CDs are still men, right???

[ShamrockFaerie(SO)]

My husband is a crossdresser. He is a man. A straight man. A manly man. But putting on women's clothing makes him feel sexy and beautiful, and we have come to use it as a sexual foreplay tool. It's fun. We enjoy it. My husband says he has NO desire to "become" a woman. He just enjoys the clothing (and makeup and wigs) every now and again, usually in a sexual setting.

I've been reading on this forum and I'm a bit nervous. How common is it for a crossdresser like my husband to "transition" into a person who actually wants to BECOME a woman? Is it common for CDs to become TS? Is it part of the natural progression? If I encourage my husband's crossdressing, am I going to wake up one morning with "Jennifer" and never get "Joe" back? Is my husband going to desire to be dressed up all the time at some point? Do all CDs progressively allow their crossdressing to spill into other areas of their lives, or are there some for whom it remains purely sexual? I just REALLY love my husband as a man, and I would prefer if he stayed a man. Is it possible to be a supportive CO but still want my husband to use some restraint?

I'm not saying I think my husband is truly transgendered or transexual.... I don't believe that is the case. He still likes to have a full beard (until he "dresses up") and wear his masculine clothes. He is still closeted from our friends and family (his choice, not mine) and has said he prefers not to socialize dressed up. Also, I, as a WOMAN, still arouse him very very much. So I'm sure he doesn't IDENTIFY as a woman.... At least not right now. I'm concerned, though, that if I encourage this behavior things might get out of hand. On the other hand, I love my husband and want him to be comfortable, and I wouldn't dream of doing anything that would make him question my love for him (like asking him to stop dressing entirely - besides.... I like when my husband wears the "pretty frillies"). So my question is..... Are there any "guys" out there who are STILL GUYS despite your crossdressing, and if so, how hard is it for you to "keep up" your masculine side? Is it a great effort, or does it come pretty naturally? Do you WANT to give up your "guy" side completely, or are you happy with things the way they are? Also, if you are still a "guy" too, do you keep your dressing as a sexual thing, or do you also do it for relaxation or socialization without sex? Does your wife or SO call you by your femme name when you are dressed or do you prefer that she use your given (masculine) name? My husband prefers that I not call him Jennifer (unless we're doing bondange and humiliation..... a whole other aspect of our sex life) but yet he DOES want to bend our roles in the bedroom (hope this isn't too explicit - He wants me to get a strap on and penetrate him anally). Does this mean that my husband wants ME to become a MAN when HE is a WOMAN? I'm bisexual, not transsexual. I do not feel all THAT comfortable taking the masculine role in our love making every single time, although every once in awhile I'm glad to, just to pleasure my husband. Is this a common desire for straight crossdressers, or should I be concerned that my husband might be gay? He swears he is not, and like I say.... I have reason to believe him. I guess I'm just confused because I only just found out about my husband's CDing less than a week ago, and I have lots of questions. I want to be supportive, but I guess I need some support too. This is all new to me and now I have a whole big set of worries that I never had any idea I'd have to think about.

Any insight any of you can provide about what your urges and desires are will really help me to open a dialogue with my husband about just how far we want this to go and would be greatly appreciated. I guess my BASIC question is.... Do ALL crossdressers eventually identify themselves as women (I.E. transsexuals) or are there some who remain "part-time" erotic crossdressers forever, never desiring to actually BE female? Just want to know what I'm looking at down the road. Thanks!

-Tiffany

[Stephanie W]

Hi Shamrock and welcome to the forum.

Wow, so many questions, but perfectly natural, given this is all still very new to you. First off, I will say you're as likely to receive as many different answers as there are CD's here on this forum, so be prepared to be confused for a little while longer before this will begin to make any sense to you.

Rather than try and answer every question, I think it's important first to look at where your husband is in all this. He may have told you enough to give you a fairly good handle on what his cding means to him and how it makes him feel, as well as how content he is being where he is right now. He just needs to help you understand what that means. What may (or may not) happen in the future is probably the biggest unknown as everyone of us is different, and in fairness to you, no one can reliably predict where things will end up. I don't say that to scare you, only to encourage you to keep it in the back of your mind. The good news though is that most of us know our own comfort level and where we are on the proverbial gender continuum (from fetishists to TS's and everything in between) and usually are perfectly happy to remain within the ball park of our own little sandbox. There are others who, depending on their personal situation, choose to stay where they are out of respect for their families and livelihood. Unfortunately, placating everyone but themselves, as admirable as that may be, too often leaves that person terribly unhappy. For those (not crossdressers) who identify as transsexual with a need to become who they feel they are, no amount of denial is going to change that, so I always think it's better to get that out as early as possible for the sake of any relationship. From what you told us though, I don't think you have too much to worry about.

