"I just had a problem with understanding why a guy would want to wear women's clothing."
Sharon's statement from another post seemed like such an easy statement to make a reply to but when I went to put it into words I really found it quite dificult but this is what I came up with.
Next to Sharon's post is a picture of her in her Avatar and a very nice picture it is. As I read her statement and looked at her picture all I had to think to myself was girl just look at your own picture that is why I dress. I want to take my best shot at dressing and feeling and looking as pretty and as feminine as you do.
I love to look at women like I love to look at art. However, when I look at women I am sensing what it would be like to be dressed. Made up and presenting myself in the same way. It's not that I am feeling how it is for women to be a female. For all I know the woman I am looking at may be having cramps or a host of other female problems. What I am sensing is how it is to be dressed and made up the same way.
In some ways I think I feel much the same as girls do when they want to present their most feminine best. Like when girls get dressed for a prom or their wedding or even to go to church or out some place nice. I some how imagine how it feels to be those girls and women and just want to experience the same is all.
Nancy Elizabeth Lee
Life is what happens when we have made other plans.
I hear you. Dixie also has a similar take on the whole issue. I guess that's precisely the part Sharon was trying to understand: what motivates us to want to appear feminine?
If it's merely a matter of clothing fetishism (of wearing women's clothes), then that's easy to explain:
-- the clothes are soft and sensuous (my Yahoo ID isn't "cj_silky" for nothing!);
-- the clothes are colourful and the fabrics often dainty;
-- the clothes are sometimes restrictive (for those into "helplessness");
-- the clothes are taboo for men (enhancing their forbidden allure);
-- the clothes are equated with women, the "objects" of our erotic attraction;
-- the clothes are designed so that they reveal as much as they conceal (sexiness through en passant exhibitionism);
-- the clothes come in a rich variety of styles (but we still "have nothing to wear!");
-- finally (but not least), the tactile sensation of the clothes provide, to some, and in specific circumstances, a sexual thrill.
I may be wrong here, but I believe that women may not have too hard a time understanding the appeal of such clothes, based on all these factors. This, despite the fact that clothing usually is, for women, just that: clothing. Going anywhere nude is not yet an option. Sure, women can dress to suit the mood and the moment. But so can men.
Now (and, again, I may be wrong about this), I think what some women may have difficulty understanding is what would push us to want to emulate, to imitate, to "personify," to "become," to "be" women, or, as you yourself put it, Nancy, "to take [our] best shot at dressing and feeling and looking as pretty and as feminine as [women] do."
I'll admit, it is hard to figure out. Especially to someone (male or female) who doesn't have a crossdressing bone in his or her body. I don't think it's something I'll ever understand myself. However, I'm at that point where I won't let that interfere with my ability to enjoy who I am. I don't really understand the mechanism whereby the sun gives out the energy it does but I'm content to bask in its warmth and live by its light anyway. In the end, we (all of us) are a beautiful mystery to each other... but mostly to ourselves, I think. I'm okay with that. And I'm hoping our SOs are, too.
CJ,
You wrote: Now (and, again, I may be wrong about this), I think what some women may have difficulty understanding is what would push us to want to emulate, to imitate, to "personify," to "become," to "be" women,
This is so right. Myself and the SO's (or many of them) that I chat with who are struggling to accept and support CDing just can't get their minds wrapped around WHY any man would want to feel, personify, look like, or be a woman. It doesn't make any sense.
Those who are accepting have been able to realize that some things in this world just "are". CDing happens to be one of them.
I find this is such a complex issue. It's also a fascinating one. Along the gender spectrum, I think there are men whose wearing of feminine clothes is very close to being an end in itself whereas there are others (and I believe I should probably include myself here) for whom the clothing is but one way express some much deeper process going on.
People often quibble over labels (crossdresser, transvestite, transsexual, etc.). Maybe it's the case that, although individuals can, if they wish, apply labels to themselves, it's much more difficult applying labels to specific groups of people. I've turned all this over in my mind and examined it from as many angles as it's possible for me to do so. Still, I draw a blank. There is simply no way to conceive of myself that succeeds in encompassing all of who, and what, I am. Sometimes, I believe (given my state of mind and feelings at the time) that it's quite likely that I'm a transsexual. I feel as though I should've been born female. At other times--to be honest here, most of the time--I feel I'm right where I'm supposed to be, in the skin of a man who has no disagreement with his own maleness yet still enjoys occasionally playing in the gender playground by dressing up and having girl fun.
I say all this realizing that it can never be based on any experience but my own. As a man, I'm as psychologically and emotionally different from another man as he is from yet another one. Same goes for women. We're all unique instances of humanness.
