First to get some things out of the way: I am a 22 year old genetic male, living with my parents. Since the age of 16 I've been sometimes dressing myself up in (mostly tarty) female clothing in private. The fun in it was mostly sexual. I've never gone out with the intention of being seen, so neck-down is OK for me. I have never taken it as far as the majority of users here have, nor have I ever had a girlfriend who I had to confess my crossdressing "hobby" to. I have never had a girlfriend, period.
My level of interest in crossdressing has gone up and down, but the overall trend seems to be down. Two years ago I went a summer with hairless legs, but now my interest in crossdressing has sunk low enough that I found it not worth it and just grew my hair back for the summer. It's not super-obvious since I'm no bear even then, but as a man I do like having some body hair. This summer so far and all last summer I had leg hair.
Recently I've developed some interest in the private practice again, but the urge would have to get desperately strong for me to consider shaving my legs mid-summer and going for it. I'll probably wait until fall or at least until summer is nearly over and I can get away with not wearing shorts for that short time.
Is there the possibility that my crossdressing will eventually completely die out and I won't have to worry about telling prospective girlfriends about it?
Long hiatus
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Daniel
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Penni SO
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HI ya Daniel,Your dressing will only subdue if you are controlling it, other wise I am afraid many before you have tried to stop, however end up dressing again.
I guess maybe at this time and moment in your life you are completely happy with your life, thus the dressing is not something that is in the forefront of your life.
Many have stopped dressing for a year or 2, but find that eventually they find themselves scanning the fashion magazines, watching the shop windows for the latest fashions, and then bang, need to dress again.
Good luck with whatever direction you decide to take, just don't be hard on yourself if you find your desire or need to dress is escalated.
Hugs Penny
Supporting wife of Transexual partner
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DonnaT
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Well, if the dressing is mostly sexual in nature, you could possibly stop. But the jury's still out.
If your dressing because you're trans at some level, any level, the urge to dress seems to never really go away altogether.
Many CDs have times when the urge wanes, and then, for some, it may be years later when it returns. Sometimes even stronger than before.
If your dressing because you're trans at some level, any level, the urge to dress seems to never really go away altogether.
Many CDs have times when the urge wanes, and then, for some, it may be years later when it returns. Sometimes even stronger than before.
DonnaT
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Absaroka
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Daniel you sound a lot like me. I'm not trans so much as I like to play pretend. The main component is sexual although there is something having nothing to do with either gender or sex for me about playing dress up. The only times I go outside are when I go for a walk alone, which is something I like to do anyway.
It goes through long periods of not mattering much and then periods of me liking do dress up a lot. I'm not sure what controls these times although mostly I dress when I am already happy.
As for it going away who knows? It might but more likely it will subside rather than disappear entirely.
In terms of telling your girlfriend when you get one I told my wife after we married. There wasn't much to tell at the time. Later there was more to tell and I did not tell her. It's something that I am not comfortable about. Some women however are pretty accepting of this. Others are not. It sometimes has a lot to do with fears of either homosexuality or trans sexuality and other times with thinking it is sinful or wierd. But then my mother thought sex in the daytime was both sinful and wierd.
Keep posting-it's nice to hear from you
Absaroka
Absaroka.
It goes through long periods of not mattering much and then periods of me liking do dress up a lot. I'm not sure what controls these times although mostly I dress when I am already happy.
As for it going away who knows? It might but more likely it will subside rather than disappear entirely.
In terms of telling your girlfriend when you get one I told my wife after we married. There wasn't much to tell at the time. Later there was more to tell and I did not tell her. It's something that I am not comfortable about. Some women however are pretty accepting of this. Others are not. It sometimes has a lot to do with fears of either homosexuality or trans sexuality and other times with thinking it is sinful or wierd. But then my mother thought sex in the daytime was both sinful and wierd.
Keep posting-it's nice to hear from you
Absaroka
Absaroka.
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
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SilverLady(SO)
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Re: Long hiatus
I sincerely doubt that, but I leave it up to your 'sisters' to talk about that.Daniel wrote:Is there the possibility that my crossdressing will eventually completely die out and I won't have to worry about telling prospective girlfriends about it?