As a crossdresser all my life, I have seen myself move further along that continuum from where I started, but that's been a natural progression, going from being deeply closeted, to being out in public. My motivation for dressing has changed by being out and I'm personally very happy where I am today and proud to be me. Even though I may fantasize about being a woman at times (that's just me), I have no desire to become one. Whether that changes later on in life, who knows? What I do know is that my extremely supportive wife would quickly re-evaluate that support if that ever happened - and I wouldn't blame her a bit. I've never identified as a transsexual, and knowing me as she does (we're very open about all this), I think I can safely say she doesn't have to worry.

As you learn more, you will also find there are many cd's out there struggling really hard with this, who just don't know what they feel or where they fit it, and consequently, any level of self-acceptance remains elusive to them. That's a shame but it's the reality of the world we live in. As long as your husband has reconciled that part of him, you're on your way. Generally speaking, that's usually the biggest and most important hurdle to finding that peace within us as transgendered people. Now, it's your turn to find your own peace within your husband's CD world.

So Shamrock, my humble advice is continue educating yourself but don't live your life fearful of what 'may ' happen. You have set your boundaries and can renegotiate them anytime you feel more comfortable. If it means having Joe when you want him, then so be it. With compromises on both sides, I'm sure you'll find a happy medium that will work for both of you. Best of luck.

Stephanie

[Jeanne]

Don't worry, Shamrock. Your hubby sounds exactly like me. In fact, for a moment I thought that Shamrock Faerie is just the kind of name MY SO would think up.

We have been married for some 32 years. In that time my CDing impulses have progressed only to the extent that I still like new clothes now and then. You know how it is: you get a new skirt and you don't have the right top to go with it...... or the exact shoes.... and so on.....

I have no desire to pass as a woman. Or to go out en femme -- which is just as well because I'd be read in a heartbeat! Only recently I appeared en femme for our two closest friends. They came to dinner and we ALL cross-dressed. It was their idea, oddly enough. When I came out to them they were supportive, and a little tickled, I think, and next day they went thrift store shopping for me. Result, I got two new tops and skirts, all perfect in fit and style.

Enjoy your marriage to the full, dear heart. Enjoy your hubby. He's lucky to have you.

IMHOP, every really good man has a female side that needs some kind of expression. That's something I learned from my incomparable SO. She released me from years of guilt and self-loathing.

Best of everything to you both, Jeanne.

[Absaroka]

Tiffany I wrote what actually is a reply to this in the how much is too much thread. So I won't repeat it.

A statistic I have read a number of times is that about 1 % of crossdressers go on to either SRS or living as the other gender.

Theres a fun kind of causality here and has to do with crossdressing being a number of different things. A person of the gender opposite their body is using crossdressing as a way of trying to become who they really are. A non transgendered crossdresser (most of that other 99%) is just doing this for fun.

For me this has to do with an enjoyment of theatricality, pretend, and sex. I have no desire to transition to something I am not. I am a man who likes to play dress up.

It's nice that your husband and you have this shared fun thing to do. Enjoy it. Perhaps for the two of you going out dressed up is akin to the thrill another couple might have making love upstairs in their hosts bedroom during a party with it's drama, excitement, and risk of being caught. Who knows.

Absaroka

[ShamrockFaerie(SO)]

Absaroka - About going out together in public, that's EXACTLY it! You hit the nail on the head! totally! I'm glad I'm not crazy! LOL! I'm sort of an exhibitionist..... But not EXACTLY. I don't like having sex in public, just being SEXY in public.

Thank you ALL for your kind words and patience as I sort through all this. I'm trying. I just don't completely understand yet, but I've accepted that I will probably NEVER completely understand, so I'm just "taking baby steps" and seeing where they lead me.

-Tiffany

[Absaroka]

I think it would be hard for people who are not transexuals or of ambiguous gender to understand what it is like.

For a long time I would read things by people who said they were women trapped in mens bodys but they were really women, (MTF) and my reaction was always to wonder how would you know such a thing. Then I read some biographys of people who were FTM transexuals ( men trapped in womens bodys who had SRS to become physically male and my reaction was of course they knew, how could they not know? Which means I really don't understand how someone would know they are a woman but I understand how someone would know they are a man because that is my experience.