Now, I'll go a little more personal here and try to glean what some factors are that may have led me to experience this desire to fe-male. I hope I don't bore you all to death with this. I'll try to keep it short and to the point.
When I was young, my mother was the main psychological driving force in our family. She was (and is) a strong-willed, hard-headed, and warm-souled woman. She had the knack for moving and motivating us. She was also, in my eyes, the Last Great Innocent; having grown up in a convent, she knew little of the world aside from what her heart told her. She was a tremendously moral, if very naïve, person. My little brother and I inherited our regard and our respect for women, for people, for animals, for life in general, from my mother. She was also a very beautiful woman. My father, on the other hand, was a shy, quiet, reserved, and emotionally distant man. He avoided confrontations at all costs. Whenever he was depressed (something that runs in the family), he'd retire to the bedroom. Sometimes, my brother and I wouldn't see him for a few days. These "failings," though, were more than merely offset by what I think is one of the greatest gifts one human being can give another: a desire and a thirst to learn, to know what the world is, who we are, how we fit in to that world, and what good ways there may be to change both ourselves and the world for the better. This desire--a desire that has little to do with matters of the heart at such a young age--we inherited from my father. My father thus focused on intellectual pursuits and abilities, my brother and I clung to my mother whenever we needed emotional food. So, that was the setting until I was about nine years old, time at which my mother, having finally reached "adolescence" (her take on what happened to our family), left us in search of wilder pastures.
As I've said, my mother was a beautiful woman. About two or three years before she left, she began working in various high-profile clubs and bars before becoming a cosmetics consultant in the 70s. She used to get ready to go to work just after supper. Was I doing my homework at that particular hour? No. I was very often in her bedroom watching the Ritual (as I've come to call it). She sat, dressed only in her underwear, at the vanity table applying makeup and styling her hair for what seemed like hours on end. I'd watch. Sometimes, I'd ask her questions or just engage her in general chit-chat. Then, she'd get dressed. Still, I'd watch. Sometimes, I'd even help her with the odd snagging zipper. In some way, I think I had become my mother's mirror, even though real mirrors abounded in the room and in the apartment. Once she left for work, we wouldn't see her until noon the following day when we came home from school for lunch break. This went on for a few years.
Now, in the conversations we've since had about those years of my life, my mother swears that it was never her intention to harm me in any way. She says she loved me more than life itself and that she saw my desire to be close to her as anything but abnormal, considering she'd been brought up in an emotional wasteland. She admits she was needy at the time and that, by default, I was the person she felt closest to. She's now desperately afraid that I hate her because of this and it seems that nothing I say can convince her of the contrary. She says that part of her knew that our closeness might eventually turn out to be unhealthy for all involved but she was powerless to not want that closeness. According to her, even her own mother criticized her for letting me spend so much time brushing her hair when I was about four or five years old (something I don't remember doing). Today, she tells me she'd never pined for a daughter, she'd never hated men, she'd never dreamed of feminizing her own son (I even had to explain to her what the term meant!).
I always keep an open mind when medical specialists postulate a genetic or endocrinological origin to gender variant behaviour. It could be true. However, I know that, in my own case, I needn't go that far in order to discover why I feel at ease in girl mode. It's in girl mode that I felt the greatest emotional peace and security as I grew up, even though I was a boy and dressed like a boy. And I'm searching for that emotional peace and security still.
I can also remember watching my mother dress when i was young. But the most memorable thing to me was the feel of silky undergarments. As I grew, my desires grew also. Underwear, then heels, then dresses, makeup and so on. There's a definite feminine quality in me that screams for acknowledgement (and acceptance!) I also cannot deny that i have derived sexual pleasure from this as well.
The basic desire, however, goes much deeper than that.
I have quit trying to figure out why, though. Now I'm trying to figure out the next step. My SO knows, but no one else in my family does...yet.
Just my two cents worth
Kyra
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return. - Leonardo DaVinci
I'm sure you'll come into your own, eventually. Becoming who we are is a lifelong process. I look at your Leonardo DaVinci "signature" and realize that, for me, the greatest "motor" that drives this process is the fact that "there can be no smaller or greater love than love of oneself." All else depends on that; love of family, love of neighbour, love of partner, love of God (for those so inclined), and love of life itself.
Walk on proud, Kyra. The next step is always ahead of the one before.
One can never get enough praise
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return. - Leonardo DaVinci
Well, let's see here. GG's don't know how I (or any CD'er) feels?
If you looked at statistical distributions, I think most women probably fit somewhere in the middle of the curve or the 'normal' area of behaviors. Men, for some reason, seem to rest on the outer fringes of the curve, having a far more diverse behavior pattern. Must have something to do with a missing pseudo-autosumnal on the chromosome which makes males XY while females are XX. (the pseudo-autosumnal is the name of the branches which is why I say one is missing in the 'Y'.
