect to how they appear.

[DeniseL]

Any of my friends that i know are CD or TG, I always treat them as a lady regardless of wether they are in male or femme mode.

I appreciate being treated like a lady from my CD TG friends, and accordingly try to recriprocate.

If I were able, I would love to be femme 24/7 and fully transition some time, but unfortunately as long as I am working that is not an option

Denise

[Stephanie W]

Interesting question Joanne.

I find I always see my CD friends as the gals they are and rarely even think about them being men under that pretty exterior. I have seen many of them in male mode too, and like Donna, do get confused sometimes, only because I know them better as their femme selves. On forums such as this, I usually don't even think about anyone being male unless they mention they have a beard or something, then it makes me think..hmmm.. Oookaaay!

Stephanie

[Absaroka]

I often have to remind myself that most of the CDers here are men and that some are of ambiguous gender. It's one of the reasons I often use gender neutral terms here . Hi folks.....

Absaroka

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, JoAnn -

My response is the same as Stephanie W's (hi there, girlfriend! ). Just last night, while at a TG support group meeting in Richmond, one of the T-girls (pre-op) attended in somewhat-androgynous mode and I still thought of her by her femme name.

I am so used to seeing and thinking of most everyone here at the Forum as female, even if I do know their male names, that even while talking with them on the phone (or seeing them in male mode) I still refer to them by their femme name . . . unless, of course, we are in a mainstream venue and they are not "out" to anyone else who may be with us.

- SL

[Phylis Anne]

allways as a woman.as thats what we are.

[Jean Marie]

Any one I see that is presenting themselves as a woman I consider a woman be they CD or Tg regardless of what ever physical features are her undies. When I meet a CD or TG friend in drab they are the ame person only in stealth, once O know them as a feminine person that to me is who they are.

[Kimberly Kael]

Online, it's easy. Whether it's in a forum or chat room I definitely think of you as sisters, each and every one a lady in her own right. If anything it's a bit of a shock when reading a blunt reminder that it's more complicated than that.

Would it be any different in person? I suspect there would be more reminders, but I'd still have a preference for thinking of CDers as their desired gender. I think it is just another application of the golden rule.

[Emily Ann Brown]

You have seen me both ways........

And my sisters are females, always have , always will be. Had supper with one this weekend in a party of 4.....she was she even though she was in guy mode (bit awkward on the pronouns while in the group).


Emily Ann

[Kerri]

In chat or forum, as here, I treat almost all as feminine.
SO are clearly female; and I do treat the two as seperate.

In real life I was a member of the UK Beaumont Society for 20 years; a participant in Rose's; Manchester's TG Support Group and Ron Storme's social scene.
I was also a founder member of the Aberdeen based Gender Support Group 3G.

I judge myself now on a sliding scale between total male (1) and total female (10) as a (6). Ten years ago I would have rated myself as a (8 ).

Generally I find it difficult to accept the majority of CD'ers I have met to be greater than (7-8 ), and would treat them as I would expect to be treated by others CD'ers.

Some however are definitely (1) and I would treat them as such.
A few I regarded as (9) and I give them the same respect as a (10), who in my opinion can only be a GG.

Kerri

[Jeanne]

Full marks for honesty, Kerri dear. But I'm a teensy bit bothered by the judgemental tone of your remarks. Everyone is different. No one 'type' of CD is any 'better' than any other. It seems to me that if we seek acceptance, we should practice it ourselves. Everyone is worthy of respect unless they prove otherwise by their words or actions.

I congratulate you on your six out of ten score, but I wouldn't rate a two, and yet that's who I am.

[ShamrockFaerie(SO)]

I relate to my husband as a man most of the time. On here, I think of you "guys" as just that.... Guys. But you are also gals, and sometimes I forget that.

Of course, I'm not a CDer or a TS, so I sort of get hung up on whether a person has a penis or not, but I find it much easier to relate to a CDers femme side when SHE is actually present. I guess if a CDer is dressed as a man, I treat him as a man, and if he is dressed as a woman, I treat HER like a lady.

I think MOST CDers (not TS) present the way they feel at the moment. So if a guy is feeling masculine and presenting as such, I try to respect that and address him in the appropriate way. If "she" is feeling femme, I give her the same respect and treat her accordingly.

-Tiffany

[Jeanne]

I think MOST CDers (not TS) present the way they feel at the moment. So if a guy is feeling masculine and presenting as such, I try to respect that and address him in the appropriate way. If "she" is feeling femme, I give her the same respect and treat her accordingly.

I'm the same way, Tiffany. Gender is to a degree how people react to each other. For example, when my GG neighbor came to dinner dressed as a man, and adopted somewhat stereotypically male body language, speech and even attitudes, my femme self reacted in a femme way. It was an illuminating experience. In my male mode I would have felt challenged by "Gary's" assertive masculinity, and a kind of pissing match might have ensued. Instead, "Jeanne" dealt with him by flirting! I learned that flirting can be, for a woman, a way of adjusting the balance of power.

Later, when "Gary" returned to her usual gender, she told me that "Jeanne" was a bit of a slut. I was hurt! I thought my flirting had been nuanced and subtle, but apparently not. Fussing with a hemline has great power, it seems, but it apparently takes practice to do it in a ladylike fashion.

[Carol Ann]

Depends,
When we were in Tri-Ess at a meeting or other wise we all called one another by our fem names.
Now that we are retired and live way out in the country my wife just calls me HONEY and I respond yes dear no matter which way I am dressed.