But I don't want to throw a scare into you. It seems like with you and your husband we are talking about something very different, the sexual aspect of crossdressing. And I think again that may be something that could be difficult for a woman to understand. Because all the meaning and baggage with men wearing feminine sexy clothes just doesn't apply to women wearing mens clothes. A lot of it has to do with some basic societal perceptions about men and women.

One of the things you said in your post was that you are a bit of an exhibitionist. You enjoy looking sexy in public. Well the being public aspect of wearing a sexy dress is different for men of course. But for some men part of the thrill of wearing womens clothes is we get to have some sort of corrolary to what we think women must be feeling when they are enjoying feeling sexy. Because lets face it, for heterosexual men there just isn't a male version of a plunging neckline with a push up bra and fishnet stockings with a garter belt. A male g string or a tux or anything else just isn't the same thing. So if you want to understand how he feels wearing womens clothes, ask yourself what is it that you enjoy feeling about wearing them. He is probably wanting to feel the same thing, or at least his perception of how you feel.

I guess I didn't quite really answer the rest of your questions. Yes I am all man and want to stay that way. I have a beard too. It goes well with my pony tail. I don't see ever wanting to become a woman except as I said in the other thread it would be interesting to do for a week. Then again I think it might be interesting to change race for a week too, just to see what people of other colors are talking about sometimes. But I would want to return to who I am.

I don't think I need to wear a dress to be sensitive or nurturing. I occaisionally for example give other heterosexual men flowers. I grow them in my garden and like to share them. To me giving other men flowers is incredibly macho-it's saying screw what society says about this. I'll do what I feel like doing.

Often when noones home ( my wife knows some but not all and doesn't participate. I like to relax in womens clothing. I love long night time stroll in a dress-it's very sensual in a way that mens clothes are not. Now that I'm older (mid 50's) and have been doing this for a couple of years often it doesn't culminate in sex (a favorite masturbatory fantasy while crossdressed for some men is that they are a woman. But the man they are having sex with is always themselves, not some other man. Of course there are plenty of crossdressers who might fantasize about being a woman with a wide assortment of men also. But that's a different fantasy)

Here's a funny thing. A few years ago when I started this I liked the bustiers, tight corsets, and all that other stuff. Now I find that my favorite femme outfits are often like my favorite male clothes. Sleeveless women's teeshirts and a plain long soft skirt with sandals, a pair of panties and light almost not there bra. A slip if it's not too warm. In the winter I like legging with a pile skirt and I'll wear one of my male fleece vests over a simple womans top. And I find these clothes comforting. It's as if the clothes are giving me a hug.

I'll wear my wife clothes sometimes. It's nice knowing they're hers, especally her panties. I do it less than I used to because she has said that she doesn't like me to do it that much and one thing that has been repeated here often is respecting your spouses boundaries. I would never ever wear either of my daughters underthings. It would feel absolutely incestuous. I might wear one of their sweatshirts or other unisex things like a watch cap. And they love to wear my flannel shirts and I find it touching. But that's it.

That above paragraph perhaps tells you just about all there is to know about the meaning of sharing clothes vs crossdressing.

As for it getting too much, lots of couples eventually have to compromise on how much in what way when it comes to sex, and there are plenty of people who can get compulsive about sex. But thats a very different thing from being transgendered.
Absaroka

[ShamrockFaerie(SO)]

Absaroka - I'm not confused about WHY he wants to wear women's clothing. Just what it may mean between us. Know what I'm saying?

And, as a woman, I have to take some exception to what you said about there not being a male equivilant to female sexy clothes. A nicely built man with a little chest hair in a wife beater and tight wranglers KNOWS he looks good. He's wearing those tight jeans because it makes him feel sexy. He's wearing that tight wife beater because it shows off his muscles. It's the same thing.

But I get what you're saying.... I feel very sexy wearing nothing but a men's button up shirt, for example..... And I rarely wear dresses. I prefer a more powerful "manly" look for myself, because it makes me feel empowered and, hence, sexy. So if my husband wants to go out on the town en femme and he feels sexy, I'm totally down with that. I'll get dolled up too, and Jennifer can be my lesbian lover for the night (she certainly wouldn't be the first). I can completely relate to his sexual fixation, as I also share a similar one.

