Missed Opportunities

JamieG · Post by **JamieG** » Mon Jun 04, 2007 9:52 pm

Hi everyone,

Lately, I have found myself dwelling on missed opportunities: times in my life where if I had been a little braver, I could have had experiences that might have allowed me to become more comfortable with my crossdressing. I was wondering if anyone else ever finds themselves doing the same? If so, I'd like to hear your stories.

Although this may be a little self-indulgent of me, I'd like to share two such episodes. Feel free to ignore. I hope that if I get this off my chest, then it won't dig at me as much.

1) Every year my high school had a Powderpuff Football game. For those of you who haven't heard of this, it is where the girls play football and the guys cheer (wearing the traditional cheerleading uniforms). My senior year, my best friend and I were joking about signing up (well, he was joking, ... maybe) when the pretty girl behind us said "You should both do it!" We agreed, and planned to meet at my locker at the end of the school day to head over to the initial after-school Powderpuff meeting together. I waited by my locker and my friend never showed. I waited as long as I could without missing my ride home and then went to the buses. Sitting there was my friend. He said he forgot about it

! I keep wondering what if I decided to do it anyway. On the day of the game, the guys who did it (mostly class clowns, but probably at least a few closet CDers in the group) came to school in their skirts just like the real cheerleaders did on game days. Everyone loved it. The guys did it again for homecoming and performed actual routines at the homecoming pep-rally. I was so envious. If only I could have had these cheerleaders dress me up and teach me dance routines. And then to walk around school in a skirt not once but twice...

2) In my first job after college I was working on a project with this girl named Julie. She mentioned to me that she was throwing a Halloween costume party and that I should come. I said that I didn't know what I would wear. She said "You could come as a girl." I stammered "Wh-what?" and she replied "Oh, nothing." What if instead I had said "Sure, that might be kind of fun. Would you help?" I'm sure she would have. And if I had gone in drag and it had been a positive experience, I might have been more comfortable about exploring my gender identity in my twenties, instead of waiting until my thirties. That's ten years of fun I missed out on.

Thanks for listening. Anyone else want to share?

Jamie

Lisbeth · Post by **Lisbeth** » Mon Jun 04, 2007 11:19 pm

Jamie G,
My only real regret is that I waited so very long to actually come to terms with who I truly am. All of my life ( like a lot of us) I kept my secret hidden from the world. The few times that I had tried to share this part of me with another person turned out pretty disasterous which only drove me back deeper into the closet. The guilt of sneaking around and pretending that I had no interest in such things made me sad and depressed. The few and very short excursions "out" ended in disaster or very close to it.

Now while I still don't go shouting from the roof tops I am much more at ease with who I am. I've accepted the fact that I have a very strong fem side and to keep crushing "her" was causing me more harm than good. My excursions are few and far between but that is mainly because I don't think I pass very convincingly. 6'2" with a sort of "manly" face with a 44" chest isn't exactly petite but I still feel most comfortable when I'm dressed en femme.

I'm now 55 yrs old and I'm thankful that I am who I am now. Jamie, you are only in your 30's. You are way ahead of the curve, as far as I'm concerned. We all have regrets or unfulfilled desires that slipped through our fingers but I know that all we have is NOW. Somebody quoted the serenity prayer in a recent post ( I forget who right now) and these are words that I do try to live by just because they make so much sense. There are some things that we can't do anything about no matter how much we want to. I've learned to accept that and when I realize that I'm in an unchangable situation I can, most times let it go. It's a whole lot healthier and a lot less wasted stress and emotional B.S.

At this point in my life I'm still growing and maturing. My "Toys'R' Us" kid will never grow up and I'm glad for that. I've seen too many "mature, wise and established" people that are basically miserable because they've let the kid in them be forgotten. My little boy/girl is alive and well and still full of hell.

I guess, like you, I'm sorry for all the wasted years I spent inside my self-imposed prison but that's over and done with. It's in the past and whatever the situation, good or bad, I learned from them all.

How about it, ladies. Anybody else with some thoughts?
Lisbeth

Post by **DonnaT** » Tue Jun 05, 2007 7:26 am

The only opportunity to dress in front of others when I was a kid was on halloween. My mom talked about me dressing as a girl once, but I quickly nixed the idea. I do wish I had taken her up on it.

Bernice · Post by **Bernice** » Tue Jun 05, 2007 10:53 am

I don't want this to sound like sour grapes. We all make decisions and later wonder if we did the right thing. I think the easiest way to feel better about it is to presume that, for example, had you gone to school as a cheerleader on that special day, that someone would have noticed you enjoyed it a little too much, and you would have been embarrassed well beyond your comfort zone anyway.

Perhaps from missed opportunities we can become more attentive to future opportunities. One motivational speaker says to visualize yourself doing what it is that you want to do. Perhaps this mental effort helps you to be prepared to recognize and act upon opportunities that arise in the future.

Hugs,

Bernice

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Tue Jun 05, 2007 2:46 pm

Looking back there were a bunch of times like this. All the Halloween parties where dressing as a girl didn't even occur to me, even though I did do it once at a girlfriends urging. She didn't have to urge very much by the way.

But there are a million other missed opportunities in other areas too. What life doesn't have them?

Absaroka

JamieG · Post by **JamieG** » Sat Jun 09, 2007 10:07 pm

I understand what you all are saying; there is really no point in regretting the past, since there's nothing you can do about it. It is much better to seize the day. That's part of the problem. This fantasizing about missed opportunities almost seems to rise to obsessive compulsive levels for me: I know that it does no good, but I can't stop. I'm normally a pretty rational person, and the fact that I can't control this scares me a little. Otherwise, I'm comfortable being a crossdresser and happy with my acceptance of myself.

Anyway, thanks for your input!

Jamie

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sun Jun 10, 2007 10:12 pm

Jamie,
You have found IT! The last phrase of your post......."and happy with the acceptance of myself!"

Is that not what most of us seek in life -- our own acceptance of who we are????

Go forth woman - and BE!

Virginia

Geri Robinson · Post by **Geri Robinson** » Mon Jun 11, 2007 2:42 pm

All though I look back and wish that I had come clean on my crossdressing much earlier in life and have also fantasized on some of the things that I might have done at an earlier age, I feel that the time for all, that I did or didn't do was right. Sometime after I finally told my wife of my crossdressing, she let me know how much I may have missed out on in not letting her know sooner. My response to her was "do you think that you would have been able to handle crossdressing then?" she replied probably not, but maybe.