However . . . I would encourage you to be totally honest with any girlfriend you might have in the future, especially if it looks like she "might be the one" you would like to marry, or at least have a long-term relationship. The GG has the right to decide if she can, or wants, to be in a relationship with a CD. She has the right to walk away from that relationship if she believes that there is absolutely no way she can ever accept her man wearing women's clothing . . . even if she never sees you dressed up.
The problems arise when the GG is not told about the CD aspect of "their man" before they've become emotionally involved in the relationship . . . the GG feels that they have been lied to (and rightly so), and she begins to wonder what other lies has she been told by the man . . . and thus, the troubles begin.
There are quite a few of us GG's that have little, or no, problems with their men being CD, and gladly participate. There are those GG's who are willing to accept that "quirk" just because they love the man so much, and that outweighs the CD aspect, whether or not they participate. Some GG's will reach compromises (such as, no CDing in our hometown, only 'x' times a week/month; only in the privacy of the home, etc.), and still others will have the "don't ask/don't tell" policy.
When you do find that special person, and you will (of that I'm sure), don't forget our motto: Baby Steps, Honey; Baby Steps. It means exactly what it says . . . take things slowly, let her find her comfort zone (or boundary), slowly expand that comfort zone/boundary. Keep the lines of communication open; talk with her, not to her; have information available for her to read (books, this forum, etc.), and most importantly . . . always be honest - to yourself, and to her. To do otherwise is a grave disservice to both of you.
*Hugs*
- SL
SilverLady(SO)
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Virginia
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As sister, Donna says, "the jury is still out!" Yes they are out on most all of what "we" were, are, do or become!
It is a fact that you have the right, the ability (in a lot of cases) to grab the monster by the throat and repress it, supress it, ignore it and depending on a lot of factors perhaps you can do this until you reach room temperature and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
On the other hand, as has been stated many times by many of our sisters here, "it" can easily grow stronger, even if repressed/supressed and can later in life rear her ugly face with a vengence that can be mind boggling!!!
We don't know what your plight is?? We can only share with you what has happened to many of us from the beginning until today.
The decision as to how YOU can/will accept/reject this (sic) gift is left up to you! We can tell you what to expect almost regardless of which path you take, but you have to choose the path, then we can, if you are around, tell you pretty much what to expect!
The decision is yours, we should not nor would not attempt to influence you either way!
We wish you luck and God Speed in which ever direction you wish to go!
Love,
Virginia
It is a fact that you have the right, the ability (in a lot of cases) to grab the monster by the throat and repress it, supress it, ignore it and depending on a lot of factors perhaps you can do this until you reach room temperature and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
On the other hand, as has been stated many times by many of our sisters here, "it" can easily grow stronger, even if repressed/supressed and can later in life rear her ugly face with a vengence that can be mind boggling!!!
We don't know what your plight is?? We can only share with you what has happened to many of us from the beginning until today.
The decision as to how YOU can/will accept/reject this (sic) gift is left up to you! We can tell you what to expect almost regardless of which path you take, but you have to choose the path, then we can, if you are around, tell you pretty much what to expect!
The decision is yours, we should not nor would not attempt to influence you either way!
We wish you luck and God Speed in which ever direction you wish to go!
Love,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Lucy Michelle
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I can't answer the question as to whether it will die out, only you know that, if it is all kinky then possibly yes, however it may not be and if thats the case it may be best not to suppress it (in the interests of your health). And yes tell your partner when your sure its the one.
Good luck Daniel whatever you do
Good luck Daniel whatever you do
Lucy xx
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Daniel
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My main "plight" with this is that I don't know whether telling a prospective girlfriend about the crossdressing will be necessary. Whether I have to or not will result in two VERY different approaches to dating. If the crossdressing is indeed about to completely die out or will die out when I get a lover, I can date just like a guy who's never crossdressed with my full male features, as telling people would only turn away some very nice women. If, however, crossdressing turns out to be or becomes a fundamental part of me (even if a small one) that cannot go away without taking a nice part of my personality with it, then I will have to tell any woman I get together with as early as possible, as well as present myself as somewhat effeminate so that I will be more likely to attract someone who knows about or at least is willing to learn about the reality of crossdressing for most men who do so - even if that makes it harder to get a date in the first place. The worst, worst thing I could do is get a girlfriend, get married, develop a decent love life, THEN have the crossdressing come back with a vengeance that will freak her and make her think I've been seeing men. Unfortunately, that seems to have been the case with many here.