But my man is sexy. Joe is sexy. He's hairy and muscular. I know he'll shave everything when he goes out and I'll lose that manly look for awhile. Maybe it's selfish, but I don't want to give it up. He makes me feel like a WOMAN, not like I'm WITH a woman (even though I've enjoyed my lesbian relationships, I did choose to marry a man.... For a reason). I just hope that he can still perform consistently as Joe now that I know about Jennifer and not expect me to ONLY have sex with Jennifer or go on lesbian dates. I do want him to be my man still. I guess I'll just have to let the newness wear off and then tell him how I'm feeling and what my fears are. Hopefully, they're unfounded.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Hi Tiffany,

Thanks for trying to be understanding and accepting.

Everyone is different, but I'm generally pretty happy being a man -- I've just got too big a personality to fit into one gender. I won't lie, some folks who saw themselves as "just CDs" do transition, but the vast majority of CDs are happy to remain CDs. But even within that, there's a whole wide spectrum. There's folks like me, who enjoy being out in public part of the time, interacting with the world as if we were women. (I've also started performing as a drag queen, which is yet another thing.) And there's also a lot of folks like your husband, who's crossdressing is confined to the bedroom and tied into sex play. (And plenty of folks who find both appealling.)

As far as the bedroom stuff, I think for a lot of CDs the urge to "bottom" gets wrapped up in notions of "being feminine." Obviously there are women who are "tops," but growing up as a boy and man it gets drilled into your head that you're the one who does the pursuing. So it's easy to mistake wanting to be the one who's pursued (or penetrated) with being "the woman." (Not to say that the urge to express what society sees as "feminine" can't co-exist with the urge to bottom.)

FWIW, if you look around the 'net you'll find hetro non-CD guys who are into being done with strap-ons. As far as whether Joe wants you to be "the man," or "a woman with a strap-on" -- well you'll have to ask him.

The big thing is that you two work out something that works for both of you. That might mean taking turns accomodating each others preferences. For example, if he shaves for an occasion (which you're less than enthusiastic about) is there something he can do for that you'd enjoy (even if he's not that into it). Likewise, with you taking the "masculine role" in the bedroom. Incidentally, you might also take a look at why you're uncomfortable taking on that role -- for better or worse, learning that their partner is a CD can cause SOs to take a look at their own ideas about gender. So I know SOs who've learned to enjoy taking the lead in the bedroom at times. OTOH, that might not be your thing and that's fine too.

You might also check out Helen Boyd's excellent book, "My Husband Betty," which looks at crossdressing from a SO's POV. The only caution I'd offer is that like many "support" books, it focuses on that which needs support -- so it's easy to overlook the disclaimers in the chapters on sexuality and transition that CDs don't necessarily have sexual baggage, nor do most of them transition. (Helen's husband being the exception and I think the unconscious premonition of that colors that chapter. It should also be noted that Helen was also consciously was debunking some popular dogmas on both issues, so that the book probably hits those issues harder than it might otherwise.)

[Absaroka]

Tiffany I have to agree with everything Marlena has said.

One other comment. Communication, respect, compromise and acceptance are of vital importance in a marriage. I've been married for 21 years now and the number of small compromises (and some not so small ones) are innumberable. It has been very much worth it. In retrospect there have been some things I would have stood up for more and some I would have not bothered with but the overall balance was good and what has been most important has been the feeling that my wife listens to me and does her best to understand.

Sounds like you are doing a great job of expressing your thougths here, so you should be able to do the same with your husband.

Absaroka

[ShamrockFaerie(SO)]

Marlena - I think my hesitation comes from this.....

When I was dating women, I was ALWAYS the "top". I was always the masculine influence. While that gave me a sense of empowerment and a certain level of sexiness, I have always reserved that side of myself and my sexuality for women.

When I married my husband, I did so because I felt completely like a woman. For the first time, I really fell in LOVE (not just lust) with a man and how he makes me feel. Most of my experience prior to meeting my husband involved physical relationships with men, and emotional relationships with women. I was used to being "in charge" and the pursuer. But my husband pursued me. He made me feel vulnerable. And for the first time I REALLY opened up as a woman in bed and in our relationship. I embraced my vulnerability and let someone else "be the man", and it was such a RELIEF for me. He helped me find my feminine side after I had truly given up on finding any man who could completely satisfy me. He taught me how to be a WIFE. I already know how to be a lesbian. I've done that. It's old news. I enjoy my role as wife and mother. It's not a role I ever thought I'd have a chance to enjoy, but since my husband made it possible for me to "be a woman" in our relationship I've really embraced it.

