Tired of this
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Jennifer M
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 361
- Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2007 9:04 pm
- Location: Upstate New York
I know what it is like to have the feelings being described. I hated myself for as long as I can remember. I wanted it to all go away, I wanted to fit in. Truth is, it isnt going to go away and being gender gifted (cd or whatever you wish to call it) is not wrong. I was once told that the only way to be happy is thru self acceptance. It turned out to be true. The price I paid was very high with the loss of my family. Do I feel better, yes. Do I miss them, Yes. Somehow I got thru all of it. Counseling is a big help even though I feel like the teacher most of the time. We all have to dig deep inside ourselves for the path that works for us. Wasting any energy wishing it would go away or hoping for acceptance by others until we have accepted ourselves is energy wasted. The help and support are out there, this forum litterally saved my life. My best wishes to all.
Understand the voice within
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KarenW
- Miss Silver Goddess
- Posts: 35
- Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2005 5:13 pm
If its not wrong then.....
...why so many posts in the coping section? I don't wanna step on any toes here but I am in a bad way over this recently and having been giving it tons of thought.
The only people that think its right is the ones that do it. I've spent many years looking for someway to justify it, to rationalize it. If it's not wrong then why the need to do that at all.
Nobody outside of it likes it.
At 42 yrs. old and after 40 years of doing it, I am coming to the conclusion that the only way out of the depression and self-loathing is to try and give it up once and for all.
Of course I may fail as dozens of times before but in my heart it is still not right. And I may feel differently in a few days but right now I feel as though I am one of the outcasts in society. Everywhere I look I get that message. So how can it possibly be the 'right' thing to do?
The only people that think its right is the ones that do it. I've spent many years looking for someway to justify it, to rationalize it. If it's not wrong then why the need to do that at all.
Nobody outside of it likes it.
At 42 yrs. old and after 40 years of doing it, I am coming to the conclusion that the only way out of the depression and self-loathing is to try and give it up once and for all.
Of course I may fail as dozens of times before but in my heart it is still not right. And I may feel differently in a few days but right now I feel as though I am one of the outcasts in society. Everywhere I look I get that message. So how can it possibly be the 'right' thing to do?
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Jill S
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 114
- Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2006 6:34 pm
- Location: Colorado
It does seem that there are two main ways to deal with this. Some have fun and enjoy it and some of us treat it as a negative thing. As I get older I care less about what others think of me but what damage I might do to my family worries me more everyday. Also dressing in private without anyone to share it may make it seem more negative like something dirty. I think those of us on "the dark side" need sites like this one more than the happy dressers.
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Jill S
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 114
- Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2006 6:34 pm
- Location: Colorado
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KarenW
- Miss Silver Goddess
- Posts: 35
- Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2005 5:13 pm
I do not know why I keep harping on this other than I am in a very bad mood about it. I've had some serious fun with it, but after the fun is over and its time to go back to drab neither do I want to, well, its two sides of a coin.
The part of me that likes to express the femme wants to simply be. But then the male persona that deals with the public daily wants to snuff her out because of societal pressure. Its really just a visious cycle.
I am so tired of this, its no way to live.
The part of me that likes to express the femme wants to simply be. But then the male persona that deals with the public daily wants to snuff her out because of societal pressure. Its really just a visious cycle.
I am so tired of this, its no way to live.
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Stephanie W
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 905
- Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:57 pm
- Location: Ontario, Canada
Karen
For folks like us, what you are experiencing is quite normal as many of us do feel just the same way you do once we have to return to drab. The big difference though is how we deal with that feeling. You need to try and find a balance in your life between Karen and your everyday public self. Not always easy I know but you shouldn't let it become emotionally destructive. Contributing to this forum is a good way to help you along as we've all got the t-shirt (hopefully a nice pretty pink one) where we've shared similar feelings at some time or another.
Hopefully the support you have here (and you DO have a lot, believe me), it will help you temper that feeling of depression and make that transition a little easier to come down from. Remember, there's always another day to dress so look forward to that and just keep those expectations realistic with respect to your own situation. Best of luck.
Stephanie
For folks like us, what you are experiencing is quite normal as many of us do feel just the same way you do once we have to return to drab. The big difference though is how we deal with that feeling. You need to try and find a balance in your life between Karen and your everyday public self. Not always easy I know but you shouldn't let it become emotionally destructive. Contributing to this forum is a good way to help you along as we've all got the t-shirt (hopefully a nice pretty pink one) where we've shared similar feelings at some time or another.
Hopefully the support you have here (and you DO have a lot, believe me), it will help you temper that feeling of depression and make that transition a little easier to come down from. Remember, there's always another day to dress so look forward to that and just keep those expectations realistic with respect to your own situation. Best of luck.
Stephanie
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KarenW
- Miss Silver Goddess
- Posts: 35
- Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2005 5:13 pm
here is the problem....
...I've figured it out. I cannot accept the limitations. Clint Eastwood has said years ago in some flick, a man's gotta know his limitations.
Its like I'm dreaming this impossible dream of being out and about in ev'ryday life as Karen and simply put, it ain't gonna happen. The sooner I accept that the smoother the ride will be. But its hard for me to accept it for some reason. I mean I see all the brokeness this can cause. And yet I go over and over in my mind why this is the right thing. And then I say well something that causes this much disdain can't possibly be the right thing to do.
Its been almost 2 years since I went out of the house and its weighing on me but I am scared to do it, fearing some negative comment or act will send me into an emotional spiral. That is exactly what happened last time I was out. Even though I got alot of great compliments (some even from so-called everyday folks) there were some negative experiences that stuck with me.