If the crossdressing does go away completely, I'll probably hang around here a while longer as a "former" crossdresser and probably be the first to report such an event. I haven't yet seen anyone here whose crossdressing went away and whose life continued like it had never happened.
If the crossdressing does go away completely, I'll probably hang around here a while longer as a "former" crossdresser and probably be the first to report such an event. I haven't yet seen anyone here whose crossdressing went away and whose life continued like it had never happened.
Last edited by Daniel on Tue Jul 24, 2007 11:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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ShamrockFaerie(SO)
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Daniel - I can't tell you wether your personal urges will die or not. But I can tell you that my husband thought for several years that his CDing had stopped.... He had little to no desire to dress, was very masculine, and enjoyed very masculine things (he still is very masculine and still enjoys very masculine things). After we had been married a year, had a child together, and were pregnant with our second child (still pregnant now) his need to dress came back with a vengance (probably as a result of changes and stress in our lives) and I found out in a most uncomfortable way. He did not come out and tell me.... I'll just leave it at that. We are still fighting through trust issues. It hurt me very much that my husband felt he had to keep this secret from me, and I still struggle with pain, uncertainty, and a myriad of other unpleasant emotions I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I have no problem with my husband's CDing, but I DO have a problem with the fact that he puposely left me out of this very private and personal part of him for so long. I mean.... This is the man I have children with, after all.
My advice to you is to seek out accepting women to begin with.... Women who deserve your love and trust. Anyone who judges you or ridicules you for CDing, in any of it's forms, no matter where you are on the contiuum, is not someone you want to be with anyway. You deserve a person who loves you for all of your complicated nature and all of your personality traits. And she deserves to know you entirely and completely, without having to ever come to question your honesty or integrity.
Even if your CDing DOES stop (and I'll tell you that is unlikely), any woman that you are with intimately should know and accept your past, as well as who you are presently and who you will grow into in the future. That's the hallmark of true love, and without that, no relationship will really last. If you deny your past, you sabotage your future. It least that's been MY experience....
-Tiffany
My advice to you is to seek out accepting women to begin with.... Women who deserve your love and trust. Anyone who judges you or ridicules you for CDing, in any of it's forms, no matter where you are on the contiuum, is not someone you want to be with anyway. You deserve a person who loves you for all of your complicated nature and all of your personality traits. And she deserves to know you entirely and completely, without having to ever come to question your honesty or integrity.
Even if your CDing DOES stop (and I'll tell you that is unlikely), any woman that you are with intimately should know and accept your past, as well as who you are presently and who you will grow into in the future. That's the hallmark of true love, and without that, no relationship will really last. If you deny your past, you sabotage your future. It least that's been MY experience....
-Tiffany
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Absaroka
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This is in the do as I say, not as I do dept....
First of all just present as yourself. Anything else is a lie and will cause problems. Voice of long and painful experience here about a variety of things having nothing to do with crossdressing .....
2nd I don't know that you need to tell a girlfriend but if the relationship gets serious you probably should. Unfortunately that will be about the time you don't want to risk losing the relationship by telling her.
Telling people early in the relationship is fine but you need to be comfortable with the potential loss of secrecy since you don't know how well you can trust this person to keep your confidences. If you do tell her perhaps it would be best to present it as a casual not that important sexual thing rather than as something that defines who you are.
Absaroka
First of all just present as yourself. Anything else is a lie and will cause problems. Voice of long and painful experience here about a variety of things having nothing to do with crossdressing .....
2nd I don't know that you need to tell a girlfriend but if the relationship gets serious you probably should. Unfortunately that will be about the time you don't want to risk losing the relationship by telling her.
Telling people early in the relationship is fine but you need to be comfortable with the potential loss of secrecy since you don't know how well you can trust this person to keep your confidences. If you do tell her perhaps it would be best to present it as a casual not that important sexual thing rather than as something that defines who you are.