Now I feel like he's asking me to completely remake myself, and I'm sorry.... But if I'm accepting his crossdressing, then he should be considerate of what he's asking me to do. I think it's totally selfish that even before I knew about his CDing, he was still doing it. He was even willing to go outside our marriage to get that "itch" scratched. Does he now expect me to give up the things in our relationship that I love and feel comfortable with? Couldn't I just as easily go looking for someone who would give me the feelings of femininity and vulnerability that my husband once did? Aren't MY needs and desires just as valid as his? Don't I have EVERY RIGHT to DEMAND that THE MAN I MARRIED show up at least once in awhile? Don't I have the right to say "I'm 4 months pregnant, and REGARDLESS of how you are dressed, you ARE NOT A WOMAN and you CAN NOT understand what I am going through and I need the strength of my HUSBAND right now?" Would it be out of line to say "I married Joe, not Jennifer, and I need intimacy with my husband?"

I'm trying to be understanding, but I think he's pushing me too hard, too fast. I tried to get him not to dress last night when we made love, but he just said "I thought you wanted me to be myself." I have not had sex with Joe since I found out about the CDing. Now he seems to ONLY want to be intimate if he's dressed as Jennifer. And instead of providing for MY needs in bed, he wants me to provide for ALL of his, and mine fall by the wayside.

To top it all off, the REST of the time, he's acting like a typical 23 year old man.... Video games, sports..... When I want to watch "girly" stuff, it's a no go. It's like things are reversed. Why can't he be Jennifer when I want to watch soaps and then be Joe in the bedroom once in awhile? That would be awfully nice.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I've got to run to work, but my quick reply it sounds he's in a bit of a "kid in a candy store" phase (while closeted most of us can't imagine finding a partner who's accepting of it). Which is unfortunate, but not uncommon. When you've bottled things up for a life-time there's an urge to make up for lost time.

The sort of relief you've felt about switching from pursuer to pursued is probably the sort of feeling Joe's experience right now. So you might understand why he's wanting to dive in. And just keep in mind that he might not be quite as comfortable being a man's man as he lets on -- over-compensation is pretty common.

That said, knowing this doesn't make it easier to live with.

It's OK to tell him to slow down so that you can have some time to adjust, and it's OK to tell him that your needs in the bedroom matter too. (FYI, you issue is one of the issues that Helen's book talks about.) Likewise, it's OK to tell him that it's not OK for him to go outside your marriage without your consent, and that while you're pregnant you need his strength.

Again, the key thing is for you two to keep talking through this. If he's a typical 23-year-old guy, there may also be some maturity issues on his end. OTOH, it sounds like you've got some definite ideas about "what a man should be" and I'd caution that any man, CD or not, might have trouble living up to the idealized version 100% of the time. As I said earlier, dealing with this does have a way of forcing both partners to come to terms with their ideas about gender.

Anyway, the big task at the moment sounds like getting things to slow down so you can both have more time to deal with it. It might be useful to give him analogy (e.g. he discovered something about you) that resonates with him so that he understands what you're feeling.

[Alana]

Shamrock,

I'll second everything that the others have mentioned. There is a lot of variation in CDs. In the broadest sense, a CDer is anyone that dresses in the clothing of the other gender, whether MTF or FTM. With that in mind, it is presumed that about 1-5% of hetersexual males are crossdressers.

I, for one, am a heterosexual male that loves to CD. I would love to dress more and go out more but my current situation doesn't allow that. My wife is aware of my crossdressing, but does not accept or support it; she just wishes that it will go away. I think that is due to her upbringing and her ideas on what is the social norm. Also, at one point I made love to her after she helped make me up; that was a big mistake. She was totally turned off and I went back into the closet.

Out of respect for her I don't dress in her presence. I do shave my legs and underarms periodically, but otherwise, I present myself as a man around her. I still make love to her and romance her as her man. However, I am a man that enjoys both masculine and feminine aspects of my persona.

About five years ago, I finally came to grips with my CDing and accepted myself as I am. I had spent 40 years in the closet and didn't really understand things. However, a long time ago, I had determined that I was neither gay nor transexual. I have no desire to make love with another man; I'm strictly a ladies man. Also, I never felt like a woman trapped in a man's body, so its unlikely that I will ever transition. Like Stephie, though, I sometimes wish I were a woman. Also, I'm still learning and better understanding what it is all about.