Its like I'm dreaming this impossible dream of being out and about in ev'ryday life as Karen and simply put, it ain't gonna happen. The sooner I accept that the smoother the ride will be. But its hard for me to accept it for some reason. I mean I see all the brokeness this can cause. And yet I go over and over in my mind why this is the right thing. And then I say well something that causes this much disdain can't possibly be the right thing to do.
Its been almost 2 years since I went out of the house and its weighing on me but I am scared to do it, fearing some negative comment or act will send me into an emotional spiral. That is exactly what happened last time I was out. Even though I got alot of great compliments (some even from so-called everyday folks) there were some negative experiences that stuck with me.
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Stephanie W
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 905
- Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:57 pm
- Location: Ontario, Canada
Karen
Seeing your crossdressing as a cause of disdain for you tells me you haven't fully accepted this part of you yet. Not always an easy thing for sure, but self acceptance is indeed a key component to striking that balance in your life.
Sure, we do tend to focus on the negative sometimes but if one has been able to accept that part of themselves, then going out becomes much easier because you exude more confidence, and in turn that makes you less likely to attract that negative attention. If you're nervous or uncomfortable then people will pick up on that very quickly. The good thing though is that you did get some positive comments and you need to keep hold of that, build upon it and let go of the negative ones.
It's nice to dream but there's no reason why in time, you may realize that dream to be out again and I'm hopeful that if you work at it, you'll get there. You're right that a man has to know his limitations but restricting youself within the self imposed confines of your own imagination is really the only thing holding you back from making progress. Stay positive and you'll do ok, I'm sure.
(FYI, the Clint Eastwood movie was Magnum Force, 1973)
Stephanie
Seeing your crossdressing as a cause of disdain for you tells me you haven't fully accepted this part of you yet. Not always an easy thing for sure, but self acceptance is indeed a key component to striking that balance in your life.
Sure, we do tend to focus on the negative sometimes but if one has been able to accept that part of themselves, then going out becomes much easier because you exude more confidence, and in turn that makes you less likely to attract that negative attention. If you're nervous or uncomfortable then people will pick up on that very quickly. The good thing though is that you did get some positive comments and you need to keep hold of that, build upon it and let go of the negative ones.
It's nice to dream but there's no reason why in time, you may realize that dream to be out again and I'm hopeful that if you work at it, you'll get there. You're right that a man has to know his limitations but restricting youself within the self imposed confines of your own imagination is really the only thing holding you back from making progress. Stay positive and you'll do ok, I'm sure.
(FYI, the Clint Eastwood movie was Magnum Force, 1973)
Stephanie
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Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
Jill wrote:
As extreme as it sounds, that negative feeling about dressing in private drove me out into public almost as soon as I started dressing again after 32 years of 'not.' I couldn't live with that secret, for whatever reason. I also had no immediate family that would be hurt---that makes a big difference. I really don't know how I would have handled it if I did have a family.
Jill, as unfair as it may seem, this is a part of you or me that does not ever appear to just 'go away.' I can only speak for myself in saying that the price it would have taken to fight it and suppress it would have been higher than what I could spend. I was also fortunate enough to believe that I would gain something by going out--but I didn't know that for sure, and there were no guarantees. It has turned out to be true for me, is all I can say.
Karen W. wrote:
I'm sorry that it's causing you so much pain at the moment. It's something almost all of us have to go through at some point; I know I did. I had to resolve the issue; it was hurting me to keep it inside. I hope that you can be begin to see how to resolve it for yourself.
Also dressing in private without anyone to share it may make it seem more negative like something dirty.
As extreme as it sounds, that negative feeling about dressing in private drove me out into public almost as soon as I started dressing again after 32 years of 'not.' I couldn't live with that secret, for whatever reason. I also had no immediate family that would be hurt---that makes a big difference. I really don't know how I would have handled it if I did have a family.
Jill, as unfair as it may seem, this is a part of you or me that does not ever appear to just 'go away.' I can only speak for myself in saying that the price it would have taken to fight it and suppress it would have been higher than what I could spend. I was also fortunate enough to believe that I would gain something by going out--but I didn't know that for sure, and there were no guarantees. It has turned out to be true for me, is all I can say.
Karen W. wrote:
I couldn't look at it as right or wrong when I saw that I was going to do it again. One of the reasons is because I saw that we do no harm by doing this. It may be unacceptable to many people, but that's not the same as it being wrong. I also have no religious beliefs that make it wrong, which is one area where that issue comes up.The only people that think its right is the ones that do it. I've spent many years looking for someway to justify it, to rationalize it.
Nobody outside of it likes it.
I'm sorry that it's causing you so much pain at the moment. It's something almost all of us have to go through at some point; I know I did. I had to resolve the issue; it was hurting me to keep it inside. I hope that you can be begin to see how to resolve it for yourself.
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Jennifer M
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 361
- Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2007 9:04 pm
- Location: Upstate New York
I dont know why some have such a struggle with this and others dont. I truly envy anyone who hasnt had to fight this lifelong battle. I have fought this since I can remember. Having just turned 46 its been a long time, at least it feels like a long time. I do feel better about myself lately, But I believe I will always be fighting. Finding this forum and the wonderful people on it has helped me more than anything. My biggest fear at this time is that I will lose the fight. Compared to that all of the other problems seem so minor, at least they do today. Thankfully if that changes tomorrow I can find the support I need. It does seem so hopeless at times, but in reality it is'nt.
Understand the voice within