Absaroka
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
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Carla L
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I can't say if the urges will ever completely go away. For me, no they won't and I've finally given up on the idea they will. I totally accept myself the way I am now.
As far as shaving, one of my biggest fears was having a pool in the back yard and having shaved legs. What would people, family say? I also shave my chest and underarms. Well, nothing... nothing has been said by anyone! I have been amazed.... in fact the only thing ever said to me was my step daughter asking me why i plucked my eyebrows. I didn't really give an answer, changed the subject and moved on.
The few people I've told (women) have all been very accepting. I have yet to get a negative reaction. I know I will someday, but for me I haven't had to face that 'yet'.
As far as shaving, one of my biggest fears was having a pool in the back yard and having shaved legs. What would people, family say? I also shave my chest and underarms. Well, nothing... nothing has been said by anyone! I have been amazed.... in fact the only thing ever said to me was my step daughter asking me why i plucked my eyebrows. I didn't really give an answer, changed the subject and moved on.
The few people I've told (women) have all been very accepting. I have yet to get a negative reaction. I know I will someday, but for me I haven't had to face that 'yet'.
Huggs,
Carla
Carla
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Tekla
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Ahh 22. What a luxury there Daniel. As many of the girls here will tell you, nothing really goes away as we grow older, we just become more so.
As for the GF deal, I will try to be delicate here but.... Any relationship that is going to be intimate (sex) will eventually depend on both partners getting the sex they want. If one is not, sooner or later, they will go looking for it in all the wrong places.
Happy is the couple whose kinks, proclivities, tastes, and desires synch up. For sure on that.
No one has ever been able to answer the question "What do women want?" And I'm not going to be able to either. I can however say that men are pretty simple creatures and I was once told the only thing a man really wants in a relationship is to A) be made to feel important, B) get the kind of sex he wants as much as he wants it.
99.999999999999999% of all affairs begin with those two elements. A girl (woman) makes the boy (man) feel important and/or gives out the sex he requires, desires and longs for.
So, tell all the new girls you meet all your deep dark secrets, fantasies, desires and stuff BEFORE you waste emotional capital on them. Besides its much easier to do at the beginning, trust me on that.
As for the GF deal, I will try to be delicate here but.... Any relationship that is going to be intimate (sex) will eventually depend on both partners getting the sex they want. If one is not, sooner or later, they will go looking for it in all the wrong places.
Happy is the couple whose kinks, proclivities, tastes, and desires synch up. For sure on that.
No one has ever been able to answer the question "What do women want?" And I'm not going to be able to either. I can however say that men are pretty simple creatures and I was once told the only thing a man really wants in a relationship is to A) be made to feel important, B) get the kind of sex he wants as much as he wants it.
99.999999999999999% of all affairs begin with those two elements. A girl (woman) makes the boy (man) feel important and/or gives out the sex he requires, desires and longs for.
So, tell all the new girls you meet all your deep dark secrets, fantasies, desires and stuff BEFORE you waste emotional capital on them. Besides its much easier to do at the beginning, trust me on that.
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Georgia(SO)
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Daniel, you said
Granted, this does not have to be the first thing you mention after your name and zodiac sign. But it does need to be up there in the first 1/2 of important things you discuss once the relationship gets rocking. (For those of you who will always dress, I personally think it should be out in the open before you go to bed together the first time...)
-georgia (so)
As an SO, I would urge you to consider dating women who are nice enough to not freak out if you tell them you have dressed in the past.as telling people would only turn away some very nice women
Granted, this does not have to be the first thing you mention after your name and zodiac sign. But it does need to be up there in the first 1/2 of important things you discuss once the relationship gets rocking. (For those of you who will always dress, I personally think it should be out in the open before you go to bed together the first time...)
-georgia (so)
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JamieG
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Daniel,
You sound a lot like me when I was your age (I'm 36 now). I was living with my parents, hadn't yet met a girlfriend, and only crossdressed occasionally in private as a sexual thrill. I too thought that it might go away, especially if I got in a long term relationship. I was mistaken. In retrospect, I was an "opportunistic crossdresser": in other words if I had the opportunity to dress safely I would. When living with my parents, I would sometimes have access to my mom's clothes, but wouldn't dare buy anything of my own. In college, I had no real access, and never dressed. When I moved into my own apartment, I bought a few things by mail order, and wore them frequently. When I started dating my wife, I would sometimes be at her place alone, and would try on her clothes. After we got married and moved in together, I found myself trying on some of her clothes very frequently. It became clear to me at that point that it wasn't going away and I eventually told her (you can find that story in another thread).