I agree that it sounds like your hubby is not being considerate of your needs. He needs to be Joe for you, when you need him. That is something that you will have to work on with him. Be assertive as to what you need, but be diplomatic also. You need to jointly work out an acceptable agreement that meets the needs of you both.

Good luck to you both!

Alana

[ShamrockFaerie(SO)]

JOE CAME BACK LAST NIGHT! YAY!

I had a GREAT conversation with SilverLady(SO) yesterday and she helped me create a plan for the things I needed to talk about with Joe. When he got home, I explained how I was feeling and told him how much I needed his masculine influence. After a very long talk, I FINALLY got to make love to my husband again and it was wonderful.

Also, I believe I DO have a pretty rigid idea of what male and female influences in a relationship should be. I don't necessarily think that a man has to be the masculine influence while a woman is the feminine.... But in my relationship with my husband, I accepted the very masculine man he presented at face value and got very comfortable with both of our accepted roles in the home and the bedroom. Had he presented his CDing to me earlier in the relationship, my ideas about our roles might not be so rigid. But I've been used to the way things have been for 5 years, and now I just can't do a U-turn in less than a week. I'm human.

During our talk yesterday, Joe and Jennifer both really listened to me. It felt great. Joe explained a little more about Jennifer to me, and he asked that I trust what he says and not worry about statistics or how others might read him. He says he is purely a fetishist and has been so since he first started dressing. Even when he was completely closeted from everyone he did not feel as though he would like to dress more or was hiding an aspect of his actual personality, just a kinky sexual fetish that he thought no one would accept or understand. He says his ONLY desire to fully dress and/or go out in public is for the sexual thrill of being seen dressed in a way normally reserved for intimate times. He said he has never thought about or desired being a woman, although Jennifer would like to experience sex in a vulnerable way, the same way I do. Jennifer said she'd like to be in a position to trust me sexually the way I trust Joe. The position of vulnerability and the eroticism of role reversal is all that's appealing to her. Joe said that he does not want his CDing to take over, and he only has a desire to dress rarely (although he admitted he's been going a bit overboard since I found out.... That "kid in a candy store" reference was right on target). I told him that we could set up a regular night where I could be with Jennifer, but the rest of the time, Joe would be my partner. He said he feels comfortable with that, and we aggreed that Jennifer would be a "once every couple of weeks" kind of thing. I let Joe choose the interval between my date nights with Jennifer. I told him to decide how often he wanted her to be around, and he said he'd be satisfied right now with once every two weeks. I left the door open that we could increase or decrease that as his desire shifts and changes. In return, he promised to be my strong, dedicated, passionate husband the rest of the time, and he followed through with FANTASTIC sex! YAY! He also promised to stop wearing MY panties and wear his own, now that I know and have bought him some. No excuse to stretch my thongs now.

So things are better and I trust what he has said to me. I know things might change in the future, but they might not. For now, I just have to trust my husband, because NO ONE (not even me) knows exactly what he wants except for him. So..... The journey continues. My first "date" with Jennifer will be next Thursday. I'll keep you all updated as I get to know my new "girlfriend". Hopefully I'll learn to love her as much as I adore Joe.

-Tiffany

[SilverLady(SO)]

I had a GREAT conversation with SilverLady(SO) yesterday and she helped me create a plan for the things I needed to talk about with Joe.

Hey, Tiffany -

I somehow knew before I answered the phone that it was you, and I really enjoyed our conversation. It didn't seem like we were chatting for almost 2.5 hours, but we were . . . must be a girl thing!

I am so glad that you and Joe/Jennifer were able to talk things through and reach an amicable compromise. Joe/Jennifer have had about 16 years to 'become comfortable' with themselves, and you have only known about Jennifer for 1 week; everyone needs to slow down so that you have a chance to become acclimated and, hopefully, accept Jennifer, too.

Remember what I said on the phone: Just like a baby, you need to be able to roll over onto your tummy before you can crawl; you need to crawl before you can stand; you need to stand before you walk; and you have to know how to walk before you can run. In short, it's "Baby steps, honey; baby steps!"

On a side note, Virginia and I are looking forward to meeting you and Joe sometime soon, and we just might pop in to see you at work . . . especially on Bluegrass night!!

* Hugs *

- SL