It's predominantly a man thing. I would estimate 95% of what many call 'deviant' or 'abnormal' behavior seems to reside with the male. Now...before anyone get's all upset here, I'm one of those 95% and quite frankly, am aghast at a lot of male behavior but....it is what it is. So, as a female, I'm not surprised you can't imagine why I would want to wear women's clothes. I don't either. It is just there. I'm so grateful every morning when I wake up I don't have some other desire like molesting children, or wanting to have sex with sheep or.... ...well you get the idea.
I strongly agree that part of it is wanting to be a part of something I admire and respect so much. Sort of like listening to a great orchestra and wishing I could join them in playing such beautiful music, or being able to play basketball with the pro's. Why wouldn't anyone want to be able to participate in something that amazing?
A lot of us don't understand why in the world you, as a female, wouldn't want to wear dresses, petticoats, etc. Why would you not enjoy makeup, pantyhose, behaving so ladylike and looking so wonderful. Sigh....ain't life full of questions though.
Hi Not Weird (do you have a name you go by, luv? I think everyone here is not weird! )
Welcome to the forum! Hope you enjoy it. (If you want, you can tell us a bit more about yourself in the "New Member" or "My Beginnings" sections of the board.)
I understand what you're saying. I've also heard that more things stand to go wrong in the development of males than that of females (although I've read this is more true of endocrinology than genetics).
Anyway, just wanted to welcome you to our little corner of the web. Have fun.
I just keep coming back to, I love to dress and make my self up as a woman because of how as a male it makes me feel right on the outside with how I feel on the inside.
I love women. Women have always been the focus of my attention. How they dress, look, act, the things they do and how they do them. Also how women care and get things done. I never understood how they think or reason but that is a whole other topic. I do from my CDing know that accepting this way that I am and how I feel has made me a better and nicer person. I also think that it is the reason my wife is as accepting and as supportive of my CDing as she is.
I guess it's just the way I am. I have looked at thousands of pictures of CD's and GG's on the internet and am always looking for more. I love seeing women both female and male. I have hardly ever thought about or wanted to look at pictures of men. I work with men, I have men friends and family that I enjoy being a guy with but when I can I just much rather be one of the girls in a womens world.
Nancy Elizabeth Lee
Life is what happens when we have made other plans.
I can completely understand how you feel (your original post). You worded everything super duper well. Meaning you drew a perfect picture with your words.
Yes, you're right. When we do get dressed sometimes we do want to feel like a woman going out in her femme best and portraying the most femme image possible. You're also right. We don't necessarily want to transform into women to do that though.
Are you saying you don't get dressed and feel this way? I thought you did?
Are you saying you don't get dressed and feel this way? I thought you did?
Beauty
Believe me girl I do very much dress to feel and experience that girl within me. Other than love and friendship there is noting else in my life that comes close to how I feel when dressed or at times even just thinking about it.
Nancy Elizabeth Lee
Life is what happens when we have made other plans.
Not Weird: Well thanks for your insight, I especially like the orchrestra synonm. So we are wired better than our brethren, XY or whatever. I enjoy being who I am as do you and most of my sisters here. We may not completely understand it, but for me I don't care! I love doing what I do, so you go Girl!!!! Love Debbie
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
dear kyra my name is phylis anne and i have been dressing on and off for as long as i can remember.i think because i was an only child and my parents were never home during the day and i had the house to myself even at the age of 5 yrs old i somehow felt the urge to put on my mothers nylons .i really dont know what made me do this but as soon as i had them on i felt like something had changed in me as i got older i started putting on her shoes and then i found her girdle and i was in heaven.as soon as i could i got a pair of her nylons and i put them on ,what an excitement went through me .well as time went by i grew older and i enlisted in the navy.but my feelings didnt end there .now as to why i dress i couldnt give an accurate answer as i really dont know.all i do know is when i am in my dress or skirt i feel complete ,like being a male just doesnt do anything for me.i hate the mens clothing and its so drab that in my closet which i share with my wife you can count on one hand how many male things i have ,but my female other self has four times that many clothes .also my shoe collection is many more than my guy shoes .like 10 pair of heels to two pair of men shoes and one pair of sneakers.for me being dressed is navarna i just love to bathe and shave my legs and then dry off and put on my lingerie and get ready to go out to my cd meetings .to me being a woman is for me the nicest thing in this world all my love phylis anne
Kyra wrote: Thanks CJ!!
Your are so cool
One can never get enough praise
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
My name is Phylis Anne and I am enjoying my life as a crossdresser and being a woman who loves life
](./images/smilies/eusa_wall.gif "Brick wall"){kind=small}
Thanks CJ!! 
...well you get the idea. 