I don't think you need to drastically change your approach to dating if you are a crossdresser. First and foremost, you should simply be who you are. Don't act extremely macho if that's not how you feel. Likewise, don't act all girly if that's not how you feel. In many aspects, I'm a regular guy: I like beer (although it has to be microbrews, no Bud or Miller for me, thank you), I'm a huge football fan, my favorite band is Led Zeppelin and I enjoy whitewater rafting when I get the chance. However, I also tend to be more polite and sensitive than many guys and I am accepting of people with alternative lifestyles. This is exactly how I presented myself to the woman who is now my wife. When I told her I was a crossdresser, it was rough going at first, but that was mostly because I waited until after we got married. Now she is becoming more and more accepting every day.
Assuming the CDing doesn't go away, I don't think you have to tell a girlfriend immediately, but if you think it might be getting serious, then it's time to open up to her. You could try to suss out her feelings on the issue by watching a movie with a drag theme together: The Birdcage, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, etc. If she is disgusted by the characters, then she's probably not the one. Otherwise, you could ask her, somewhat jokingly, how she thinks you would look in drag. Another possibility is to suggest that she help you dress in drag for a Halloween party. if and when you do finally tell someone, be sure to be confident. You shouldn't have to be ashamed that you are a crossdresser. It is just another part of you.
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. I hope you decide to stick around on the forum.
Jamie
You sound a lot like me when I was your age (I'm 36 now). I was living with my parents, hadn't yet met a girlfriend, and only crossdressed occasionally in private as a sexual thrill. I too thought that it might go away, especially if I got in a long term relationship. I was mistaken. In retrospect, I was an "opportunistic crossdresser": in other words if I had the opportunity to dress safely I would. When living with my parents, I would sometimes have access to my mom's clothes, but wouldn't dare buy anything of my own. In college, I had no real access, and never dressed. When I moved into my own apartment, I bought a few things by mail order, and wore them frequently. When I started dating my wife, I would sometimes be at her place alone, and would try on her clothes. After we got married and moved in together, I found myself trying on some of her clothes very frequently. It became clear to me at that point that it wasn't going away and I eventually told her (you can find that story in another thread).
I don't think you need to drastically change your approach to dating if you are a crossdresser. First and foremost, you should simply be who you are. Don't act extremely macho if that's not how you feel. Likewise, don't act all girly if that's not how you feel. In many aspects, I'm a regular guy: I like beer (although it has to be microbrews, no Bud or Miller for me, thank you), I'm a huge football fan, my favorite band is Led Zeppelin and I enjoy whitewater rafting when I get the chance. However, I also tend to be more polite and sensitive than many guys and I am accepting of people with alternative lifestyles. This is exactly how I presented myself to the woman who is now my wife. When I told her I was a crossdresser, it was rough going at first, but that was mostly because I waited until after we got married. Now she is becoming more and more accepting every day.
Assuming the CDing doesn't go away, I don't think you have to tell a girlfriend immediately, but if you think it might be getting serious, then it's time to open up to her. You could try to suss out her feelings on the issue by watching a movie with a drag theme together: The Birdcage, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, etc. If she is disgusted by the characters, then she's probably not the one. Otherwise, you could ask her, somewhat jokingly, how she thinks you would look in drag. Another possibility is to suggest that she help you dress in drag for a Halloween party. if and when you do finally tell someone, be sure to be confident. You shouldn't have to be ashamed that you are a crossdresser. It is just another part of you.
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. I hope you decide to stick around on the forum.
Jamie
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Tekla
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being a CD is part of your life, but is it your whole life? For some it is, sadly. For others its just one out of many things. Try to look at the whole, and by all means explore the issue going into it. Do you want her to participate? Or is is private? Its OK in relationships to have things that are 'yours' and not ours, contrary to popular thinking, too much togetherness is bad, and its nice to have a space, a time out, from time to time.